ijemmaokafor - Tumblr blog

[ijemmaokafor]

"If I'm a bundt cake, then you're a gingerbread house decorated by a weird but precocious little kid <3 <3 <3 "

[ijemmaokafor]

She looked up at him with saucers for eyes, she could feel them grow colder for being exposed in her shock.

He had such a propensity for saying things that sliced clean through her. And it might look, might sound cruel to anyone who didn’t speak their funny little idiolect. Might look like he was waving that sharp tongue of his around at random. But its edge was a kindness, shearing away the rot and necrosis of stagnating emotions. It left the healthy flesh of her heart raw and in need of healing, but safe and whole.

She raised onto her toe tips to kiss him—less for the sensation of it or for the sake of kissing, but to reassure him. She was getting colder by the second, didn’t want to open her mouth much lest her lips end up all chapped. So the kiss turned into mumbling against his mouth.

“I wanna see it, then. You said you don’t feel her there anymore. I wanna see what it’s like to feel you there instead.”

She was done-for the minute he took her hands. And when he finished his line of gentle questions, she thumped her forehead against his chest.

"I don't know. That's why I've been avoiding it. 'Cause I don't even know if I want to feel her there or not. I mean, I don't. I really don't. But then I feel like an asshole for not wanting to. Jesus I'm a mess."

She sighed and wrapped her arms tight around his ribcage. He smelled nice and the longer she held on, the more she started to feel his warmth seep through his layers.

"You like me for more than my emotional intelligence, right? 'Cause at the moment it's absolute shit."

[ijemmaokafor]

She was done-for the minute he took her hands. And when he finished his line of gentle questions, she thumped her forehead against his chest.

"I don't know. That's why I've been avoiding it. 'Cause I don't even know if I want to feel her there or not. I mean, I don't. I really don't. But then I feel like an asshole for not wanting to. Jesus I'm a mess."

She sighed and wrapped her arms tight around his ribcage. He smelled nice and the longer she held on, the more she started to feel his warmth seep through his layers.

"You like me for more than my emotional intelligence, right? 'Cause at the moment it's absolute shit."

God, that smile. Ike had to pause in his walking, one foot kicked out slightly in front of him, and catch his breath from that smile. "God damn," he said, wondrous and half to himself, but then he shook out of it. Business first and then canoodling, if they felt like canoodling.

Taking her hands in his, Ike rubbed his thumbs over Jemma's knuckles. "Is it weird?" he began, but then shook his head. "Of course it's weird. I guess ... I mean, what I wanna says is, I don't want it to be weird between us. There's not that much of her left there, anymore. I don't feel her there."

Ike peered at Jemma, ducking a little for it. "D'you think you will? Always feel her there?"

[ijemmaokafor]

Frankly, she'd been ignoring the whole thing. She was glad that he'd moved out of his sad apartment. And in the grand scheme of apocalypse things, any place that provided comfort and safety and shelter was a damn fine place to settle.

But Ginny's place? With all the bits of emotional shrapnel surrounding it?

No. It was fine. Really, it was okay, it was no big deal. She'd visit his place in time. It wasn't like she'd gone to his apartment that often--her place was cozier. So she hadn't been to the cottage since he moved in...not that weird.

She turned to face him with a smile. A genuine one, too--damn if she didn't love the man.

"Right...I uh--you're right. Let's talk."

@ijemmaokafor * near the supermarket

It had been a couple of days. And while Ike was in the habit of practicing some forbearance when it came to pushing Jemma for decisions and conclusions about things, considering that she liked to chew the cud a little bit, he was less inclined to give her much space when it came to him. When it came to them.

He could have gone to talk to her in her room, or somewhere more indoors and private, but Ike was nothing if not impulsive when it came to emotional matters so he waylaid her, instead. Hustling up when he saw her bustling towards the supermarket, trotting in his winter boots hunched down into his coat.

"Baby," he said, catching his breath in the cold air, "honey, we need to talk. About -- well, you know what about. About how I moved. About where I moved to."

[ijemmaokafor]

DAYBREAK

@zackastor @davxdalexander @isaacapatow @ijemmaokafor @reneebrxndxn

Zack Astor

-he is already waiting in the meeting room, still battered and bruised from the encounter and in need of a trip to Renee; Maggie is waiting, half-hiding behind David and staring at the council; Zack puts his hands in his pockets as he meets their gazes evenly- Alright. Everybody here and ready? 

Ijemma Okafor

-glances around the room to do a quick head count- Looks like it.

Renee Brandon

-She would rather get the men checked out but she understands the want to talk so she nods- Go ahead.

Zack Astor

Alright. -he dips his head for a short moment, before speaking, recounting the events without much pomp or detail- Me and David were out on a hunting trip and we encountered a raider group not camped out too far from here. They took us prisoner. We managed to make it out and take Meg over there with us. -he shifts slightly; eyes narrowing- They're probably gonna try and come after Redwood, though.

ike apatow

Was this some kind of raider group you know of? Not saying anything about your previous associations, Zack, but all of us who've been out there for a while have run into various factions before.

Zack Astor

-he stays quiet for a few moments, staring at Isaac, before he answers- They're called Daybreakers. I dealt with them before. They're pretty damn vicious. -his eyes narrow- Kinda like the reavers.

ike apatow

-his jaw tightens; everyone who's learned about Redwood history or was there for it knows about the Reaver infiltration and attack, and that Ike had been among them and turned on them- Then we better start rallying. What do you suggest?

