if-confessions - Tumblr blog

[if-confessions]

Going non anonymous for this "confession"! I want to say thank you for hosting this space, it has been interesting seeing what comes up and the different opinions and concerns. Sometimes it's shifted my perspective in one direction or another but regardless I've always enjoyed your responses whether I entirely agreed with them or not!

I have a lot of love for advice blogs and my favourite posts were the ones where you offered your thoughts and suggestions; I was always impressed by how compassionate and patient you were. I'm sure that all that thought takes a lot of energy - if it's the time to wrap it up, that's absolutely fine and is your decision!

I imagine you have plenty on your plate with all the jam organising and such - best of luck with it all!

I've been keeping this one specifically as a last "confession"...

Thank you for the lovely message! I really appreciate it.

This... has been a journey. Some ups, some downs, quite a bit of discovering what people here think about IF and its community, realising the state of the community at large and how fragmented it really is when you poke at it a bit, and probably too much self-inserting myself into some answers while not enough into some others. Life lessons were learned and all that. I definitely spent too much time on some answers, that's for sure 😂

I hope it did more good than harm... but I have my doubts that I helped changed things for the better, honestly.

So yeah... that's a wrap.

[if-confessions]

Not a confession, but a thank you!! I wanted to let you know this was a nice idea and I enjoyed this tiny space to interact with other members of the IF community and share confessions and opinions. I totally understand you decision of closing it tho, just wanted to let you know I appreciated you created it in first place ❤️

Thank you <3

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I just wanted you to know that I've really enjoyed this blog!

I'm glad you did :)

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I actually have a question and idk who to ask so I'm asking here:

When making an IF, how do you fairly recruit playtesters/beta readers? I can't pay them but there are 10+ ROs so I need help, at least one person on each route.

If I were to make an application form, what would I even ask on it apart from 'are you interested in finding bugs/finding written errors/looking at the story itself and critiquing that' and 'which ROs do you want to focus on'. How would I narrow it down?

Seriously, I'm stuck.

Hey Anon,

That's essentially what beta forms have looked like on Tumblr, where IF authors have recruited fans or other creators to help out finding bugs and typos and such (we're usually helping one another). Very few of us can afford paying our playtester, so beta readers get to play the update before anyone else :)

Often a simple google form with basic contact info, what kind of testing they are best at (typo/coding/overall + special route if applicable), whether they beta tested before. It doesn't have to be extremely long and super detailed. But you can indicate in the questions descriptions what you are looking for. See screenshot under the cut for when I did it for @crimsonroseandwhitelily

After that, it's just a matter of promoting around (Tumblr/Forums/other socials) and choosing playtesters from who responded.

[if-confessions]

I'm so confused by the person implying that it's the company's fault that choicescript games get review bombed for using neopronouns or having lesbian protagonists? that's wild to me. that's like saying it's the fault of authors if people are gross about their games.

I constantly see aphobia, transphobia, homophobia, racism and gross fan entitlement within "IF Tumblr" which is mostly twine games that has zero connection with CoG. people should look at their own communities critically as well as the other IF spaces that they don't like

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[if-confessions]

I don't like CoG as a company, there version of public PR being distinctly authoritarian especially on their forums is just a disaster, but God is Choicescript easy to wrap my mind around. I've tried Twine soo many times but for whatever reason my brain doesn't want it to compute. Makes me sad that a wonderfully easy tool for IF comes hand in hand with having to decide if you even want to support the company, and their practices and general views, that makes it by using it.

For a ChoiceScript-like program, you might find Dendry interesting.

[if-confessions]

I've been in the IF fandom for almost two years now, and I don't think I've ever found a fandom I've liked as much. I like the community here, the stories, creativity, how diverse the games are compared to other media I see.

I like reading IF, but more than that I'd really to create an IF game myself. I've been creating stories since childhood and I've always wanted to tell them to other people. However, I was never able to find a suitable medium for doing so. Creating video games is a passion that met reality and died too fast, writing traditional books makes me incredibly anxious, and comic and visual novels require way too much drawing when I'm a concept artist at best. And IF... IF seems to be exactly what I was always searching for. But here's a twist.

I'm not a writer. I'm really not. The amount of writing that I've done that wasn't for my studies is... not a lot. Which makes me extremely self-conscious of my writing, and I'm a very anxious person to start with (and English not being my native language doesn't help). I just don't know where to start, I've never even written fanfiction. And then if I end up actually writing something and posting it for people to see, I'm afraid of what they'll say, of me not being good enough, or of people being uninterested in anything I create. It's dreadful really. And I know that this feeling is possibly shared by so many other people, but I just don't know what to do about it.

