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iamlifted · 4 years

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Window Seat ~ Illumi Zoldyck

Author: @hisokapegger

Word Count: 941

Pairing: Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

Prompt: “I want someone I can melt around. I want someone who melts around me too…I don’t want this standoffish, unromantic love that you’re offering. I want more than that.”

A/N: I wanted it to be angsty but it ends with fluff because apparently it’s the only thing I can do with that man.

When she first met Illumi Zoldyck she was instantly charmed by his delicate features. Pale skin, big black eyes and silky long hair. He reminded her of winter, her favourite season. He was beautiful and cold.

She didn’t have high hopes regarding her arranged marriage to the assassin. She knew their union wasn’t based on love but personal-gain instead. Yet she couldn’t help dreaming about romance. [Name] was a hopeless romantic after all. It wasn’t something she was particularly proud of. As an assassin romance was never her priority and she wasn’t one to be swayed by emotions easily.

But she did find comfort in the many love stories she watched, read and sometimes dreamed of. It helped her cope with the less glamorous part of her lifestyle. However, she had made peace with the idea that love stories were nothing but fiction from a very young age. So why was she still dreaming about love with a soulless monster? Because like many she was desperate for what she could never have.

There used to be a time [Name] believed there was more to him than a dark and menacing shadow. But as she got used to being his wife she was met by a sad but undeniable truth: Illumi was broken and no one could fix him. Especially not her.

Was it because she wasn’t good enough? This was one of the many thoughts that haunted her nights. She was sick of being the perfect wife to someone she could never satisfy. She felt empty and used as she let him do as he pleased with her. Never let out a word as she ate her feelings for him.

But she couldn’t take it anymore. So she stopped. They barely even talked or touched anymore. Not that he cared. Illumi didn’t have a heart after all. It was hard to resist sometimes, especially when she had conditioned herself to always please him. Thankfully, her daughter made it a little easier for her.

It felt so nice to have her love and care returned [Name] thought as her baby smiled at her. She hoped her daughter would never feel the emptiness she felt when she was around the assassin. But she was scared. If Illumi couldn’t care about her then what would become of their child? Was his child nothing but another puppet to him too? It was hard to tell. The assassin was a caring father to her surprise but she knew it was only because their daughter was too young to be trained. This was so frustrating and Illumi had no idea how to respond to it.

After making sure their daughter was fast asleep she returned to her bedroom where she found a lovely package on her shared bed with the assassin. She sighed as she took it in her hand and put it in one of her drawers. Illumi had been showering her with gifts lately and he didn’t seem to understand that this wasn’t the way to solve their issues.

At least he was trying she thought. The young woman slid under the silky covers of their king size bed her phone in hand. She could hear the sound of the water coming from the bathroom. Then it stopped. She wondered if she should pretend she was asleep so Illumi wouldn’t bother her.

But then she remembered that Illumi would wake her up anyway if he wanted to talk. So she decided to scroll silently on her phone as her husband got out of the bathroom. He didn’t say anything. She hoped he would stay silent until he would have to leave for his next mission. But Illumi was awfully good at disappointing her.

“Did you like my gift?” he asked while sliding under the covers next to her. “I didn’t open it,” she answered coldly. “How come?” “Whatever it is I don’t think I need it or want it.” “I see. Then what is it that you want?” he questioned his voice emotionless as usual. “Nothing you can offer, unfortunately. Goodnight Illumi,” she snapped, turning her back on him and putting down her phone on the black bedside table on her right.

Illumi was starting to get annoyed by her behaviour.

“How would you know if you don’t even tell me what you need?”

She hated the fact that he was right. But she wouldn’t lose anything by explaining, except maybe her time since she doubted Illumi would ever understand what she was about to say.

“I want someone I can melt around. I want someone who melts around me too…I don’t want this standoffish, unromantic love that you’re offering. I want more than that,” she explained.

The assassin stayed silent for a little while. So that was the problem all along. He felt a little guilty as he listened to her quiet sobs. He didn’t like it when his wife was upset. But unfortunately, he was bad at avoiding those situations.

Illumi laid next to the young woman then wrapped his strong arms around her. She didn’t move. So he put his head in the crook of her neck and stayed like this for a while. [Name] didn’t know but he missed her touch and it felt comforting to feel her against him after all this time.

