illshakeyouallnightlong-dean

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Take Me To The Sun (Part 2)

A/N: Small Chapter update! Bit more of a Xaden focused chapter (sue me) the in-between of the journey to Samara! Thank you for the love. Again - this is also on A03. xoxo K

Watching Xaden and Violet whisper to each other, it’s clear that things are strained. Their tethers were drenched in betrayal and grief; rolling off in waves from Violet and the regret from Xaden - they were suffocating. The rising discomfort as their emotions barreled through me, it took everything to withhold my instinct to bring automatic comfort. What good is my signet if I can’t help others? Securing the straps on my gloves and the fit of my flight goggles. There was very little to pack of my own personal belongings, the sleeping pad added extra support against my lower back. All of it tightly secured, there was nothing left in Basgiath. 

“It’s gonna be a long flight, sweetheart. Do you need me to grab you anymore food?” Garrick orbits my space. Too nervous to fully cross it, but unable to stay away. Flittering around finding things to do for me, to comfort me, to be near me - it’s enough to make me go a little stir-crazy. However, a small whisper reminds me that this morning I thought he was dead and that is all it takes for me to allow him to continue. Rathnait exhales steam against my back in comfort, bringing some warmth to my bones. Her wariness towards Garrick was apparent the moment we stepped on the flight field and she barreled towards the large man, talons gripping the earth, teeth barred as she snarled in warning. I couldn’t help but laugh a bit as spit landed on his face. An ashen tone overtook his skin as Garrick stood deathly still. He had murmured something to her but she refused to tell me what it was that was said.

“I have a few snacks to hold me over.” I snip, making sure the laces on my boots are tucked in. Feeling him flinch at my short tone has me waver slightly. 

You have more patience than most, bright one. 

The sharp exhale escapes my lips, flicking the long braid over my shoulder. His eyes roam the length of it, before they meet mine. What I see in them makes me falter even more.

“I don’t want to be angry, Garrick, However, you’re going to have to either allow me to be for a while longer or leave me be until I can sort through … my emotions.” 

His jaw clenches ever so slightly before striding my way, making the choice to cross into my space, my orbit. Garrick towers me, forcing myself to look up and straining my neck slightly. The sight of the new scar on his face making him look all the more like a war hardened soldier, a rider. What would our parent’s think of us now? 

 “I made a mistake that - I’m here whenever or however you need me, sweetheart. I just want to make sure our travel goes smoothly for you.” A wet sheen covers his eyes for a moment before blinking it away. Garrick lost Liam and Soleil too. Everything was so fresh, all the mourning and anxiety. Reaching up towards him with shaky gloved hands, Garrick presses his face into my palm, nose nudged against the exposed skin and breathing in deeply once, twice. Gods, I was so fucked.. “Don’t ever feel like you have to dampen yourself for me, your emotions. I knew what I wanted the moment I saw you ride towards the sun on Rathnait.” He murmurs, lips pursed against my pulse point that thunders on my wrist. A quick glance on the relic that hides beneath my flight jacket and gloves, only a sliver of black is visible to him. Yet it seems to be what he needs to see before giving me his full attention with a smirk pulling at his lips as he watches me try not to cry, or melt, or combust - any of the above. 

He just looks at you and you melt, child. Rathnait cackles in my mind. Sending her a quick fuck off and closing the connection. 

“They don’t feel very nice - the feelings inside of me. I know there is still much to talk about. The monster in my chest definitely feels like punching you and the other part of me thought I’d never see you again-“ my voice breaks, cringing at the thought of losing the tight control I have before our long trip to Samara. Instantly, I’m incased in strong warm arms - the smell of well worn leather, churam and pine flood my senses. I can’t help the few tears that leak out, wetting the skin against his neck. 

I nearly didn’t have this. 

I nearly lost this feeling forever. 

Garrick shushes me gently, as if hearing the thoughts in my head. 

“Punch me when you need to. I can take it - although not to hard, I still want you to like my pretty face,” he whispers to me. A snort makes its way past my lips as I drag the sleeve of my jacket over my eyes in attempt to clear them. 

“Are Xaden and Violet ok?” I question, watching the lightening wielder cry and throw her arms around Xaden. Tenderness floods from him, lighting his tether in hues of orange and yellows like a waning sunset. 

“Violet knows about what lives in the barrens. She thought it was all a fairytale. And…” He stays silent, hesitant as he watches me. 

He wishes to tell you that Violet’s brother has been alive all this time. Living in Aretia helping rebuilding efforts. Chradh wishes you take it easy on them. 

It feels like my eyes bulge out of their sockets. Damn. That has to be awful for Violet, finding out that your older brother made the choice to never return to Navarre again. A deep, exhausted sight rises to the surface. I nod at him silently, watching Xaden and Violet take a step away from each other before turning towards us. 

“You were a great section leader.” Violet grins softly, clutching Xaden’s hand as she stand before me. Long gone was a naive general’s daughter. A true rider, a lightening wielder, a warrior against Venin. “I’m sorry about everything.”

“I’m sorry too, Sorrengail. I wish this world was different for the both of us. And yet, I know great things are coming for you - and hopefully I’ll be there alongside ya,” I wink, pulling her into my arms in a tight hug. “I’ll watch this idiot, don’t worry. He’ll see you in a couple weeks.” She musters a laugh, recognizing the soul deep exhaustion that everyone is in. With a final embrace from the two lovers, we make our way towards our dragon. The anxiety flowing off of Xaden made me want to be sick. 

“She’ll be ok. You have to trust her, the same way you want her to trust you.” I murmur softly, imbuing him with comfort. With a pat on the back, I walk towards Rathnait who waits eagerly for a long night in the sky. 

You know there is nothing else, no one else I trust more than you.  I confess to her, pressing my forehead to hers, shaky breaths fill the space. With a gentle trill, she encourages me up her leg, settling for the long ride ahead. 

*  *  *

We head east. Nothing but vast snow capped mountain ranges across the Elsum Province. The winter flight jacket I had on did little to shield me from the frigid cold that seeped deep into my bones. From Basgiath to Samara is about a day trip, and leaving at night gave us a bit of a buffer to take our time. Chradh, throughout the past 12 hours, kept bushing his wing against Rathnait - much to her irritation and secret delight. Garrick would smirk at every snap or roar from my dragon, laughing at whatever Chradh would tell him. As the sun came up, I relished in the feeling of its warmth. My dragon no longer needing to ask as she tore away from our small riot and shot up towards the sun. With a scream of excitement I tightened my grip on her scales and spikes, for a moment she freezes in the air, wings stretched as far as they would go - her shimmers of shades of red glistening in the light. She chuckles in my mind as she feels my anticipation, the precipice of descent. Rathnait lets herself fall backwards, before fixing her position and darting towards the mountain range. My hands outstretch as we bank out, flares of fire bursting and twirling around us, I let it skim her wings, warming her up. 

How all you humans should treat us. She purrs in relief. I laugh as I watch her relish in the way my fire signet bursts to life around us.

A chitter from Sgaeyl however, draws us back to the others as we make a descent to a pasture that encompasses a small mountain lake. I stiffly make my way of Rathnait, my legs feeling like jelly as I touch sold ground for the first time in hours. Making my way towards the boys who have set up a mini camp, I quickly light a fire on the shores of the lake. We all sit on the ground, Xaden rifling through his pack while Garrick tries to entice me with berries and chocolate he had stolen from the kitchen in Basgiath. A moment of contentment passed through us. 

“It was a setup. Athebyne, the post - all of it.” Xaden sighed, dragging a dagger through the sand in mindless patterns. “The post was emptied, Aetos made sure there was only one path to take. L-Liam, he saw the Venin reach the trading post. We had to make a choice of defending or retreating.”

“Xaden, you don’t have to,” I say softly, watching and feeling the torment he’s enduring. “We can talk about it another time.”

“Flare, please.” Xaden looks up at me, willing me to understand. “I have to tell you now so nothing happens to you, so you prepare. Okay?” He demands. I nod and listen; how the Venin scorched and burned and drained. The Wyvern. The way Deigh fell and Liam had moments. I try to stop the onslaught of tears that rise and fall, spilling against my cheeks like a waterfall. My lip bleeding as I trap them between my teeth, trying to stay quiet and listen and Xaden tells me everything and anything that he can remember. Garrick, eyes vacant and hollow as he too endures the memories. However, his hand that rests on my lap, open and inviting quickly intertwines with my own, bringing them to his chest where his heart beat thunderously beneath his skin. No longer can I hold the sob in as I listen to everything they had gone through, everything they suffered through. 

“And Aretia?” I finally ask, not missing the way Xaden’s shoulder’s slump in defeat. “This whole time you’ve been restoring it?” 

