ihaveactuallysomuchtosay

[ihaveactuallysomuchtosay]

rant #4

maybe things will feel different after i talk to the second one. it seems like im always feeling the same way. i talk to her about it and after i feel a bit better. but then after 24 hours i think about it again and im back to feeling upset. i dont want to keep feeling this way or dragging it up but i cant.

[ihaveactuallysomuchtosay]

i resent you

not only did you get to do all that fuck shit to me but then you got ot keep me as a friend and give me a half assed apology. i dont hate you, i resent you. i want for you to feel what i felt. i want there to be some kind of equalness but i know i can not get that without hurting myself even more. and thats why i resent you.

[ihaveactuallysomuchtosay]

any manifesters in this b?!!

heres a list of things im gonna need:

a second group of friends, or another close friend (singular, as long as they are separate from group a)

i need that situation to come tell me why he did that

hella bands in scholarships!!

good grades

if we can band together we can make the dreams of this little idiot come true.

[ihaveactuallysomuchtosay]

#3 i can not pay for a therapy session

im gonna have to spew my rhetoric on here, and i apologize. this issue of feeling unappreciated and lowkey disrespected is overlooming every time i think about that summer and even though ive talked to one of them about it and she feels bad and has apologized i cant get over it. and ive tried to work through it on my own with my google document, but the problem is, theres no blame i can place onto myself. this was an external thing out of my control and im truly not to blame for this so its hard for me to let this go when i truly do not forgive either of you. im also not sorry for it, i dont forgive the both of you for what you did. i think youre both incredibly fortunate that i have such an aviodant no confrontational personality type because the disrespect of what you did to me deserved for both of you to get cut tf off and put in the new york times as a smear piece about how gross the both of yalls behaviour was. i love one of you, i like one of you. i forgive neither of you. and im not sorry <3

[ihaveactuallysomuchtosay]

#2

those evil little hags excluded me from so much shit when they were best friends that it makes me sick to my stomach. they were just so far up each others asses they could only see how the other person felt and not how they make others feel because you two are both using cognitive bias on each other to affirm some shit you both know isnt true. even though i cant change how actually evil and heinous you both were to me back then (ps thinking about it makes me resent tf outta both of you and makes me wish i would have dropped you both entirely out of self respect), i can take this life lesson and ensure that i never do it to one of my friends now that you and i have become best friends. you and i arent falling into the same pattern because i wont allow it out of respect for other people, not you.

[ihaveactuallysomuchtosay]

this is shit for me to look back at when im older and smile at

but right now i aint smiling PUTA!

[ihaveactuallysomuchtosay]

k rant #1

i feel so scared and weary of losing my individuality within one of my friendships. shes my closest friend and i love her dearly but she is friends with so many more people than me. like she is my best friend and i am one of her best friends you feel me? i'd be devastated if we were to stop being friends but i could walk away right now and it would take her about a week to move on. like... girl. go ahead and stand on up for me! and i know she used to have this best friend where she was inseperable with her and now theyre not friends it doesnt seemed to really have affected her friend but it did her. im not walking down that path babe. i dont want to lose her as a friend but i need to take some babysteps backwards and put forth the effort im giving her into myself. i dont wanna be caught slippin HELLO BAZINGA

[ihaveactuallysomuchtosay]

i never went to tumblr before

all i know about tumblr at this very moment is that orion and barbie were QUEENS at this shit and also when the porn was deleted off of this hoe it shattered empires