iamthescalesofjustice - Tumblr blog

[iamthescalesofjustice]

Bard casts vicious mockery: “Hag-shouldered scum-vestige!”

Graphic designer casts vicious mockery:

[Another 100% fake cover to go along with the first one. Note, no burn intended on Withers here! He’s currently the most sought-after party planner in Faerun.]

[iamthescalesofjustice]

it will never stop delighting me that ive somehow and without intent or action on my part gone from my high school days of carrying both a real permit and fake license not for the usual fake id purposes (was not driving, going to clubs, buying alcohol, going to R movies, etc) but for the purpose of provoking questions about and contemplation of the nature of identity, the role and impact of government and official documentation on the concept of identity, and for the lolz (wouldnt it be funny if i died and they harvested my organs bc the fake id said i was an organ doner but the real one doesnt? yeah it doesnt really work that way but the very concept amused my friend group), to having a singular fake/not fake license which was officially issued to me from the actual dmv by mistake and contains a legal name, sex marker, and picture which bear no resemblance to anything ive been known by in over a decade (and even then were not accurate hence the interrogation of identity as a concept), which i did not pass or even attempt any driving test (practical or otherwise) to obtain. is this a fake id? does this count as real? real in what sense? is this more real or more fake than either my permit or my high school fake id?

[iamthescalesofjustice]

my mother: you really did very good with [the Event]. i know it was hard

me, toneless: thank you. i allowed it to pass over me and through me. i was not there. i performed the correct emotional gestures. my body was a mass of pain that i inhabited. and thats all.

my cousin i hardly get to see ever, who is one of the only reasonable people in this family, emerging from the side from a room i did not know she was in: *surprised, concerned face* 😧

me, remembering to sound normal: ...alright im going back to sleep 👍 bye

[iamthescalesofjustice]

to me there’s nothing that isn’t funny charming and romantic about grey wardens regularly eating darkspawn to sustain themselves in the deep roads and alistair and the warden having to figure that part out independently

[iamthescalesofjustice]

[iamthescalesofjustice]

you and your bestie [incomprehensible]

[iamthescalesofjustice]

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

[iamthescalesofjustice]

died and came back exactly the same but something was so so so wrong with me before and now I have an excuse to really lean into it

[iamthescalesofjustice]

trying to justify some tavs being in charge of their parties is so funny. Tadhg, my bardtav is definitely a perfect leader. Wode, my dark urge, in her present state not so much.

I just imagine she got put in charge because she’s so devastating in combat. She met Lae’zel first and wasted those imps, so Lae’zel was like alright, lead on. She freed Shadowheart, which won her over. Then she met Astarion, who saw Lae’zel and Shadowhesrt following her so he decided she must be in charge and that he needed to manipulate her favor. Met Gale next, who asked who was in charge and the other three vaguely indicated Wode, and Gale was just happy to come along

so by the time they got to the Grove and met Wyll, Gale was like, “this is our leader, Wode”

and Wode, whose brain was bleached in a heavy duty sanitizing wash cycle and then put in a blender and whose only remaining personality trait is an undeserved sense of superiority was like

“yes. I am in charge.”

[iamthescalesofjustice]

*Takes you by the shoulders* I ADORE character profiles and character trivia and likes and dislikes sections. I love knowing this ruthless, heartless, cruel man of a character has a childish dislike for mandarin oranges. I believe in the inherent beauty of making all characters, no matter the background or moral stance, being made fundamentally human by assigning them insignificant culinary preferences. I stand by the supremacy of humanizing villains by giving them relatable tastes and trivial interests and ordinary hobbies. I treasure the hidden reminders that everyone is inherently human even when everything else we know about a character might suggest the contrary.

[iamthescalesofjustice]

fuck it whatever. ill talk about some of it.

nearly six years after the death and a guy flew in from halfway across the country to stand at a podium and tell a room full of people (most of whom also flew in from all over the country or from outside it) that my dad (his boss) called him 'hey shithead' and made him order batches of commemorative knives for people. he relayed this with a profoundly respectful air and it was met with genuine positive response.

the program included multiple jokes about the office alcoholism, and also a bordering on absurd, but completely serious moment where giant pictures of mushroom clouds were displayed and [redacted] said "this didn't happen to us bc of him".

overall a very weird fucking weird day.

[iamthescalesofjustice]

ohhh the Event was very [redacted]. and now the people pile into my house, while i am laid low by debilitating pain from stress-induced involuntary muscle cramping

[iamthescalesofjustice]

Rewatched the Howl's Moving Castle movie (fantastic animated movie, definitely inspired by more than an adaptation of the book) while doing something else and I was struck this time by the fact that the Prince (Turniphead the Scarecrow) says that he intends to go tell his king to call off the war, but THEN he intends on COMING BACK to Ingary to shoot his shot with Sophie again because (as he says to the flirtatious Witch of the Wastes) "hearts change".

And maybe he will come back to make Sophie an offer of marriage and then leave again when he's turned down, but I imagined for a moment that the Prince (who is possibly the movie's version of Prince Justin, so let's call him Justin) might just... move back into Howl's house without asking and stay there. There are several cases of precedent for this. Also, as Turniphead, he's shown several times helping Sophie with laundry, or playing with Markl, or helping the Witch of the Wastes move around, and Sophie deserves that kind of help around the house! Howl isn't going to reliably do chores.

And you know what? I think Howl would be into that shit. There's something very Wynne-Jonesian about it all still. It's tempting to write a post-canon fic about this situation from the movie with an extra dash of flavoring from the books. Like:

This is the infamous wizard Howl Pendragon/Jenkins, a vain draft-dodging flirt who likes to build moving castles to evade taxes too. The beautifully angry young woman with the silver hair over there is his wife, Sophie Hatter, who may or may not be an extremely powerful witch, but right now she's dusting and do not get in her way. This is Calcifer, the fire demon who used to have Howl's heart and is arguably his other life partner and also might be in love with Sophie, and this is arguably kind of actually his house. The old lady smoking a cigar over there is Howl's ex-girlfriend and former nemesis, the Witch of the Wastes, who now lives in their house. This is Markl, Howl's apprentice, kind of his kid, and there is no explanation of where he comes from or what happened to his parents. The dog used to be(?) the Royal Wizard's spy (Howl used to be her apprentice and potential successor) but now he also just lives here. And that's Prince Justin of Strangia, Sophie's house-boyfriend. Don't listen to the propaganda, he wasn't kidnapped by a heart-eating wizard; he used to be a cursed scarecrow and now he wants to be here to help Sophie do laundry. He's trying to homewreck and Howl thinks it's both funny and hot.

[iamthescalesofjustice]

imo they should fill the Chicago rat hole because it is a safety hazard but they should use a precious metal like silver or gold

[iamthescalesofjustice]

i think the fact that you literally have to get help from a demon to pass your harrowing may imply it is teaching a few of the wrong messages

[iamthescalesofjustice]

its important to do this every time a museum or school thinks this is a good idea

[iamthescalesofjustice]

the way there are chantry sisters in lowtown asking for coin from sex workers and claiming they can offer no help to beggars because they are only “simple servant[s] of the maker” and the chantry in hightown looks like That and outside it fenris mentions that in tevinter a tithe is paid to the chantry for every slave sold, and how do you think this one was built in a city like emerius, i mean, kirkwall. but anyway i digress