Zack Astor

Attack them first. -he responds without missing a beat- That's my suggestion. Burn them out before they get a chance to attack us.

Ijemma Okafor

-trying to put on a friendly tone to conceal her worry- Not to change the subject too much, but I take it you found someone out there? -smiles gently at the girl who's half-hiding-

David Alexander

-he hugs Meg with his good arm and she shrinks- Yeah, uh, they cut her up good to lure us out. She has no one and she helped us break out.

ike apatow

She's injured? -peers at Meg, softening his demeanour- Hey, kid. We have a really good doctor here, Doc Renee, she's right there. Would it be okay if she looked at where you're hurt, while we're talking with David and Zack? They won't go anywhere. You can stay right here.

Zack Astor

The guys at her camp patched her up already. -he stares at them almost challengingly- Think we can miss the council interrogation and quarantine shit for now?

ike apatow

She can still get looked at by the doctor. I don't think we're gonna continue, in fact, till she gets looked at. -folds his arms, gaze hard on Zack-

Ijemma Okafor

-looking between the two men, she steps up carefully to the girl and offers her hand- My name's Jemma. Thank you for saving our friends.

David Alexander

-Meg shys a bit and David rubs her back- She's been through a lot. Don't take it personal. -he looks down at Meg and nods- It's okay. Jemma and Renee are real nice.

Zack Astor

-he meets Isaac's gaze, eyes hardening, before he shrugs- Fine by me. Don't think she needs to be here for this, anyways.

ike apatow

No, she doesn't. So it's better if she gets looked at.

Zack Astor

I ain't arguing with you, Apatow.

Ijemma Okafor

-steps out of the room to fetch a couple of cookies for the girl- You boys play nice.

Renee Brandon

-She nods at them and approaches with Jemma and notices how she shrinks- It's okay, I'm Renee. You don't have to leave David. Can I see where they hurt you? -The girl nods as she holds onto David and pulls up her shirt to show her side- It's a crude patch up. I'd rather treat it myself.

Ermano Delgado

-he’s been listening, taking everything in-

ike apatow

-nods David over to him and Zack- Let the doc see her. Tell her you guys'll be right here, she'll be able to see you the whole time.

David Alexander

-He nods at Ike and looks down at Meg- Renee will take good care of you. Zack and I will be just over there, 'kay, kid? -She nods before he pulls away to walk up to Ike and Zack -

Ijemma Okafor

-when she returns, Renee is looking over the girl. She approaches and squats down with a smile and an outstretched hand- You like cookies?

ike apatow

-voice low so it doesn't carry to Meg- All right. I don't know shit about this kind of thing so. What kind of weapons do they have? Are they mostly military or civvies? What are we looking at?

Zack Astor

-he narrows his gaze at Ike but turns his attention to Meg- It's alright kid. The doc ain't gonna hurt you. I said you're safe, so you're safe. -he glances at Jemma, offering cookies, slightly appreciative before he turns to Ike- Military. Their leader's called the General. Pretty sure he was a military guy before this shit. -a slight smirk tugs on his lips- A fire probably destroyed some shit of theirs.

ike apatow

Don't be cute. Did you set fire to their shit or not?

Renee Brandon

-renee is carefully pulling the gauze away and sighs as she sees the wound. The girl looks up when Jemma retuns with cookies and takes one as Renee looks up at Jemma- What kind of animals hurt a girl like this?

David Alexander

They got rifles, lots of 'em and plenty of rounds. Meg over there was the one that set the fire so don't know how much got destroyed or what.

Ermano Delgado

She set the fire?

David Alexander

-david nodded- She's one helluva resourceful kid. Brave too.

ike apatow

Okay. So what does our arsenal look like compared to theirs?

Zack Astor

They got more and bigger guns. And more people who are specifically trained to use them. That's why we should hit first while they don't expect it and they're recovering. They don't quite know about Redwood yet, probably. We tried covering our tracks but they got dogs and good trackers, so they're gonna find us anyway.

ike apatow

And you think we have numbers enough of good enough fighters for a targeted attack to fuck em up so hard that they won't just come at us madder than hell and thirsty for revenge?

Zack Astor

They're gonna come at us anyway. I know the General damn well enough. Either we hit them now while we still got the edge or we wait until they scope us out and plan something.

ike apatow

-tucks his tongue in his cheek for a moment, turning this over in his head- You ... know how he works? This General? Does that mean he knows how you work?

Zack Astor

-he seems caught off guard by that for just a moment- I don't- -he pauses himself, considering- No. I don't think so. Either way, even if he suspects something now, he's gonna suspect something later, too.

David Alexander

-he winces a little as the reminder of the gunshot wound in his shoulder flares up- We don't have the man power or the firepower to try anything. We should fortify our defenses just in case and increase patrols.

Zack Astor

That's a dumb fucking idea, David.

David Alexander

We just barely got out of there, Zack. We saw how many people they have that can fight. Running in guns blazing is a suicide mission.

