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Week 5 PBL Installment

Casey Minarcik

IDS 202

I’m not sure how I would identify my worldly identity. To be honest, I’m not sure that anyone ever really knows. I know that I have my faith, and the hope that I hold onto during difficult situations. If I were to choose one word to describe my lifestyle, I think I would choose “fearless”. I don’t mean it in the sense that I have no fear because I certainly do, as does everyone else. I have learned through every hardship and loss that life goes on and it is still important to find the beauty in the small things. That is why I particularly liked the first video, “Want To Be Happy? Be Grateful.” The entire lecture talks about how you need to stop and enjoy the moments that you can in life which is something that I happen to be working hard on lately. It was very refreshing to hear it out loud from someone else.

My main responsibility in life are to be the best person I can be, first and foremost. Sometimes I feel like I could change the world, if I wanted to. I feel like I am put here on this earth, for a reason. I chose graphic design as a major and that is something that I am proud of and excited for, but at the same time, I sometimes feel like I should be doing something bigger and more impactful on other people’s lives rather than just my own. I can’t be the only one who feels like this but it isn’t something that people normally talk about. In the video, “Want To Be Happy? Be Grateful.”, Monk David Steindl-Rast says,

“But I didn't say we can be grateful for everything. I said we can be grateful in every given moment for the opportunity, and even when we are confronted with something that is terribly difficult, we can rise to this occasion and respond to the opportunity that is given to us. It isn't as bad as it might seem. Actually, when you look at it and experience it, you find that most of the time, what is given to us is the opportunity to enjoy, and we only miss it because we are rushing through life and we are not stopping to see the opportunity.” (1)

That sort of lesson is something that I have been practicing for a few years now and I believe it whole heartedly. Even in the darkest of times, you can find light if you really take the time to slow down and look for it.

In Chapter 31 (XXXI) it says, “Above all things, let him be humble; and if he hath not the things to give, let him answer with a kind word, because it is written: ‘A good word is above the best gift’" (2). I am a care taker by nature. I am the type of person who never wants anyone to feel left out and never wants anyone’s feelings to be hurt. I will always be the person who wears herself thin trying to make sure that everyone else is happy and unfortunately that ends up leaving me stressed and unhappy. When I was about 13 years old, my parents split up which would lead to their divorce. During that time, I took on the role, or at least I’d felt like I had, as the Band-Aid that held everything together. So I understand what it means to be the person entrusted with something for the good of others. I held onto the strength everyone else needed.

There are a lot of things in my life that I am grateful for. I am grateful for my health, my family, my boyfriend of 4 years, a wonderful job that has flexibility around my school and personal schedule, as well as the loyalty of real friends that I have made over the last few years. Bad things happen to good people all of the time and that’s something that can be hard to understand which is why I’ve learned to be grateful for the small things. It keeps me mindful and focused on the things that really matter in life. The TED Talks videos mainly focus on gratefulness and religious extremism. The “Love of Christ and Neighbor” and “Prayer” focus more on, and it’s sort of self-explanatory, love and prayer. Ultimately, the thing that I think they most have in common is the fact that there is something to believe in, whether that may be a belief in religion, love, prayer, or hope. All of those things are important because if you have something to hold onto and believe in, you can feel gratitude and you can be happy because that’s what we all want, isn’t it?

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and after watching the first video about Urie Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Perspective, I realized that my belief might be more true than not. According to Bronfenbrenner’s theory, the beginning stages of your life are reflected upon by your memories and interactions with certain people. The first stage is called the Microsystem, and all of the other systems stem from it. The Microsystem is filled with specific types of interactions within the first few years of your life; i.e. family, health services, school/daycare, neighborhood play area, peers, and religious institutions. In the first video we were instructed to watch, Urie Bronfenbrenner & Ecological Systems Theory (3), it explains that in the Microsystem, a “child forms social relationships, takes part in activities that build cognitive or physical skills, experiences personal successes and failures, and is socialized first-hand through personal experience”.