“The contingency if Navarre didn’t hold up their end of the deal. We would have never left you.” He assures. “My mistake was believing you would be safer if you didn’t know  until necessary. Now? I - we need you. Need you to train harder. Need you to fight alongside us. Need your expertise, need your signets, need your dragon. Flare, we need you to hold us together because Garrick and I can no longer do it on our own. There are too many factors now.” 

“Like Violet,” I comment softly. Willing him to understand it’s not out of accusation, but out of consideration. Before, all Xaden had to think about was himself, the marked ones - the survival. Now? 

Love was able to endure plenty chaos, but only to the strength of the riders, of their hearts.

War was coming. There was no stopping it. And I would be damned if I was gonna let it rage without me. 

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Take Me To The Sun (Rewritten)

I know everything. The things beyond weapons drops across the border. And yet I stay quiet. Until I can't. Being a marked one, being a friend of Xaden Riorson doesn't mean I am granted unfiltered access to information of what goes on beyond Navarre's walls. But it should when lives are lost and rules change. My compassion doesn't make me weak. My dragon chose me. I am meant for more.

A/N: This fic is updated on my AO3 as well. Here. Happy Reading! Gonna try to update once or twice a week but as you know, life happens so we'll see! xoxo K

The quadrant is in chaos. 

Finding out who is alive, who we all lost - it’s a mess. The only thing I can focus on, however, is the fact that they aren’t back. 

He isn’t back. 

I wish I could comfort you, flare. Rathnait whispers to me in the library of my mind. For a brief moment, guilt consumes me. Gripping my throat with the threat of tears and a scream. A failure of a rider -  not able to even give her a reprieve from the onslaught of my emotions. That she must feel it all with me down our bad. 

A low growl as she narrows those golden eyes of her’s at me. Talons tick nervously on the flight field, vigilant over my every move and breath. All I can do is stare at my dragon vacantly. Streaks of dark copper highlighted her grace, her beauty - running down the length of her neck and down each of her legs. Rathnait was a sight to behold, and I was only grateful to be considered worthy to be hers. Her scarlet colored scales glistened in the setting sun, as if mirroring the sun itself in all its bright glory. Her swordtail flicked in the air back and forth, as if it were involuntary. We must not get ahead of ourselves, you would feel it if something happened to him. Don’t you dare assume what I can and can’t handle. Shutting me out only hurts you in the end.

My shaky hands outstretch, desperation to run them against the warmth of her scales. Her nose to my chest, needing to feel the steadiness of her breath on my clammy self. She nudges me gently, trying all she can to ground my spiraling thoughts. 

How could this be happening? How did it come to this? All that will be left is bitter words and unspoken longing for a man who didn’t choose me.

~

“Xaden is already bending the rules with bringing Violet along, I can’t ask him to risk your well being as well,” Garrick murmurs in my ear as we watch the tense showdown between Dain and Xaden. Ignoring the sting in my chest is a feat itself, having to wrinkle my nose to rid myself of  the tears that threaten to fall.

“You're not even gonna try, after everything? You just expect me to watch you go? You’ve been keeping secrets, Garrick. This seems like part of one of them.” Stepping away from his hold, the warmth long gone from the two of us. My desire to punch him, to yell at him at the very least - gods why doesn’t he ever choose me? 

Rathnait glowers at both Garrick and Chradh, his brown scorpion tail - the irritation evident in her golden gaze. Unrelenting. Every tone, every unsaid word she analyzes and catalogues. Watching me get hurt right before her very eyes, and not in a physical way is something she doesn’t stand for. Teeth as sharp as steel snap towards Chradh, the brown dragon pulls away in shock towards the obvious display of aggression. Garrick’s jaw shuts and clenches at the show the dragons are putting on, his ever composed features faltering at the anguish I knew he could see in my eyes, could hear in my voice. 

Just say the word, flare. I’ll teach him to treat you with more care. Rathnait snarls at Chradh as he tries to nudge her affectionately. I don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable position, to push away her growing care for Chradh. You let me worry about that. Chradh knows you are the one I chose, the one I will always look out for.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish we had time to talk more, but right now I would rather know you’re safe with the rest of your squad. Your anger towards me is worth it if I am guaranteed your survival,” I watch as he makes sure his flight gloves are secure, flexing them before flickering those earth toned eyes towards me. My heart cracks a little bit more - all I want to do is scream. To shove him and get him to see that this is hurting me, is crushing me. How much more can I let slide? How much more can I take?

“And what about you? What if you don’t come back?” The very thought is enough to have my knees lock and heart stutter. 

Xaden and Violet make their way towards their dragons. Squads have begun to launch to their respective posts. Dain and I are being waited upon by Second Squad. 

“I’ve survived too much to lose now. I’ll be back and we can talk - I’ll tell you everything,” Garrick promises, stepping forward to plant a soft kiss on my temple. Clutching his flight jacket, I can’t help it as tears fall down my cheeks. 

“It seems like you might lose me though.”

 Turning around to follow my squad leader, ignoring the curses from Garrick, ignoring the way in which my squad watches me with grimaces and pity. All for fucking War Games, all for nothing. Being co-section leader means nothing to me, Dain can be in charge for all I care. Steps that feel like bricks on my feet, it’s all the energy I can muster towards the group, needing the familiar, needing their constant. Ridoc opens his arms, bringing me in for a brief tight embrace. Sawyer offers a wavering smile.

“Are you gonna be ok?” Rhiannon softly asks, wiping my wet cheeks with her hands. A shaky smile graces my lips, hands busy with making sure my own flight jacket and gloves are secure. It takes everything in me to not watch Garrick and Chradh take to the sky, having to believe that he’ll be ok, it’s all that I can allow myself to think of. 

Xaden didn’t even glance my way, Imogen or Bodhi - no one. As if the rest of the marked one’s had decided together who should and shouldn’t go. Guess I made the cut. My own relic curved over my fingers and wrist - briefly burning as if answering to my very thoughts. 

“Let’s go get this over with.” Quickly scaling up Rathnait, she chuffs at me, making sure I’m secure in my seat. Let’s go flying, Ray. Take me towards the sun. Sending my devotion to her down our bond. She launches quickly, wings flaring gloriously. The rest of the squad is quick to follow. 

I’ll always make sure you’re near it, flare. The light will never die in you, not even from this pain. 

At least she always chooses me. 

~

It’s been 10 days. 10 days of agony. 

I’m the only third year left. 

Expected to carry on my co-section leader responsibilities as if the absence of Garrick is a minor inconvenience. The early sun rises with a flourish of pinks, reds and oranges and all I can do is relish in this fleeting moment of peace. 

No one seems to care or notice that they aren’t back yet. My only anchor, my only comfort is from that of my dragon. Spending many hours against the curve of her back, staring up at the sky in hopes of seeing or hearing familiar dragons, of hearings wings. When I’m not near her, our bond is wide open. The familiar fire red tether in my mind ablaze with every thought and emotion that runs through us. A warmth of what I could only describe as security floods down the bond. 

We can’t worry about things that haven’t been confirmed yet, flare. She knows my true questions, the things that I can’t bring myself to ask or think about. You must think about today, where we will go. 

Graduation day. 

Today would be the day we’ve been waiting for since entering this school, assignments to outposts were being given, and by this evening I would be gone, my journey at Basgaith over. Turning away from the river, I make my trek towards the flight field. The few third years left of this school congregate, awaiting as Colonel Aetos and Commandant Pancheck begin the assignments. 

“Congrats on graduating, Section Leader. It is a shame that Wingleader Riorson and Section Leader Tavis aren’t here to accompany you.” Colonel Aetos nearly sneers at the mention of Xaden. The obvious disdain is unsettling as he rifles through different papers. “Ah yes, your assignment. Due to your signet and the savagery of your red swordtail - you’re being assigned to the eastern wing…specifically, Samara.” The grin directed at me is maniacal, a joke I’m not privy too, a dare. Rathnait snarls in my mind, unbridled rage igniting the very blood in my veins - but all I can do is take the papers from his hand, saluting in acknowledgement and walking away.

Where are you, Ray?  Hands tremble, the crinkling of paper beneath slender hands is all I can focus on as I sprint towards my room. Can’t be out in the open, can’t let them see, can’t let anyone see what will surely be my own falling apart. My own demise. 

You will not fall apart. An outpost is just a different place, as if you haven’t endured years of people hating the very ground you stand on. As if you haven’t been bonded to me. 

I make it to the middle of an empty hall that leads towards our sleeping quarters, knowing in a matter of moments the rest of the cadets will be awake to get into formation. Pressing the heels of my hand into my eyes, I can’t help but rest my back against the cool stone behind me. My own body feeling as if it had everything sucked out of me, the very air I breath feels strained.  

Samara is the front line. Trying to get the ever rising beat of my heart under control, I must not panic. I am a rider. I am Rathnait’s rider.

