iloveprimes

[iloveprimes]

My fragmented #thesis

[iloveprimes]

#thesis arhhhhh

[iloveprimes]

I feel like there's a switch of my thesis brain and the default is off.

[iloveprimes]

0501 - no more SHOULD

there is nothing that should be or shouldn't be

there is no question like "I'm not sure that it's relevant or not"

everything that is part of my life IS part of my life

[iloveprimes]

#heartbroken

[iloveprimes]

http://www.echelman.com/

They looks like AURORA!!!!

[iloveprimes]

interactive without technology

these are from Japanese Artist (Designer?) Masahiko Sato + Tatsuya Saito, their show "Putting Finger"

I always love this idea which used to appear in children's book! (I love books designed for children especially when there are different materials for them to touch!)

  resource:

http://daman.cool3c.com/node/78560

http://www.dnp.co.jp/gallery/ddd_e/

artist's website http://www.masahicom.com/

[iloveprimes]

0423 email from Tom

Jennings XD

It's always so nice to get this email from my mentor!!!!!!!!!!! Not only because it's show how they care about you, but also those words are written down so I can read it through as many times as I want hahahaha

things to think about:

unpack the word "interactivity". what's behind it for you? is it a way to inter-act with other people through a shared object or idea? is it a game with a goal for you or them?

inter, active. there's two words/ideas there. are people (or you) acting with the object? or the person, and "any" object would do? (obviously not literally "any")

(about the skype from mom) so in your writing, you could intersperse/insert a sentence or two about works that may be related to what you've written. just another random thought.

while talking about the word "inter-active" recently always make me think of Tom Leeser's "play-active". I like the idea and remember clearly that he mentioned once about the so-called interactive installations, which are buttons that trigger certain things, and is not real "interactive" but using a different interface. I think the problem is the "one to one" here. if it's not on, it's off. that kind of things

After that I thought a lot about it, and figured out that if not building something with machine learning algorithm, the only thing that can solve the one to one situation is the story and personal experience either from the creator or the audience. the interaction between people here is more important

I just come up with an idea today - use a telephone installation to let people share stories. you pick it up and hear someone's story, and after the beep sound, you leave your owns. this is the type of work I might want to pursue. it's "interactive" but it's not about the interactive. story exchange will never be a boring project haha

[iloveprimes]

0423 - HBO Silicon Valley

I know it's not a good time for watching TV series but I'm waaaaaay too curious how will they show the life in SV!!!

I'm sure it won't be better than the big bang theory and Sheldon is the best!!! lol

The reason I post this here is because I heard a sentence that went at least three times in the first episode, which made it sound so contradictory and hilarious.

They all talked about that they just want to make the world better.

It's quite sad that before I came to CalArts, I thought in the same way. however after thinking and seeing more, I really don't know that what we are doing are making the world better or worse? how do you define better here?

What if I truly want to make contribution to human kind as well as the mother earth, what can I actually do ??????? To be a useful person is also my goal, but I really don't know how to define useful now, and even if it's a stupid goal or not

This is so sad ...

[iloveprimes]

0423 - Hannah Arendt

I happened to watch the last speech from Hannah Arendt in the Hannah Arendt movie today and had a lot of feelings ...

She was talking about the Banality of Evil, which is about the real evil from the people who don't think.

She raised the question of whether evil is radical or simply a function of thoughtlessness, a tendency of ordinary people to obey orders and conform to mass opinion without a critical evaluation of the consequences of their actions and inaction.

Tom Leeser told me about this philosopher before but things about her are too hard for me to read in English ... so I never got the idea, until I saw the movie clip.

I think the training here is to avoid myself becoming one of the banality. Although I might just be an ordinary person, but the ability of thinking and self awareness won't make me do something without carefulness.

Before this I usually don't like to think about myself deeply ... my lack of confident always effect on my thinking and I'll end up with thinking myself stupid and weak and terrible

Also I don't like to think about social issues deeply .... what a lazy person! Because every time I think through an issue and care about it and think about how to contribute, it will end up thinking myself a tiny bit in the world and cannot do anything significant to change/improve the situation ... unless I go for politics lol

It is a chance to learn to live with it, I think ...

[iloveprimes]

0423 effect

the effect after thinking this much about myself

today I saw a news about a Taipei First Girl High School (my high school ) student who got offers from the top program from each group: Financial, Engineering and Medical

this is ridiculous !!!!! these field are so different from each other that makes me feel like the girl is purely just way too smart and know how to study and test, but not knowing what is her love and interests. I don't know her but that's how I feel after seeing the news, and the reason that this thing can get on news is from the social expectation toward students!!!!!

THAT MAKES ME ANGRY ... and sad

[iloveprimes]

thesis draft for review on 0421

My practice is a journey of seeking liberation.