Ermano Delgado

Even if we do run in guns blazing, you just told us we’re no match. Security needs to be heightened for now

Zack Astor

I didn't say shit about guns blazing. I said hit them first. Waiting on them is suicide.

ike apatow

-is just watching and listening for now, arms folded and gnawing on his thumb-

Ermano Delgado

Anyway we can Trojan horse it? Try and either take or destroy some of their arsenal before we strike?

David Alexander It would have to be one damn good infiltration plan, but even if it works, we don't have enough skilled people to pull it off. We'd need a whole damn squad.

Zack Astor

They're gonna be weary of outsiders. And tougher on prisoners after we escaped.

ike apatow

So maybe we don't do it like that. Maybe we just aim to make life difficult for 'em so they don't ever have a chance to get on steady ground and regroup properly.

Ermano Delgado

Did Mayra ever say how she made that hole? -he looks to ike, contemplatingly-

ike apatow

-blinks, a little taken by surprise- Uh ... she didn't make it. That's all I know.

Ermano Delgado

-ermano's brows furrowed as he grunted- Huh, okay. Could've been useful

David Alexander

She was walking around the perimeter when she saw something poking out of it. She pulled on it and a piece popped off.

ike apatow

She didn't make it, though.

David Alexander

Not intentionally, no.

Zack Astor

I don't think a wall that anybody can make a hole into ain't much of a defense against the Daybreakers.

Ermano Delgado

I mean more if she knew how to put a hole in our wall, she could figure it out elsewhere.

ike apatow

Okay, well, we can interrogate Mayra about this once we've decided on a plan, maybe?

I'm not sure if Mayra has secret skills as a demolition expert, but let's not use that as a foundation at the moment.

Zack Astor

So we're attacking them. We can agree on that at least? Instead of sitting on our asses and waiting?

David Alexander

-he sighs as he nods- Still need an infiltration plan and a team.

ike apatow

Is that what we're going with?

David Alexander

Unless y'all have a better idea.

Zack Astor

It's the best option, whether you like it or not.

ike apatow

I'm not saying it's better but I think we could at least discuss mine.

Ermano Delgado

Let's discuss all options please. The more the better

David Alexander

Alright, Ike, let's hear it.

ike apatow

We're on the losing side when it comes to how many fighters we've got and how much weapons we've got, right? They're a raider group, that's all they do. We have civvies to protect. So we can't afford to put together a team and come up with an infiltration plan. I say we fuck with 'em. Steal or destroy their food and supplies, set traps, redirect walkers on 'em. That would only take teams of two or three and it's quick hits but it'll knock them down bit by bit and they won't have time to plan an assault on Redwood. And in the meantime we could shore up our defenses. It'll be winter soon and we have a town to take refuge in -- it'll be impossible for them to lay siege to us when they're freezing their asses off with no real shelter outside our walls.

Ermano Delgado

-ermano contemplates this, and slowly nods- I like the sound of that.

David Alexander

-he listens and thinks before nodding- Two birds, one stone. It's solid and less risky.

Zack Astor

-he shifts on his feet, gritting his teeth- Sounds like you're delaying the inevitable. -he stares at Isaac- You scared or something, Ike?

ike apatow

Kind of. We have a lot of people to protect.

Zack Astor

-he scoffs, staying quiet for a moment- Fine. Don't come fucking crying to me if it doesn't work.

ike apatow

I'm not gonna, because I pretty much assumed you're gonna be spearheading most of these attacks.

Ermano Delgado

Would be the smart move.

Zack Astor

-he stares at Ike, eyes narrowing-  Fine.

ike apatow

Okay then. I'll leave it to you military hotshots to work out what to do. If you need raiders for any of your teams, gimme a holler.

Ermano Delgado

You don't want in on this? Seems like something right up your alley to fuck with someone.

ike apatow

-shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets- Sure I want in. But I'm not a military man, isn't this kind of operation exactly what you guys do? Guerrilla tactics and all that? I'll go where you point me.

Ermano Delgado

Fair enough. Check on the kid?

ike apatow

Ah, she's fine. Jem and Renee got 'er. Introducing another new person's just gonna stress her out. I'm gonna go get a cookie. -gives them all a slightly mocking salute and strolls off-

Ermano Delgado

-he smirks as ike leaves, but it quickly vanishes as he moves his gaze to david and zack- Let's get to work.

Zack Astor

-he watches as Ike leaves, eyes narrowing and seems tempted to follow him, but stays back; his gaze falls on Ermano- We're gonna wait with the planning. I'm gonna see Renee.

Ermano Delgado

-ermano steps toward zack, putting his hand on zack's arm to stop him- Humor me. At this point, you are our best defense. At least give me the best time of day.

Zack Astor

-he stares at Ermano for a moment- Let me see the damn medic, 'Mano. Some of us didn't just get a few little scraps and bruises. -he nods at David-

David Alexander

Let him see the doc. They're bound to be putting out the flames and licking their wounds. A few extra minutes ain't gonna hurt.

Zack Astor

-his eyes narrow- I don't need you helping me.

David Alexander

Pretty sure you would have been shot without my help.

Ermano Delgado

-he shares zack's stare. taking in a breath, he let go of zack and nodded- Fine. David, you and I need to go over our old stints. Maybe something we've done before can help.

Zack Astor

-he stares David down- Do you want me to thank you for that? Go down on my knees and kiss your boots or some shit?

