ikeacactus

[ikeacactus]

It’s so sharp and smooth. it slices like butter, a little more pressure and i might actually hurt. I’m getting bad again but i’ll never show it; They are already going through enough. i don’t need to be another burden.

Just one more slice. the smallest one. no one will never notice. they’re so inconspicuous- But they make me feel so good.

[ikeacactus]

you called me today, the fact that you did tells me what you say is only out of fear. i will stand by your side and reassure you-

i’m not going to leave you. i never thought about it, we both know we can get though this, it might take time because while Yes it was scary, i’m willing to push through this obstacle for you. and us.

i told your dad to his face and i made a promise that im not going anywhere. i know you’re scared so am i, But I’m not going anywhere and together or not i will still stand by your side and tell you how amazing you are. everyone has moments where they feel like they can’t do it anymore. it doesn’t make you less than. the fact you’re still here shows you’re strong and brave and you know you can get through this. i told you the other day, God was preparing us for something and i believe this was that something.

God let us meet for a reason and this may of been that reason.

we both needed each other and still do. i still believe that we are meant for one another and we will get through this.

I don’t know how to pray still but i can try.

Dear father, i am thankful that you allowed Doug to make it through this, i am thankful that he is safe. I am thankful i am safe. Please give him the strength to smile and laugh again. I ask for you to send him reminders throughout the day to keep his hopes up. And again. thank you for allowing him in my life. Amen.

[ikeacactus]

i know you won’t see this, but i am still here for you. i always will be. i didn’t walk away last night because that was the last thing i wanted to do.

you’re my love. my person and my soulmate.

a lot of stuff is going on right now and what happened was beyond scary.

i just need to know you’re okay.

i still am in love with you i am not mad at you i wasn’t mad to begin with. you kept saying i was mad but i was worried.

in the mix of everything you said you’re gonna lose me and you aren’t. i’m still here. i always be will. mental illness doesn’t change how i think of you or our relationship, i knew you needed help that i couldn’t provide. no matter what. i’ll always be here for you.

[ikeacactus]

things that mean a lot to me but I will never mention:

• goodnight/ goodmorning texts • I miss you’s • I hope you’re okay’s • thinking about you • when someone goes out of their way to show you they care • when someone shows a real interest in you • feeling wanted • feeling like what you feel is validated •feeling important

[ikeacactus]

“i’ve seen you at your worst and i still think you’re the best.”

— Unknown

[ikeacactus]

“I swear I only want to hear about you, to know what you’ve been doing. It’s a hundred years since we’ve met- it may be another hundred years before we meet again.”

— Edith Wharton // The Age of Innocence

[ikeacactus]

“It’s all about the one face you look for in a room full of people.”

— Penqwen

[ikeacactus]

“Please be patient with me. Sometimes when I’m quiet it’s because I need to figure myself out. It’s not because I don’t want to talk. Sometimes there are no words for my thoughts.”

— Kamla Bolanos

[ikeacactus]

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

— J.R.R. Tolkien

[ikeacactus]

"I fell in love with your soul before I could even touch your skin. If that isn't true love, then please tell me what is."

[ikeacactus]

“If the full moon loves you, why worry about the stars?”

— Tunisian Proverb

[ikeacactus]

“Everything’s a risk. Not doing anything is a risk. It’s up to you.”

— Nicola Yoon

[ikeacactus]

god if you're real please don't let me wake up tomorrow

[ikeacactus]

i love it when people say “you aren’t actually sui**dal”

ahh yes. that cured me.

[ikeacactus]

how I miss being able to be happy without thinking of offing myself every 20 minutes

[ikeacactus]

Just kill me now. Just make it all fucking stop. I don’t want to be another mistake in someones live. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, i don’t want to feel at all anymore. It is all so fucking much, make it stop, please just make it fucking stop once and for all…

[ikeacactus]

i am actually the most dramatic and pathetic person you will ever meet 🤭.