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I mean.... Yeah?

Popular words

In fact, words are the reason why pieces such as poems, stories, and even novels become so popular in the first place.

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Auto Biography for English Class

I wish I was able to say I remember it like it was yesterday, but that would be nearly impossible to do. I can tell you what I know about the year, but not how I felt consciously or physically. "Walk like an Egyptian" was the number one hit on the music charts, neon colored signs and electronic music was huge, and some of my favorite metal bands formed right around that time. The year is 1987 and in January of that year, I was born.

It was a beautiful cold day at 33 degrees, only about a half inch of snow on the ground, but the sun was shining bright as ever. My mother said she was only in labor for about 4 hours. Which isn't that bad supposedly. Being an easy baby, I still respect my mother dearly for what she was about to experience, on her own. My dad I call him, Robert Taylor is his name, but not a person I would call father. I can't really call him dad either because I have never met him. I wouldn't get a father for another 5 years. My mother, an ex E4 Crypto-tech from the United States Army, was one tough cookie. She was a "tom-boy' they call it. Working 4 jobs, refusing to accept welfare or food stamps, she was my hero.

My mother had to be both parents, mom and dad. She had to teach me to do a lot of things on my own since she worked a lot. Once I was in preschool, I had my own house key. She taught me to cook by age 4, little things like mac n cheese, spaghetti, eggs, and sandwiches. How to do my own laundry and dishes as well. I gladly did those things because I knew how much help it would be for my mother who works all day every day. But soon things would start to get a lot easier. Life was about to be amazing, so I thought.

Dennis Copfer Sr. was his name, the half Italian, half Irish man with two sons 7 years older than me by the names of Dennis Jr. and Jayson. I remember it like it was yesterday waiting to meet him for the first time after my mother and him have been dating for about a year, I was so excited. Jumping for glee as they pulled into the driveway, I ran towards the door screaming "Mom they're here! They're here!". My mother running down the stairs quickly excited as well to see her boyfriend and meeting his kids for the first time as well. I could almost tell just by the way they exited the car that my mother and I were probably the only two excited. Dennis Sr. exits the car with a huge smile and takes about 5 steps before looking back at the car and says, "Come on boys, don't be like this right now, I'm really not in the mood for you guys to be acting this way!" I was confused but didn't show it as I stepped outside like a man, walked up to him with my hand out, and said "Hello Dennis, I am Zac. It is good to meet you." He was kind of stunned but couldn't help but to crouch down and thank me and reciprocate the feelings.

Time went by slowly as I waited for my new step brothers to come inside. Dennis finally went out and made them come in. They obviously were very cranky and did not want to meet anyone at that moment. Their parents are divorced and at that time have only been divorced for a couple years; I later found out that they felt as if my mother was stealing their father from their mother. The boys refused to talk to me, or my mom, but Dennis said it would take time and that was something my mother and I could understand. This was a weird beginning.

Immediately the two families didn't really like each other. My brothers still didn't like me even as time went on. Why didn't my brothers like me? It wasn't until I actually asked them later in life that they told me it just wasn't fair that I had two parents to take care of me and one of them being THEIR father. But little did they know, their father didn't like me much. Trying to explain this to them was hard, because either way, I was bound to piss them off. If I talked good about him, jealously would overcome, if I talked bad, their defenses would come up. It was really a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario.

Dennis and Jayson got everything they wanted and needed whenever they asked. I didn't ask for anything another child wouldn't ask for. My mother noticed these things and was always there to help, a little too much at times, we will get back to that as well. It would be this underlying fact that would end their marriage.