David Alexander

No, I don't. Everyone needs someone watching their six. Which is what I'm doing so go get checked out.

Zack Astor

I don't need you watching my six. And I don't need you pretending like you did me some great fucking favor by getting shot. -his eyes narrow- I was the one who got us out of there. I made the plan, I acted it while you sat around. Don't act like a damn hero now, David. -he pushes past the other man towards the door, not waiting for a reply-

Ermano Delgado

-ermano stayed quiet, his eyes widening with annoyance as zack moved toward the door.-

David Alexander

-David doesn't get bothered by it but does grunt in pain as Zack pushes past him and it jostles his shoulder. But he shakes it off as he turns to Ermano- I think I'm getting through to him.

[ijemmaokafor]

light and love but also jsuk half the town is ready and willing to beat Isaac up when he hurts you

“If Ike hurts me, nobody will beat him up more than himself. I know that much for sure.”

[ijemmaokafor]

Ask Me Anything!

[ijemmaokafor]

Cleric of the Order Domain

You’re dedicated, caring, and probably a sucker for happy endings. You spend so much time helping other people that you might forget to take care of yourself. You’re very idealistic and have a strong sense of faith in your beliefs, which may be actual religious beliefs or just your personal moral code. You like to be prepared for a variety of situations and you may have a bit of a protective side.

The Order domain represents discipline, as well as devotion to a society or an institution and strict obedience to the laws governing it. You’re a very principled person and you set high standards for yourself and others. You tend to follow the rules and you rely on structure and consistency to guide you in life. You feel that laws exist for a reason and that it is important to obey them as much as possible. You’re honest, disciplined, and you are not one to back down from a promise or obligation.

[ijemmaokafor]

[ijemmaokafor]

Jemma's Room

where Nicki and Jemma gossip and have girl time! @ijemmaokafor

Nicki Torres

-bounds up to Jemma's door and gives it a shave and a haircut knock-

Ijemma Okafor

-calling out blindly as she finished reading a sentence- Come in! -finally looks to see who it is- Nicki! What a nice surprise, what can I do for ya?

Nicki Torres

-Nicki waits for the invitation before strolling on it- Nice surprise? I think that might be a first. I'm just stuck wandering around town and wanted to see if you were free for some chit chat. I know you're busy being the super badass that you are.

Ijemma Okafor

-snorting in laughter- oh yeah, super badass with my various checklists. I’m down for a chat, though. You going stir crazy or something?

Nicki Torres

Dios, si. -Nicki dramatically steps further into the room- I do not do well with no action. I need excitement. But that's not why I'm here. -she stops to lean against one of the walls- I want to talk about you and Ike. So....how did it happen? I could ask him but he's a guy and never gives all the good details. Tell me everything.

Ijemma Okafor

-giving Nicki a skeptical look- The sex part of the lovey dovey part?

Nicki Torres

Either or. Or both, if you want to share.

Ijemma Okafor

You…would wanna know about that? I know you and Ike have a special sort of relationship too.

Nicki Torres

Yes, I do. Ike and I are fun friends. Love him to death, but what you and Ike have is so sweet and adorable and honestly, I love it. You're good. He needs good, even though he doesn't think he does. So I wanna know! How absolutely mushy gushy was he? Was it like those romance movies? Was it rot your teeth out because it's that sweet sweet?

Ijemma Okafor

-she curled in on herself in delight- It was such a romcom miscommunication moment. He was trying to profess his feelings and I was completely lost. And then when it hit me what he was saying…god, I got all the butterflies. I never thought…I never thought he’d be able to get there, y’know?

Nicki Torres

Oh trust me, I know exactly what you mean. -she was happy - beyond happy for the two of them- For being such a big mouth with no filter, the man struggles with expressing his feelings. If he ever does something stupid, you let me know and I'll go hit him over the head for you. I refuse to let him self-sabotage this because I know how much he loves you and cares about you.

Ijemma Okafor

To be honest, I’ll hit him over the head. I think he’d be disappointed if I did any less. But I appreciate having back-up. Same goes for me, by the way. I don’t get the whole raider camaraderie—I mean, I get it, but it’s not something an outsider can really understand. Still, I respect the hell out of it. And I know it’s a little more free-form, between you and him. But I like that he’s got folks looking out for him in places I can’t be. So thank you for that.

Nicki Torres

Of course. Once he's cleared and everything I'll make extra sure he doesn't do anything stupid. He's coming back every time, I can promise you that. I'm not letting him do anything dumb, and neither with Orion and Ares. We've got his back.

Ijemma Okafor

Aw hun, don’t make that kinda promise. That’s too much to ask of anyone. Just look after each other like you already do.

Nicki Torres

Too late. Already made the promise. Can't take it back. And before you two were a thing I already forbade him from doing anything that could put his life in jeopardy. He's not allowed to go anywhere. -she chews a little bit on the inside of her cheek- I know you probably already are but......you're looking out for him while he's here, right?

Ijemma Okafor

As much as he lets me -she gave her a knowing look—both women knew how Ike could be- That’s part of why we work as well as we do, I think. Listening when the other says to leave something be. But he’s the most important person in the world to me…part of me always has an eye on him.

Nicki Torres

Good, good....so in that case.....have you noticed that there's something off about him? Like.....I don't know, he's missing some of that Ike flair?