I had wanted to post this earlier, but Tumblr ate my essay again...

Welcome, Anon, to the wonders of IF! Have a seat, and a cookie, and enjoy the ride! It's quite the experience, you'll see...

Totes understand your worries. With so many good projects out there, it's easy to not feel... adequate (in writing or proficiency); and with many in the community having opinions, to be unsure whether to publish said work.

But here's the thing: many of us in the IF community (especially as hobbyist) have not studied writing (for a while or at all)* or are writers either, and quite a few of us are ESL (hi, hello!)**. So you are in very good company!! *sidenote: some of us consider ourselves game dev/creators before writers too. **Dear... you wrote an essay of an ask with no mistake (that I could find) - I would not have guessed you were not a native speaker, if you hadn't said it before.

To relieve those anxious feelings, here are some advice, from one ball of anxiety to another one:

You don't have to publish anything you don't want to have public. If you prefer to write for yourself and yourself only, it's more than fine. Having fun is what matters.

There are ways to "hide" your project from searches (on itch or tumblr) to have a bit more privacy, as well as disabling replies/comments/ratings...

Setting boundaries from the beginning with people interacting with your projects (whether it is in asks, or doing beta/feedback rounds/etc...) can also be quite helpful (even if some people don't follow them...).

Join writing groups and share snippets/ask for feedback. It's helpful to get some boosts of confidence and get pointers on how to improve.

Have beta/playtest rounds for longer feedback needs (like when you are ready to upload/update a demo, to catch bugs or typos and stuff).

Joining game jams with small projects can help with testing ideas/stories/gameplay, and get comments/feedback from people.

Anyway, we all start somewhere, and very often (most always) that somewhere is not good at all. But that's ok :) There's always room and time for improvement and change (until you're finally happy with it). The beauty of online games is that you can always tweak it and fix it when something doesn't feel right. Nothing is ever set in stone!

Good luck :)

[if-confessions]

This may sound meanspirited but I find it interesting that Cog touts itself as progressive and inclusive, but some of its players seem hostile to anything outside the cishet white norm. Ive seen this on the forum and Steam. For some reason it attracts petty, vitriolic reviews that rate a game one star for having ze pronouns or 'forced diversity'. Just look at the Google store reviews for Moonrise if you want to ruin your day.

To be fair I dont think thats entirely their fault. But I dont wonder why people have moved away from that particular space. Also its very telling that Cogs newest romance game doesnt even allow a binary trans MC despite previous games having that option.

I don't think low rating because of "forced diversity" is only a CoG issue, having seen similar comments on many itch games. These reviews might be more visible on platforms like Steam, due to its (vocal) demographic. And just because a company claims to be inclusive and progressive, doesn't mean its customers automatically are. Maybe knowing that, it could be an incentive for fan of those games to leave a rating/review? If you want to make the author's day or something, that's really a good way...

As for your last point, it sounds to me more of a coincidence more than anything? Whether they are published through the main labels or HostedGames, games can take months (sometimes even years) to be written, and coded, and playtested, and go through copyediting, and often even more months to be added to the publishing schedule (and it could still be postpone). I'm not even sure having diversity/representation is mandated for a game to be published?

(can't really comment on the Forum's vibe/ambiance, I don't really hang out there)

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I'm tired of gender/sexuality being seen as the only important parts of a character or like the cornerstone of someone's personality. It is in my humble opinion the least interesting part about someone and doesn't actually tell you anything about a person other than what they see themselves as (gender) or what they like to do or not do in the bedroom (sexuality). And while they do play some part in shaping a character's life it's really not all that fundamental in the overall picture.

Assuming that their gender/sexual identity is not explored/an important part of the character's journey/story (and even then), I frankly agree.

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Confession - I really roll my eyes at RO heights sometimes, especially because a lot of ROs seem to be trending on the tall side, and they keep getting taller and taller. Over 6 ft/183cm characters without Tall People Problems.

I know it's fiction but where is the back pain from being tall, slouching at computer desks, getting scrunched in cars, trains, planes, venues! Few things in the world are made for tall people - counters too short, beds too short, having to buy clothes online because normal sizes don't fit.

