imaboutakrillmyself

[imaboutakrillmyself]

A comic about dreamers

[imaboutakrillmyself]

whenever I see someone claim that Xue Yang never cared about Xiao Xingchen, I'm stuck wondering what they think the candy was about

like.

What do you think it's supposed to mean that Xue Yang's tragic backstory centers around chasing after the instant gratification and temporary enjoyment of sweets at the expense of his own safety. That he was denied the thing he wanted more than anything (sweets), and instead brutally injured for daring to demand what he'd been promised and had rightfully earned (sweets). That Xiao Xingchen's kindness towards Xue Yang is shown in the form of healing Xue Yang's injuries and giving him candy. That after Xiao Xingchen's death, Xue Yang holds that last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen gave him alongside Xiao Xingchen's sword and soul, and never eats it. Denies HIMSELF. For almost a DECADE. Lets it rot just to keep it, just to keep the last gift Xiao Xingchen gave to him. That holding that piece of candy, that evidence of what he'd lost, mattered more to him than eating sweets. That he died holding it.

Anyway I'll never recover

[imaboutakrillmyself]

Next scene plays, jiang cheng thinks about the past, how their mother was reaped just a decade prior. He wonders how she felt, if this was how she felt, if she was as devastated and numb as he was. Remembered the shared memories between his sister how he used to eat her lotus pork rib soup when he was sick or on a particularly bad day. How she would take care of them like a mother would when their father was busy. How he used to argue with Wei wuxian when trying to fish, or attempting to catch a new one just a little too heavy for one person. He recalls particularly how they would strategies with plans while jiang cheng swims under as bait, Wei wuxian would be holding onto the net ready to sink and hook the fish once they are lured in. How they celebrated when Wei wuxians plans worked and had a nice dinner for the day, alcohol included as a toast to his brother.

He remembers the promise that they made on that very night, how they would stick together. Jiang Cheng couldn't help but laugh unpleasantly at the ironic proclamation now, seeing that it was easier said than done. As time continued to go on, a peacekeeper suddenly opened the door, his brother rushing in almost immediately pulling him into a frantic hug followed by Yan Li, looking equally solemn. Sadly, jiang fengmian was nowhere in sight which did little for jiang cheng's mood. Wei wuxian scolds juang cheng, asking him why he couldn't let him go up there instead and how stupid he was for refusing. Jiang cheng, in turn yells back telling Wei wuxian how stupid he was for considering that in the first place and that his presence is needed for his family to thrive. Wei wuxian argues back that jiang cheng is important if not more, but jiang cheng rebuked that Wei wuxian had more talent and skills than he ever could and that is something that is more important family wise than himself and they can't afford to lose that. Wei wuxian responds with how that wasn't true and that he was still a leader and important, but that only came out weak and nervous like he was about to cry. Jiang Yan Li seeing this decided to comfort both of the boys before asking them to forgive one another, in which they did, albeit saddened by the situation. With that Wei wuxian began joking again, a nervous smile on his face to lighten the mood, in which jiang cheng chuckled back, an illusion of easiness forming. Moments after Wei Wuxian opened his mouth before pausing, wanting to ask Jiang Cheng one final thing but before he could, the peace speakers grabbed them both, saying that it was time to go. They both resisted, the brothers yelling before Wei wuxian shouting at him to “promise him that he'll survive” repeatedly, in which jiang cheng agreed loudly just before the door is slammed. Unknowing whether or not Wei wuxian heard. He took a breath of frustration, anger, before being led off onto the transportation Area with jin guanyao by his side, ready to be led to the Capitol hosted by the wens.