Ijemma Okafor

-sighing heavily- Yep. I can get him back to himself if we spend a few hours together just relaxing or goofing off. But the rest of the time, he’s a little…I dunno, desaturated.

Nicki Torres

Oh thank God, it's not just me. -she pushes off the wall and starts to pace in place- There's something bugging him and I don't know what and he insists that he's fine but I know he's not fine. I've seen fine. This is not fine. He came over and he was tired and exhausted and then he said something that set off smoke signals but he shrugged it off and it's been bugging me ever since.

Ijemma Okafor

Smoke signals? What did he say?

Nicki Torres

He said I wasn't allowed to be anything but a raider, which, I mean, isn't all that weird, but then he said something about getting older and feeling it and....I don't know, maybe I'm reading into it too much. It just seems like he's holding something back.

Ijemma Okafor

The scalp injury really threw him for a loop. And it’s getting colder, I know everyone’s bones are aching more. I’d put money on an age-related existential crisis. The bit about you only being allowed to be a raider…that’s weird. Was there more context to it?

Nicki Torres

No, he just said, -she pauses to mimic Ike's voice- Don't go off to be a hunter or security. Ya got to stay a raider. -she returns back to her normal voice- See what I mean? That's just weird. There's something not right.

Ijemma Okafor

-quiet, as she thinks about what it might mean- Might be his version of “don’t leave me.” He’s protective of you raiders. Maybe even possessive. And part of him probably knows that’s not the best way to be. But he can’t help it.

Nicki Torres

-she takes a breath as she stops her pacing- You're probably right. I don't know. I just don't know why he would think I would ever leave the raiders. I've never shown any interest in doing anything else. Where he goes, I go. But there's just something bugging me about it and I can't put my finger on it

Ijemma Okafor

Well asking him outright rarely works, so in lieu of that, we’ll both just keep an eye on him. You think he’s said anything similar to Orion or Ares?

Nicki Torres

Ares, probably not. There's a whole thing with him and Ares that I'll let him explain. Orion, possibly. I haven't really spoken to him about that, but it wouldn't surprise me if Orion's noticed something too. Orion and Ike are pretty close too.

Ijemma Okafor

They’re an interesting pair. I like that they have each other though. I was worried about Orion when he first got here. But he does okay. You raiders are like the Island of Misfit Toys.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki smiles as she puts her hand over her heart- Aww, that's so sweet. And incredibly accurate.

Ijemma Okafor

I am nothing if not a huge sap.

Nicki Torres

I love it. It's perfect. Ike needs that sappiness. Pleae, please, please give him all of the sap.

Ijemma Okafor

Always. I don’t know where else to put it. And he gets all glowy when I pile it on. Nothing beats Ike blushing.

Nicki Torres

You get him to blush? Oh, now I'm incredibly jealous. You'll have to do that when I'm around at some point. I have spent years trying to get that man to blush and all I get is laughter and quippy comebacks.

Ijemma Okafor

Nah, you gotta get him when he’s already feeling kinda soft.

Nicki Torres

See, I rarely get to see him when he's soft. He saves all that soft for you, Jemma.

Ijemma Okafor

-suddenly feeling a little guilty- I don’t know why…but I savor every last bit of it, I promise that much.

Nicki Torres

Because he loves you, Jemma. That's why. He gets to be vulnerable with you. You're his safe place. The bright spot in his dark place. You put him back together.

Ijemma Okafor

I do love him. He’s got so many people that love him though…I don’t know why he picked me to be vulnerable with. I fucking cherish it, believe me. But I’m still not sure I understand it.

Nicki Torres

Because you love him and he wants you to know that he trusts you completely. It's hard to explain but when you come with the emotional baggage that someone like he has, being able to show your belly to something that could easily get you is a huge sign of their trust.

Ijemma Okafor

Oh believe me, I know. And hell, I did the same thing with him. I try to stay pretty even keeled, and I was lucky to be raised without a shit ton of trauma. But if he wanted to, Ike could tear my heart to shreds. Not that I think he’s capable of it. I just…I’ve gone all the way in with him, y’know?

Nicki Torres

All the way in? -She blinks a few times- What do you mean?

Ijemma Okafor

In love, I mean. Handed my whole heart over, jumped in the deep end…pick your metaphor, my sappy ass did it.

Nicki Torres

Oh .... Oooohhhh. -it dawns on her after a moment- he's your person! That's sweet..... what's that like?

Ijemma Okafor

Being in love? It’s like…having a home outside yourself. I don’t know, thousands of years of poets and artists have tried to pin it down, I’m probably not gonna manage it right now. Have you never been in love?

Nicki Torres

Ahhh, yeah, no not really. Not until lately and it's so weird and new that trying to make sure I'm not fucking it up l.

Ijemma Okafor

Good news is, you can't fuck it up. The love part, anyway. I guess you can fuck up a relationship, but the being in love part, that's just...cosmic or chemical or whatever your version of god is.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki ponders on those for a moment - so when I'm with Aries and I can't stop smiling and I feel safe and happy with him, that's being in love?

Ijemma Okafor

-eyes widening- Ares? Oh for real??

Nicki Torres

Yes, Ares. He's.....well, he's sweet.