Despite wanting to push him away, [Name] couldn’t help enjoying his embrace. But this wasn’t enough to make her feel better. She wondered if Illumi was aware and if he cared enough to try. Then as if he read her mind he whispered:

“I’m sorry, [Name]. Please tell me what I can do to make this better.”

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Leave Your Lover ~ Illumi Zoldyck

Author: @hisokapegger

Word Count: 1 395

Pairing: Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

Summary: This is the part 3 of the collab fic I did with the queen @hisoillusandwich

A/N: It’s angsty as expected. I hope you like it as much as the two previous parts. Here’s part 1 and part 2

“Are you worried about Illumi or me?”

A simple question that she was unable to answer when confronted by Maya. Because the answer just confirmed the undeniable truth. [Name] was a selfish person. It was strange how even when she had been raised to be selfless she couldn’t help but think about herself.

But did she? Yes of course. If Illumi’s happiness truly was what mattered the most to her then so would Maya’s. Then why was it so difficult for her to let go of her desires? Because what she needed to do wasn’t compatible with what she wanted to do anymore. It stopped being compatible the moment her mistress set foot in the Zoldyck mansion.

“I know you wish he had chosen you instead of me, and honestly, I wish he had.”

Yes, it was true. The butler wished her master chose her instead of Maya and she hated herself for having such egoistical dreams. But when did Maya start wishing he had chosen her too? Hearing those words felt unreal.

How could the one Illumi chose say such a thing? Was [Name] the only one who noticed the joy in his tone when he fondly talked about her? Or the glimmer in his eyes? Or the lines on his forehead as he got worried about her? Or his aggressive words when the butler wasn’t able to please her?

[Name] was no stranger to jealousy. So she knew there was nothing rational about it. Yet she couldn’t help looking for a meaning behind it. But there was no valid explanation as to why Maya would ever envy her. Or maybe there was one. The butler clearly failed to conceal her feelings for her master and now his happiness was falling apart.

How ironic, all this time she had been wanting to make him happy and all for what in the end? Being the catalyst for his downfall. [Name] wished she had realized sooner that she was unfit for her job. But then who was she apart from Illumi Zoldyck’s butler? No one. There was nothing more to her.

It was painful to have your only purpose taken away from you. But unlike Illumi, she was the one who brought it on herself. So there was no one else to blame. She didn’t want to shift the blame on someone else either. She was aware of her mistakes.

Mistakes weren’t allowed in this household. Not for someone like her. Her worth was based on her efficiency, hard work and loyalty. There was no room for mistakes. She was raised to learn from them then avoid them. This was what she would be doing from now on, avoid them, by quitting her job.

[Name] sat on the dark blue Victorian-style armchair in Illumi’s study. The young woman had requested as soon as possible to talk to him. Fortunately, he was free to meet her quickly. He looked at her with his deep black eyes then broke the silence.

“Is something wrong [Name]? Why did you request to meet me?” “There’s something important I would like to discuss with you, sir,” she explained, voice as void of emotions as Illumi. “Is it about Maya?”

The butler paused for a second.

“Yes. I’m worried about her health sir and I’m afraid I am unfit to attend to her. Which is why I would like to resign,” she declared, getting more nervous with each word.

Illumi’s eyes widen a little. Not enough for her to see, however. This was no light matter they were discussing. [Name] had been a butler to the family for over two decades now. The amount of knowledge she possessed about the Zoldyck family was impressive and her skills were just as admirable. So wanting to resign was ridiculous.

“What are you talking about? You know you can’t resign,” the assassin said matter-of-factly.

Yes, she was aware especially as a butler of her rank. But there was no way she could keep attending to Maya or Illumi.

“You don’t understand, sir. I am unfit to be a butler to this family. Because I broke our golden rule,” she paused as she tried to contain the shaking of her hands.

She wondered if she should continue or if this was enough for Illumi to get her out of her misery. She knew it was unlikely she would be able to avoid explaining the reason behind that decision. But she also knew what happened to people that broke the golden rule. Immediate death, that was the sentence.

Despite his impassive expression, Illumi was having trouble understanding. It was true that he shared a bond with [Name] that he shared with no other butler in this household. But although they cared for each other it was never a violation of the rules for him. Illumi thought they had the same understanding of the matter. So what was different now?

“Explain yourself,” he ordered, eyes not leaving hers.