[imaboutakrillmyself]

*insert pure vanilla gay awakening joke here*

[imaboutakrillmyself]

OK here's an outline of what I cooked last time. (Its actually more of a ramble but oh well same thing)

enter scene,

Jiang cheng is seen tying rope to a fishing net on the dock near a large lake. The weather is warm with a cool touch, almost pleasant. Not long however, we get introduced to Wei wuxian, who jumped into the water, splashing it directly in Jiang chengs face. To this Jiang cheng yells at Wei wuxians idiocy, in which Wei Wuxian tells him to lighten up and it's a nice day for swimming whilst teasing him about being afraid of getting wet (which jiang cheng wasnt, but he still hated his clothes getting soaked.) As they began their typical banter, jiang Yan Li steps in calling them out for breakfast, which they both excitedly rush back to eat. As soon as they finished, they began bantering some more at the dinner table while their dad watched them with fondness, excusing Wei wuxians behavior when jiang cheng's volume got louder. Jiang cheng then narrates how their mother left them when they were younger, his father telling him that she got chosen for the hunger games decades back. Though he misses her, he still holds some odd feelings of resentment towards her as well, however, he doesn't mention this directly in this scene. It was a warm, happy atmosphere before they had to get ready to work again.

It was a week before the reaping.

the night before the reaping, Wei wuxian and jiang cheng have a late night conversation for the future. Wei wuxian keeps on yapping and jiang cheng is in a foul mood. They talk about the future and how no matter what they'll stick together as brothers even if one of them gets reaped the next day. Wei wuxian asks teasingly of the possibility of him getting reaped, and jiang cheng says he'll crawl back from his grave and haunt him if he does, not knowing the consequences of those words in the future. Later on, jiang cheng tells him to shut up and go to sleep which Wei wuxian obliged with a snort.

The next morning, they dress in their best worn purple suits. The purple they used to dye the clothes nowadays were known to be rare and expensive, making them seem more rich than they were despite their backgrounds. (The Jiang family is known as one of the more influential families in district 4, making them essentially the mayors.) Wei wuxian however, takes on his regular black and bronze red dress shirt and pants due to the lack of clothes. When their father asks him about it, he reassures that it's fine and jokingly says that maybe itll reduce the likelihood of him getting reaped, earning him a shove by jiang cheng who tells him to stop playing around and hurry up. Soon, They go through the normal notions of getting their identities confirmed and going into the groups where the rest of the district is gathered, looking upon a stage where the peacekeeper and staff members arrive. Unfortunately, they were separated in the crowd after a while, only finding each other across from the group when they arrived. (Wei wuxian still made joking and crude hand gestures which jiang cheng huffed at fondly, rolling his eyes.)

enter Jin guangyao as our effie, due to close connections with the wens as well as district 1, the jins were given special permission to host these events as a reward for their loyalty to the Capitol. To this year's and over the last few representations, Jin guangyao stands on the stage poised with a perfected smile as well as silk traditional robe and suit. As he begins his speech, they play the propaganda footage, reminding the people how "may the odds be forever in their favor" or whatnot before watching from the sidelines, stepping away from the mic for Jiang Fengmian to take over, in which he looked rather saddened despite his well practiced demeanor. He slowly picked up the piece of paper, announcing the man first before slowly opening the folding, staring at the folding as his face became paler than the paper itself.

Just as time stopped, jiang chengs name was announced.

Jiang Fengmian shook his hands in disbelief as he dropped the paper, defeated, helpless. Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, stood there frozen, shocked, almost devastated at the turn of events. Jin guangyao, seeing Jiang fengmian distressed state, took over almost immediately, calling out Jiang chengs name loudly with a false sense of kindness that could almost be genuine if not for his steady tone. As time slowly went by, Jiang cheng stepped forward staggeredly, one foot after the other as his mind went numb. He could grit his teeth and stare head on as people began departing, the peacekeeper standing next to him side by side. As he walked though, Wei wuxian suddenly shouted from the crowd, screaming his name in distress. “no wait- I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute-” Wei wuxian said in a panic, desperate to protect Jiang cheng, but before he could finish his claims, jiang cheng snapped back, enraged. He told him to shut the fuck up and let him be, and how he will go up there and that he didn't need Wei wuxians stupid sacrifices. As he climbed to the podium, he stared as his father stared at him mournfully, saying something to him. But Jiang Cheng couldn't here, he focused on staying strong and not panicking despite the situation. He was then escorted off as soon as the female was chosen, watching Wei wuxiand and his father's eyes one last time before the doors shut, closing on both of them.