Are you afraid, flare? I shudder at her question, not wanting to admit the fear, the panic. But I know that she can feel everything, hear all that I think. 

They aren’t here. He isn’t here. A whimper escapes my lips, the reality of it all just crashing down like rubble. I will be going to Samara, there is no avoiding it, there is no changing it. While I had spent years trying to survive Basgaith, I would be sent to one of the most active posts in the region. 

“Section Leader? Ar-are you ok?” Dain Aetos stands before me, hands out as if approaching a scared animal. “We need to get to formation.”

I don't hate the kid, knowing that following the straight and narrow path is the life that is meant for some people over others. However, that doesn’t mean I want him to see me having a mental breakdown. Giving him a small nod, I manage to get myself to stand before fully looking at the Squad Leader. 

Something’s wrong. My own senses are beginning to go haywire. My signet. Only Xaden and Garrick knew. Command and Basgaith are under a different impression as to what it is. None of the other marked ones knew either. The manipulation and detection of emotions however was a daily venture, there was no turning it off, there was only controlling it and living with it and right now Dain Aetos was a mess. 

“I would ask you the same thing, what’s wrong?” Dusting off my flight leathers. I don’t miss the way he flinches at my question, his hesitancy. “Do I have to give an order to know?” Glowering at him - I am still a section leader. 

Taking a deep breath, he stands tall despite the sorrow in his eyes, “Xaden and the rest of the squad he took with him are being declared dead at formation.” I startle myself at the immediate sob that escapes my lips. My body has accepted what my mind cannot. “Leadership has been looking and there is no sign of them.” Feeling the agony of his own loss, it feels as if a tidal wave has pulled me under. The roaring from Rathnait in my brain feels as if it will explode any second. Dain’s grief, his regret all barrel into me with no filter, no shield. Rathnait’s confusion and rage down the bond. My own sorrow, my own heartbreak. There is no stopping it. There just is feeling it. Unaware of the stream of tears that roll down my face, the taste of salt jolts me out of the shock, the horror. 

“Round up everyone, squad leader. I’ll be at formation in a moment.” My voice doesn’t feel like my own, the assignment papers feeling like large weights in my hand. He turns away to head towards the Quadrant, “Dain,” I call out, sounding like a garbled mess. “Thank you for telling me.” His own eyes glisten with unshed tears as he nods. 

My flare. I hear her call out, though to reach out seems like so much energy, all I can do is let her in with no barriers, allowing her to be there in the comfort of my mind. I’m coming, flare. 

Standing at the bottom of the stone dias. Everyone in formation, I don’t bother to look around. There is no one here to look for anymore. There is no Wingleader, there is no co-section leader - there is just me alone at the front. 

We don’t even have our leader. What hope is there for the revolution? Rathnait has no answer for me. 

To look at my squad is the last thing I am able to do, not being able to endure their unsaid questions. Answers? I had none. Being known for being put together, not a hair out of place, no rumpled leathers, no dirt unless necessary was once a pride and pleasure I reveled in. I’m sure the current state of me was a shock. Strands of hair fell in front of my face, eyes dry and cheeks raw from the tears. 

Captain Fitzgibbons overlooks formation, reading off the death roll. “Violet Sorrengail.” A moment of silence as all eyes look to the stoic face of General Sorrengail. “Garrick Tavis.” My heart feels as if it bleeds on the very floor I'm standing on, flinching harshly at the reading of his name. “And Xaden Riorson.” Captain Fitzgibbon’s voice rings out echoing around the quadrant. 

“Well this is awkward,” a voice calls out. Gasps are heard around the quadrant, even command seems unsettled by what’s happening. My knees seem to be locked in place, unable to turn around and see what is going on. My breaths turn into small gasps of air - no no no it can’t be, I’m dreaming. Dain said. I need to wake up. Heavy footsteps approach behind me, and two individuals take up position on either side of me. A calloused hand brushes against my own. 

~

Angry steps make their way towards the leaders seated at the dias. Xaden Riorson commands the very space, as if he were part of leadership. Violet Sorrengail makes her stand next to me, and the presence of the person on the right of me is one I can’t pay attention to - no matter how badly I want to turn and look, no matter how badly I want to cry. Colonel Aetos is furious, cheeks flushed and furrowed brows do no favors as General Sorrengail questions everything that has been happening since the start of War Games. All directed towards the fumbling Colonel and Xaden.

“I was directed to take a squad beyond the wards to Athebyne and form the headquarters for Fourth Wing’s War Games, and I did so. We stopped to rest our riot at the nearest lake past the wards, and we were attacked by gryphons.” Xaden states, fists at his side as he looks at both General Sorrengail and Colonel Aetos. “It was a surprise attack, and they caught Deigh and Fuil unaware.” He pivots slightly, telling the wing the rest of what we don’t know. “They were dead before they ever had a chance.” My Wingleader looks at my briefly for the first time in what seems like years, for a moment there is a crack in his ever perfect expression. 

I must have blinked, I must’ve staggered. My knees crash against the hard floor for a moment before arms reach themselves around my waist to hoist me up. We lost Liam? We lost Soleil? Unable to hear anything other than the rushing of my own blood through my very veins, the beat of my heart as if it were to come out of my chest. Violet flits her hands around my face, her mouth moving but for the life of me I don’t know what she’s saying. 

Liam was so good. Too good. And just like that he is gone? 

“And we almost lost Sorrengail.” 

Violet’s eyes widen as she takes in the horror in my eyes. My friends were in trouble and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there. Tears blur my vision, and all I can do is breathe through the rattling in my chest. 

I will never forgive you. Pushing the thought towards Xaden. Watching as his spine stiffens, for a brief moment the hurt is detectable in those onyx depths, but in a blink it vanishes. 

“Breathe,” a warm voice whispers against my ear, “ Or you’ll pass out.” The emotions of everyone in the quadrant are too much. However, Garrick Tavis’ were always those of beacons to me - I was nothing more than a boat lost at sea in this very moment. And yet how do I differentiate between him and me and our emotions when all this time I thought he was dead? I thought he was never to come back? How do I ever look at him the same way after leaving me behind? “Let go of me,” shrugging myself out of his hold, I get back into proper formation. Violet watches warily, unsure of what to do. “Go help our Wingleader, Cadet Sorrengail.” Anguish flickers from her emotional tether, being dismissed was something she didn’t think I would ever do to her. To treat her as a lesser. However, in this very moment, the very reality I have endured through seems pointless. There is no belonging to the marked one’s or to a cause or to the protection of Violet and Xaden. There is nothing but the chasm in my chest at every word being revealed, at every tether holding loss and grief. And the worst part of it all is that in a matter of less than 12 hours none of this will matter, Basgiath won’t matter - I will be long gone, a new post, a new death sentence. Like always, being forced to move on. 

Making myself numb is a simple yet effective aspect of my second signet. The dying of emotions is a strange and vacant liminal space in my mind. Gone are the bright hues within the library. The dimming of my own tether to Rathnait. The rest of questioning -  I don’t bother with the insistent touching from Garrick as he tries to get my attention. I don’t bother with the few glances from Xaden, and unfortunately I can’t be open to the bond between Rathnait and I - my cruel humanity unable to withstand her words at this moment despite her numerous attempts of ramming against my shields. I know it isn’t her fault, this hurt and sense of loss that I feel - but I’d rather be alone. 

With dismissal from command, Xaden and Violet get back into formation. There are words exchanged between them and Dain, but again why does any of it matter anymore? As Captain Fitzgibbons calls out the additional names to the amended death roll, there are no tears shed, there is only silence, deathly still silence. Commandant Panchek takes the stand and addresses what is left of the riders remaining. “Beyond military commendations, there are no words of praise for rider. Our reward for a job well done is living to see the next duty station, the next rank. In keep with our traditions and standards, those of you who have completed your third year will now be commissioned as lieutenants in the army of Navarre. Step forward when your name is called to receive your orders. You have until morning to depart for your new duty stations.” 

The orders I received earlier feel like lead against my breast pocket. I had received mine earlier as a taunt, a warning since command had already believed that my Wingleader and his squad were dead. My duty station was punishment for whatever it was that Xaden and Garrick had been involved in, what they are still involved in. 

“Garrick Tavis!” My heart feels like it lodges itself in my throat, as if it were to splatter all over the floor as I look at him, fully look at him for the first time in days as he strides towards the commandant. A new scar lines from his jaw to his temple, deep and red - fresh. His wide strong frame grabs the paper and lets out a breath as he reads the duty station he is assigned to before looking at me as he makes his way back to formation. For the first time, I note an emotion that is rare from him, from someone I have come to know as unwavering. 

He’s scared. Garrick Tavis is afraid. 