Now, the second layer, according to Bronfenbrenner, is called the Mesosystem. In the first video, (3), it perfectly describes this system by stating, “the relationships of the Mesosytem can be conceptualized as forming a web around the child, with the strength of the web being represented by the degree to which the different Microsystems communicate and work together in the child’s interests”. So, to better explain it, the Mesosytem is filled with particular situations and interactions and these occur because of the interactions from the first system, which was the Microsystem. In the second video, Bronfenbrenner’s Theory (4), it gives a good example which makes it easier to understand. It says, “if there’s trouble with interactions in one microsystem, this can affect others. An example would be if an individual has troubles with their family life, they might also have trouble with other authority figures”. In my opinion, this explanation made it easier to understand given the fact that I had a hard time comprehending this theory.

I believe there are many relationships that kids make during their micro and mesosystems. I can’t remember many friends I had at a super young age. I had some friends in preschool that I remember but none that I can say really made much of an impact on me. Of course, my family was the most important and had the greatest impact on me; my parents, sister, cousins and grandparents. My teacher in 3rd grade ended up being a big influence in my life. We ended up staying in touch and she eventually became like an aunt to me. It wasn’t until middle school and high school that I’d say I learned more about friendship. I became friends with a girl named Anne in 4th grade and to this day, we are still friends. We may not talk all of the time but at the end of the day there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.

When I started high school, I became friends with a group that’s known each other since kindergarten. To say that I felt like I had a hard time fitting in is an understatement. One of the biggest lessons I’ve ever had to learn was because of this specific group of people. They treated me badly, badly enough that I left high school having no one. They were malicious, judgmental, and devious. The thing that I had to learn, that I still sometimes struggle with, is how to accept an apology that I never got. That is something that a lot of people have to come to grips with at some point in their lives and it’s a very important learning experience.

I believe that my experience have lead to the maturity level that I have reached. There is a level of emotional intelligence that everyone must reach. In the reading, The Five Components of Emotional Intelligence (5) by Daniel Goleman, he explains the five different requirements for “emotional intelligence”. Those five components consist of: self-awareness, self-regulation, internal motivation, empathy, and social skills. Each of these terms are pretty self-explanatory. You need to have a strong and stable emotional core in order to successfully gain a level of emotional intelligence. I believe that at the end of the day, each and every one of us will get where we need to be. According to Chapter IV of The Rule of St. Benedict (6), there are 72 “instruments of good works”. I will not list all of them because that would be too much to type and too much to read. As a summary, I can tell you that all of the instruments have the same concept. They range from “to help in trouble” to “to hate no one”, giving them all the idea of religious humility and consideration. I believe that this specific chapter has one specific connection to the one Hallmark - Stability (7). Stability has been a common theme throughout all of these videos and readings. Emotional stability, being the main concept.

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about the word “psychology” is AP Psychology, which is a class that I took back when I was in high school. I remember hours of studying and constantly making note cards for the hundreds of terms we were required to remember. One thing that I have never heard of before is “positive psychology”. Positive psychology, according to Christopher Petersen Ph.D. (8),

“Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living. It is a call for psychological science and practice to be as concerned with strength as with weakness; as interested in building the best things in life as in repairing the worst; and as concerned with making the lives of normal people fulfilling as with healing pathology”.

Upon doing some reading on the topic, I’ve learned a bit about positive psychology. I have learned that it is something that is not talked about often and therefor people are usually pretty uneducated on the topic. After reading Petersen’s article on the highs and lows of positive psychology, I moved on to the TED Talks Video, The New Era of Positive Psychology by Martin Seligman, and his ideas were pretty similar to Petersen’s. There is one thing that I really liked about his lecture. It really made it easier to understand. He says,

“I've spent my life working on extremely miserable people, and I've asked the question: How do extremely miserable people differ from the rest of you? And starting about six years ago, we asked about extremely happy people. How do they differ from the rest of us? It turns out there's one way, very surprising -- they're not more religious, they're not in better shape, they don't have more money, they're not better looking, they don't have more good events and fewer bad events. The one way in which they differ: they're extremely social”. (9)

There is so much to learn from just those few sentences. The people that are miserable, you would think they have all of these issues and are so much more different than those who are not. Although, according to these studies and interviews, the only difference between the people who are miserable and the people who aren’t is that the people who are not are more sociable. If you ever have a bad day, but you spend only 10 minutes or so talking to someone and acting happy, generally it’ll put you in a better mood. At least that’s what I associate it with.

