ifsrecords

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I don't know how long this will last, but the situation here in Gaza is getting worse every day after the war between Iran and Israel. I forgot about Gaza. No one talks about us anymore, and the news doesn't mention us. All that is being discussed is Iran, Israel, and America.It's as if they forgot that the main problem is Gaza.

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An Ode to the Best Mario Kart Track

If you were to ask me my favorite Mario Kart track, it would undeniably have to be Wario Stadium from Mario Kart 64. A humble course with little more than some bumps and curves; a surprisingly mundane approximation of a motocross stadium. There is nothing fantastical or remarkable about this level. The only landmarks are a spinning Wario sign and a live-feed screen that doesn't even work correctly in multiplayer.

Throughout the years I've passively observed public opinion of Wario Stadium. Its lack of features seems to be one sticking point, the length another. Things need to be bold and bombastic, quick spurts before we move on to the next shiny spectacle. Without judgment, I'll guess the people saying this have spent no meaningful time with the game in question. Being either too young to remember or sensible enough to get a Playstation instead of a Nintendo 64. At most they've turned it on to explore the series' roots, tried out some cups and went on with their day.

However, for the people in the know, Wario Stadium was THE staple Mario Kart level back when the series' only had two entries; a no-nonsense straight gauntlet of racing goodness. I had friends come over requesting to play it. The name still holds gravitas among my family members.

Wario Stadium.

Mind you, it is not the only track remembered synonymously with the game. Even my parents can still recall names like Moo Moo Farm, Rainbow Road and Koopa Troopa Beach, but Wario Stadium always comes first. Why do we all remember Wario Stadium the most?

I think the answer is simple: Wario Stadium has what we may refer to as "the pit".

The pit is a simple, but brilliant piece of geometry that single-handedly made Wario Stadium unforgettable. It is the sole reason I confidently declare this the best ever Mario Kart track, because it is unparalleled and unrepeatable. No other level has the pit and no other level will ever have the pit.

The logistics of the pit are straight-forward. Towards the end of a lap you briefly dip down a slope with a ledge overhead, the road continues on up the slope and around a wide turn to the previously mentioned ledge, where the player performs a daring jump over to the final stretch before the goal.

On paper, there is nothing outstanding about this moment. There are other big jumps in Mario Kart 64 alone. The catapulting over the riverboat in DK's Jungle Parkway, the flight towards Princess Peach's castle in Royal Raceway. These were spectacular, exhilarating, memorable. But safe. They had no danger, no stakes. They were the rollercoaster segments of their levels, the Mario Kart equivalent of the loop in Sonic the Hedgehog. They didn't have the pit, because only Wario Stadium has the pit.

As is tradition, if the player suffers an unfortunate accident in Mario Kart and falls off the course, they're quickly fished out by Lakitu and repositioned back on the road to continue the race. This is a Mario Kart institution, as iconic as the item boxes themselves. Lakitu is the answer to turtle shells and banana peels. Lakitu is your dear friend who helps you when in need. You will be stalled, but he will always get you back on your feet again. He will make sure this is a fair race that you have a chance of winning. Your guardian angel; he will always be there, watching out for you. Always, always, always! Except...

Wario Stadium doesn't have Lakitu. There is only the pit.

God forbid, if you were to fall down the pit, you would tumble all the way to the bottom of the slope. Crashing onto the road, disoriented, facing a cruel featureless wall. Back where you were previously, a good chunk of your progress undone. Lakitu doesn't come, because the game never registers you as having fallen out of bounds. It is not in his protocol to save you because you are still on the track. So get going!

From a complete stand-still in the pit it takes about 16-ish seconds to race back to the ledge again. This doesn't sound much, but trust me that Lakitu is way faster than that. You WISH Lakitu was here! In a race, adding a quarter of a minute to your clock is practically death. It's over. You LOST.

This is what makes the pit dangerous and exhilarating. It's a brief window where Mario Kart drops its whimsy rules and adheres to a stern sense of realism. It is uncharacteristic, but for this reason it stands out. Because it is merciless. It is SO cruel!

Of course, being the first race in the Star Cup, a freak accident of this calibre during a grand prix is easily remedied by a hard reset. It simply doesn't happen too often, and when it does this mostly presents a minor inconvenience. Most people encountering the pit today may decry "poor dated game design", but majority probably won't even notice it.

Because they never seriously played Mario Kart 64 in multiplayer. The game is no longer the staple contemporary iteration of itself, it is not even last year's model. It is old and forgotten. No one goes back to play Mario Kart 64 in multiplayer unless they were a person who played Mario Kart 64 in multiplayer back in the 90s. But for those of us who did, we all know about Wario Stadium, we all know about the pit.

In multiplayer, the pit colors Wario Stadium in a new light. Because as real humans behind the wheel, racing against one another, we are different from the robotic computer controlled players. We are aware of the pit and its implications. We know what it does, we know its danger.

We know we can exploit it.