~

A resounding cheer goes up in the courtyard as we are dismissed from formation. Everyone has their new orders and I watch as Ridoc, Sawyer, Nadine and Violet gather each other into a hug. Liam should be here with them too, I can’t help but think. Soleil should be graduating with us. Violet tries to catch my gaze but I am not one for appeasing our lightening wielder tonight. A tall figure blocks my vision of the squad, and I know who it is without having to truly look up and see.

“Wingleader,” I nod, staring blankly across his shoulder. “What can I help you with?” 

Xaden raises his hands as if to grip my shoulder, or Malek forbid, pull me into a hug. He must second guess himself though as he falters and his hand hangs limply at his side. “We need to talk, the three of us. And I’m no longer your Wingleader, we’re equals. We made it, flare.” 

Whipping my gaze at him, lips pulled in a snarl. “Don’t. I was never your equal, I was someone who helped you all get away with whatever bullshit it is you’re doing. I was the scapegoat. I was the distraction.” With each word, rage bellows in my belly. My shields must be faltering between Rathnait and I, because I feel like decking him, hurting him. I don’t bother lowering my volume, all sense of decorum out the window as cadets make their way across the quadrant. “I’m not even your friend.” 

Xaden flinches at that. 

“That’s not fair, sweetheart,” A raspy deep voice comes from behind me, calloused hands attempt to grab my own. Ripping them out of his grasp, I can’t help but ram my elbow into his side, the sound of wheezing only slightly satisfying. Xaden attempts to help him but the glare I pin at him leaves him immobilized . 

“What is not fair, sweetheart, is being left behind. Is not being there to help. Is not being trusted after everything I’ve told you out of faith!” Whirling around to face him, Garrick struggles to fully stand upright after my jab. “And now it doesn’t even matter. Excuse me, I have to go pack.” 

Hurt. Regret. All that I can feel from the two shocked idiots. 

****

Shutting me out isn’t the answer, flare. Rathnait snarls in my mind. There is nothing my dragon hates more than to be purposely shutout from me. If I can’t reach your during moments of distress, how can I help you?

Sometimes I don’t want help, Ray. Sometimes I just have to feel it. Folding the rest of my clothes and putting away what few belongings I do have, I’m able to rest for a moment on the bed. The wooden figurine of Rathnait sits on the window, all I can do is watch it. 

Liam was so sweet. Eager to please, eager to excel - and training him was something that I actually found fun. He was the little brother I never had. Someone who could bring me back down from the emotional highs, someone who made me laugh when all Xaden and Garrick wanted to do was be serious. When he made the figurine of my dragon, Rathnait herself chuffed in amusement at how endearing she found Liam. He was just so filled with light that this hellhole had to swallow it up and take it away. It wasn’t fair. 

A knock echoes throughout the empty room. Already knowing what is to come, I steel myself for the inevitable emotional onslaught. Adjusting my new officer flight leathers, I wave my finger to open the door, staying close to the window. 

Both Garrick and Xaden are dressed in their new flight leathers as well. A pack and sleeping pad hitched over their shoulders. Remorse written all over their faces I don’t even have to use my signet for that. 

“Is it ok if we talk in here?” Xaden asks. Yelling from the graduated cadets echo throughout the halls, celebration in all forms was everywhere tonight. Glancing away from their hesitant stares, the sound barrier shimmers slightly overhead as Xaden shuts the door. With a heavy, burdened sight, he slides against the door and sits on the floor, legs outstretched. It’s the least put together I’ve seen from him. Garrick sits on the bed, glancing at the wooden figurine with a wavering smile before glancing at me. I don’t make a move to sit by him, my arms cross as I lean against the window bay. No one says a word. The friendship the three of us had, seems like it teeters on the edge of the cliff. Well it seems like I’m the one starting this.

“I thought you were all dead. That all I had left was the memory of disagreeing with Garrick before War Games and watching my Wingleader not spare me a second glance as he makes his squad when I was meant to be a section leader as well.” Bland words escape me, trying to say something other than the yelling that I want to dish out to them. “And knowing I didn’t even get to see Liam before he -“ I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’ve never asked, Xaden. I’ve never demanded Garrick tell me when I could easily hold it against him as someone he supposedly cared a lot about-“

“Care.” Garrick interrupts. Leaving no room for argument. “I care a lot about you, sweetheart. More than that. Don’t blame Xaden when I am just as much a part of this as he is. Be mad at me too.” His hazel eyes blaze with a fight I know he’s aching for. To yank the deadened words from my lips with something fiery, something that feels like more. Garrick doesn’t know what he’s asking for.

“You don’t think I’m mad at you too? Tavis, I am furious. I am heartbroken. I was resigned to a life without you, and now?” Gasping for air, I pound my chest for some sort of relief from the tightness I feel. Garrick is quick to try and help me but I raise my hand, ordering him wordlessly to stay put. 

“There are a lot of things I regret,” Xaden rasps, “You helped me, confided in me - and I didn’t do the same thing to you.” 

“I was ready to fight alongside the two of you if you had told me to. I would meet Malek with honor. I may not be like you or Imogen or Bodhi - that everything I feel is so much and bleeds with every word I say or person I interact with - “

“No, flare that’s no-“

“You act like I’m not even a marked one. That I am not a part of what you all are planning. I’m kept in the shadows so that command never suspects you all. You asked me to help train Violet. You asked me to be a constant, to be unwavering. For what? To be forgotten?” With each question, my shouts echo throughout my bedroom. Neither of them are able to meet my eyes. “I would die for Aretia.” The whisper in to the space between us hits their mark. The full realization of what I know - the understanding, make it’s way across their expressions, their emotions. Xaden rakes his fingers through his hair, clutching it almost painfully. Garrick staggers slightly, holding himself up by clutching the bed post. “And now? It’s too late. I have my duty station. Basgaith is done. My journey here is done.” 

I brush my signet along their emotional tethers, unable to break the habit of comforting them ever so slightly. Understanding that the two of them lost their brother, lost people that were a part of them. Garrick lets out a shaky laugh as he feels the familiar sensation of soothingness. 

“H-How did you know about that?” Garrick questions, eyes finally roaming over me in disbelief. 

“Did you not think I would know every time you would lie to me? That the drops you were making were all that you were doing? I don’t know anything else but the restoration of home, of our home? How could you not think I would defend that with every ounce of my life for you?” 

“It was never because I didn’t trust you.” Xaden looks at me with a resolve I don’t understand. He gets up slowly, standing tall. “If anything it was because I didn’t want to chance losing someone else we all cared about to. We lost Liam and Soleil too easily. I lost them. I’m the one who is responsible for you all.” 

Truth. Feeling his honesty. Feeling his belief. 

“Flare, if were to lose someone like you, too? You’re glue, you’re binding. You’re a bridge. The same way that Violet is.  You bring Navarre and Tyrrendor together with your compassion. With your grace and spirit. When others look at you, they don’t see a marked one. They see more.” A knuckle taps against his flight leather pants in agitation. "I took a chance and made a mistake and I’ll never be able to earn that trust back. But look into my tether and now that I’m so fucking sorry. That I fucked up.” Xaden pleads, “And selfishly I was looking out for my brother, knowing that if he lost you? There was nothing in this world that would bring him back.” His voice cracks as he looks over at Garrick, a hand on his broad shoulders. “I’d rather you be alive and hate me, whereas dead and I lose the two of you in the process.” 

A shudder makes it’s way past my lips, tears trailing down my cheeks. I felt exhausted, I felt confused and scared and so many other things and all because we we’re so fucking human it seemed like despite my signet, despite my bond with a dragon - I was still so susceptible to human experiences and emotions. 

“I’m being assigned to Samara,” I tell them, not being able to dance around that any longer. Both of them look at me with wide bloodshot eyes. 

“Say that again?” Garrick demands, making his way towards me. 

“Samara is my new duty station?” Confused as to their reactions. “I was assigned my station before the official formation. It’s a death sentence, one they thought they could give me since they thought you were dead and I was a loose end towards command.” 

Garrick and Xaden smile, both blinding and perfect. Garrick for the first time in what seems like ages, swoops me into his arms, clutching me tightly as he cradles the nape of my neck. He shakes in my hold, as if whatever energy he feels is suddenly constrained in his body. 

“We’ve been assigned there as well, we didn’t get to chose our station. I guess they forgot that they had put you there too,” Xaden laughs, watching the disbelief as I realize what this means. 

“You’re gonna be with me?” I whimper towards Garrick, burrowing my face into the crook of his neck feeling the tidal wave of emotions of all three of us. 

“Never leaving you, sweetheart.” He laughs again, rubbing his hands along my back, clutching my hair, doing anything he can to just touch me. It’s been ages since we’ve been near each other like this. I can feel Rathnait chuff in the back of my mind, her also understanding that she gets Chradh with her as well. 

“We get a second chance,” Xaden grins, although I know he means it more towards himself. 