Teenage years quickly came and with my testosterone rising, and my father's declining, we started bumping heads more than ever before. At this point my parents have fought a lot, as I have fought with Dennis as well. When I was younger we always had some sort of alcohol in the house and it was usually beer. Beer turned into one bottle of Vodka and Whiskey, to that one bottle of each turning into two bottles of each, per week. Tempers of both parents got worse and worse as my high school career went on. Doors slamming, cabinets slamming, glasses breaking, and voices rising way into the late night, early morning hours. "If you paid all the bills in this house, then you could do whatever you want!" Yells my father. "If you would let me HAVE a job then I would pay some of the bills Dennis!" my mom replied. "Your jobs don't pay you enough for you to not be home cleaning this place and doing my laundry" he responded. I became violent as well and started acting out in school, and started drinking and smoking. This is why I got my GED.  It was when it got to this that my mom had have enough. A tom-boy being treated like a woman in the 40's was not something she took lightly. They would argue nightly, I would hear it and see it, but I would quietly sit in my room only coming out if needed for protection.

A frail alcoholic man, weak and tired, red hair whitening day by day, my father's anger grew. My mom being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, losing her gallbladder, and becoming a diabetic, made her sad. They divorced only a few months after these issues were discovered and that actually ended up being a good thing. My mother and I living in separate house from my father by the time I was 18 wasn't what I had in mind. Remember how I said that my mom would help me, but a little too much and how it was the reason why their marriage ended? Well its quite silly really. It was over the use of my father's car. Around the age of 18 even though I was out of school with a GED, prom was still something that my friends and I had planned to do together. My friend's parents letting their kids borrow their nice car was still a huge thing. My father would never buy me a car, so my mother let me take his.

The 2005 Cadillac STS sat there staring at me like a seductive, sexy, strip club waitress as she whispered into my ear "Come on Zac, take me out tonight, you're going to look so good with me!" My phone ringing off the hook to phone calls like "Zac, where are you? Are you coming with us or not? Everyone is meeting at the restaurant." My mom looked at me and tossed me the keys and said "Be careful, you've earned this, but don't mess this up. I love you!" The night was finally beginning. And as quickly as it started, it continued, and it came to an end. An end to a night that we were all so anxious about and a night that we will never forget, especially for me. After an amazing night I rushed home, I cleaned the car back to how it looked when I got in it, seat back to exactly where it was, mirrors as well. The next day that I found out that my night before was going to be the reason my parents would get divorced.

The closer I walked to my house, step by step, I heard voices screaming, things breaking, and neighbors walking out of their houses to figure out what was going on. My father came home and noticed the one thing I could not fix about the car, the mileage. "I told you to never drive my Cadillac Barbara, it's the only nice thing I have and I told you I want no one fucking driving it, I don't have you insured!" My mom was taking the blame for me. He kept yelling at her "You're so fucking stupid that when someone tells you not to do something, you go ahead and do it anyways!" I couldn't sit there and watch my loving mother who does everything for us, again do something selfless and take the blame for something I wanted to, and did do. I came in and started yelling "Stop fucking talking to my mother like that, you have no right to yell at her like this she has done nothing wrong." "I am the one who took your damn car, I took it to prom, mom wanted to make sure I at least had one normal experience in my life to talk about and be a part of." My dad decided right then and there that he was done with my mother, and that's because in that moment, he thought of her as a liar. She had lied to him about her son, driving his $50,000 Cadillac to prom. So we moved out. And life went onﾅ

After my parents divorcing and my mother and I moving out, I decided I needed a total life change. I decided to travel the country, chasing storms, fixing houses, and building new homes. I finally met a beautiful woman and decided to move to Knoxville, Tennessee. My mother was in remission, my father being court ordered to take care of my disabled mother, she had to move back in with him. They became friends again, and in time fell back into love. The once crazy family was starting to settle and we were starting to just get used to the things we could not change. My father not being alone anymore since the divorce helped him a lot. He ended up quitting drinking and going into rehab for it. My mother who was partially blind for 20 years finally got her vision back through surgery and could finally see again.

Now the year is 2011, life is seeming to be exactly what I wanted it to be. I am engaged to get married, my divorced parents are back living together, and I am making decent money compared to my expenses. I feel wealthy. Life can be strange at times and even when you think you're up, you may just be on the verge of falling down. At least that was true in my case. Lets' jump back 6 or so years...

