ideepperson
Earth, 71% of it / thalassophilous
Neither earth nor ocean produces a creature as savage and monstrous as woman
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the thought of you
i dont want to lie, but it still hurts up to this day. The thought of you keeps haunting me, how I wish to just disappear for a while until all the pain is gone. If only I could take all these pain away from within then give it to you. Sometimes I want curse and blame you for everything I go through, because trust me SOBRANG SAKIT. You will never know how I truly feel, because it didnt happen to you. You may think to yourself youre lucky because youre not the one suffering. Are you happy everytime you make me feel bad about something or little thing that I did not even do? does it give satisfaction whenever you poke fun of my feelings, or emotions? I cannot forget that time we went back to Manila from Palawan, just because I didnt pay for the extra baggage, youve range out your anger towards me. Even before I walked into the entrance of the mall, I already felt nauseous and about to throw up. I thought I could manage of buying my own medicine, but they told you to accompany me going to Watsons. I can see it through your eyes that youre not convinced that Im not feeling well, all you thought that Im just faking it. You cannot even have the decency to look after me, knowing that youre my “boyfriend”. You don’t seem to care enough about what I felt that time. You just shrugged me off, and misjudge me by my actions to overreacting. Well, even I can’t seem to have the strength to pull myself together, I still have this concern towards you. I did not give in to that red flag youve acted or shown towards me, instead I still loved you the same way. I was being blinded by my love for you, because its all that matters to me that time. Actually, there are many red flags that I should’ve took the audacity to let go but the things you do for love right? I still cling unto you, I still ran after you, I still stayed. The thought of you sometimes remind me of those days, you were not good for my mental health. Whenever I think of you, the most memories that flashes back to me are those moments where you don’t give credit to all my good works, times you took me for granted, times you have become selfish towards me, days where you shut me off, I wonder where the good times at? As much as I wanted to think about the good times we had together, your toxicity came popping in. I wish I can undo the past, and never have settled for less than I deserve. Maybe were still good friends until today, if not only by confessing the feelings I have for you. I shouldve just kept it to myself, I shouldve not told you, then it wouldnt be this painful for me. I lost a friend and a boyfriend at the same time, THANKS TO YOU!
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Breathe in. Breathe out.
I use this mantra when it comes to difficulties. i love, i forgive, i release. It may seem too simple, but as I tend to be a resentful and jealous person, this mantra helps me a lot to stay peaceful and calm. I hope sharing it with you may help you too ❤
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10.04.20 // celebrating being awake and working before noon. My favourite unhealthy coping mechanism is hypersomnia!!
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a gentle reminder that you’re safe - safe from memories, people who hurt you, and things from the past that make you feel bad about yourself. they aren’t real, they don’t define who you are. be gentle to yourself as you heal - this compassion will protect you and help you move on as a new person. you can begin again, lighter, without burdens, but growth and learned lessons.
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I love listening to so much music, I’ve heard some of the most heartbreaking songs, the most rocking songs, the most eclectic songs, the stupidest songs, the strangest songs, the hardest songs, the most intimate songs, the biggest hits and the most obscure pieces of music available, but to narrow it down to one song? I have songs that connect to my emotions but upon hearing "TRIBES" by Victory Worship, believe me paulit ulit kong pinapakinggan and theres a great feel of goosebumps when "Wala Kang Katulad O Diyos" entered. I get teary-eyed palagi sa “There is no one like our God”. I can still remember when we used to sing it on our church service. I really love the song. It's a great declaration of faith, Indeed Lord. There is no one like YOU!
PS: would also love to include "Awan Kapadam O Diyos" in ilocano hehe
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