[Name] gulped. Why? Wasn’t it clear enough to her master? She had broken the golden rule there was nothing more to it. He didn’t need to know the how or the why. This shouldn’t matter to him. But it did. She knew she was foolish to hope there was a deeper meaning to this order but she did anyway.

“I’m in love with you, sir,” the young woman admitted, eyes unable to focus on him anymore.

Illumi didn’t say anything for a few seconds. But it felt like hours as the sound of her furious heart resonated in her ears.

“I see. You know the sentence for that don’t you?”

[Name] felt so cold. Was it the fear of dying? Or the pain of having her feelings overlooked? Or perhaps both?

“Yes, I do,” she answered head low. “Having you leave the manor is inconvenient and killing you would hurt Maya. You’re putting me in an awkward situation, [Name].”

That was too much to bear. The butler’s eyes watered instantly. Then her vision blurred as tears started rolling down her cheeks. Illumi’s eyes never left her. There was something captivating about seeing her wither like this in front of him.

The assassin wondered what exactly made his best butler loose composure like this. It was so unlike her. But the emotions she felt, Illumi could never comprehend. Or could he? [Name] was crying because she had come to the realization that she was nothing but a pawn to the person she loved the most.

Her death meant nothing to Illumi and the only thing that gave meaning to it was Maya. That was the sad truth, or rather the truth [Name] would believe for the rest of her life. She was no pawn to her master but there was no point in discussing how her death would upset him.

Illumi himself didn’t have the self-awareness to understand it. Despite the trust, loyalty and understanding they shared. [Name] was his butler, after all, not his sister, not his friend, not his lover. Just his butler.

“But I will make an exception for you,” he continued.

The young woman’s hopeful red eyes caught his again.

“I will allow you to leave.” “Thank you, sir,” she said, her voice cracking.

But Illumi wasn’t the one she should thank, she thought. Maya was the one. What an incredible woman she was. Having Illumi bend the rules for a mere butler just because she cared about her. [Name] wished that her mistress would love herself as much as Illumi loved her. Because there was truly nothing that could beat it.

The pain in [Name]’s chest didn’t falter as she left Illumi’s study. Then it worsened as she packed her things and said goodbye to all the people that had shared her life these past years. She smiled through her tears at the butlers she called friends. She thanked and bow politely to the Zoldyck family members that she was able to see one last time.

Then as the testing gates closed behind her she thought about that one person she wasn’t able to say goodbye to, Maya. Her mistress and friend. The one who spared her life and the one she had hurt the most. There wasn’t much more she could do to make up for her mistakes but she hoped that her departure would bring her master and his wife the happiness they deserved.

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Hisoka Morow - Modern AU

#hisoka #hisoka morow #hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh fanart #hunter x hunter fanart #hisoka fanart

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Daylight ~ Illumi Zoldyck

Author: @hisokapegger

Word Count: 1 064

Pairing: Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

Summary: The reader gets married to Illumi and they are celebrating with Killua and Alluka.

A/N: Warning! This is extremely self-indulgent. But I just want my baby to be happy so don’t blame me. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think :)

The five empty seats were hard to ignore as the sun shone brightly on the untouched silverware and white porcelain dinnerware. The young woman wondered if she should ask the servers to clear the table. So that Illumi would stop looking over the empty space. But she knew there wasn’t much she could do to make up for the absence of the people he loved the most, to what was supposed to be the best day of the assassin’s life.

It didn’t make a lot of difference to the bride. In fact, her relationship with her husband’s family was, to say the least tumultuous. She did feel a little guilty, however. But it wasn’t guilt over encouraging Illumi to get away from them. It was guilt over hurting the person she loved the most. Still, she knew pain and suffering were necessary sometimes.

Her relationship with Illumi was a perfect example of that. She recalled all the times she almost gave up on him, the tears and the fights. She remembered all the sacrifices she made for him, the anger she suppressed, the pain she welcomed and the love that almost made her lose herself.

Keep reading

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Like You Like That ~ Illumi Zoldyck

Author: @hisokapegger

Word Count: 1 002

Pairing: Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

Prompt: “I just want to be swept off my feet…is that so bad? I’m fed up of being alone.”

A/N: This is fluffy because I was hurt after @hisoillusandwich‘s beautiful but heartbreaking piece, Stranger. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

The music was loud but it felt very far away to the young woman as she took another sip of her drink. She was sitting next to her work partner or as she preferred calling him, her friend.