Ijemma Okafor

-bouncing excitedly as she shifts on the bed- I’ve gathered as much. I wasn’t sure about him at first, what with the group he was part of before. But he seems like a softie deep down.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki is aware and also knows about Ike needing to bring something up more about it with the council but she keeps silent on that matter - He's a good man. He's made mistakes like everyone here. And he saved my ass a few weeks ago. But he's also kind and caring and sweet and....well, I love him.

Ijemma Okafor

-taking both of Nicki’s hands in hers- Oh honey, that’s just the best news I’ve heard all day. The way love keeps cropping up, no matter how messy the world gets. Does he know how you feel?

Nicki Torres

-Nicki laughs a bit and nods- Sí, he told me he loved me too the night of prom. And he technically said it first, which probably helped.

Ijemma Okafor

How’d he say it, how’d it happen?? I wanna know everything.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki laughs as she's shaking her head- We went back to my place to sneak away and were having sex and he blurted it out.

Ijemma Okafor

-downright giggling- That’s so fucking cute. Did it freak you out?

Nicki Torres

A little bit, yeah. I had to ask to make sure he meant it and wasn't just saying it because we were screwing. I don't think he realized he said it until I asked him about it.

Ijemma Okafor

Did he freak out once you pointed it out to him?

Nicki Torres

I think he panicked for a minute. He has this adorable face he makes when he freaks out.

Ijemma Okafor

Those sparkly blue eyes of his get ginormous, huh?

Nicki Torres

Oh yeah, like giant blue saucers.

Ijemma Okafor

Adorable. So adorable. Are you guys…an item? Or just kinda keeping it casual?

Nicki Torres

Ahhh..... -Nicki makes a face as she rocks her head from side to side- Yes and no? We're a thing but also open for other partners. I know, it sounds weird, but it oddly makes sense. At least to me.

Ijemma Okafor

It doesn’t sound weird, that’s how me and Ike are. Maybe Ike more so than me—-laughing-Ike’s about all I can handle.

Nicki Torres

Ike is a lot, I will give you that. But that's what makes him endearing and fun.

Ijemma Okafor

I wouldn’t have him any other way.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki hummed her approval and nodded- I have probably overstayed my welcome and let you get back to....whatever you were doing. If he says anything concerning, can you let me know?

Ijemma Okafor

You're always welcome here Nicki, can't overstay it. But I'll keep you posted. -she pulls her into a crushing hug-

Nicki Torres

See, you say that, Jemma, but you'll be changing your mind when I come crashing . -she grunts as Jemma squeezes her but laughs as she hugs her back- I appreciate you. And I'm happy for you and Ike. I really am.

Ijemma Okafor

I'm happy for you and Ares.

Nicki Torres

Gracias, Jemma. -she kisses her cheek before strutting out the door-

[ijemmaokafor]

Winter is Coming (with @fleetsummers)

Fleet and Jemma organize the pantry, indulge in some gossiping, and philosophize on matters of the heart.

Fleet: -bounds in from outside, pink-cheeked and bright-eyed- Jemma! Sorry, sorry, I think I'm a little late, I got in a tiny bit of a leaf heap situation with Luna. -laughs, brushing stray leaves off his coat and then strips off his gloves and scarf- It's still kind of weird whenever something normal happens. Like running through raked-up leaves with a dog.

Jemma: Don’t you ever apologize for a bit of frolicking. Besides, it gave me time to get uuuuus -she retrieves the item from her bag with a flourish- a new scale! It’s got a tare button and everything!

Fleet: -his eyes light up and he claps, clasping his hands as he looks at the scale with hearteyes- No! OH my gosh, that's gonna save us so much time. And math. I'm good at math, don't get me wrong, but I'm also lazy.

Jemma: I don’t know it’s max capacity, so we should probably save it for the small stuff, but I’ve asked the raiders to look for one of those hanging scales, like in grocery stores? But bigger, if possible. Gonna need to raid a butcher shop soon now that we’ve got a real livestock operation.

Fleet: Stop, stop, you're making me wanna make a shopping list. Do we ... can we do that? For the raiders? Or is that frowned upon?

Jemma: DO IT. They won’t be able to get all of it, or something might have to wait. It’s kinda up to the head guy to prioritize things, and he does right by the town so we trust him to make those calls. But I’ve got an in with him that I’m not averse to exploiting.

Fleet: -pauses in pawing at the scale, a little taken aback- Really? We're talking about Isaac here, right? The one who bit my dad?

Jemma: -tempering her excitement- Yes. Not his finest moment. Is he alright? Your dad?

Fleet: -is quiet for a moment- The thing is, Jemma ... I kind of understand why Isaac got mad. I don't think Daddy's exactly the sort of man that you'd want going after a woman you care about. It's just Ike didn't have to hurt him like that, so savagely.

Jemma: I don’t think anyone would disagree with you there. Probably not even Ike, if he were able to be objective about it. Ike on his own has a lot of demons. Add his complicated history with Mayra to the mix and…well it’s no excuse. He usually has raiding as an outlet. He hasn’t had that outlet in a long while. Your dad just said that wrong thing at the right time.

Fleet: I know my dad's far from a saint. Even Uncle Sol didn't want to go see if he was okay after he got hurt. -toys with his scarf, thinking about it- I mean he did go, after I poked him a little, and that's probably not great of me because they have their own history together and I'm sure Uncle Sol has valid reasons for being estranged, but ... look at where we are now! Look what we've survived! I want them to move past it all!