As a Taiwanese girl who grew up in a traditional family, it took me a lot of courage to switch my field from Computer Science to Art, more than to study abroad. For me, studying abroad is just the beginning of setting myself free by changing my physical environment. However, after two years of practice, I find out that the strongest barrier for me is no longer the expectations from my parents, my families, or society, but myself. I constantly want to be special and people to agree that I am special. The struggle of looking for validation appears in my practice, while on the other hand, I truly want to live in confidence without loading people’s opinions on myself.

I’m always interested in placing art works in a public environment, which is more reachable for people. By pulling art out of a formal but conservative gallery environment, the uncertainty of the interaction between viewers and art works increases, and gives me more possibilities to express and be seen. Having the desire of showing my art works to more people, creating special and different experiences in people’s lives and being effective in the world, might reveal that I want to be important, special and memorable, and these values are given by people who see my art works. That is to say, I’m seeking validation, the same as collecting certificates from my childhood, and I hand out the power by making stuff interactive and asking people to interact with it. The ability to build stuff with technology makes me valuable, and both technology and interactive design are the means to draw attention. However, since the art works I’ve made in CalArts were only shown in galleries, I feel contradictory while holding the idea of making it public.

Gradually, I found that the specialty in interaction is not about technology, but about human behavior and the stories behind the appearance. Hence, there is more and more humanity in my works time after time, but I’m still looking for the balance of the story-telling. In my thesis exhibition, I built a rolodex installation with the certificates my brother earned from his childhood, which I have the same experience, and allowed people to crank it as a subversive gesture to the pressure and expectation from my families, as overturning my past. From my exhibition, I learnt how this amount of personal and alienated story interested people, while I felt over-exposed and were placed in an unsafe situation. What I tried to do was no more than exchanging my vulnerable personal story for a validation in the art world. I supposed I made the piece to set myself free from the past, but then found out that I’m still struggling in the circulation of seeking validation and seeking liberation.

Usually, I see myself as an optimistic person, that’s why I tend to make stuffs that I think is fun, purely. However, often I found my art works pessimistic, when they came with my personal perspective or experience. The self-doubt, the struggle and the contradiction inside me led me to this state of work, and finding the balance between an ideal self and the true self might always be my life duty.

[iloveprimes]

0424

if asking for validation and feeling vulnerable is normal and universal and everyone has this feeling, then what make me special ?????????????

I thought I'm writing about what make me unique ..............!@#$%^^%^%

[iloveprimes]

0421 - review

Tom Leeser mentioned something about ...

the cultural background and experience will contribute on my insight of seeing things

and then before I leave here, I have to find a way to establish a framework of thinking things. well, does writing this tumblr count? when I drove home tonight with full of thoughts in my brain, the first thing I thought about is to write them down in the tumblr! first step of making a habit! scored!

Most of the time I feel like I still can't understand a whole sentence from Tom Leeser ... although this year I realized that the reason might be that he always talks like a well-written book, which I might need to read every paragraph three times to get the idea ... = =

Tom Jennings also said that the thesis developing process is to reach a level of self awareness. it might be painful and feel vulnerable but it's normal ... what a relief!

I hate getting people down... I can feel the emotion immediately

That's why it's so relief to see my mentors say good after reading my draft, but I thought this fear of failure and seeking for validation are what I want to get rid of? Or maybe they are not conflict.

[iloveprimes]

midnight from 0423 to 0424

After the conversation with Abby, I realized that my need for validation and the reason of why I am afraid of failure are the result from how perfect my mom want me to be during my school years, from elementary school to college. Abby pointed out that I attended top school in Taiwan, and might be portrayed as a "successful student" figure, but still talking about pressure ... sounds weird? but at the same time no.

The feeling of never getting perfect done is always hopeless. Never know if this is good enough. When will it be good enough? How long do I spend will make it "enough"? What if there are still people who don't like it, regardless the fact that we can't make every single person happy. Sometimes when the situation become serious, I choose to put it off until I can't, and rely on the inspiration that might pop up in the sprint. After a short time loose work I can tell myself it's just because the time is not enough. If there's enough time, I can do better. That might be true but will never happen if I don't jump out of the cycle.

Sometimes I feel like seeking validation is a way to avoid the responsibility for myself. I'll still take the actual responsibility, but the one I'm avoiding is emotional. If people like my works, then I did a great job, and vice versa.

  the good thing about tumblr is it's not formal. I can write whatever I want and stop whenever I lost my thought ......

[iloveprimes]

Artist

I love those subtle but interesting light and shadow works!!!!

[iloveprimes]

0422 - Earth day!

after conversation with D : things to think about

Q&A form: listing questions and record people's answer

what do I think about "liberation"? what does "liberation" mean to me?

What do I think about the difference between "liberated from validation" (exit) and "critiquing the validation" (voice). 

open up the last paragraph, rethink about the terms

count how many "I", "me", "myself" are in the article

Danielle said that we are all living in a world of validation, even in the education system right now, from the time we apply for a MFA degree, we are asking for validation.

which might indicate that it is ok to ask for validation, that is to say, the "balance" I want is not "liberation(exit)" but learn how to live with it. how to live with validation but not live for validation?