She didn’t like drinking too much but she had been hoping to use it as a cure to her loneliness tonight. Illumi who was almost immune to alcohol didn’t understand how this would help her. In fact, he thought she looked ridiculous.

He knew [Name] well enough by now and he could tell that the glass in her hand would be her last drink for the night. He’d make sure of it.

He watched her silently as she stared at nothing, probably lost in thought he guessed. The young woman was sad tonight. The reason behind it was unknown to the assassin. But he was confident that it wouldn’t take her long to start telling him about all her secrets.

[Name] talked a lot when she was drunk after all. The young man thought she looked pretty if it wasn’t for the sadness in her eyes. He liked it better when she smiled at him.

“I just want to be swept off my feet…is that so bad? I’m fed up of being alone,” she said out of the blue.

There she goes he thought to himself. Illumi brought his face closer to her. The loud music was starting to annoy him. He wished his associate would have chosen somewhere else to talk about her pain.

“You’re not alone. I’m right here,” the assassin pointed out.

She laughed and looked at his wide black eyes. Then she continued.

“Yes, I know. I mean, I’m just a little tired of dreaming about romance. I want it to happen to me.” “You want romance,” Illumi repeated more to himself than to her “I’m sure you’ll find it soon.”

As soon as [Name] entered her apartment she knew something was off. Her aura sensing the stranger automatically. She advanced carefully to her living room and this was when her eyes met him. Illumi was sitting on her couch, a book in hand, almost like the place was his.

“What are you doing here?” she asked a confused look on her face.

The assassin’s eyes finally left the pages he was so focused on to look at her.

“Hi [Name]. I’ll be staying here with you,” he explained nonchalantly. “What?”

The young woman didn’t understand. What did he mean by I’ll be staying here with you? Did he mean he would stay the night? This must have been what he meant she was sure. But she also knew Illumi was a strange man.

“I’ll be living with you from now on,” he answered, black eyes starring at her soul. “Why? Were you kicked out by your parents?” she asked a little concerned. “No.” “So why are you here?”

Illumi was so elusive sometimes. It was always hard to understand what he thought when he decided he wouldn’t talk about it. But the young woman deserved an explanation nonetheless.

“Because you said you were lonely.”

Did she? The Nen user didn’t remember ever saying that but she also had a tendency to blackout when she drank too much. So it was likely that she had in fact shared her fears with the assassin on their last outing.

So that was it. He was here because she felt lonely. That was all it took for Illumi to make such a gesture. She couldn’t help blushing a little by the thought of it.

“I don’t remember saying this but it’s true. Still, are your parents okay with that?” “It’s only temporary,” he declared.

Was it? Illumi wished it wasn’t. The idea of sharing his life with the woman in front of him was so appealing. He didn’t feel anything like that in such a look time. He thought it was strange how alive she made him feel sometimes.

But he also knew that getting [Name] to move in the Zoldyck manor would be no easy task. It was unlikely his parents would accept a woman they didn’t choose in their family.

Still sharing this small apartment with her was the closest he could get to the one thing he wanted the most. Her. He wanted her to himself forever. Illumi wanted to sweep her off her feet as she demanded.

“Oh, I see,” she answered a hint of sadness in her voice.

Illumi truly was a strange man but here he was helping her out through her lonely days. She wondered if he realized how much this meant to her. Probably not. He didn’t think about that kind of stuff, did he?

The following days went by quickly, too quickly to their liking. The young woman started to get used to seeing his face in front of hers before drifting off to sleep. Meanwhile, he got used to all her cute habits, her kind words, and her calming presence.

This was too good to end. But how long would they hide if they were to tell each other how they truly felt? It only depended on Illumi. They were both aware.

“I like being with you,” Illumi said starring at the ceiling, laying on her bed in the dimly lit room. “I like being with you too,” she replied a little smile on her face.

[Name]’s hand slid under the covers wanting to find his. But as soon as she did he brought his hand to himself. The young woman felt stupid for trying to hold it.

She knew he wasn’t used to loving touches. She should have asked first. She wanted to apologize but before she could she felt cold fingers wrapping themselves around her hand. She didn’t say anything. She just wanted to enjoy every little moment she had with him.

“Did I sweep you off your feet yet?” Illumi asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

She chuckled and with the brightest smile she replied:

“Yes, you did, Illumi.”

