iamothergorls

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Dazed & Confused, April 2002 “Sun upon your shadows fall” photographer: Benjamin Alexander Huseby stylist: Sofia de Romarte wearing Ann Demeulemeester

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Yayoi Kusama, Fire (1988) at Moco Museum London

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Beat Piece by Yoko Ono from “Grapefruit” (1964)

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One of those Joburg Nights (PT.1)

I have never been in love.  At least I don’t think I have but I am kind of certain that I have experienced romantic heartbreak - to some degree. Most of the time I get a compulsive urge to shirk the possibility of being a person who has experienced heartbreak because of one question that spins around my mind: am I allowed to feel heartbreak? My first maybe heartbreak was predicated on the foolish idea that white boys in private schools could ever notice black women. The day he first strolled in with his lanky self into my life, I could have sworn he did notice me, but that was just the beginning of my lifelong affair with delusion. He was probably just scanning the room for an open seat in the tiny auditorium where meetings were held for the Johannesburg Junior Council.  The organisation consisted of a pair of students from schools across the city who were allegedly “the top 2” of their school. We would gather in this auditorium on Friday afternoons - much to the disapproval of my Grade 11 Maths teacher whose lesson was cut into for me to drive across town - and masturbatorially discuss all the ways the council was “helping” the city’s downtrodden and underprivileged. It was all quite self-indulgent really, but after Green Eyes sat next to me on the first day, I found myself packing my bag to rush out of Maths a little faster each week.  What followed in the later months was, to put it simply, deeply ridiculous. A cursed matric dance invite, a series of awkward text exchanges, Instagram stalking and you know…normal stuff. It all culminated in a confessional drunk text in my first year of University and a talk over coffee which ended in a “see you around Rufaro”. It was not the stuff of epic romances or even a romance at all but I was, sort of, heartbroken. Sometimes my heart still does a thing when I see him and all I can hope is that the look on my face doesn’t give me away.    I have been thinking a lot about the whole debacle with Green Eyes lately as I recently got involved with another man of his ilk - lanky, wears ill-fitting jeans and probably listens to Earl Sweatshirt. This particular predilection of mine has led me down bizarre paths that in turn make for great conversation starters when having drinks with the girlies but ultimately, it has led to my downfall.  “Downfall” may be a rather strong and dramatic word however I have always had a flair for the dramatic, and the events of my life seem to constantly follow suit. 

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'dying swan - natalia marakova' in max waldman on dance: photographs (1988)

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graham hughes in shoes in vogue since 1910 - christina probert (1981)

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'phaedra - peggy lyman' in max waldman on dance: photographs (1988)

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Guy Bourdin - Polaroid (1970's)

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Hiro - Donna Mitchell Wearing a Dress by Ektor (Harper’s Bazaar 1967)

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anok yai for self service magazine april 2021

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Yayoi Kusama, Self-Obliteration by Dots (detail) , 1968

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Yayoi Kusama - Happening at Kusama’s Studio, New York, 1968. Photo by Bill Baron

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FRUiTS Magazine (2000)

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William Klein - Juliette Marglen Lipstick Ad (Vogue 1957)

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stef mitchell for i-D

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Anya Taylor-Joy wearing Dior, photographed by Georges Antoni for Harper’s Bazaar UK, December 2022/January 2023.