As such, the pit becomes a terrifying abyss of defeat. An ever-approaching cloud of uncertainty. It is coming, it is inevitable. Every time we leap above its maws we challenge fate. Every successful landing a relief. The pit is psychological warfare. We use and abuse the pit against each other because of its irresistible power.

Because sooner or later you will end up in this scenario:

THIS is when shit gets real. This is when Wario Stadium goes from amusing to legendary. This is when Mario Kart peaks forever.

When we approach the pit with green shells we may hope to land a lucky shot, every go around with banana peels we haphazardly plant seeds of potential, with a red shell you mean business but also need to be close for your timing to be right.

But with the lightning bolt? We're talking nuclear option! Whoever gets the lightning bolt can strike the exact moment their opponent jumps over the pit. What do you do? Do you boldly face death knowing hope has already died, or do you feebly pull the brakes waiting for the gun to point elsewhere? But will the threat ever dissipate if you don't act? Will you not simply waste even more time escaping the inevitable?

The only path is forward.

The only future is the pit.

For as much as Nintendo attempts to present themselves with a wholesome identity, creating pleasant experiences with little in terms of raw friction, it is befitting that Mario Kart is undoubtedly their most popular franchise. In a way it rears their ugly side, and exposes the little demon in all of us. I contend that Mario Kart is great because it urges us to be a little bit mean. There is something primal activating in your brain as a poor unassuming friend perfectly aligns with your green shell. We've all felt it, we don't even mean anything by it, it just happens. I get the impression Nintendo has desperately tried to mitigate this angle of Mario Kart over the years. Blue shells got sparser, hits have less impact, Lakitu is swifter.

In hindsight, Wario Stadium seems like an accident. Containing a section where the game potentially gets a little too cruel and unfair, but it is precisely because of this that the pit sticks out. Because it will never happen again. There will never be another Mario Kart game that has the pit. It is incongruent with Nintendo's entire philosophy for what these games should be. Ironically, the pit is the most Mario Kart part of any Mario Kart, encapsulating everything the series is known for; as one falls in despair and defeat, another flies in elated victory.

However, despite how well Wario Stadium understands Mario Kart, it can never be replicated. I've long held it as the only level I want brought back in a future game, and usually people respond with "but it WAS brought back", gesturing to other levels sharing little more than the general stadium setting. As if I was a motocross nut who accidentally bought Mario Kart 64 instead of Excitebike 64. In the new Mario Kart World there is a level claiming to be Wario Stadium, sharing a similar music track and that stadium setting, but the layout is a poor shadow of its former self. It's unrecognizable, they have nothing in common. In the middle is a ramp that spits fire as you jump across. There is no danger, only safe spectacle. A rollercoaster Sonic loop. If you intently veer off to the side, Lakitu predictably saves you. It is Wario Stadium in name only. There is no fall, there is no pit.

Because there will never be another pit.

/Kiki

[ifsrecords]

"Stop Calling the Cops"

Sticker spotted in Oakland

[ifsrecords]

YOOOO

Congrats! You're 1st in the global Chiptune charts!

Hey ifsrecords!

Chart

Chiptune

Position

1st!

New chiptune mix is up on Mixcloud. 40+ minutes of my favorite tunes.

[ifsrecords]

Still trying to overtake The Wire magazine for the number one spot on the chiptune charts. Every listen helps! https://www.mixcloud.com/ifsrecords/robot-music-best-of-chiptune/

New chiptune mix is up on Mixcloud. 40+ minutes of my favorite tunes.

[ifsrecords]

What do you think about this?

[ifsrecords]

Big news, y’all. I’m finally launching a Mr. Lovenstein newsletter! Sign up by June 24 for a chance to win this original, hand-inked comic by yours truly. I signed it with my sweaty hands and everything. Sign up HERE 👉 mrlovenstore.com/pages/giveaway

This newsletter is a way for me to communicate directly with you. No algorithms. No ads. No doom scrolling. Just me sending you my silly little comics directly to your inbox. I’ll also update you on new merch, new projects or events I’m attending. Sign up for the Mr. Lovenstein newsletter today! I really appreciate it ❤️

[ifsrecords]

(This post is brought to you by the fact that tumblr are, hilariously, claiming that 50% of current users are gen z, and I wanna see how accurate claim that is.)

My friend Zina @zinaanqar16 contacted me TODAY and told me that her daughter Ronza is suffering from malnutrition and anemia, which was confirmed after recent medical tests. She cries day and night because there is no milk or proper food available for her. She sent me pictures of her back and stomach, just some bones covering her soft skin. This innocent child should not have this happen to her. The same is true for her three siblings, who are also going hungry. Please donate to her vetted campaign (#213 on the vetted Gaza fundraisers list) so she can feed her children and keep them safe without risking her life. Food is outrageously expensive and the situation is URGENT!. Please donate and share widely!

If you would like to Donate Today, this beautiful Ronza deserves a better life as much as her eyes do.