I think my workplace thought process is definitely more strength-based rather than problem based. I’ve worked at quite a few different places where coworkers or customers are not nice to you and I think I have grown because of that. The first job I ever had was at a family-owned UPS store across the street from my house. I was there for about a year and a half before I finally put in my two week notice. The family who owned it seemed to be the type to think that they were better than everyone else and that’s not the way I choose to be. They would talk meanly behind my back, yell at me in front of customers if I made a mistake, and would constantly embarrass me to the extent that I would call my parents crying. It took me a long time to work up the courage to finally let them know I was leaving and I believe that affected my attitude moving forward.

About a year and a half ago, I was working at another place that was almost as bad as my job at UPS. I was working at Sullivan’s Steakhouse in Downtown Naperville after my friend got me a job. I was there for just over two years. When I first started, everyone seemed really nice and personable and I really felt like I was appreciated and respected. Unfortunately, after about a year in, I started to see the true colors of a lot of people; some people I considered friends. I was made fun of, disrespected, and treated as if I were completely incompetent when I felt that I had worked harder than anyone else there. I used to cry before going into work because I knew it would be five or six hours of what I felt to be torture. I took the abuse for another year until we had a new manager come in. He was a terrible person who I believe wanted to do nothing but boss people around and make people feel badly about themselves. I only lasted a month into his management before one night when I was blamed for another coworker’s wrong-doing, I finished up my shift that evening and walked back into the office afterwards and quit. It took a very long time for me to quit Sullivan’s although I had wanted to for a very long time. I am naturally a very anxious person and I felt like I would some how get in trouble if I quit or put in my notice. But that night, it was the last straw. I truly could not take the stress and anxiety anymore. It had become a toxic environment and it was a place I could no longer work at.

Because of how I was treated at those two jobs, I truly believe that it made me a stronger worker and I know how to be treated properly and at the end of the day, you do not need to put up with people treating you with disrespect. I definitely have more of a strength-based attitude. I believe this is a good transition into the TED Talks: “Why the Only Future Worth Building Includes Everyone," by His Holiness Pope Francis. This video lecture summarized is a perfect example of how you should treat people.

In the video, he tells a story about a good samaritan. It is about a man who was robbed and beaten and left for dead on the side of the road. There was a priest and a Levite walking by and instead of helping the helpless man, they just kept walking. Not long after, a gentleman who is of ethnic background that was despised at the time, walked up and stopped to help the man. He cleaned him up and brought him to a brothel and paid to have the man taken care of. Pope Francis says, “The story of the Good Samaritan is the story of today’s humanity. People's paths are riddled with suffering, as everything is centered around money, and things, instead of people. And often there is this habit, by people who call themselves "respectable," of not taking care of the others, thus leaving behind thousands of human beings, or entire populations, on the side of the road. Fortunately, there are also those who are creating a new world by taking care of the other, even out of their own pockets. Mother Teresa actually said: ‘One cannot love, unless it is at their own expense’”. (10) I believe this one hundred percent. People nowadays will act kind to your face but when you are in need of help and reach out your hand, they’ll pretend they never saw it. It really is a shame nowadays how people seem to only care about themselves. If everyone cared about everyone, the world would truly be a much different, safer, and better place. I’ve had my share of mean friends and fake friends and because of it, I believe I have become a much stronger person and I know I will never be like those people.