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Why Not Her? (Illumi x Reader)

A/N: Buckle up, this is long as fuck and dramatic as HELL. Please read @hisokapegger‘s fic for the first part, and consider this the other perspective. If one of us is feeling up to it, we’re gonna write some more perspectives.

To the tune of Jolene by Dolly Parton here ~

TW: pregnancy

—

To love is to trust.

You had done the unthinkable by choosing to love and to trust what to others was despicable. You had made the leap and been rewarded for it with the love of Illumi Zoldyck.

Your relationship would be strong and lasting; you were sure of it. Prior to coming to the sprawling mansion he had grown up in, he had already paved a way for you after all. With enough convincing (or rather, over a year of quiet arguments and louder fights that you thankfully weren’t privy to), his parents had begrudgingly accepted the idea of you.

And today was the day you would finally be presented as his fiancee.

He had chosen you yourself. There was nothing to fear, as long as he was with you. You reminded yourself of this as you held his hand while he led you into the manor.

You kept your smile on as you navigated through, following just a few steps behind but still linked. What you needed to do was look charming, even if you were afraid - first impressions were paramount to people as elitist as Illumi’s family. You had to channel grace, even if the butterflies in your stomach would barely settle the further you went.

And you did so well, exuding charm and inner peace to everyone you met - that is, until you met eyes with her.

Illumi introduced the beautiful, sylphlike creature as one of his most trusted butlers. She smiled at the praise, and the moment you took in the soft features painted on pale skin with a hint of olive, something inside of you trembled for just a moment.

“This is Kali. She’s been with me ever since I was a child,” he explained, with fondness.

You nodded, trying to ease the thump in your heart, keeping your smile genuine.

“It’s nice to meet you, Kali.”

You were being truthful. You sensed intrinsically she was sweet and kind, and you knew you would end up liking her the longer you spent time together. She would be your personal butler from then on, anyway. You decided to ignore the nagging sense of impending doom that knocked at your subconscious, shoving it into the deepest recesses of your mind.

As Illumi took you away to move on, you turned back to sneak a look at Kali once more.

And then you saw it; you wished you hadn’t seen it: her eyes shining with sadness for just for a split second before she noticed you and looked away.

—-

As you had anticipated, you and Kali became fast friends. You knew Illumi loved you and that his feelings hadn’t changed by the way he spoke excitedly about your upcoming future together, took the time to fill up your quarters with the things you liked, and indulged you in soft kisses and touches when you were alone together.

But the thought that you were assuming a space that didn’t belong to you, and not in a way as innocuous as sitting in someone else’s seat, continued to linger in the back of your mind.

It festered every time Illumi came by to see you while you were exchanging stories with Kali when you failed to see a difference in the way he looked at you both. It reared its ugly head whenever she teased him in your presence, or whenever she gave you a tidbit about his favorite things. There was a twinkle to her eye whenever she spoke about him, and while you loved her, you started to hate it.

But jealousy was such an unbecoming emotion, wasn’t it?

Illumi loved you, it didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter.

—

“I want Kali to make one of the wedding cakes.” Illumi stated, voice as light and inconsequential as usual, as you sat side by side in one of the many gazebos on the field.

“Oh?” You asked, looking up from the catalog of flower arrangements you were perusing, despite the fact that you knew his mother would override any decisions you made anyway (you had decided you would let her win the battle over flowers so that you could win the war, after all).

“There’s a recipe only she knows,” he continued. “It’s been my favorite since I was a kid. She’s aware and has agreed.”

“That sounds lovely, Illumi.”

It truly did, and that was the worst part.

—

Your wedding came and went, and it was every bit as beautiful as you imagined. You remained in Illumi’s arms after consummating your union, and somehow, shockingly, he fell asleep first. Or maybe he was just closing his eyes - yes, that was the more rational explanation. You snuggled closer into his neck, and wrapped your arms even tighter around him.

Still flushed, you whispered a breathy, “I love you.”

And to your terror, the little green monster that had spared you for the past few days came back in full force.

But so does Kali! It screamed from the parts you thought you had locked away, and your heart started to race.

Illumi didn’t open his eyes, but he pressed his lips to your forehead in a small, quiet motion before pressing you even closer to him, likely sensing your unrest.

What you needed to hear him say was those three words back.