[ifsrecords]

🌸 From One Mother’s Heart – Please Read 🌸

My name is Saja. I’m a wife, a mother, and a woman who once believed her story would be simple. I thought my days would be filled with watching my daughter grow — from her first smile to her first steps — surrounded by the small joys of everyday life.

But life had other plans.

War has returned to our home. Again. And once again, we find ourselves living under skies that never seem to rest.

There was a moment — a fragile, breathless moment — when the bombs paused and the world seemed to remember us. It gave us hope. We thought maybe, just maybe, we could start to rebuild. But now, we are back in the dark — hiding, holding on, praying.

I’m writing this not as someone seeking pity, but as a mother who has no other choice but to speak.

Imagine holding your baby in the middle of the night, not because she cried, but because the world outside roared too loud for either of you to sleep. Imagine whispering bedtime stories not to lull her into dreams, but to keep the fear from settling into her tiny bones.

This is my life.

This is my daughter’s life.

And even now — especially now — I believe in softness. I believe in kindness. Because when everything else is taken from you, hope becomes the most valuable thing you have.

Why I’m Reaching Out Our home has been damaged. Our lives changed. But through it all, my daughter wakes up every morning with a smile. She reaches for me with trust, with love, with faith that I will keep her safe.

That’s why I keep going.

I’ve launched a campaign to ask for help — not because it’s easy, but because silence is no longer an option. I am asking for support not just for me, but for my baby, and for the quiet strength of so many mothers like me who are fighting, every single day, to hold their families together.

How You Can Help: 🤍 Help us restore parts of our home so we can live with dignity 🤍 Support women and mothers in Gaza with access to care and resources 🤍 Keep the light of hope alive for a generation born in the shadows of war

💛 If you can, please support our journey here:

If you can’t give, please consider sharing. Your voice might be the reason someone else hears ours.

From My Heart to Yours Maybe our lives are worlds apart. Maybe you’ve never lived through war. But if you’ve ever held a child and wished the world could be better for them — then you understand more than you know.

I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking the world turned away.

Please, if you’ve read this far — thank you. Thank you for seeing us. Thank you for caring. We are still here. Still hoping. Still holding on to every kind act like it’s a lifeline.

With love and endless gratitude

[ifsrecords]

things you DO NOT need to be a man

a dick

he/him pronouns

XY chromosomes

things you DO need to be a man

the swiftness of a coursing river

the force of a great typhoon

the strength of a raging fire

the mysteriousness of the dark side of the moon

^this post was brought to you by LGBT^

Let's

Get down to

Business

To defeat the huns

[ifsrecords]

Today, the Palestine tag is trending on Tumblr — and among the posts is a photo of my daughter, Ronza. A fragile little girl suffering from severe malnutrition, whose story I shared, pleading for help. Her image is now reaching millions of people... but sadly, only a few have responded.

We are not okay. We are not safe. We are living in unimaginable conditions — and tomorrow is Eid al-Adha, a holiday that should bring joy, new clothes, laughter, and celebration to children. But how can my children celebrate when there is no food, no water, no medicine? How can they smile in new clothes when their weak bodies can barely stand?

We are in Gaza — trapped, starving, broken. Every day is a battle for survival.

I am begging you, before it’s too late —Please donate to help Ronza. Her life depends on it. Every contribution, no matter how small, can make the difference between life and death.

Please share this message. Let Ronza’s face be more than just a trending image — let it be a call to action. A reason to save a life.

I would like to inform you that my campaign is documented and approved.

Gazavetters #213 , el-shab-hussein&nabulsi # 264

Eid al-Adha

[ifsrecords]

I've listened to this twice today and I still think it is good. You can listen to it too and agree with me!

New chiptune mix is up on Mixcloud. 40+ minutes of my favorite tunes.

[ifsrecords]

Nader @abdalsalam2000 is in Gaza during an internet blackout, he and his family are in serious danger and they can’t communicate it to the world because the internet is cut off and e-sims are very slow. He’s a 17 year old boy who is fundraising to support his family of eight, including his father who is sick with cancer and needs treatment. Please help me share his story while he is away. i’ve only briefly heard from him in the past few days, and the situation is extremely dangerous. He doesn’t have the ability to reach out to people how he usually would, so I hope you will help me share his story and do that for him while he’s away

€59,995 raised, they’ve almost reached 60,000!! Please keep supporting Nader

@tamamita @rhubarbspring @heritageposts @dirhwangdaseul @neechees @butchniqabi @socalgal @finalgirlabigailhobbs @newporters @pikslasrce @vampiricvenus @danlous @loumandivorce @jackiedaytona @deepspaceboytoy @autisticmudkip @nashvillethotchicken @femmefitz @pitbolshevik @innerchildabortionclinic @omegaversereloaded @hotvampireadjacent @boobieteriat @mens-rights-activia @ot3

[ifsrecords]

[ifsrecords]

twitter is hell but i really hope it doesn’t actually die because this is in contention for the funniest thing i’ve ever read in my life

[ifsrecords]

New chiptune mix is up on Mixcloud. 40+ minutes of my favorite tunes.

[ifsrecords]