iamaperch

[iamaperch]

I draw porn but not any of that sick nasty perverted sicko misogynist fetish porn made by and for disgusting sicknasty pervert men my porn is so cute and wholesome and feminist and queer and liberated trust me it's not even porn it's erotica my erotica is a pure honest true expression of human passions and emotions and the pure chaste passions of feminist lesbian wombyns trust me you'll love it it's so liberating see for yourself *hands you a drawing of Snufkin sucking his own penis*

[iamaperch]

[iamaperch]

at some point the narrative will turn and ppl will start saying it’s lowkey racist to cinnamon roll/uwu-ify Benitez. that’s your friend who is too woke. just tell them to rewatch and see how the movie itself presents him as God’s Perfect Angel

[iamaperch]

no one tells me tedesco canonically has tiny little feet! which he wiggles when he is happy! lomeli why do u take note of this detail and why r we not including his happy wiggle little feet in the movie!

[iamaperch]

Turn my haters to consumers / I make vets feel like they juniors 📿⛪️🕯️

[iamaperch]

conclave is so good it's like. what if you were catholic and suicidal and suddenly you became important at work but all your coworkers suck and hate you and then a beautiful angel shows up and there's also a guy there vaping all the time. cardinal lawrence should have started biting people.

[iamaperch]

[iamaperch]

i liked this movie a lot

[iamaperch]

I can tell both of them were Having Thoughts (c)

[iamaperch]

[iamaperch]

thinking about this again. i cant escape

[iamaperch]

[iamaperch]

holding hands with the pope in a god honoring way????

also genuinely I’m so floored and flattered by peoples’ response to my stupid conclave brainrot, truly it’s wild that other people can even SEE what I post-

[iamaperch]

LET’S HAVE A CONCLAVE

[iamaperch]

thinkin' abt a little john wick conclave au where thomas lawrence is an aging assassin who keeps trying to retire but then is forcibly brought back for "one last hit" (first said to him half a dozen hits ago). lawrence is tired and depressed and he might be really good at his job (and that might be the only thing he's good at) but that Saddens him. because is his only purpose in life to be a Butcher?

not to mention he just recovered from prostate cancer and is now thinking a lot about the afterlife and god and sin etc etc. he's sure he's destined for hell no matter what he does now. is there even any point in changing?

one day he's in rome, surrounded by all these churches. and he enters one. he goes into a confession booth. every week, he confesses minor sins that turn into lovely but frivolous discussions with the anonymous priest, who lawrence can only identify through his gentle voice and bright, easily elicited laugh that reminds lawrence of morning birdsongs. over the weeks, this blossoms into a strange kind of friendship.

finally during a discussion about their favorite kinds of tea, lawrence interrupts the priest's recommendation of kahwah, which they had so often in their time in kabul, and was so delicious, and they just can't find anything close to what they had here, isn't that a shame, and i beg your pardon, what??

i kill people, lawrence repeats. all the time. i want to stop but i can't. i want to retire but they won't let me. i'm afraid being a murderer is how i spent most of my life, and i'm afraid it's how i'll spend the rest of my years, too. i'm the lowliest of sinners. i'm the evil that should be wiped clean from the earth. if god cast me down into the fires of hell for eternity, again and again, i would gladly welcome it.

and there is a heavy silence during which lawrence tenses, waiting for a horrified outburst or some rage.

but the priest says, with infinite compassion in his tone, you are still here on earth with us. and so god, in his mercy, has given you time to beg forgiveness and find redemption. make amends, however you can. take no more life, not for any reason. you say you want to stop. then stop. i believe you have good in your heart. you would not have come here if you did not.

thomas says, yes, yes i will, i swear on His name. i'm sorry for having wasted all your time these past weeks, i should not have done so.

and finally he says, goodbye. because there's no point in returning and attempting to continue this friendship, not when the priest must be so disgusted and would want nothing to do with lawrence any longer.

the priest says nothing in return and it hurts but lawrence knows he deserves it. he deserves far, far worse, and god, why can't he be punished now or just die and suffer eternal torment, and then, maybe, maybe, his soul could feel some bloody relief. but the priest said, make amends. can't make amends if you're dead.

so lawrence returns to his miserable apartment, to try and make amends, whatever that means. he decides to leave rome and begins to pack. he wanders the streets in a daze and gives all the euros he has on him to a beggar. on saturday, the day he would've gone to confession, he buys kahwah from a bemused shopkeeper.

he returns to find his next assignment on his kitchen counter in the form of a usb stick. he doesn't want to open it. but if he leaves it alone for too long, they'll send agents to track him down and he'll get an earful from aldo. better to open the assignment and fool them now. he'll disappear from rome right after.

lawrence plugs in the usb stick. there's a name he doesn't recognize. he clicks through the research on his next victim that ray had meticulously assembled. there is a video. he hits play. a voice starts speaking. and lawrence spills his hot cup of kahwah all over his keyboard and trousers but he doesn't care because fuck it all, he does know his victim after all.

it's the priest he sat next to week after week, chatting about the merits of herbal medicine and whether agatha christie or arthur conan doyle wrote better mystery novels and about the incompetence of world governments. it's the priest he just confessed to about his true nature, that he wasn't just some englishman adrift in rome, but a cold-blooded killer. it's the priest that heard this and offered him a way out, anyways.

it's vincent benitez.

the video continues, as benitez smiles and waves at a young child, his dark eyes luminescent and kind.

now he has a face and name to the voice, lawrence first thinks, in a daze. he’s even more beautiful than i imagined him to be.

his second thought: what the hell did benitez do to piss somebody off that badly that they want him dead?

[iamaperch]

Cardinal Lawrence is the funniest man ever. He keeps sending his pet Monsignor to go snooping around for him, and when he comes back with intel half the time Lawrence says “no, don’t tell me… I mustn’t be influenced…” and then his Monsignor says “but your Eminence the tea is exceptionally hot today” and Larry pulls out his gay little cup and drinks that shit like a starving man at a feast who’s trying to pretend he’s only a little peckish

[iamaperch]

ascension

eloi eloi lama sabakhtani? — my god, my god, why hast thou forsaken me?