But alas, those three words never came, and the little green monster grew just a little bit stronger than night.

—

You could have your choice of men, but I can never love again

He’s the only one for me, [Kali]

—

It didn’t take very long for you to become heavy with child, and for whatever reason, pregnancy was particularly hard on you. The fatigue, back pain and constant nausea would have been manageable if it weren’t the fact that your ankles swelling was nothing compared to the swelling in your face, and you were unsure if the stretch marks that coursed over your belly would ever fade. Just looking at yourself in the mirror some days would ruin your morning.

Kali remained lithe and beautiful as always, graciously by your side to help you with the most menial tasks. Taking your hand to help you get to the bathroom or to take a daily walk around the manor to prevent blood clots from sitting around, keeping you company while Illumi was away; you were in need of constant assistance, and she was always there for you.

She was an angel, and your best friend.

One evening as you ate dinner, just the two of you, you let out a sigh.

Kali smiled in response, attempting to reassure you. “Pregnancy seems difficult, but you wear it well,” she mused, pouring chamomile tea for the two of you to enjoy.

You gave out a dramatic snort as you took a sip. “I’ll never look the same again, and I’m pretty sure this whole story about a “pregnancy glow” is fake,” you huffed as you set the teacup down.

“But Illumi’s so happy, he talks about it all the time!” Kali exclaimed cheerfully, setting down her own cup. “Just yesterday, he was talking about baby names you had discussed, and settling on a few. It was quite funny to watch actually.”

A knot formed in your stomach. The last time you spoken to or seen Illumi was multiple days ago…

“Was he home yesterday?” You blurted out, then were embarrassed to even have to ask your friend about your own husband’s whereabouts.

She furrowed her brow as she looked at you in confusion. “Yeah, of course, he was just here for a couple of hours, but…”

He didn’t come see you? What she left unsaid was enough to set you on edge, but you couldn’t be mad at her, only at yourself.

Who could love you anyway, the way you were now?

It took you a moment to get up on your own, but you had to stand and make your way from the table. Turning away from her so that she couldn’t see the bitter tears that were ready to fall from your face.

“__, are you alright?”

“Mmhmm,” You choked out and nodded, your voice regrettably higher than usual. You bit your lip.

“I think I’m going to bed early tonight.”

You could hear the chair shift back as she rose.

“Okay,” she said, in a soft, compassionate voice. You heard her light footsteps make their way to the door, pause for a moment, and finally the door closed shut behind you.

And at the sound of the closed door, as if on cue, your tears began to fall.

—

Your smile is like a breath of spring

Your voice is soft like summer rain

And I cannot compete with you

[Kali]

—

You spent the rest of your pregnancy on bedrest, before producing a beautiful, dark-haired little girl. Skin to skin contact was brief before Illumi took the baby in his arms, inspected it, and with the smallest smile of pleasure, handed it to Kali.

You watched as Kali cooed at your new child, standing next to your still pleased-appearing husband, the picture of a perfect family. Even their features complemented each other; it was like a knife twisting in your chest.

Kikyo gave you a quick look over before running over to them to pick up her new grandchild. For a split second, you wondered if you had imagined a look between pity and understanding, hidden beneath her visor.

The nightmare of being overlooked.

—

And I can easily understand

How you could easily take my man

But you don’t know what he means to me

[Kali]

—

It took you not too long after that to grow bitter. Maybe it was postpartum depression, maybe it was a year of feeling inadequate, maybe it was the fact that you knew your friend was more deserving than you.

But either way, you withdrew. From Illumi, from Kali, from everyone. It wasn’t hard to do so. You did what you were there for. You’d produced a child to appease your husband and your grandparents.

How you yearned for freedom…

The freedom that Kali had to love without the responsibility. If only you could switch places.

“___, please eat-”

“I’m not hungry,” you replied, before she could even finish. Kali pulled the plate of food back to her.

“Illumi is upset with me that you’re not eating.”

“Are you worried about Illumi or me?” You quipped, then covered your own mouth, shocked at what had come out.

“…”

Kali was speechless, but the look on her face betrayed a layer of guilt that you couldn’t tolerate. You were right. It was less about you than about Illumi.

You knew she cared about you too, and yet…

“I know you love him,” you choked out. Kali said nothing, her beautiful eyes still on you, as you began to cry.

“I know you wish he had chosen you instead of me, and honestly, I wish he had.”