Remember me getting my GED? Well getting your GED at 16 years old makes you feel alive, makes you feel older and responsible. Responsibility for yourself at a young age is not something you should take lightly, and I sure didn't. I was working 3 jobs at the time, HVAC from 5am-10am, Head Cook from 12pm-5pm, and a Sales Associate for a clothing store from 6pm-11pm. I made good money with very little time to spend it. My bank account grew. By this time I felt as if I had the world by the horns. I was so cool, so I thought. At that time I was probably cool, working, making money, having money to spend, and having the time to do so was exactly what I had and could do.

I guess you can get way ahead of yourself and start taking things for granted and not appreciating things that are right in front of you. Life began to slip away. I started losing friends to suicide (16 years old) and to drug addiction (17,18,19,20,21,22 years old, a friend every year) and it started making me realize that I really needed to figure out how to keep what I have and the steps to take that in the future, I can keep progressing and making my future even better. Sometimes a curveball can really hit you out of nowhere.

At the age of 23 is when everything fell apart. I remember it like it was yesterday, not being able to reach my mother, dad in rehab, friends nowhere to be found besides my best friend Rob. I couldn't reach my mother via phone, online, or any other way and that was not like her to not pick up the phone. I had to call Rob to have him stop by my mother's house where we found her dead. Then the day I found out she passed away, my fianc￩ who I am living with in Tennessee decides to leave me saying that I was going to be too screwed up mentally to be able to stay focused on our relationship and so there I was alone. Two weeks after my mother's death my father had a stroke in the middle of the night his first day out of rehab. Then my job fired me while I was gone because they didn't believe my dad died as well. Even with providing the proper documents to prove it, they already Red Listed me as not being able to be rehired.

Life hasn't been easy since I lost both of my parents but I have grown to be strong. I am now a father and when looking back at everything I have been through, I am able to learn from it and properly teach my son how to do good in life. I am in college at the age of 30 because I have never given up. This may be the end to this story but not the end to my story. My story will continue to grow as I get older. I feel as if life is just now starting for me. A whole new life, the life of a father.

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Keeping Metal Alive: Ashes of the Wake by Lamb of God *REVIEW*

To me, Ashes of the Wake was a turning point for the band in the early 2000s, and it’s really the sound of a new era but with the same cause in mind. On this album Lamb of God gave away what little was left of their drunken, down the alley bar, garage band, feeling. They tightened every aspect of themselves and how they write music with a little less than what Slayer would be putting out countless times. With much fresher riffs, heavier double bass being implemented into more off-beat time measures, this is what a band that has been around for a long time, needed. Consistent pace, natural progression, and constant additions of breakdowns, the band was back and better than ever. I credit Ashes of the Wake with getting rid of the crappy sub-genres, and what they were trying to accomplish, they basically said no to sub-genres because we can have it all in one.  Using a better groove and style than from other bands that are considered in their “genre”, like Testament, Slayer, and At the Gates. Lamb of God even was able to get some other metal “gods” like Chris Poland and Alex Skolnick back to the drawing board and willing to do some guest solos on the album. I’d also say that this album really got rid of what I call trash and that’s the bands that sell out to the radio with their scream-sing-scream-sing structure. These guys didn’t have to advertise by doing insane stunts like Slipknot, Ozzy Osbourne and the famous bat, or wearing face paint like Behemoth. They are able to do and say everything they want through their instruments. As far as I know they never resorted to wearing funny contact lenses, either. They just played a lot of shows, practiced relentlessly for ten years or so, and after 500 or so appearances at stupid multi-band, energy drink festivals, they emerged a kick ass band with a tall bag of interchangeable great riffs. (They also drank with their fans, I personally chugged a beer at 9:30 Club in D.C., which always helps.) This is an anti-war album, a protest if you will, against the war in Iraq. They didn’t approve of the war but being not as famous as a political army, they went unheard, or so you think. That was the professionalism of these guys. Lamb of God never struck me as a model of democracy but they do come off patriotic; they love The United States of America, they just don’t love bullshit and nonsensical reasoning for war. Ashes of the Wake has definitely been influential on Lamb of God. They have basically kept this going on and on for the last few albums as well just changing the topic that they are against at the present time. And that’s why they’re thriving and available to fly the flag for intense metal and all of its traditions. Lamb of God will probably be around a lot longer than most bands. They say a couple who parties together, stays together, and they are tight knit kept family and do much more than play music together and rock the socks off of many individuals, including myself. I’ll see you in 10 years when I’m reviewing yet another turning stone for the band as they are very cyclical in changing the tone slightly and progressing into today’s wants and needs. But they never change why they do it, and who they do it for. \m/ \m/