Based off of the Humility and Hospitality hallmarks, I think it is pretty self explanatory what those are going to be about. Humility is most likely my favorite thing to talk about. My favorite people are the ones who are most humble. That for me is a quality that I immediately look for. There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than someone who is cocky and self absorbed. Save that for someone else, am I right?! I truly believe everything we were required to read and watch for this weeks assignments all centered around the idea of humility - being there for others, not putting yourself first. Those are traits that I think are amazing and I hope to find in more people.

For the first part of this assignment, we were asked to integrate the Hallmark of Community and Stewardship into becoming more involved in world-wide problems and after reading through the list of macro system phenomena, I would say that becoming involved is rather easy. In order to integrate these world-wide problems into a Hallmark of community, I as well as others around me need to simply care about these topics. We need to recognize them as true problems and not just believe them to be myths. From what I have heard and seen of other people around me is that many of us simply ignore these problems and expect them to just go away without our own input. For our community, the world, we need to start recognizing these phenomena for what they are. When it comes to actually doing something to make a problem better, there are some that are easier to do than others. But it is actually taking action against these global problems that helps us integrate the Hallmark of Stewardship into our lives. The United States has a ban on CFC’s (Chlorofluorocarbon gases) due to their effect on the ozone layer (11). By making sure that we follow rules that are set in place to help with world-wide problems like the depletion of the ozone layer, we are integrating the Hallmark of Stewardship.

After looking through the list of the United Nations Sustainable Development goals, I would say that the goal of spreading science is the most meaningful. I believe that through the spread of science and technology that the world will be able to come together to fix problems a bit more easily and more efficiently. Through the spread of science, there are more minds that are potentially being untapped. When more minds get together, there will be better odds in solving the problems that we face as the population of Earth. Through the spread of science, we are able to tackle more Macro and Micro system problems, from the ozone layer thinning to weeding out certain disease from areas that did not have any technology. By making science more readily available for countries that normally wouldn’t be able to obtain it, we as the human race will only thrive.

The Appreciative Inquiry system can be used in basically anything in life where a team-like structure would help to achieve a goal in the most efficient way. This system will work because of its steps. First, by showing people why a certain problem will affect them, they will begin to care and have an interest in the problem. Once people care, they will want to help fix the problem, this desire to help will only increase as they are shown that there are others that are suffering as well. As this process goes on, you will form a team of people who want to fix these problems that we read about. Through this system we are able to go from a group of individuals, to a team. This can be used in the workplace, in a home setting, or in a real-world problem setting like some of the articles that were presented to us in this reading.

I felt that a lot of the Benedictine Hallmarks were somewhat relatable to every one of us. We all have personal opinions and have encountered certain situations where each one of the Hallmarks has a certain reflection on ourselves. The two that I liked the most were Humility and Community. Anyone who know me, knows how much I am attracted to humility. I see it in my boyfriend all of the time and that’s one of the things that caused me to fall in love with him. I look for it in my friends, family, coworkers, and peers. In my opinion there is nothing more powerful or honorable than someone who is humble. It is such a simple and small character trait but it has such a big and overwhelmingly positive response.

The thing I liked about the Community Hallmark is the idea of togetherness. It’s easy to feel like you are alone at times. If you are going through something personally and you feel like there is no one you can talk to who would understand, you can tend to feel pretty lonely. I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been there at some point in our lives. But when I think of a community, I envision a large group of people who supports each other and are there for each other, especially during difficult times. There is no better feeling than knowing someone, or maybe multiple people are there for you when you need them the most. It feels like all of the weight that has been placed on your shoulders can be lifted off and carried by others.