—-

I had to have this talk with you

My happiness depends on you

And whatever you decide to do

[Kali]

—

The next morning, you decided you would seek some professional help. You didn’t know how much of this was depression vs. postpartum baby blues, but something had to be done. Kali did not deserve your anger at all.

You didn’t see Kali that morning.

When you finally spoke up your concern of your whereabouts to Illumi, hoping not to avoid any trouble, his face was impassive as usual.

“She asked if she could leave.”

The butlers didn’t just have the option to leave… Or did they?

“I didn’t know they could quit,” you questioned, suspiciously.

“They usually can’t. But in this case, there was an exception.” He said. With that, he turned fully to face you, and pressed a soft kiss on your lips. It had been a long time since you’d kissed, since you’d withdrawn from him in your depression, and you missed it. But it felt wrong.

You withdrew again from his touch.

“What did she say? What was the exception?” You demanded to know.

“She told me she loved me, and that you knew the entire time,” he said, simply. Your stomach did a backflip.

“Normally the punishment is immediate death, but I know how much you care about her. And she was good to you.” He continued, taking your hands in his. You pulled away slowly, staring straight through him. He didn’t insist on it.

“Where is she now?”

“Off the manor, most likely.”

You started to walk towards the gate, and he held on to your arm.

“Where are you going?”

A panic started to rise in you.

“Bring her back! I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong!” Tears started to stream down your cheeks again, as the realization set in that such a petty feeling such as jealousy had managed to turn you into a villain.

“She wanted to leave.”

“She loves you!” You protested.

“So?”

So? It was such an aggressively simple sentence. You looked up at him in shock, enough that it gave you pause.

“What do you mean so? Why me? Why not her when she’s perfect?”

“She’s not you.”

Your hand almost flew to his face from the sheer level of rage, the urge to defend her feelings coursing through you, but your palm stopped right at the side of his face. Instead, you sank to the floor, and sobbed for Kali, and for yourself.

—

[Kali, Kali, Kali, Kali~]

I’m begging of you please don’t take my man

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Girl Crush ~ Illumi Zoldyck

Author: @hisokapegger

Word Count: 1 308

Pairing: Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

Summary: The reader is Illumi’s butler, she’s in love with him and she meets his fiancée.

A/N: This is just sad. There’s a part 2 by the wonderful @hisoillusandwich

She always had a weird fascination with Illumi Zoldyck. Maybe it was because of their close age gap or the many tasks that kept her close to him. As a butler of the Zoldyck family, [Name] was raised from a very young age to completely devote herself to them.

But after contemplating for years her feelings for her master she had concluded that what she felt for him transcended what their relationship was supposed to be. Yes, she had broken the butlers of this mansion’s golden rule: don’t get attached to any member of the Zoldyck family.

When she looked at him all she could see was pain hidden by a wall of indifference. She remembered his screams as she guarded the mansion at the young age of eight. They were so loud they echoed in the dark woods surrounding her. Back then she already felt the need to protect him.

But that was impossible. All she could do was watch silently and obey. [Name] wouldn’t dare stand up to her superiors even for him, she was too grateful to them. They were the ones who took her out of her misery after all. The Zoldyck saw potential in her. She could never betray them.

Afficher davantage

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Hellooo if request are still open can you make Kurapika + promt 18 please?

Oh I actually just rebloggued the event from @hisokapegger you should ask her instead ^^

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iamlifted · 4 years

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I Walk The Line ~ Hisoka Morow

Author: @hisokapegger

Word Count: 726

Pairing: Hisoka Morow x Reader

Prompt: “I’m going to die. I’m going to die with an absolute idiot!”

A/N: This is short and fluffy. I hope you enjoy it!

Hisoka’s muscular chest was pressed against her back as she peaked from the 110-metre high cliff they were standing on. [Name] wondered how she got herself in that situation despite her fear of heights. This was ridiculous. But her lover knew how to be convincing when he needed to. There wasn’t much she could refuse him anyway.

“I can’t do it,” she said feeling dizzy.

The young woman tried pushing him back but the fact that they were strapped to each other and he was so much stronger didn’t help. Hisoka let out a chuckle. He was truly enjoying every bit of this moment. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see the look of horror in the young woman’s eyes. But the way she clutched his arm spoke for itself.

