iam-siriuslysher-lokid

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

My mother passed away 2 weeks ago 😢 and im out of words to type

But i know deep down I don't have any regrets, I don't have lost chances. Because we had precious memories together, we talked about our flaws and all that and especially, how we love one another.

People will expect us to cry and weep for days, but for me it was relief. That my mother won't suffer her pains anymore, the pains that made her to not sleep. Too much pain that she couldn't move her arms. Too much pain that even the doctors knew it was a ticking time bomb to not do the surgery. However, it was a brain surgery and my mother knew the risks.

She keeps joking about how she was afraid that she would lose her memory. That she taught us everything, every responsibility that she does around the house, say like a knowledge transfer. We studied and took her advices on how she likes to do things. And she was worried we weren't able to do it like the way she does. But we proved it to her that we can, and we did.

The surgery was already in the talks since last year of September (2024). And doctors knew how fatal it was to not do the surgery. It's like you are aware that the person is about to die, and you have to take the chances to save them. If not, it's like waiting, waiting for the fatality to happen.

This May of 2025, my mother complained more and more about her pain. And the doctors knew this was it. Her symptoms are getting worsened. So my mom, me and my brother planned to loan the amount we needed for the surgery. This was not a small amount, it is a million. My mother expressed how she was shameful that me and my brother had to pay for her surgery. We told her it is just money, we can work and earn it all back in a few years. There was no hesitation when she heard us say that. She gained more confidence to undergo the surgery as ever. She was happy. We were happy. And we were excited as the doctors are renowned in their field of neurosurgery not just in our country but in Asia, US and Canada.

During the day of the operation, I wasn't there with her. I think God pushed my mom to not let me stay with her. Right before she entered the operating room, my dad phoned me. But it was my mom who answered, saying she was afraid and nervous for the operation. And I told her and reassured her that she can overcome it and that God will guide us no matter what happens. And that she will be healed from all the pains she is suffering from. I then said, love you Mama and she said love you nak back. I didn't know those were going to be my last exchange with my mom.

If I was there, I could have stopped her and tell the doctors it was not the right time. But God, let me not to be with my mom that day, because He knew what I was capable of doing. I believe it was all God's will that he brought my Mama gently, without suffering anymore. And I know God would not give trials that He knows we cannot endure. But this one was too early of a trial for me. I haven't even reached my 30 and I am living on with the loss of my mother.

After the surgery that was supposed to take 2 hours began to be the longest waiting of my life, it has turned to 8 hours and more. Doctors called us via the telephone for updates and they told us to keep praying for my Mama and that they're doing the best that they can. However, my Mama was a rare phenomenon. Her veins, blood pathways, started rejecting EVERYTHING that the medical science has dozens of papers that says it should work. Doctors says as if there is a powerful presence controlling my Mama's veins, to create clots in her brain to stop the medicines to pass through. They also did bypass to the other veins to let the blood flow coming in to her brain. But that also formed a clot. Multiple blood clots, as if her brain didn't want the blood to flow anymore. I even read about the surgery months before it was to be done to my Mama. The risks were so low, the success rate was 95% globally. But I'm afraid my Mama was part of the 5% unsuccessful due to her genetic programming to reject the procedure and the medicines to keep the blood flowing to her brain.

Her heart and lungs continued to work after 1-2 days, but her brain scans are not showing positive outcome. But we told the doctors, to give her everything she needs. And to relieve her from all the pain. And they did.

On the 5th day, we knew it was coming to the inevitable. Her vitals are dropping despite the high grade critical care medicines that was provided to her. Doctors says it's already in the maximum limit of the medicine and to go over than that means more complications. They gave us an exemption that night, to stay with her in the ICU. 11pm, we started singing to her her fave songs, we laughed about the good moments and memories we had, we hugged and kissed her, I had her hand on mine and I keep massaging her legs as I did before when she was in pain. It was an experience I never knew I will go through. 8am, her heart stopped, her lungs only alive through the efforts of the ventilator. It was shattering. But somehow as if God is patting my back, hugging me slowly, whispering I'm here and your mother is safe with me.

It has now been 2 weeks, my work is pressuring me to go back. My debts, my number of bills, are screaming at my face. As if the world is telling me to rush my grieving and go back to being "normal" again. I will never stop grieving - it is a part of me now. But I will move forward with it. I will move forward with my Mama.

I will forever owe my life to my Mama.

I will forever love my Mama.

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

I feel like we talk a lot about how unhinged Ram is (because let’s be real he is TRULY unhinged) but can we also get some unhinged Bheem love?

This man covered himself in blood so a wolf would chase him and then he caught a tiger instead and roared in its face:

He looked like this while he was being tortured:

He throws leopards and motorcycles at people:

He shows up to your party like this:

And also like this:

And he’s RIDICULOUSLY cute:

LOOK AT HIM

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Get in loser we're kicking out the British Raj

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

I want a poster on my wall with live laugh love style lettering but it reads "Rise Roar Revolt" instead

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Rajamouli: Say less

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Im sorry but it is so funny how people outside of tumblr view us. Like why are the tiktokers treating tumblr like some professional ass website you need to do extensive prep before you begin posting on. And the follower farming advice is so fucking funny to me when this is the website where people actively hate getting new followers

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Tweeting to richard ayoade with a nathan fielder pfp, he must have thought it was him lol

What's up, you say?

I'm just here CRYING SCREAMING SHAKING SPEECHLESS BREATHLESS bc...

Richard Ayoade himself thanked me on Twitter. I am framing this on my wall. Immediately.

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

What's up, you say?

I'm just here CRYING SCREAMING SHAKING SPEECHLESS BREATHLESS bc...

Richard Ayoade himself thanked me on Twitter. I am framing this on my wall. Immediately.

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Anti-smoking messaging just doesn’t work when it’s Allu Arjun

Full episode here

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

That srivalli song is stuck in my head 💕

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Watching Pushpa before the second one comes out and it's so funny watching this incredibly badass take no shit guy suddenly get flustered and be like "is she looking at me?" To his friend

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

I was always gonna root for him … but the way he protects his employees over profit ??? I’m rooting for him even more

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Thinking about the cultural significance of Samantha in Oo Antava Mawa…

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

The National Award for Best Actor should have come to Tarak for Komuram Bheemudo. Not Allu Arjun. Period!

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Trivikram when it’s his turn with Allu Arjun: I’m gonna make a rags to riches story about a hero with a heart of gold!

Sukumar when it’s his turn with Allu Arjun: I’m gonna make this motherfucker so goddamn insane

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

Really love how every rivalry I've seen in Bollywood films end up being insanely homoerotic because they love having manly dick measuring contests like bro why you stripping naked to make a point