[imaboutakrillmyself]

Hunger games x mdzs au because I'm bored and it's ass am in the morning

Jin sect would be represented as district 1 (riches and goods), nie would be 2nd (defenses and weaponry), jiang would be 4th (sea food production), lan would be district 8 (textiles and clothing), and wen clan would be the Capitol.

In this story, Jiang cheng would be reaped. While in another universe, Wei wuxian would successfully volunteer in his place, in this one, jiang cheng stubbornly refused his help because he didn't want his brother taking on this burden as well as not wanting to be underestimated despite his devastation. As he gets to the Capitol, he meets his mentor, who turns out to be his long-distance mother. (Madam, you, who got reaped in the games when Jiang cheng and his siblings were younger and won due to her survival skills with hunting via spear and fishing rod, now whip)

Due to separation as well as madam yus hardened experiences, she is very harsh and snappy with Jiang cheng as a result of desperation to let him survive these horrid games that she barely did herself. This however, does not bode well with Jiang cheng, but he reluctantly listens due to it being his mom and his unsureness about the games.

Later on, in the training arena, he meets several new individuals from many districts, including lan xichen who he later learned volunteered in place of his younger brother for the years hunger games. There, he creates a vague alliance with him due to respect and the other mans kind personality, not thinking of the situations that may happen in the long run.

I'll continue this later since I'm tired but that's what I got.

[imaboutakrillmyself]

this is genuinely the funniest picture to me like xxc casually strolling down the street with his lil sis and his gay sleep paralysis demon

[imaboutakrillmyself]

Okay, so what’s the deal with Xue Yang and cutting out people’s tongues?

When you look at the Yi City arc, Xue Yang has a good motive for removing his victims’ tongues: he doesn’t want them to plead for mercy from Xiao Xingchen. Most walking corpses and fierce corpses can’t talk—probably not because they lack the ability itself, but because they lack the conscious thought to form words (Wen Ning and Song Lan being the only exceptions that we see). So, in order for Xue Yang’s deception to work, the “corpses” he and Xiao Xingchen are hunting can’t be any more articulate than your run-of-the mill walking corpse. The same is true with Song Lan's death, with the important addition that Xue Yang didn’t want Xiao Xingchen to know his identity when he killed him.

But we know that Xue Yang’s penchant for removing tongues isn’t limited to his actions in the Yi City arc. One of my favorite parts of the Villainous Friends extra is when Jin Guangyao realizes that the tea Xue Yang offered him contains a severed tongue. After this, Xue Yang casually reveals that he keeps the tongues he’s removed in a jar. Unlike the people he infected with corpse poisoning, there doesn’t appear to be any logical reason to remove the tongues in this instance; Jin Guangshan has given Xue Yang his own dedicated play space, one that’s conveniently located in an out of the way place, so it doesn’t matter if his victims scream or plead for mercy. So why is he still doing it?

It could easily be labeled some zany affectation—Xue Yang seems like the kind of guy who would cut someone’s tongue out just because it sounds like a good time. But I think there’s a deeper, more personal reason behind it, one that Xue Yang himself might not even be aware of. 

As a crime show girlie, I think it’s interesting how character backstories often shape the MO of characters who commit crimes. Criminal Minds, for example, goes into a lot of depth with signatures and how, to catch a killer, you need to understand what drives their behavior. So, if Xue Yang’s Tongue Thing is his signature, what drives it? (Disclaimer that I am not a mental health professional, nor do I have any sort of criminology degree, and the following is just analyzing the makeup of a fictional character’s fictional crimes for fun, using crime show logic, and should not be applied to anything related to real life, etc.)