“If by second chance you mean I get to be in, full in. Than yes,” I demand, untangling myself from Garrick, to look at both of them. Garrick clutches his hand in mine tightly. 

“You’re in, flare. However much you want to be involved in. Garrick and I will tell you everything, and from there -“ He nervously wavers, “From there you can fully decide what it is you want to do. There is no one else I’d rather station and fight alongside with than with you two. The three of us entered Basgiath together, we leave together.” 

Opening my arms, he rolls his eyes playfully - ever the grump. Garrick and I pull Xaden into our embrace, clutching each other tightly with relief. We weren't gonna go through death alone, we weren’t gonna suffer alone. Samara was meant to be our death sentence but maybe, just maybe - it wouldn’t be so bad. 

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Author Note for Take Me To The Sun

i'M SO SORRY been appreciating the love this quick fic has been getting - I lost alot of momentum due to personal things but the new book has me feeling inspired so I think I'm going to edit the shit out of this fic and then continue it love y'all xoxo K

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Take Me To The Sun (Part 4)

Ok it came earlier I couldn't stop... lol

-K xoxo

Part 3 Here

Shutting me out isn’t the answer, flare. Rathnait snarls in my mind. I know she’s furious, hating to be shutout from me, but I also know she was more scared than anything. If I can’t reach your during moments of distress, how can I help you?

Sometimes I don’t want help, Ray. Sometimes I just have to feel it. Folding the rest of my clothes and putting away what few belongings I do have, I’m able to rest for a moment on the bed. The wooden figurine of Rathnait sits on the window, all I can do is watch it. 

Liam was so sweet. Eager to please, eager to excel - and training him was something that I actually found fun. He was the little brother I never had. Someone who could bring me back down from the emotional highs, someone who made me laugh when all Xaden and Garrick wanted to do was be serious. When he made the figurine of my dragon, Rathnait herself chuffed in amusement at how endearing she found Liam. He was just so filled with light that this hellhole had to swallow it up and take it away. It wasn’t fair. 

A knock echoes throughout the empty room. Already knowing what is to come, I steel myself for the inevitable emotional onslaught. Adjusting my new officer flight leathers, I wave my finger to open the door, staying close to the window. 

Both Garrick and Xaden are dressed in their new flight leathers as well. A pack and sleeping pad hitched over their shoulders. Remorse written all over their faces I don’t even have to use my signet for that. 

“Is it ok if we talk in here?” Xaden asks. Yelling from the graduated cadets echo throughout the halls, cheering and chatter are everywhere tonight. 

No words need to be said, but I also can’t just leave. With a raised brow I watch as they make their way into my old room, shutting the door. Xaden sighs as he slides against the door and sits on the floor, legs outstretched. It’s the least put together I’ve seen from him. Garrick sits on the bed, glancing at the wooden figurine with a wavering smile before glancing at me. I don’t make a move to sit by him, my arms cross as I lean against the window bay. No one says a word. The friendship the three of us had, seems like it teeters on the edge of the cliff. 

“I thought you were all dead. That all I had left was the memory of disagreeing with Garrick before War Games and watching my Wingleader not spare me a second glance as he makes his squad when I was meant to be a section leader as well.” Bland words escape me, trying to say something other than the yelling that I want to dish out to them. “And knowing I didn’t even get to see Liam before he -“ I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’ve never asked, Xaden. I’ve never demanded Garrick tell me when I could easily hold it against him as someone he supposedly cared a lot about-“

“Care.” Garrick interrupts. Leaving no room for argument. “I care a lot about you, sweetheart. More than that. Don’t blame Xaden when I am just as much a part of this as he is. Be mad at me too.” His hazel eyes blaze with a fight I know he’s aching for. But the outcome might not be what he’s hoping for. Not when there is a duty station that’s my death sentence. 

“You don’t think I’m mad at you too? Tavis, I am furious. I am heartbroken. I was resigned to a life without you, and now?” Gasping for air, I pound my chest for some sort of relief from the tightness I feel. Garrick is quick to try and help me but I raise my hand, ordering him wordlessly to stay put. 

“There are a lot of things I regret,” Xaden rasps, “You helped me, confided in me - and I didn’t do the same thing to you.” 

“I looked to you as my leader, Xaden. Someone I believed in without knowing the full extent of what was happening. Looking past the relics, looking past the history. I was ready to go to fight alongside the two of you if you had told me to,” I whisper, watching the full realization of my declaration - the understanding, make it’s way across their expressions, their emotions. Xaden rakes his fingers through his hair, clutching it almost painfully. Garrick staggers slightly, holding himself up my clutching the bed post. “And now? It’s too late. I have my duty station. Basgaith is done. My journey here is done.” 

I brush my signet along their emotional tethers, unable to break the habit of comforting them ever so slightly. Understanding that the two of them lost their brother, lost people that were a part of them. Garrick lets out a shaky laugh as he feels the familiar sensation of soothingness. 

“It was never because I didn’t trust you.” Xaden looks at my with a resolve I don’t understand. He gets up slowly, standing tall. “If anything it was because I didn’t want to chance losing someone else we all cared about to. We lost Liam and Soleil too easily. I lost them. I’m the one who is responsible for them all.” 

Truth. Feeling his honesty. Feeling his belief. 

“Flare, if were to lose someone like you, too? You’re glue, you’re binding. You’re a bridge. The same way that Violet is. I took a chance and made a mistake and I’ll never be able to earn that trust back. But look into my tether and now that I’m so fucking sorry. That I fucked up.” Xaden pleads, “And selfishly I was looking out for my brother, knowing that if he lost you? There was nothing in this world that would bring him back.” His voice cracks as he looks over at Garrick, a hand on his broad shoulders. “I’d rather you be alive and hate me, whereas dead and I lose the two of you in the process.” 

A shudder makes it’s way past my lips, tears trailing down my cheeks. I felt exhausted, I felt confused and scared and so many other things and all because we we’re so fucking human it seemed like despite my signet, despite my bond with a dragon - I was still so susceptible to human experiences and emotions. 

“I’m being assigned to Samara,” I tell them, not being able to dance around that ay longer. Both of them look at me with wide bloodshot eyes. 

“Say that again?” Garrick demands, making his way towards me. 

“Samara is my new duty station?” Confused as to their reactions. “I was assigned my station before the official formation. It’s a death sentence, one they thought they could give me since they thought you were dead and I was a loose end towards command.” Garrick and Xaden smile, both blinding and perfect. Garrick for the first time in what seems like ages, swoops me into his arms, clutching me tightly as he cradles the nape of my neck. He shakes in my hold, as if whatever energy he feels is suddenly contained in  his body. 

“We’ve been assigned there as well, we didn’t get to chose our station. I guess they forgot that they had put you there too,” Xaden laughs, watching the disbelief as I realize what this means. 

“You’re gonna be with me?” I whimper towards Garrick, burrowing my face into the crook of his neck feeling the tidal wave of emotions of all three of us. 

“Never leaving you, sweetheart.” He laughs again, rubbing his hands along my back, clutching my hair, doing anything he can to just touch me. It’s been ages since we’ve been near each other like this. I can feel Rathnait chuff in the back of my mind, her also understanding that she gets Chradh with her as well. 

“We get a second chance,” Xaden grins, although I know he means it more towards himself. 

“If by second chance you mean I get to be in, full in. Than yes,” I demand, untangling myself from Garrick, although not being able to let go of his hand, not that I really want to. He squeezes it tightly, already answering the question. 

“You’re in, flare. However much you want to be involved in. Garrick and I will tell you everything, and from there -“ He nervously wavers, “From there you can fully decide what it is you want to do. There is no one else I’d rather station and fight alongside with than with you two.” 

Open my arms, he rolls his eyes playfully - ever the grump. Garrick and I pull Xaden into our arms, clutching each other tightly with relief. We weren't gonna go through death alone, we weren’t gonna suffer alone. Samara was meant to be our death sentence but maybe, just maybe - it wouldn’t be so bad.

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Take Me To The Sun (pt. 3)

Sorry loves it took so long for this next part. Not to be too TMI but my boyfriend lost his mother last Christmas so helping him navigate grief has been something I take seriously and therefore writing takes the back burner sometimes. But here is the new part I am currently writing part 4 as well so hopefully y'all can get that within the next day or so!

-K xoxo

Here is Part 2

Angry steps make their way towards the leaders seated at the dias. Xaden Riorson commands the very space, as if he were part of command. Violet Sorrengail makes her stand next to me, and the presence of the person on the right of me is one I can’t pay attention to - no matter how badly I want to turn and look, no matter how badly I want to cry. Colonel Aetos is furious, his red cheeks and furrowed brows do no favors as General Sorrengail questions everything that has been happening since the start of War Games. 