Religion is a touchy topic for many but it’s always been pretty straight forward in my case. I grew up Catholic and still am to this day. I went to Catholic school from kindergarten all the way to eighth grade. I learned a lot in my time at that school but, unfortunately I can’t say that any of that information followed me after I’d graduated. I don’t know if there are any spiritual practices that I will implement after having been a part of this class. I pray at least every day, or whenever I feel that I need some sort of guidance. But other than that, that’s really as far as my own religion goes. I’m not the type of person to go to church. I have a hard time sitting through class for an hour and a half let alone a prayer service that lasts an hour and a half. I admire the people who do go to church. I think that’s wonderful but it’s just not for me and I’ve learned that that’s okay.

I have a lot of important people in my life right now. I have my mom, my dad, my step-dad, my sister, my boyfriend, and a handful of good friends. I am not sure how I am looked at by these people right now but I hope it’s in a positive light. If I had to pick one word that I would want my family and friends to think of when they think of me, it’d be “brave”. My name, Casey, actually means brave. I have been through quite a bit in my short (almost) 24 years. But, despite all of the hardships, I’ve come out stronger than ever. Each and every day I can feel myself get stronger and more fearless.

I struggle with anxiety and I have it pretty badly. I have been on medication since I was 7 years old and am still on it today. I also have a bit of a panic disorder which can be unsettling sometimes because I never know when it is going to flare up and when it does, all I can say is it quite honestly feels like I’m having a heart attack. It can be very scary but one thing I have learned is that I cannot let that define me. I cant be afraid of everything because I do not know when I am going to have a panic attack. Because of all that I have read about and taught myself, I have made incredible steps forward on not being anxious. I go places even though I know I probably will be anxious because I do not let it control me anymore. I face my fears head on and keep walking forward. And anyone with mental health issues will agree with me, nothing is more draining or defeating than trying to overcome something that is all made up and in your head in the first place. That’s why I like to think I am brave.

Aside from being brave, if there’s one other word that I am, it’s “late”. I tend to be late for everything which can be really frustrating because I try very hard not to be. I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and it can get me in trouble at times. If I am getting ready for work, I might stop and start thinking about something or do something and realize I just wasted 10 minutes. That is also something that I have been on medication for since I was young but I stopped taking the medicine a few years back.

One thing that really bothers me is the fact that I am almost always late for work. Back at my old job at Sullivan’s Steakhouse, I was never late. Ever. If you were, you would be written up. But now that I am working at Stonebridge Country Club, it is much lower-maintenance and things tend to be overlooked. Because of that, and the fact that I live a short vacation away, I tend to be about five minutes late for every shift. I can honestly say that I try very hard not to be but I always end up leaving the house later than I’d like because I usually need to give myself some extra time knowing that there will be traffic. I am going to continue to work on this, as simple as it may seem, because clearly I am still doing something wrong. But if there were one thing I would want to change about my work environment identity, that would be it. I don’t want to be known as “the girl who is always late”.

Although, there is one thing that I am always known as and it’s “the girl who cares too much”. I care way too much about people, including people I have no relation to whatsoever. I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings in any way and that generally ends in me being miserable because I don’t want anyone else to be. A perfect example would be Christmas. Over the holidays, I normally spend Christmas Eve with my dad and his side of the family and Christmas morning with my mom and her side of the family. But, my boyfriend and I have been together for four years now and both him and his family factor into the Christmas plans too. So, I plan everything out to make sure that I can spend the exact same amount of time with each family: my dad’s, my mom’s, and my boyfriend’s. But, not everyone likes the time slot they are given and it usually ends up blowing up in my face even though I am stretching myself thin to make sure no one feels left out. I am the type of person, that has a hard time even correcting someone because I don’t want them to believe that I think they are stupid in any way. I am a very emotional person and because of that, I often tend to put myself into other people’s shoes. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. It’s good because I am understanding and I am able to see someone else’s point of view if I am in the middle of a disagreement. But, it’s a downfall because I get too emotionally invested into things that I don’t need to be. That is how all of my family and friends see me. They know how much I care about other people and it’s important to me that they do.