Tall = hot? But it's never really acknowledged ("Wow! You're tall!"). I suppose bringing it up too much bogs down the narrative with unnecessary detail. But still, characters are described as like 6'5" like it's nothing (even the world's tallest countries average 6ft).

[.]

[if-confessions]

Since there's nobody I can talk to about this

Just having a funny crisis where I come up with ambitious features I haven't seen in CS Games into a reworked version of my first project's demo

Seeing the code work brings me so much joy and motivates me even more to keep trying to get out of my block that I've been stuck in for the past few months

I'm halfway there and ready to release multiple demos at once when they're ready

Congrats Anon!

[if-confessions]

Ama be honest here. I dislike the IF community in general a lot. Maybe more specifically the whole COG community maybe.

My big problem is how toxic and entitled a lot of readers have become. Like one this is criticism that I think it's great, and the other is demanding an author to suit your specific personal tastes.

I'm a writer myself, and big reason I'm never working on an IF is the community.

Imagine your work your ass on doing a good narrative (Bacon's case for example) and people care is about romance and why you cannot have lesbian romance with X character.

As an author, I would get so pissed. I don't think a little bit of self inserting is necessary bad. But the community is self inserting into unhealthy ways, to the point that they need a big slap across the face and the urgent professional help.

I said it.

[Just adding that CoG is not the whole IF community, there are more groups out there, incl. language specific ones, where people are super chill and self-insert/customisation is not the norm]

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Just because something is a hobby doesn't preclude it from being something people treat seriously, in fact a hobby is more likely to be treated seriously by the people who enjoy it than something that isn't since it's something they pursue in their free time. Serious does not equal not having fun.

Nothing's wrong with treating a hobby seriously, neither is going at it with a silly manner, or any other manner*. There should be no expectation when going into a hobby aside from... finding if it is for you and if you do, how much free time you want to invest in it. *as long as it is not harming others...

If you have fun, and your hobby is bringing you joy/positive things in your life, that's what should matters. Whether you go at it seriously or silly... 🤷

I don't particularly like the implication that it's a fact that people who enjoy something are more likely to treat it seriously just because they invest a lot of their free time on it... I don't know... feels kind of shame-y for people who spend all their free time on a hobby but stay silly, you know? But I could just be overanalizing things again...

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This has kinda... stopped sparking joy lately... I've actually been debating how to go forward with this space because of it, mainly with how I chose to do with this blog and what stemmed from it. I don't know whether I just don't get the current Tumblr IF culture, or because I'm too skewed into the "IF is a hobby, this should just be for fun, why is everyone so serious", or because the asks I get are just really too sad/depressing? to think about? It's not clicking as it used to.

While we've had some interesting discussions in the past, I think this blog (in its current form) may have run its course.

IF-CONFESSION IS CLOSED.

Return: TBD?

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I suck at tactful communication. But that's the first lesson every college professor hammered into my head; the importance of tone when critiquing. Not a lot of people are gonna listen when the way you speak about a project they're putting their blood, sweat, and tears into puts them on the defensive.

I just read the stories, don't really critique. It's not my strong point, I'm too blunt. But wanted to bring up my professor's reminder: it's not just about explaining things, it's about explaining it in a way that doesn't make someone feel like shit and letting them decide what to do about it.

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[if-confessions]

this is going to sound horrible, but I just want to delete my ifs and have a fresh start. i went into them with a plan of chapter one, and that's it. i want to start brand new, spend months figuring out the plot chapter by chapter (still leaving room for new things), character arcs, and designing the game.

i can't do that with my current ones. they don't have demos, and i think that's the easiest thing to do. i dread having to write out a full-length apology essay about why i don't want to continue them, because honestly, they don't really need to know? I just want to restart, new accounts, new name, blah blah.

i just hope that the IF community is still alive when i release something in 2 years (actual planning + writing the demo + creating worldbuilding art and whatnot)

Taking time off to figure things out is a smart thing to do! You get to avoid writing your story into a corner and be stuck, and maybe have the different parts feel more cohesive...

The IF community will still be there in 2 years, it's been here for 50 years already... Maybe it won't be on Tumblr anymore then, or maybe it will look different, but it won't go away :)

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I noticed this too!! (Response to the fatigue mail) I thought it was because of all the drama surrounding demoless intros… Cause I remember there was a lot of discourse about the oversaturation of new WIPs without demos a few weeks ago, so maybe people are just avoiding them until an actual demo is released?

I do hope creators don’t get too discouraged!!

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