“I was directed to take a squad beyond the wards to Athebyne and form the headquarters for Fourth Wing’s War Games, and I did so. We stopped to rest our riot at the nearest lake past the wards, and we were attacked by gryphons.” Xaden states, fists at his side as he looks at both General Sorrengail and Colonel Aetos. “It was a surprise attack, and they caught Deigh and Fuil unaware.” He pivots slightly, telling the wing the rest of what we don’t know. “They were dead before they ever had a chance.” My Wingleader looks at my briefly for the first time in what seems like years, for a moment there is a crack in his ever perfect expression. 

I must have blinked, I must’ve staggered. My knees crash against the hard floor for a moment before arms reach themselves around my waist to hoist me up. We lost Liam? We lost Soleil? I can’t hear anything other than the rushing of my own blood through my very veins, the beat of my heart as if it were to come out of my chest. Violet flits her hands around my face, her mouth moving but for the life of me I don’t know what she’s saying. 

Liam was so good. Too good. And just like that he is gone? 

“And we almost lost Sorrengail.” 

Violet’s eyes widen as she takes in the horror in my eyes. My friends were in trouble and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there. Tears blur my vision, and all I can do is breathe through the rattling in my chest. 

I will never forgive you. Pushing the thought towards Xaden. Watching as his spine stiffens, the hurt flicker in his eyes, before shoving it all away. 

“Breathe,” a warm voice whispers against my ear, “ Or you’ll pass out.” The emotions of everyone in the quadrant are too much. However, Garrick Tavis’ were always those of beacons to me - I was nothing more than a boat lost at sea in this very moment. Feeling his grief, his anguish, but also his relief, was enough to calm and steady my breaking heart. 

“Let go of me,” shrugging myself out of his hold, I get back into proper formation. Violet watches warily, unsure of what to do. “Go help our Wingleader, Cadet Sorrengail.” Hurt flickers from her emotional tether, being dismissed was something she didn’t think I would ever do to her. In this moment I don’t know who to bother with anymore. However, in a matter of less than a day it won’t matter anymore - I will be long gone, a new post, a new death sentence. 

Making myself numb to the rest of the questioning, I don’t bother with the insistent touching from Garrick as he tries to get my attention. I don’t bother with the few glances from Xaden, and unfortunately I can’t be open to the bond between Rathnait and I - not able to hear her in this moment despite her ramming against my shields. I know it isn’t her fault, this hurt and sense of loss that I feel - but I’d rather be alone. 

With dismissal from command, Xaden and Violet get back into formation. There is words exchanged between them and Dain, but again why does any of it matter anymore? As Captain Fitzgibbons calls out the additional names to the amended death roll, there are no tears shed, there is only silence, deathly still silence. Commandant Panchek takes the stand and addresses what is left of the riders remaining. “Beyond military commendations, there are no words of praise for rider. Our reward for a job well done is living to see the next duty station, the next rank. In keep with our traditions and standards, those of you who have completed your third year will now be commissioned as lieutenants in the army of Navarre. Step forward when your name is called to receive your orders. You have until morning to depart for your new duty stations.” 

The orders I received earlier feel like weights against my breast pocket. I had received mine earlier as a taunt, a warning since command had already believed that my Wingleader and his squad were dead. My duty station was punishment for whatever it was that Xaden and Garrick had been involved in, what they are still involved in. 

“Garrick Tavis!” My heart feels like it lodges itself in my throat, as if it were to splatter all over the floor as I look at him, fully look at him for the first time in days as he strides towards the commandant. A new scar lines from his jaw to his temple, deep and red - fresh. His wide strong frame grabs the paper and lets out a breath as he reads the duty station he is assigned to before looking at me as he makes his way back to formation. For the first time, I note an emotion that is rare from him, from someone I have come to know as unwavering. 

He’s scared. Garrick Tavis is afraid. 

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Take Me To The Sun (Pt. 2)

Part 2 is here! :) Here you can read part 1.

Just a little angst before we get to the good stuff.

It’s been 10 days. 10 days of agony, of turmoil and regret and anger - so much anger. I’m the only third year left. I’m expected to carry on my co-section leader responsibilities as if the absence of Garrick is a minor inconvenience. The early sun rises with a flourish of pinks, reds and oranges and all I can do is relish in this fleeting moment of peace. 

No one seems to care or notice that they aren’t back yet. I can’t help but seek comfort from Rathnait, my only anchor since the moment we left Basgiath. A warmth of what I could only describe as security floods down the bond. 

We can’t worry about things that haven’t been confirmed yet, flare. She knows my true questions, the things that I can’t bring myself to ask or think about. You must think about today, where we will go. Graduation day. I would be assigned to my outpost today, and by this evening I would be gone, my journey at Bagaith over. Turning away from the river, I make my way towards the flight field. The few third years left of this school congregate, awaiting as Colonel Aetos and Commandant Pancheck begin the assignments. 

“Congrats on graduating, Section Leader. It is a shame that Wingleader Riorson and Section Leader Tavis aren’t here to accompany you.” Colonel Aetos nearly sneers at the mention of Xaden. The obvious disdain is unsettling as he rifles through different papers. “Ah yes, your assignment. Due to your signet and the savagery of your red swordtail - you’re being assigned to the eastern wing…specifically, Samara.” He grins at me, almost maniacally as if the post is a joke. Rathanit snarls in my mind, rage igniting the very blood in my veins but all I can do is take the papers from his hand, saluting in acknowledgement. 

Where are you, Ray? My hands tremble, crushing the papers beneath my hold as I make my way quickly towards my room. 

I’ll be there soon, flare. Unless you need me now? 

I halt in the middle of the empty hall, knowing in a matter of moments the rest of the cadets will be awake to get into formation. Pressing the heels of my hand into my eyes, I can’t help but rest my back against the cool stone. 

Samara is the front line. Trying to get the ever rising beat of my heart under control, I must not panic. I am a rider. 

Are you afraid, flare? I shudder at her question, not wanting to admit the fear, the panic. But I know that she can feel everything, hear all that I think. 

They aren’t here. He isn’t here. A whimper escapes my lips, the reality of it all just crashing down like rubble. I will be going to Samara, there is no avoiding it, there is no changing it. While I had spent years trying to survive Basgaith, I would be sent to one of the most active posts in the region. I wouldn’t see Garrick. 

“Section Leader? Ar-are you ok?” Dain Aetos stands before me, hands out as if approaching a scared animal. “We need to get to formation,” I don't hate the kid, knowing that following the straight and narrow path is the life that is meant for some people over others. However, that doesn’t mean I want him to see me having a mental breakdown. Giving him a small nod, I manage to get myself to stand before fully looking at the Squad Leader. Something’s wrong. My own senses are beginning to go haywire. My signet. Only Xaden and Garrick knew. Command and Bagaith are under a different impression as to what it is. The manipulation and detection of emotions however was a daily venture, there was no turning it off, there was only controlling it and questing it and right now Dain Aetos was a mess. 

“I would ask you the same thing, what’s wrong?” I question him, dusting off my flight leathers. I don’t miss the way he flinches at my question, his hesitancy. “Do I have to give an order to know?” 

Taking a deep breath, he stands tall despite the sorrow in his eyes, “Xaden and the rest of the squad he took with him are being declared dead at formation.” I startle myself at the immediate sob that escapes my lips. “Leadership has been looking and there is no sign of them.” Feeling the agony of his own loss, it feels as if a tidal wave has pulled me under. The roaring from Rathnait in my brain feels as if it will explode any second. Dain’s grief, his regret all barrel into me with no filter, no shield. Rathanit’s confusion and rage down the bond. My own sorrow, my own heartbreak. There is no stopping it. There just is feeling it. Unaware of the stream of tears that roll down my face, the taste of salt jolts me out of the shock, the horror. 

“Round up everyone, squad leader. I’ll be at formation in a moment,” I murmur, the assignment papers feeling like large weights in my hand. He turns away to head towards the Quadrant, “Dain,” I call out, sounding like a garbled mess. “Thank you for telling me.” His own eyes glisten with unshed tears as he nods. 

My flare. I hear her call out, though to reach out seems like so much energy, all I can do is let her in with no barriers, allowing her to be there in the comfort of my mind. I’m coming, flare. 

Standing at the bottom of the stone dias. Everyone in formation, I don’t bother to look around. There is no one here to look for anymore. There is no Wingleader, there is no co-section leader - there is just me alone at the front. I didn’t bother to look at my squad, not being able to look at their questioning looks. I was known for being put together, not a hair out of place, no rumpled leathers, no dirt unless necessary. I’m sure the current state of me was a shock. Strands of hair fell in front of my face, eyes dry and cheeks raw from the tears. 