I don’t really like to talk about myself and I know I don’t have enough that would cover an entire page. But if I were to give you a better idea of who I am as a person, I can do that. I am a strong person. I have been through a lot. I had an eating disorder due to anxiety at a young age and overcame that after a long time. Not long after that, my parents got divorced, leaving me to feel like I needed to take over as the care-giver in the house. I feel like I grew up quicker than I was supposed to. After I started high school, I was bullied, constantly. When I was a sophomore in high school, I was sexually abused. I was locked in a car with a guy and he forced me to do things that I didn’t want to do. I was afraid to protest because he was popular and I was always more of the quiet one. About a year later, I had my first real boyfriend, let’s call him X, and I thought I was in love with him. We were together for 8 months and then on and off again for the next two years. In that time, he repeatedly cheated on me, a few times with two of my best friends.

Senior year came around and all I could think about was how excited I was for prom. But when prom time rolled around, I had no one to go with. No date and no friends. I was in cheerleading all four years of high school and my group of friends were mainly cheerleaders and girls on the dance team. One of them spread a malicious and untrue rumor about me out of nowhere, and I lost all of my friends. I asked nine different guys to prom and every single one of them said no. One of the girls in my group of friends, was dating X’s twin brother, so I had to watch the two of them together at prom with my entire group of friends that I was invited to be a part of. Not long after that I started to self harm. I was so hurt and was drowning in my sadness and I didn’t know what else to do. I told no one about it because I had only two friends and it wasn’t something I wanted to open up to my family about. This continued for about six months until I finally opened up about it to my mom. I can proudly say I have not cut in five years.

At the very end of my senior year, I found out that my dad was an alcoholic. I had to find out the hard way by breaking into his house to find him drunk and passed out on the floor. It was my sisters 16th birthday and I had to spend it driving my dad to my grandma’s house so that she could watch him. I couldn't tell my sister about my dad because I didn’t want to scare her so I had to make up some sort of poor excuse for why I missed her birthday party. Of course, she was mad at me but that was better than her finding out. For the next two years, I spent every waking moment worrying about my dad. I would not go out on weekends so that he wouldn’t be home alone. I would make sure he was going to work, taking his medicine, making sure he was sober and cleaning up after him when he relapsed. I was the only one who was there for him which put a huge weight on my shoulders.

In October of 2013, my dad relapsed for the last time. I hadn’t heard from him in days and when I finally did, he was slurring. My current boyfriend and I drove over to his house and I’d asked him to stay in the car because I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable and I didn’t want to embarrass my dad. It was bad. And after I’d left, the next day I got very sick and it lasted for about two weeks. It’s almost funny to me to rethink about everything that has happened in those few years. It felt like everything was all happening at once and sometimes I don’t know how I even made it out of that. But I did, and I do get anxious from time to time but other than that, I am a happy, healthy, and strong young woman and I am proud of who I am today.

Works Cited

1.) TED Talks, Want to be Happy? Be Grateful, Benedictine Monk David Steindl-Rast

2.) The Rule of St. Benedict, Chapter XXXI, The Kind of Man the Cellarer of the Monastery Ought to Be

3.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01BnvOrEDPM

4.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me7103oIE-g

5.) https://web.sonoma.edu/users/s/swijtink/teaching/philosophy_101/paper1/goleman.htm

6.) https://www.ben.edu/center-for-mission-and-identity/resources/rule-of-st-benedict.cfm#ch4

7.) https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7CXeVxdG70sRkttNGxOM1RuV0E/view

8.) https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-good-life/200805/what-is-positive-psychology-and-what-is-it-not

9.) https://www.ted.com/talks/martin_seligman_on_the_state_of_psychology/transcript?language=en

10.) https://ben.desire2learn.com/d2l/le/content/317254/viewContent/1484261/View?ou=317254

11.) Peterson, L. (2016, July 14). Hole in the Earth's ozone layer Is finally closing up, NASA says. Retrieved August 23, 2017, from https://www.aol.com/article/2015/05/15/hole-in-the-earths-ozone-layer-is-finally-closing-up-nasa-says/21183880/

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