Jemma: -she smiled, a little sadly- Maybe they will, some day. And hey, if Sol went and saw him ‘cause of you, that’s a hell of a testament to how much he cares about you.

Fleet: -frowning slightly, looking down as he folds his scarf up- It's probably hard for other people to understand why I'm so protective of Daddy since it's almost like he...enjoys riling everyone up. But I think it's just a show, y'know? Deep down I think he wants to belong, it's just being rejected outright if he shows how needy he is would mess him up worse than existing as some kind of pariah. I dunno. Maybe that doesn't make sense.

Jemma: It makes a lot of sense. You been told before that you have high emotional intelligence?

Fleet: No! I've been told before that I'm high maintenance, does that count? -laughs, shoving his scarf and gloves aside- I come from a big family so I'm used to all the work, y'know, all the compromises and stuff to get along. Did you? Come from a big family? Or is it working with the public that makes you so diplomatic?

Jemma: -pulling out her notebook and pen- Working in local government is what did it. I was an only child, and I was lucky to have a really level-headed family. Not calm, exactly, but…gracious. Gave each other a lot of grace, immediate forgiveness, that kinda thing. Didn’t have a lot of need for mediating, y’know? Did you like the big family thing?

Fleet: -pushes up his sleeves, taking out his own notebook and pencil as they're getting down to business, as well as one of their prized calculators- I loved it. So many cousins, and then family friends on top of that who were basically cousins, and aunties, and uncles, and everything. It was messy but I always had an audience and a shoulder to cry on. -sucks on the tip of his pencil, looking at Jemma thoughtfully- It shows. The graciousness. I don't mean this in a dismissive way but you seem sorta ... unburdened.

Jemma: I always wanted siblings. I had tons of friends all through school, so I was never without company, but I was SO jealous of my friends with brothers and sisters. -reflects for a moment- I try to let go of as much as I can. Make room for carrying the good stuff with me. Easier said than done sometimes.

Fleet: I'm nosy. You might have noticed by now. But! -tosses his head a little- You are, as we just discussed, a very gracious person so I'm taking full advantage of that. -smiles, reaching over to hold her hand for a moment- Plus if we're gonna be doing a job as persnickety as this one together, I think we should feel comfortable with questioning each other! I get extremely shirty about how to categorize certain things and I fight with claws.

Jemma: Oh, I love a workshop mentality, by all means, reconfigure our systems if you’ve got ideas for improvement. But you don’t have to bring out the claws, I rarely put up enough of a fuss to warrant them.

Fleet: Really? Okay, good, I'll take you at your word on that. -heads towards one of their shelves- I thought I might be stepping on people's toes doing things my way but honestly, every here's very agreeable. Except Zack. But I think I found my own way around him.

Jemma: -raises her eyebrows as she starts making a chart- Oh, do tell. He’s one of the tougher nuts to crack around here.

Fleet: -in between reporting back on their stocks for her chart- We got off to a rocky start, that's for sure - I didn't think I'd get bullied for being queer the minute I got to town! -he snickers at the ridiculousness of it, clearly unbothered- I think Zack isn't used to people not being afraid of him, but understanding what he's capable of. He doesn't scare me but I know what he could do if he's pushed. It's a delicate balance. Gotta get a boy too puzzled by you to keep on trying to threaten you.

Jemma: -she hums in laughter to herself- Well then, maybe we’ll just make you the town Zack-whisperer. Between you and that ex-wife of his, it sounds like he’s in good hands. Nobody else has given you trouble, though?

Fleet: Nooooooo, I'm a ray of sunshine, nobody has any beef with me. Maybe they will with his House of Usher ex, but that's none of my business. -trots over to Jemma- Level with me. Has anybody in town ever given you trouble?

Jemma: Nothing serious. Council meetings have involved spats sometimes. I’m a big proponent of getting rid of the precinct protocol, so that causes occasional head-butting. Your dad flirted with me a little more than I cared for, but it seemed harmless. The only person I ever had genuine trouble with got booted from town ages ago, for unrelated reasons. So nobody these days!

Fleet: -hangs on her word, eager for the gossip- Who is it who likes the precinct protocol? Ermano and Isaac? Dr. Brandon doesn't seem the type. My dad flirting with you - that I believe. I hope he hasn't tried anything since then. He seems a little ... -shifts, measuring this out- ...fixated on Mayra. Has nicknames for her, got this healing salve from her....

Jemma: I think it’s mostly that they’re just comfortable with it. No one is opposed to another option, it’d just take a lot of work and it’s taking a while to convince them to make it a priority. -she winces a little at the mention of Mayra- That seems like potential trouble. Not to meddle or anything, but she’s awfully vulnerable right now. And no disrespect to your dad, but Cole seems just the type to foster all her bad habits

Fleet: -pushes in a little closer to Jemma- That's what I'm worried about. I don't know if she's overly trusting, or if she thinks my dad's attractive, or she thinks she's just being nice and helping him out, but it's ... it could be trouble. Maybe I should talk to her. Maybe it would have more of an impact coming from me, because I'm his son and I love him.

Jemma: My guess is equal parts trying to be helpful and lowkey attracted to him. But if you talk to her, maybe be gentle about it? She’s not one to be told what to do.