Captain Fitzgibbons overlooks formation, reading off the death roll. “Violet Sorrengail.” A moment of silence as all eyes look to the stoic face of General Sorrengail. “Garrick Tavis.” My heart feels as if it bleeds on the very floor I'm standing on, flinching harshly at the reading of his name. “And Xaden Riorson.” Captain Fitzgibbon’s voice rings out echoing around the quadrant. “Well this is awkward,” a voice calls out. Gasps are heard around the quadrant, even command seems unsettled by what’s happening. My knees seem to be locked in place, unable to turn around and see what is going on. My breaths turn into small gasps of air - no no no it can’t be, I’m dreaming. Dain said. I need to wake up. Heavy footsteps approach behind me, and two individuals take up position on either side of me. A calloused hand brushes against my own.

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Take Me To The Sun

Previously known as In Times Of Flaring: Here is the official Part one to the series! You can also find it on AO3 I finally made an account!

Take Me To The Sun (846 words) by leftmeinwonderland

The quadrant is in chaos. Finding out who is alive, who we all lost - and all I can think about is they aren’t back. He isn’t back. 

I wish I could comfort you, flare. Rathnait whispers to me, and for a moment I feel guilty that I feel so out of sorts for not being able to focus on shielding my emotions from her. Her talons tick nervously on the flight field, vigilant over my every move and breath. All I can do is stare at my dragon vacantly. Streaks of dark copper highlighted her grace, her beauty - running down the length of her neck and down each of her legs. Rathnait was a sight to behold, and I was only grateful to be considered worthy to be hers. Her scarlett colored scales glistened in the setting sun, as if mirroring the sun itself in all its bright glory. Her swordtail flicked in the air back and forth in agitation. We must not get ahead of ourselves, you would feel it if something happened to him. 

I reach out to clutch her nose to my chest, needing to feel the warmth of her breath on my clammy self. She nudges me gently, trying all she can to ground my spiraling thoughts. 

I can’t help but think of the moments I last saw him - the fight, the anger. 

****

“Xaden is already bending the rules with bringing Violet along, I can’t ask him to risk your well being as well,” Garrick murmurs in my ear as we watch the tense showdown between Dain and Xaden. I try to ignore the sting in my chest, having to wrinkle my nose to rid myself of unshed tears. 

“You're not even gonna try, after everything? You just expect me to watch you go? You’ve been keeping secrets, Garrick. This seems like part of one of them” I hiss at him, shrugging my arm away from his hold. Rathnait glowers at both Garrick and Chradh, his brown scorpion tail - the irritation she feels at watching me get hurt is almost enough to make her snap her teeth at them both. Garrick’s jaw clenches, his ever composed features faltering at the anguish I knew he could see in my eyes, could hear in my voice. 

Just say the word, flare. I’ll teach him to treat you with more care. Rathnait snarls at Chradh, snapping as he tries to nudge her affectionately. I don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable position, to push away her growing care for Chradh. You let me worry about that. Chradh knows you are the one I chose, the one I will always look out for.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish we had time to talk more, but right now I would rather know you’re safe with the rest of your squad. Your anger towards me is worth it if I am guaranteed your survival,” I watch as he makes sure his flight gloves are secure, flexing them before flickering those earth toned eyes towards me. My heart cracks a little bit more - all I want to do is scream. To shove him and get him to see that this is hurting me, is crushing me. How much more can I let slide? How much more can I take when all I want is to want him. To love him.

“And what about you? What if you don’t come back?” 

Xaden and Violet make their way towards their dragons. Squads have begun to launch to their respective posts, Dain and I are being waited upon by Second Squad. 

“I’ve survived too much to lose now. I’ll be back and we can talk - I’ll tell you everything,” Garrick promises, stepping forward to plant a soft kiss on my temple. Clutching his flight jacket, I can’t help it as tears fall down my cheeks. 

“It seems like you might lose me though,” Turning around to follow my Squad leader, ignoring the curses from Garrick, ignoring the way in which my Squad watches me with grimaces and pity. All for fucking War Games, all for nothing. 

I make my way towards the group, needing the familiar, needing their constant. Ridoc opens his arms, bringing me in for a brief tight embrace. Sawyer offers a wavering smile.

“Are you gonna be ok?” Rhiannon softly asks, wiping my wet cheeks with her hands. I shakily smile at her, making sure my own flight jacket and gloves are secure. I can’t bare to watch Garrick and Chradh take to the sky, having to believe that he’ll be ok, but at the same time wanting to protect myself from more heartbreak. 

“Let’s go get this over with.” I quickly scale up Rathnait, she chuffs at me, making sure I’m secure in my seat. Let’s go flying, Ray. Take me towards the sun. Sending my devotion to her down our bond. She launches quickly, wings flaring gloriously. The rest of the squad is quick to follow. 

I’ll always make sure you’re near it, flare. The light will never die in you, not even from this pain. 

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

In Times of Flaring

Hello my lovely readers! I'm slowly coming back! Wanting to give y'all a little snippet of a fic/series I'm working on for our hunk of a man that deserves all the love, Mr. Garrick Tavis....so please let me know if people are interested in this or if I should give the leading male role to a different character who are people wanting to read a fic with?!

-K xoxo

... all I can think about is they aren’t back. He isn’t back. 

I wish I could comfort you, flare. Rathnait whispers to me, and for a moment I feel guilty that I feel so out of sorts for not being able to focus on shielding my emotions for her. Her talons tick nervously on the flight field, vigilant over my every move and breath. All I can do is stare at my dragon vacantly. Streaks of dark copper highlight her grace, her beauty - running down the length of her neck and down each of her legs. Rathnait was a sight to behold, and I was only grateful to be considered worthy to be hers. Her scarlett colored scales glistened in the setting sun, as if mirroring the sun itself in all its bright glory. Her swordtail flicked in the air back and forth in agitation. We must not get ahead of ourselves, you would feel it if something happened to him. 

I reach out to clutch her nose to my chest, needing to feel the warmth of her breath on my clammy self. She nudges me gently, trying all she can to ground my spiraling thoughts. 

I can’t help but think of the moments I last saw him - the fight, the anger. 

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Violet: You aren’t allowed to fall in love with me, okay?

Xaden: That won’t be an issue

[One week later]

Xaden: THERE’S AN ISSUE.

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

UPDATE 2024

Hello my loves,

it's me - Nani- back from the dead. It was an extremely long hiatus full of burnout, craziness and all things life brings our way

but I've been feeling an urge to be back, to write again and interact once more!!!!

So I'm excited for what these new writing ventures will bring me and I'm excited to bring about new content to this safe haven of mine.

Appreciate those who have discovered my work and continued to support me while I was gone.

As for what I'll be posting, a lot of my interests have changed. Supernatural will always be my one true love, the reason I started writing but not there is so many things I've been loving that I would love to dabble into, mainly the worlds of:

-ACOTAR

-Fourth Wing

I'll still continue with some Supernatural content but for now, these new realms will be explored.

Appreciate y'all always,

-Nani

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

I know it’s been a while, but just realized that one of my favorites followed Little Old Me and I’m crying

Love you and always inspired by you @holylulusworld

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Masterlist

Dean Winchester 

I’m Always Going To Be Your Baby Part 1 Part 2 Part 3  (Series Incomplete for the time being)

And Just When I Thought Things Were Going To Be Easy For Us (Completed)

 Part One

 Part Two

 Part Three 

 Part Four

 Part Five

 Part Six

 Part Seven

Part Eight

My Love Follows You Everywhere 

I’m Not Ever Letting You Go

Don’t You Ever Mess With My Girl (Completed)

Part 1

Part 2 

Part 3 

No Questions Asked

When You’re Feeling Sad - A Letter from Dean 

5 Minute Drabble 

Simple Man

CEO!Dean - Late To The Party 

Tinder Meet Up

Stay. 

Broken Home

Kiss Me

I’m Real (Completed)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

 I’m Fine (I’m Real 2nd Installment) (Completed)

 Part One 

 Part Two

Part Three

Part Four 

I’m Alive (I’m Real 3rd Installment) (Completed)

Part One 

Part Two

Part Three 

Home (Country!Dean Series) (Series Incomplete for the time being)

Part 1 

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5 

What Are You Doing To Me, Sweetheart? 

Tenderness 

Relish

Don’t Ask Me

Anything For You

Mad Man (Completed)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

What If I Stay?

