idekanymorewhy-blog

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No more posting on this blog, but I’m too attached to delete it :)

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none of my “friends” ever want  to do anything that doesn’t directly benefit themselves. like sure i can goad everyone into going out places to eat especially if i choose a place they all like, but the second i ask people to go do something just because I like it, all i get is “sorryyyy i’m super busy for the next 3 months uwu” and this is on top of the fact that i’m the only one who ever initiates plans. like i definitely won’t just be invited to things; i have to make the plans. i just realized that i havent gone bowling in like 4 years, and that’s not for lack of asking people!!! the last time that i went bowling with friends was first year of college when i got all my h.s. friends together for it. the only more recent time was the one time that i forced myself to go with the club at my school. why does no one like me enough to actually do things with me???? 

this whole pity party was started tonight when my friend made an offhanded comment about bowling so i was like “omg but really. we should go bowling. we dont have classes tomorrow it’s perfect” and literally not even a seconds hesitation before she shot me down. just fuuucccckkkkkkkk. 

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it’s kind of amazing how i don’t have a single friend who even comes close to being as weird as I am. like in any way. every one of my friends is just so normal. and here I am, running a g/uro blog, ever-expanding my list of kinks, and tweaking my fetl/ife account. I barely even have any friends who are anything besides he/tero. like how did this happen. i’m not even sure what my orientation is but i’m at least on the a/ce spectrum, i’m mainly attracted to dudes, but not against girls, but not interested in either of them se.xually really, i’m way open to a poly relationship, i would be more than content to go my entire life without s.ex, i adamantly do not want to ever have my own children, and honestly my interests in general are just pretty out there.  meanwhile 99% of my friends are as he/tero as you can possibly be and would never be caught dead talking about kin/ks or anything of the like.

[idekanymorewhy-blog]

You know what's fun? Walking through campus trying not to start sobbing.

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is it really so much to ask for the same kindness and courtesy and respect that I give out to be returned to me? is that really too much? 

I’ve been in such a good mood lately, not in the least because my best friend finally realized she missed me after 8 months. But I’ve been so happy and just so content lately, and I’ve been extra nice to everyone around me and all of my friends. Going way out of my way to help and to just make other people’s lives easier. Doing little things that I know will make them happy. Not to say that I’m normally mean or rude. I’m always nice to everyone, but lately I’ve just been totally going out of my way. and I ask for maybe one or two favors here and there and I’m shot down. I ask for favors that would literally pose no inconvenience to the people I’m asking them of and yet, they refuse. 

Why is it so fucking much to want the people who I call my friends to treat me like they are my friend every once in a while? why? I don’t understand. 

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doing daily chores and other things that are required does not make you a “good person” it makes you a decent human being at best. i’m not going to thank you for cleaning the toilet when it was your turn, i’m not going to thank you for vacuuming a room when I mopped the kitchen, i’m not going to thank you for putting away the dishes one time when i put them away 3x more often than i should be doing it, i’m not going to thank you for doing your own gd dishes when they’ve been sitting in the sink far longer than is appropriate.

just be a decent human being, yeah?? 

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can’t post this on my other and don’t really have anywhere else to post this even tho this also isn’t the correct blog lmfao. 

idk what the heck was wrong with my brain today, but it was just constantly in a weird place. like my first class was at noon and I’m just sitting in the class spacing out, mind wandering, and the next thing I know I’m thinking about the fact that I really only have a single sexual fantasy and it’s soo vanilla tbh lmao. i’m just so intrigued by the aesthetic of like sitting in a guy’s lap, while i’m wearing a skirt and just like the fact that i could just be sitting on a dick and to an outsider it wouldn’t look like anything untoward was goin on. i say that’s my fantasy, but i’m also ace as fuck so it doesn’t really get me goin, I just realllyyyy like the aesthetic of it lmfaoo but then I also started thinking about the fact that I want a d/o/m, and like how the hell do you even go about getting into that. but i’m really into the idea of giving over control of myself for a while to someone else, just not having to decide things for myself for a bit. the whole concept of all that stuff just seems so gd freeing to me. i love the submitting aspect, the claiming aspect, honestly humiliation stuff seems p nice too. but I also just really want to feel like i belong to someone. like the idea of someone putting a collar on me is just A++++, like I would absolutely love either a really really simple collar that could be worn on the daily and worn out in public without /really/ being recognizable, or something that could be worn as a bracelet when out in public but worn as a collar all other times. Now, i’d been thinking about this in my first class also, but I occasionally think about this one, and it gets developed a bit more every once in a while. but so I’d basically just stopped thinking about it and then i see a classmate is literally wearing a dog collar and I was dyinggggggg, like I could not even believe what I was witnessing, but like also I was so curious! and a teensy bit envious tbhhh. it was such a bizarre coincidence.  and then, mostly last night, but also a bit today, I was thinking about the fact that I feel most comfortable identifying as a.ce, but if we’re being 100% accurate I would probably be de.mi. but it’s so so stupid because I literally only feel sexual attraction to 2 people I’ve ever seen. One of them is a guy from a band and one of them is a cosplayer I found on here. and like defining my feelings towards them as ‘sexual attraction’ probably isn’t even accurate because I still am not really thinking about them in a way that I would want to have sex with them. well, not the cosplayer at least. band dude I would 100% bang if given the chance. like I have had a crush on him for years at this point. but it’s weird because both of them “market” themselves in a way that they want people to desire them like that. So it’s probaly really only like 40% that’s what I’m actually feeling and 60% that’s what I feel like I should feel.

on a lighter, but related note: I kinda have a crush on a boy! he’s really really cute and has this adorable accent and he’s way smarter than me because he goes to my school. i’m also like absolutely de.mi or a. romo too. so any time I even kinda get a crush on someone it’s pretty exciting to me hahaha

welp, this has been oversharing-to-the-extreme hour and I really hope no one ever actually reads this. but...like it if you did i guess

[idekanymorewhy-blog]

“In previous films, you had very fast, flashy jumpy fights scenes where it’s like a ballet. There had been a lot of flynning, which is where the duelists do a lot of fancy movements to make sure they’re constantly hitting each other’s weapons. When you draw the fights out like that, the weapons feel less and less dangerous.  Kylo uses his saber more like a large broadsword–with weight behind it. Kylo Ren’s strikes feel dangerous and crushing.

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[idekanymorewhy-blog]

How are you so wise???

trauma

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“Solo”

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Hannibal + Textposts

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(by Adrian Sky)

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is he………you know…….*makes football throwing motion*….straight?

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— my love should wear a warning sign, damn right I remember you     |e.j.|

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