“It’s too late to back out now, love” he replied sweetly. “No, it’s not. Hisoka, I can’t do this. It’s way too high. I’m scared.”

Keep reading

#wtf that was soft #im glad i requested this

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Fine ~ Kurapika Kurta

Author: @hisokapegger

Word Count: 1 163

Pairing: Kurapika Kurta x Reader

Prompt: “I… I can’t do this without you.”

A/N: This is just angst. I hope you like it anyway @oof-is-me <3

She watched silently, tears filling up in her eyes as her lover laid still in bed. His blonde hair were messy and looked dull in the dimly lit room. She run her fingers through them and let the tears she had been holding in in front of her dear friend Leorio fall on the young man’s pale skin.

How many times would this happen again? [Name] remembered her friend recounting the days he would have to take care of Kurapika on his own. He told her about how the young man would never listen to him. Always overworking himself to his limits. She would joke about the blonde’s stubbornness and then Leorio would smile and tell her “But it’s fine he’s got you now”.

Except it wasn’t fine. [Name] felt useless sobbing next to Kurapika like he was already dead. She was tired and scared. Every day that passed felt like a knife to her chest as she was unable to ever make him feel better. The Hunter’s quest of revenge was eating him alive and he was dragging the young woman with him.

Keep reading

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Hunter x Hunter and Demon slayer crossover - Illumi Zoldyck as a demon

Made for @hisokapegger

#illumi zoldyck #illumi #illumi zoldyck fanart #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh fanart #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba

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iamlifted · 4 years

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Ok picture this per me and @hisokapegger’s convo

Hisoka with his chubby red-headed baby wrapped on his back as he goes on a killing spree u wu

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iamlifted · 4 years

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800 FOLLOWERS EVENT

Hello! I recently hit 800 followers and I want to thank you all for reading my work and supporting me. It really means a lot and I want to keep writing on this blog. So to celebrate I’m having a prompt event.

You can choose a prompt from the following list (I got them from here):

“You’re not hurting me, you’re not heavy. I’ve got you, love.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you even like me…it sure feels like you hate me sometimes.”

“You were supposed to be my friend. That’s all…that’s all I asked of you. To be my friend. To care.”

“I don’t…I’ve never…been in a relationship and I’m going to make mistakes…I just need you to tell me. I need you to talk to me.”

“You really thought I was dead?”

“I want to believe, I do…I just…how can I believe in something that I can’t see?”

“Can we just make a decision? Please?”

“You don’t know what you do to me, do you?”

“I just want you to be safe. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you!”

“I want you to be happy…even if it’s not with me.”

“I want to feel like this forever.”

“You give me a reason to be better, to do better.”

“I love you, but I need you to go away because you’re really bloody distracting and I have to pass this test tomorrow.”

“I…I can’t do this without you.”

“Don’t forget me?”

“You weren’t there…why weren’t you there?”

“I needed you! I needed you!”

“Do you ever think?”

“I’m going to die. I’m going to die with an absolute idiot!”

“Sometimes you love someone and you don’t want them to leave…because if they’re beside you, you can see that they’re safe and you can keep them safe. But, if they go somewhere without you…you might lose them”

“No one has a romantic bone in their body anymore! What happened to playing songs outside windows, glitter and sparkles on handmade Valentine’s cards, dancing in the rain!? What happened?!”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I want someone I can melt around. I want someone who melts around me too…I don’t want this standoffish, unromantic love that you’re offering. I want more than that.”

“You don’t own her/him/them. You don’t get to choose who they choose. I don’t get to choose who they choose. No one, but them, gets to make that decision.”

“I’m only important when you need something from me.”

“I don’t think you’re annoying…I know…I don’t…I really like listening to and hearing what you have to say even if its a lot sometimes..”

“I just want to be swept off my feet…is that so bad? I’m fed up of being alone.”

“I want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to believe that you’re good enough because you are. You’re so amazing.”

Then a character from this list:

Illumi

Hisoka

Chrollo

Machi

Pakunoda

Kurapika

Leorio

Karren Von Rosewald

You can also add on some details when sending requests if you want it to be personalized for you! I’m not sure about writing NSFW for this event. But if I do it’s only going to be for Illumi, Chrollo, Hisoka and Karren.

I hope I get some requests for this lmao. I’m sorry I couldn’t find a better idea. But if this works I might do another type of event someday. Anyway, thank you again for following me!! Ily <3

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