igetdrunkonpicklejuice

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

my workout

500 reps yanking your chain

500 reps pulling your leg

500 reps taking the piss

1000 reps winding you up

getting on your nerves until failure

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

I love the salute emoji. Im your loyal something

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

cannot stop thinking about this tweet… AUGH 😭

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

having anti punitive justice morals sucks because you want to say "man that guy sucks he should get hit with hammers until he dies" but you also want to make it clear you don't think anyone should be put in charge of the 'hit people with hammers until they die" machine.

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually age 25 - 35

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)

[igetdrunkonpicklejuice]

they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)