idk-why-im-like-this-12

[idk-why-im-like-this-12]

Oh boy, here we go with my first post, it's very long but it would help a lot if someone could give me their opinion on the matter

Since I'm young, my life and thoughts are still some big wips

I'm asexual, and for me the most hard thing to comprehend is if I like a person look in an aesthetic way, or if I have some kind of kink. Because I love a young adult who is considered "not actractive" just because it's fat, but I thinks he's beautiful

We're both repulsed by genitalia and we're not interested in carnal activities. When we're alone we just watch videos, play videogames, cuddle and kiss. And I find it perfect like that.

We share lots of interest and we've been together for 5 years (and also lately I told him that I like him when shaved, he lookeded at me with an happy face and told me that's good to know, since then he started shaving his face more often)

But lately odd thoughts came to my mind, like I want to put my face on his belly because it looks so soft and smooth kinda like those mochi minky plushies and idk how to feel

So I did some research, it seem that if I like fat man I'm a FFA, so I looked at the tag FFA here on Tumblr, and I'm even more confused if I have some kind of kink or not, I never did the dj moves under the sheets (aka how female touch themself) and all tose pics made me feel different feeling, some good and some other bad

Good because I find someone who like big guys in my same way, I've seen other Asexual FFA here, who just love to hug their kind giant and kiss them

Bad because I'm afraid the situation could get off the hand, like what if he think I love him only for his look or if he thinks that's a joke (he was bullied for long time due his weight) and idk how he could react

Also I'd like to specify that I like him as he is, so I won't make him gain weight (we see eachother like one day at week and the rest on Discord calls, and we're still too young to go live by ourselves, so yeah, it would be hard to do anyway)

I'm some kind of pervert? Or I'm just very confused?