idunnowhereiam

[idunnowhereiam]

God, where are you?

By idunnowhereiam

It was laughable really, a tale as older than time

A God who reaches far and wide

Even now, he's still here from this rotten life

Still here, smiling and reaching mine

I used to think he was never going to hear

Even forget, the name that brought me here

From the scars I've chosen as cool and tame

From the way my heart felt so hollow, to things I couldn't quite name

I've done things he told me I shouldn't

Never felt so ashamed of the blood on my own skin that I felt I shouldn't care

What was once there, now washed yet dirtied again

I now realized, how shameful i looked and felt

Being a friend of the world that once hurts me

Was like a mask that ignored God in my choosing

My heart had never felt more like a rock

A hardened one that should have been struck

I give one reason that they won't like about me

Everyone scatters, loses interests and leaves

Then I showed many horrible sides about me

Yet I can't understand...why did God never leave?

I ran away from my own two feet

Because I felt more comfortable of the things I need to give up on

The things that hurt me most, things that broke me more

Then wonder what life is had I followed [him]?

It was really funny, a tragic comedy

Something I could smile about even when I shouldn't be proud of it

The flowers I've worked so hard for anyone to be impressed and I could give

Has the dirt that is never going to leave

Replace my tongue with cusses and about

Replace my head with nothing but a blob

I wonder, why God?

I wonder, where are you now??

To see me at my worst would you be disgusted?

To see me at my perverse, would you still loved?

To see me at my own desicions and expenses?

Would you still be here after everything I've done?

I could not even return without going back!

To the place that you told me I shouldn't go back

To the place that hurts me and settled for less

To the place that now makes me numb and gosh... what a mess

God, where are you?

Would you hide your face from me?

When you see the dirt on my feet?

When you see the thorns on my wrists?

When you see the rotten in flowers I've tried to give?

Comment "God's pov" if you want me to write a part 2, and in God's pov this time

[idunnowhereiam]

"He Washed My Feet"

By idunnowhereiam

In muddy water, needles and in tacks

I ran and I ran, barefoot on what's barely grass

My clothes were worn, my hands torn

I used to believe the mask I wore

That this ebony place was my light

Something I've seen in my entire life

Rules were always this, to steal,kill and strife

Sometimes I wonder, were my eyes so blind?

Then something- or someone reached out to me

A hand with a hole, it looked so clean

His smile was bright,greater than the sun's inside

He saw my gaze and said "Come, Follow me"

So I did!....Barely, I got lost and distracted

But he.....always stopped and waited

No matter the weeks, no matter the years

Until I followed his feet for the upteenth

I didn't know where we were going

He won't tell me until that's where we're standing

Often distracted, I run away with bloodied feet

From him, anyone - bored, lonely and quick

Once I get tired, he takes my bruised hands

Saying "Maybe we should never do that again"

He meant what I did to run away

From him, from anyone, just to meet my dismay

Once. Only once. I followed him

So he took me to the shore, of blue and whims

Soft and gold under my feet.

Full of lushes of waves, of skies and of trees

And I looked at him and really looked at him

I said "Why would you take me here?"

"Have you not known I am barren of nothing?"

"surely I don't have worthmore than these trees?"

He looked at me with those eyes

Smiling and patting my head, melting the ice

"What made you think that way?"

That you have nothing compared to these trees?"

He knelt down and looked at me in the eye

"what is worth more? A tree dying in the earth. Or you who will someday leave it?"

I hesitated. He smiled and hand his hands in my face

"I took you here, not because of who you were. But because I am"

He patted the rock, making me sit down on it.

"do you think I was going to do something different to you?" I nodded.

"no. I can't." He reassured, making me more confused

"I came here not for your demise, but for your peace". He said, kneeling down to hold my feet

My feet were worn, bruised and torn

Evident from wandering the world

Lost and confused, hurt and of suffering

Yet he gently took it, in his old holed hands

Moments passed by, he was washing my feet

By the water from the seas. It stung really

He chuckled when I winced, cleaning more gently

Curious, I asked. "Why are you washing my feet?"

"You won't understand it now, but you will soon"

"You don't belong where you want to be validated"

"I didn't make you be that way...yet the world had lied once again."

"you didn't need those things to be loved either.."

"So I want to bring you home. After this."

He said it so casually, it made me In disbelief

"I still don't understand...why?" I asked

He still smiled, "You'll understand. Soon."

Now as he finished cleaning my feet

I realized all of my bruises were gone and clean

I felt the softness of the sand, and the waves wetting it

I looked at the man's hand, as if he was waiting for us to walk again

I could've run away, bored and maybe afraid.

But I took it, and followed him again.

Despite my clothes or my flaws

He didn't say anything but a smile on my stead

I didn't realize that would change my life

I've made mistakes, oh lots of them

Me feet hurts a lot from all the walks I've ran

But him? He kept waiting. Washing it in my stead