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iammaybelove-blog · 8 years ago

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Upper-limit Problem

I am feeling down and misdirected. I was putting all of these bad feelings towards my romantic relationship. Lately I’ve been seeing ugly sides of long-distance relationship. I’ve been feeling disappointed, frustrated and taken for granted. I’ve been thinking why I feel this way when in fact we have a good chemistry. We could’ve had not seen each other in person but I can feel the connection. I felt so loved and I felt that I have so much love to give. And then, this emotion just started telling me to end what we have because the good feeling has suddenly turned into discontent. Although, I was thinking I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore, I refuse to believe that ending it is the best possible solution. At one time, I was so decided to stop it, but I chose not to make drastic decision. I know there is more to this feeling bad than it is suppose to be. Then, I heard this one topic in Laurie-Anne King’s podcast, “upper-limit”. What is it? I didn’t know that such thing exists. I research about it and learning what it is, I diagnose myself to be experiencing that so called “self-imposed upper limits”. In one of the article I read entitled “Overcoming Your Upper-limits” by Gay Hendricks, he define what Upper-limit is. Here is some excerpt from his article. Each one of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. That thermostat setting usually gets programmed in early childhood. This holds us back from enjoying all the love, financial abundance and creativity that’s rightfully ours.

This is exactly what hinders me to continually enjoy the good things that are happening to me. Be it in career, financial aspect and on my relationship. So now, I post myself a question, “How do I overcome this?” Now that I am aware that “upper-limit” is causing me all this confusion, what shall I do?

According to the article by Gay Hendricks, the foundation under the upper-limit problem is a set of four hidden barriers. There barriers appear to be real but the truth is they are just based in fears and false belief about our own selves. So, here are the four hidden barriers.

No. 1 Feeling fundamentally flawed.

The feeling that one is fundamentally flawed is some way an immense barrier to optimal experience. It brings with it a related fear: If you make a commitment to fully using your unique gifts, you might fail. This belief tells you to play it safe and stay small. That way, if you fail at least you fail small.

No. 2 Disloyalty and abandonment

This barrier is the feeling that I cannot expand to my full success because it would cause me to end up alone, be disloyal to my roots and leave behind people from my past.

No. 3 Believing that more success makes you a bigger burden

This barrier is the feeling that I cannot achieve my highest potential because I’d be an even greater burden than I am now.

No. 4 The crime of outshining

The unconscious mantra of outshining barrier goes like this; I must not achieve my full success because if I did I would outshine someone and make him or her look or feel bad.

Out of these four barriers, I can relate more with number 1. Talking about flaws and insecurities, I would like to say that I am entitled to have that belittling and limiting feeling of insecurities. A gist from my past, I grew up seeking for my father’s care and love, grew up in a family where I isolated myself thinking I am not part of it and that family could’ve been ideal without me. I’ve been into quite few failed relationships and had three kids with different dad. So growing up, I might have developed that upper-limit syndrome. I been trying to figure out what causes those failure and as harsh the reality could be, I think I am sabotaging my own happiness.

But good news is it’s never too late for me to change what was used to be. Getting myself into restorative state, I am now ready to take step to transcend my upper-limit and utilize the power I have within me. Now, there are five recognizable behaviors or actions I should watch out that limits me as follows: worrying, blame and criticism, deflection, arguments and sometimes getting ill. And best thing and the truth about the matter is I believe upper-limit problem is caused by the enemy. And I am never alone in facing this problem. I can actually ask God to battle with me in overcoming this thing. Below I will list verses in the bible to liberate me.

· Worrying

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcend all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

· Blame and criticism

1 Peter 3:10, “For whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.”

When I blame someone or something or even myself it indicates that I have reached my upper limit and I must realize that by this act I am impeding positive energy to flow in my life.

· Deflection

Song of Solomon 4:7 “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”

Psalms 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Deflection as defined in the dictionary is the act of diverting people’s attention or criticism away from something. In this case, I have the tendency to oppose or to be shy about any praise about what’s good about me. So, the practice is to learn to expand my ability to feel positive feelings, I must expand my tolerance for things going well in to my life. God sees me differently than how I see myself. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. (Psalms 139:14)

· Arguments

Proverbs 16:32 “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes the city.”

Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Do not be easily provoked in your spirit for anger resides in the lap of fools.”

Arguments often are caused by two people racing to occupy the victim position in the relationship. Once the race for the victim position is under way, each person must find some way to out-victim the other, rather than find room for compromise.

In my case, I notice that I start to argue when I feel I’m in a victim position. That’s where I defend myself thinking I cannot be in that weak spot and it’s all about pride. At that moment I am more concern defending my right than being loving. And it happens, when I am upper-limiting myself. So next time, I have Ecclesiastes 7:9 to think about.

· Sickness

Psalm 38:3 "Because of your anger, my whole body is sick. Because of my sin, I'm not healthy."

There was a study associating physical illness with our emotional state. My body responds to the way I think, I feel and act. And it is true to me, headache strikes after I experience too much joy or love and would think they are too good to be true. This is another upper-limiting behavior and being aware of my thoughts and learning to diver it to something positive will improve my physical health.

By nature, I constantly search for ways to better myself by what I read, what I watch and what I experience. In my lifetime, I continually examine the consequences of my words, action and mistakes to recognize ways to deal with challenges with higher degree of understanding and wisdom. But my effort is futile without me recognizing that the only way I could end upper-limiting or whatever form of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors is by the liberating fact that I am not alone in the battle. God is with me. I am His daughter.

Psalm 139:1-4” 1You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. 2You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.”

Psalm 139:23-24 “23Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

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