At first I was trying to come up with a headcanon for it, something that happened to Xue Yang as a child that he imprinted on that led him to an obsession with tongues—and then I realized I was being ridiculous. Why come up with an idea for additional non-canonical childhood trauma when Xue Yang’s very important canon childhood trauma is right there? In other words, I was looking at things too literally. Xue Yang’s Tongue Thing is not actually about tongues at all—it’s about the ability to speak.

And when you look at it from that perspective, and with the context of what happened to him as a kid, removing his victims’ tongues makes perfect sense. What Chang Ci’an did to Xue Yang made him feel insignificant, helpless—and voiceless. He pleaded and screamed and cried, and he may as well have never made a sound; everyone ignored him, they didn’t care about his voice. And for whatever reason, Xue Yang is compelled to do the same to his victims.

He wants them to feel that same sense of helplessness, to know firsthand what it is to be voiceless. Perhaps he doesn't see the connection between what he's doing and what happened to him as a child, he just knows it just makes him feel powerful to be the one taking away another’s voice. But I think it's noteworthy that he appears to do this with the majority of his victims.

I also think something similar is going on with his propensity for blinding people. Something something, trusting someone is a kind of blindness and also makes you vulnerable something something. I may get back to that later, especially because I think it’s relevant to everything going on with Xiao Xingchen, so it deserves its own post.

[imaboutakrillmyself]

[imaboutakrillmyself]

IM BEING A LITTLE SELF INDULGENT HERE OK ouugidtjj I just need to put them in a monitored enclosure and see how each version of them would interact with each other

[imaboutakrillmyself]

MDZS JP AUDIO DRAMA x VILLAGE VANGUARD

[imaboutakrillmyself]

Crazy that one of the underlying takeaways from MDZS is that you should be punished for believing what people show you.

Jiang Cheng was never told anything about wwx's actions and repeatedly watched him break all his promises to him and YMJ (even after he, JC, gave up himself and YMJ for wwx, he did not receive the same in return from his own knowledge pool.) Yet, he is very suddenly expected to be remorseful and grateful when Wen Ning reveals the core transfer. The world JC lived in had these truths: WWX isn't helping to rebuild our home, training our disciples. He has become a drunk and is actively undermining the sect and what little authority I've been able to cultivate, which is devastating enough when I am the only young war hero/sect leader excluded from the great sects' sworn brotherhood allyship. When I (JC) try to find out why he's doing this and stop him, he brushes me off and makes light of it. I continue to tolerate it anyway because he's wwx and I love him. Then, instead of putting in the work he should be to save our people he turns around and saves the Wens, at great expense and danger not only to our sect but himself, as one of the only people I still have left. When I tell him he cannot have both he chooses them. I still make sure he knows he's loved and belongs with the Jiang (by bringing our sister to see him before her wedding) even though, by all accounts, he has foresaken us on what feels like a series of whims. Then, he kills our brother in law (he never gives me an explanation or excuse.) Then, when I and everyone he's pissed off confront him, he gets our sister killed, goes crazy, and is torn apart by his own ghosts. Somehow 13 years later after picking up all the pieces he left behind and raising the nephew he orphaned and rebuilding the sect he abandoned (alone) I am simultaneously expected to be remorseful for not being grateful to him all these years for something I never asked him to do or knew about, and which I was actively tricked into and repeatedly lied to about. In the adaptations where I don't immediately fall on my sword and punish myself in the epilogue (seclusion in CQL the donghua) the fanbase determines I am a terrible horrible person for it.

This post is also tangentially about Lan Xichen taking the heat for JGY's actions even in MXTX's writing (abandoned by LWJ at the height of his pain, entering seclusion.)

[imaboutakrillmyself]

OFFICIAL ART FOR MDZS JP AUDIO DRAMA 5TH ANNIVERSARY ❤💙 illustrations by: mg_ms_dayo

[imaboutakrillmyself]

Oh ok, just casually show pre-corruption Mystic Flour and young Captain Caviar.

[imaboutakrillmyself]

The Beginning pt. 2 (Failed Awakening Au)

[imaboutakrillmyself]

Silent cry.