Fleet: -breathes out, gratefully- Thank you. That's the best possible advice. This isn't something I wanted to really have to try and find somebody to talk to about, who wouldn't act like Daddy's already committed a crime right off the bat.

Jemma: -she shrugs- I’m a woman dating a guy with a propensity to rub people wrong. I’m all about benefits of the doubt.

Fleet: Yeah. What's, uh ... what's that about, anyhow? -holds up his hands for a minute- Not trying to be confrontational, believe me, considering the Zack of it all. But I think mine's a little more to do with vanity. I'm horribly full of myself.

Jemma: I love the guy. Our first interaction was kind of insanely vulnerable. He’s shown me his soft underbelly and…and I love him. Can’t help it. Wouldn’t want to if I could.

Fleet: -chews this over for a few moments- I've never felt that way with a lover, insanely vulnerable. Physically sometimes but that was the point. Never emotionally. I always went for older men who were emotionally unavailable because then I didn't have to worry about their feelings. -grimaces, thumbing his nose- Kind of obvious that I have daddy issues, that's unavoidable, but at least I figured that out early.

Jemma: Sometimes that makes all the difference--just knowing what your issues are gonna be. The emotional stuff is my favorite part, truth be told. Even when that means heartbreak, I just can't pass it up.

Fleet: You're braver than I am, Miss Okafor. -shakes his head, going back to the shelf- Maybe someday it'll seem worth the risk to me. But not now. Right now my heart stays in its shellac.

Jemma: Nothing wrong with that. But all that talk you were doing about reconciling and making the most of the end of the world? Seems like that heart of yours is already eager to be put to use.

Fleet: -pauses, then turns to look at her- Okay, you are reaaaaaally good at this. Anybody ever tell you you have astronomical emotional intelligence?

Jemma: -full-on belly-laughing- Yeeeaaahh, it was a self-selling point on my resumes back in the day. Believe me, I can verge into preachiness with it, I've had more than one friend remind me they wanted a vent session, not a therapy session. But it comes in SUPER handy nowadays.

Fleet: -laughing too, distracted from what he's doing- PLEASE tell me you used it as a humblebrag! I love a good unrepentant humblebrag. But seriously, though - this really is the time for it. Have you found that? Like, your most exaggerated traits seem almost mild now because everything else is so amped up? It makes me wonder just how OTT some of the people in town were normally!

Jemma: -nodding aggressively, then patting his arm- Y'know actually, my favorite thing to look for in people was how into the whole rat race they were before everything went down. Like sure, life has gotten objectively way harder and worse, in a lot of ways. I don't blame anybody that misses the things that used to bring them comfort. But in some folks, you can almost watch them, in real-time, totally come to life in this new reality. There's a guy named Doug who used to run a hedge fund, dude was almost a billionaire, but it turns out his great peace and passion is water filtration. The guy's obsessed with charcoal and experimenting with ash. He never would have known!

Fleet: -repeats, solemnly- He ever would've known. I'm kinda looking forward to discovering what I never would've known about myself. I'm starting off small, I guess - branching out the kind of guys I'm into. I wouldn't have done more than glance at Clint before, since he's undeniably cute, but now I'm going on an honest-to-god date with him.

Jemma: Clint!? Quiet bayou Clint? Oh, now he must've taken a shine to you to come out of his shell like that. Good for him. Good for you! -sighing with a smile- This is all a shit show in so many ways. It's easy to forget that here behind the walls, with all the safety. And it's not a smart to forget it. But, it's also kind of a gigantic gift.

Fleet: Maybe that's my thing. Sniffing out diamonds in the rough, at least when it comes to paramours. -giggles a little, considering that word that had puzzled his uncle- It's probably bad that now that I'm here I've completely switched off the part of my brain that thinks about that kind of survival skills, for past the walls. -makes a determined face- I'll give myself till the end of the year to purposely not think about it and then I'll go back to being more mindful.

Jemma: It’s not bad, honey, you’re still very new to the whole concept of safety we’ve got here. Enjoy it while you can, there’s always a reality check around the corner.

[ijemmaokafor]

Handwriting Meme

“It used to be neater and have a nice graceful lean to it, but all I can get around here are cheap-o Bics.”

[ijemmaokafor]

She sighs heavily, mouth pulled back into a flat grimace. “How do you bite someone’s head?? There’s nothing to bite onto!”

[ijemmaokafor]

Do you find it weird that you went for two such opposite people?

“Huh…I never thought about it like that. But I think there’s more overlap between them than might be obvious on the surface.”

[ijemmaokafor]

“Did you know that even in a sea of pink post-it notes, your funny little twiglet handwriting means yours stood out to me IMMEDIATELY? I love ‘em all, Ike Bike, but you’ll have to run them by me out loud later so I can hear which one’s best.”

[ijemmaokafor]

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

“My grandfather, watching Lost at a really formative age, and reading Citizen by Claudia Rankine.”

[ijemmaokafor]

Winterizing To-Do List

Finish winter chore assignments--double-check injury list with @reneebrxndxn

Take full stock of pantry with @fleetsummers (ask @isaacapatow about scales in overstock shed)

Help last canning push--see @adrixnadelgxdo about bringing kids in for demonstration

De-clutter community center/prom clean-up