illuminati0nn

[illuminati0nn]

So , I’ve always respected and loved Taylor swift as an artist, she’s fucking amazing. But lately after experiencing a lot of heartbreak lately I’ve turned to her music as a healing mechanism (like when I say I go sit in the eras tour movie randomly when I’m sad, that’s what I do). But I just want to acknowledge how fucking beautifully written Folklore is. I came into this album late. I didn’t start obsessing over it until two months ago, but when I say the teenage love triangle has fucking been such a healing moment and such a making sense of my feelings.

So I feel like all three stages of the characters(I have not gotten to the point of cardigan yet, but I will get there).

Like James I was foolish. I was awful to someone close to me and who I thought I would end up with because I went and had something with someone else., and part of it was rage because well we never were together.

But starting at Betty. I feel like James. I went off with the other person who I spent nights with but “dreamt of him”. And I had to apologize to the other person. Which obviously doesn’t go well. But how the song Betty is, the listener can interpret how the apology went, which in my case didn’t go well.

Which is where we come to august. Oddly enough I became “twisted in bedsheets” with this person I truly fell for, in august, but it’s not the mutual feeling. And that song basically embodies the feelings that I had for this other person. That “you were never mine”, the “twisted in bedsheets” and the one that cuts me deep is “cancel my plans just in case you call” because I would. I wouldn’t do anything just in case. In case you called to see me.

Like I said I haven’t gotten to the point where I can relate to the song cardigan, but maybe I just need to listen more.

When I tell you these songs are genius I mean it. Sure it’s about these imaginary characters that are teenagers, but it could be interpreted and felt in so many different ways in real life.

There is so much from her music that has helped me heal. And I’m only putting this on the internet because well I can

So thank you Taylor. Thank you for creating characters and a scene that has helped me make sense of my feelings and emotions

@taylorswift @taylornation

[illuminati0nn]

[illuminati0nn]

I wanted to be good enough for you, I gave you my heart

[illuminati0nn]

Something about him feels just… home

[illuminati0nn]

[illuminati0nn]

oh u were fantasizing about me?

as you should be

[illuminati0nn]

Dear diary,

I feel like I’m in a dark place I haven’t been in years. I feel emotionally drained, tired, and depressed.!I feel alone and isolated. I feel insecure in ways that I’ve never felt. Not only in my own body but my own personality, thoughts, and feelings. I don’t know how to admit my feelings to myself. I don’t have the confidence I once did . I feel broken and defeated by my own emotions. I’ve been hiding them in drugs and alcohol. I’m hiding myself from the inner demon I pushed away.

I hurt emotionally. And I don’t know how to process

[illuminati0nn]

She hits different.

[illuminati0nn]

just  gonna improve me for me

[illuminati0nn]

I smile whenever he texts me and my heart gets so happy.

[illuminati0nn]

[illuminati0nn]

My heart gets happy when I see your name. But I know it’s never gonna happen

[illuminati0nn]

“are you okay?” no i’m not can we please change the subject before i start crying

[illuminati0nn]

Does the depression ever just hit

[illuminati0nn]

I want someone to put a Poloroid picture of my ass On their dash

[illuminati0nn]

I’ve never been so stressed or angry

[illuminati0nn]

Lol single life is back