Still Fallin’

Crossroads  (Series Incomplete for the time being)

Part 1

Bruce Springsteen Series

Springsteen

Empty Sky

Countin’ On A Miracle 

Tougher Than The Rest 

Wreck 

Screw Being Rich 

Imagine Dean not knowing where you went

Imagine Dean taking an interest in you

Imagine meeting Dean at a coffee shop near your University

Imagine Dean checking up on you after hunts that are close by because he misses you

Imagine Dean visiting you at your college dorm

What Women Don’t Like

Burns Like Hell

Closer

Don’t Go

Autumn Series

Pumpkin Spice Latte (Dean)

Autumn Sunsets (Sam)

Firelight Love (Benny)

Pumpkin Pie and Whipped Cream 

It’s With You

Man Down

Silence and Comfort

I Don’t Want To Be Alone 

Swore I’d Never Come Back Here Again (SPN x Sons of Anarchy Crossover) (Completed) 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Love in a Bar

No One Else

Just Beg Me To Stay (Completed)

Part 1

Part 2 

Part 3

Imagine Dean seeing you for the first time in a while only to realize things have changed

Regarding Dean 

Size

Dry

Almost and Cant

Liability

Part 1

Part 2

Holiday Imagines:

You Are My Home 

I Know What I Want 

Imagine finding a certain someone under your tree

I’ll Be Home For Christmas 

Other Characters:

Chuck

         I Want Nothing To Do With You, God. 

        Fare Thee Well 

Priestly 

        High School Never Ends Part 1 Part 2  (Series Incomplete for the time           being)

Castiel 

          Mama, I’m Alright 

Sam Winchester

          All That Matters

          I’m All Out of Goodbyes Part 1 (Series Incomplete for the time being)

         Standing By Your Bedroom Door

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Danneel and Jensen Ackles attend The Art Of Elysium Presents WE ARE HEAR’S HEAVEN 2020 at Hollywood Palladium on January 4th, 2020 in Los Angeles, California (x)

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

JENSEN AT THE START OF THE DECADE || JENSEN AT THE END OF THE DECADE

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Simply, Lovely.

Think I’m gonna start another series (ish) more like snapshot moments between College!Dean (Quarterback) x Reader! It’ll be called the ‘It’s Nice To Have You’ series. Let me know what you think! And if you have any requests for it please send them my way! 

Dean x Reader (AU)

Warnings: fluff, swearing 

“Your girl was in the stands. Front row,” Castiel smirked, watching as Dean tucked his wallet into his jean pocket along with his car keys. The star quarterback did all that he could to not respond, knowing that his friends were baiting him. However, this proved to be pointless due to the way in which his cheeks tinged with a pink hue that spread down to his neck. The team hooted in amusement - their suave Dean Winchester was a mess when it came to you. 

“Alright, alright, enough. Y’all just love to make a fool of yourselves,” he huffed in mock annoyance, swinging his sports bag over his shoulder. 

“Right, cause we’re the ones who fumble the ball when they hear their girl scream their name!” Gabe cackled, reenacting the 3rd down that Dean had lost due to just that - your voice. 

“Hey, c’mon, Cut him some slack, we still won the game.” Chuck winked, amused by the way in which the Winchester merely rolled his eyes at his friends antics. He bid them goodbye, thanking them for another good game and that he would seem them during the week. 

The night was chilly, autumn surely upon them as he could see his breath and the wet ground began to frost over. Making his way towards his beloved car, he was surprised to find you leaning against the passenger door, arms crossed and a bashful grin graced your lips. He never failed to feel in awe of your mere presence, you calmed him in ways he could never describe, made him feel like he stepped in holy ground wherever you were. 

“I thought you would have been home by now?” He quickly deposited his bag on to the ground, pulling you into a tight hug. He felt your hands clutch his sweater at his sides, not allowing any space between the two of you. His fingers slid towards the nape of your neck, gently tilting your head up so he could press his lips against your own. Dean relished in the way you exhaled shakily before you pulled away. 

“I wanted to wait for you this time, handsome. Congrats on another amazing game, any plans for tonight?”  

“I’m all yours.” Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the way your eyes brightened, immediately rambling about the hundreds of things you could do. 

“There is a haunted corn maze we could go to! Or, or, or the local movie theater is playing the Paranormal Activity series and you know that’s the only scary movie I can watch since ya know, it’s complete bullshit -” you paused abruptly as you finally turned to look at your boyfriend, brows furrowed as you pointed a finger at him, “quit smiling at me like that. You know I can’t think straight when you look at me all…all…doe eyed and shit, Dean Winchester!” Giggling at the way in which his jaw dropped in shock, he fumbled over his words, trying to convince you that he was merely smiling because he could. 

“No! That’s… Ok fine - not my fault you make me happy, sweetheart. Now get your butt in the car and lets go get our scare on! I can’t wait to see you fall when the scarecrow with the chainsaw comes out and chases you.” 

“First of all that’s disgusting, how dare I make you happy. And second of all, you swore you wouldn’t mention that ever again! It’s not my fault there was mud!” You huffed, shutting the door and refusing to sidle up next to Dean. He snickered at your stubbornness, however, his good mood was incredibly infectious for even the likes of stubborn old you to ignore. It was especially hard when he wrapped his arms around your shoulder and dragged you across the leather seat and closer towards him - the norm for the two of you when he drove. With a nudge from him, you gave in and leaned your head against his shoulder, fingers intertwined with the hand he had rested on your thigh. 

With the stress of exams and classes that were immensely harder now that the two of you were one year closer towards getting your respective degrees - it was moments like these, simple silly lovely moments that you cherished. There was nothing like having a playful and doting Dean Winchester as the love of your life. 

“I’ll catch you if the scarecrow comes out tonight.” 

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

Simply, Lovely.

Think I’m gonna start another series (ish) more like snapshot moments between College!Dean (Quarterback) x Reader! It’ll be called the ‘It’s Nice To Have You’ series. Let me know what you think! And if you have any requests for it please send them my way! 

Dean x Reader (AU)

Warnings: fluff, swearing 

“Your girl was in the stands. Front row,” Castiel smirked, watching as Dean tucked his wallet into his jean pocket along with his car keys. The star quarterback did all that he could to not respond, knowing that his friends were baiting him. However, this proved to be pointless due to the way in which his cheeks tinged with a pink hue that spread down to his neck. The team hooted in amusement - their suave Dean Winchester was a mess when it came to you. 

“Alright, alright, enough. Y’all just love to make a fool of yourselves,” he huffed in mock annoyance, swinging his sports bag over his shoulder. 

“Right, cause we’re the ones who fumble the ball when they hear their girl scream their name!” Gabe cackled, reenacting the 3rd down that Dean had lost due to just that - your voice. 

“Hey, c’mon, Cut him some slack, we still won the game.” Chuck winked, amused by the way in which the Winchester merely rolled his eyes at his friends antics. He bid them goodbye, thanking them for another good game and that he would seem them during the week. 

The night was chilly, autumn surely upon them as he could see his breath and the wet ground began to frost over. Making his way towards his beloved car, he was surprised to find you leaning against the passenger door, arms crossed and a bashful grin graced your lips. He never failed to feel in awe of your mere presence, you calmed him in ways he could never describe, made him feel like he stepped in holy ground wherever you were. 

“I thought you would have been home by now?” He quickly deposited his bag on to the ground, pulling you into a tight hug. He felt your hands clutch his sweater at his sides, not allowing any space between the two of you. His fingers slid towards the nape of your neck, gently tilting your head up so he could press his lips against your own. Dean relished in the way you exhaled shakily before you pulled away. 

“I wanted to wait for you this time, handsome. Congrats on another amazing game, any plans for tonight?”  

“I’m all yours.” Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the way your eyes brightened, immediately rambling about the hundreds of things you could do. 

“There is a haunted corn maze we could go to! Or, or, or the local movie theater is playing the Paranormal Activity series and you know that’s the only scary movie I can watch since ya know, it’s complete bullshit -” you paused abruptly as you finally turned to look at your boyfriend, brows furrowed as you pointed a finger at him, “quit smiling at me like that. You know I can’t think straight when you look at me all...all...doe eyed and shit, Dean Winchester!” Giggling at the way in which his jaw dropped in shock, he fumbled over his words, trying to convince you that he was merely smiling because he could. 

“No! That’s… Ok fine - not my fault you make me happy, sweetheart. Now get your butt in the car and lets go get our scare on! I can’t wait to see you fall when the scarecrow with the chainsaw comes out and chases you.” 

“First of all that’s disgusting, how dare I make you happy. And second of all, you swore you wouldn’t mention that ever again! It’s not my fault there was mud!” You huffed, shutting the door and refusing to sidle up next to Dean. He snickered at your stubbornness, however, his good mood was incredibly infectious for even the likes of stubborn old you to ignore. It was especially hard when he wrapped his arms around your shoulder and dragged you across the leather seat and closer towards him - the norm for the two of you when he drove. With a nudge from him, you gave in and leaned your head against his shoulder, fingers intertwined with the hand he had rested on your thigh. 

With the stress of exams and classes that were immensely harder now that the two of you were one year closer towards getting your respective degrees - it was moments like these, simple silly lovely moments that you cherished. There was nothing like having a playful and doting Dean Winchester as the love of your life. 

“I’ll catch you if the scarecrow comes out tonight.” 

[illshakeyouallnightlong-dean]

COLLEGE!DEAN AU IS COMING (hopefully tomorrow) lol