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Greatest songbird of our generation. 

Here I sit broken broken hearted, I tried to fart and kinda sharted. Like a poet and didn’t know it.

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Stalk away, luckily I can delete or block you if I don’t want to be your friend. Truth hurts sometimes.

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Remembering what keeps you going in life.

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I think I crapped my pants

Zac Miller 

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Ha. That’s actually true though... 

Sleep deprivation

Sleep deprivation can lead to heart disease as well as pregnancy.

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Community of beginner writers. a 30 year old’s journey through College English Assignment One!

10 Things I Know

(Automobiles/Racing)

           The vibrations are getting more fierce, the feel of the adrenaline pumping through you is starting to become more obvious, your hand is shaking as it holds the shift knob awaiting the countdown of the lights, you rev the motor to a precise RPM, and that’s when the light turns green. You quickly adjust your footing as you mash down the gas pedal, spinning wheels, shredding rubber, and launching into the world of racing. This moment is what I live for, the thrill, the nervousness, and courage that one feels as they know they have sunk their life savings into a beautiful machine, the race is on! That being said, the world is a fast paced environment where we all want to be first. You see it every day in common situations, merging onto the highway, overtaking the slow person driving in the fast lane, and trying to get to work or school on time. This is nothing new because the want to go faster and faster in such a short time (a little over 130 years), has been something that anyone with the “need for speed” will be obsessed with. In the next few minutes I am going to go over a little bit of the Automotive Industry and Racing History and talk about how the automotive industry has influenced the world in many ways as well as how it has attracted many different types of people from Artists to IT Professionals, from Photographers to Gamers and so on. So buckle up, strap yourself in, and prepare yourself for an inside look of the Automotive Industry, racing, and the passion I have for the history that many may not know about.

           I’m sure we’ve all built something before to help us achieve things that without the invention or innovation, would be really hard or tedious to complete. Throughout history, we have invented, developed, and created tools to help us achieve the unimaginable.  From pulley systems that helped build the Great Pyramids in Egypt, to boats that transported people and items from country to country, to Airplanes that do the same in half the time than by sea. One invention that has evolved so much, in so many ways, in such a short time, has been the automobile. The automobile started back in the 15th century but as you’re probably thinking, there were no motors invented at that time and you are correct. What they used back then were horse and buggies which later automobiles were based off of, which included an extra axle, four wheels instead of two, and a steam powered motor to start. I say to start because it was not until 1885 when Karl Benz of Germany invented the first gas-powered automobile and by the next year in 1886, he had the technology patented. I’m sure glad he did because the smell of burning gas is what drives my passion still to this day, I couldn’t imagine steam being the source of power and blowing out billows of water as I race around the track. All of your senses come into play when racing, the smell of gasoline, the vibrations of the car, the taste of victory in your mouth, and the sound of the powerful 1000+ horsepower vehicle is what really gets me excited.

           Now trains were powered by steam which involves a lot of it to move the heavy vehicle, so I guess the power is still there, but not as manageable as gasoline. While the first forms of the car were powered by steam, the want to go faster needed a little more power which steam could not achieve. Discovering oil, which in turn made gas, we quickly learned about air/fuel combustion and tuning the mixture either by the ECU computer or a manual carburetor. Gasoline can combust a lot stronger than pressurized steam can. This opened up a world of possibilities for different designs of the motor. These different designs included gas powered engines that combust by air/fuel mixing within a cylinder wall being pressurized and combusting by a piston. Diesel motors act in the same way but usually involve forced induction like a turbo to achieve the same power with usually a lot more torque due to different chemical reaction from diesel as to gasoline. With the added punch of a turbocharger, it helps gain more power using less gasoline(diesel or regular). There is also this crazy design from a guy named Felix Wankel who had a slightly different idea using the same physics. He created what we today call the Rotary Engine which is another internal combustion engine that instead of having pistons that rotate, the crankcase rotates instead of the crank itself. Mazda Motor Co. still uses these motors today in cars like the Mazda RX-7 and the Mazda RX-8 along with other race car manufactures.

           Automobiles were designed to move people place to place, haul goods and items for delivery, and migrating to new places quicker than walking, less damaging to wildlife like horseback riding, and less tiring. The want to get goods and people to other places faster was an instant obsession. Shortly after Karl Benz invented the first gas-powered automobile, came auto-racing. In 1895 they hosted the first race which was 1,178KM (731 Miles) from Paris to Bordeaux, France. America was not far behind in the race to racing, but deciding to race cars came from a slightly different reason. Alcohol Prohibition really parked the American “Need for Speed”. Getting illegal spirits from place to place needed to be done quickly to avoid being caught by US Marshalls and was usually done overnight. With officials quickly catching on to the overnight moves, this caused bootleggers like Junior Johnson and Raymond Parks to move spirits during all hours including during the day. It wasn’t until one day when they were being followed by US Marshalls that they decided to make a run for it which created Americas first race, and it was a race against time. They needed to quickly evade the Marshalls and disappear into the woods to ensure a proper getaway. It was from then on that the want and need to be quicker than anyone and everyone started which in turn, created NASCAR.

           Racing has been a big deal ever since those ol’ bootleggin’ days. From Circuit Racing to Drag Racing, from Rally Racing to Endurance Racing, the race was on! The culture has grown so much since then. All walks of life are now interested in cars and racing them. In the last 50 years or so, the culture has created so many sub-genres of cars. From Drag cars to Drift cars, from Lowriders to Off-Road Rock Crawlers, the culture has attracted everyone. With the car culture growing rapidly, the need for the public to be familiarized required the skills of writers and journalist, radio jockeys and photographers, videographers and musicians, to all come together which created what we call today “Car Meets”. Car Meets are where anyone with a car no matter what kind it is, can come together and show off all their hard work. Unless otherwise stated in which there are a lot of, personalized meets like Volkswagen Meets, Honda Days, Nissans Only, etc. This allows so many people to come together like Food Vendors who provide food at the meet, musicians or DJs that provide the music, Car sponsor companies that sell apparel and parts, and even Police officers that control traffic and ensure a safe environment for everyone attending. Telling a car enthusiast from a non-enthusiast is becoming harder by the day unless you see them on the road. He/She could be your accountant, your doctor, lawyer, teacher, anyone really. Even the Movie companies couldn’t hold off and that’s how we got movies like Fast and the Furious… all 8 of them… so far.

           In time, the automobile is going to change even more and more dramatically. Already we are seeing the use of manual transmissions disappear and same with the need of fuel only engines which has birthed Hybrid motors which utilize electronic propulsion as well as the power from gas combustion. We are recreating and redesigning a lot of aspects of the automobile which in turn, is going to change the way we race. Only time will tell and the possibilities will continue to grow. People every day are becoming more infatuated with the car scene which has grown the demand of many people from very different professions. Which one are you? The engineer building the engines? The IT Computer guy tuning the Engines Electronic Computer Unit? The Artist drawing and designing the next Concept car? Or are you the Driver behind the wheel who is a father, husband, brother, etc? Anyone and everyone can be involved, you just have to figure out what and who you are and where your passion lies. But together, we can create amazing things. Hopefully one day, I will see you at the track. Until then, be safe, have fun, and remember… SAFETY FIRST! RACE ON!