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this blog has moved with new characters added, some remaining. If you'd like the blog info, message please! It is still under construction at this time.

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No one ask me how much I just spent on seventeen tickets

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I had been rained on for at least 3 hours at this point but wanted to show off my ateez fit

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Hi all!

After what feels like a few weeks of contemplation and everything going on with my health, I feel like it's finally time to move on from this blog.

I won't lie, things haven't been good with my body -- and usually tumblr used to be a place for me to come and relax to, but I haven't had any motivation to do replies and quite honestly, in the last month I haven't been active there haven't been more than three replies since this blog hasn't been all that popular lately.

I'll most likely return on some new blog when I have the energy or when my health improves. In the meantime, it's time for me to finally take a step back from rping after 12 years. If or when I return, I'll be sure to post a new blog here. Thank you to everyone who has worked with this blog and I wish everyone well!

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I just got my lupus diagnosis. I’ll be starting chemotherapy (not cancer but you treat it like cancer) within the month.

This is what we expected so it’s actually a relief to finally hear it confirmed after 11 months of no answers. Nothing better than being an oncology nurse and about to undergo the same treatment you give your patients.

Please continue to send prayers my way! They mean a lot.

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a brief update on life and the blog (contains medical stuff)

If you don't want to read, I kindly ask for your prayers :)

Brief introduction: my name is Liv, I'm 27, and I'm an orthopedic/ocology nurse in Florida. Diagnosis with an unknown cause of myocarditis (heart inflammation) in August 2023.

I was expected to make a full recovery within 2 months. January rolls around, I'm still sick. April rolls around, I'm even sicker and they finally test me for an autoimmune disease. Let's roll to today where in 3 days they'll finally give me a diagnosis and treatment for lupus induced myocarditis. Long story short, I have a severe autoimmune condition that is attacking and actively killing my heart.

I'll save the details, but over the last nearly 11 months, I've been in the hospital 6 times and admitted for 2 of them with no answers. This last one was 3 days and I underwent a cardiac cauterization, which is something they do for people who have heart attacks. Luckily, there doesn't seem to appear to be any permanent damage despite my heart levels being the highest I've ever seen in my career.

Bad news is that over the last year, I've suffered intense chest pain that makes it difficult to breathe, my ankles are swelling, and I have no energy and life just overall sucks. I surprisingly never stopped working. However, being a bedside nurse taking care of actively dying cancer patients is just mentally exhausting and one week ago, I finally hit the breaking point and sobbed in the bathroom before my shift started. I still don't have the details, but I've requested an extended leave of absence from work.

In 3 days, I'll finally have an answer. My doctor already warned me that treatment will be intense. I'll be undergoing chemotherapy.

But, hey, guess what? I'm an oncology nurse and guess what I do for a living?

This last year has been exhausting. It's been the worst. I'm very blessed to say that I've never suffered from any mental illness or depression, but in the last three months I really think that's what I've felt. Nothing makes me happy that used to, I've stopped cleaning my condo (and I'm a minimalist who hates clutter btw), my eating habits are trash, I can't exercise since my heart gives out, and I've completely isolated myself from my friends and my wonderfully supportive family. Every time i do go out, I just bring them down, too.

And guess who bought a condo literally one week before this all went down? I'm not in a safe financial position to stop working for a long time, but I can for a brief time. I'm thankful to be where I am in the sense of good healthcare and a small emergency fund.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that my life this last year has been bad, but the last three months have been the worst, so my activity on this blog has been sporadic and inconsistent. I know my writing quality has gone down; I can't apologize for getting sick, just know that soon I can have some answers and recover to get back to where I was.

My faith has taken the hardest hit. I am a firm Christian and I believe in the power of prayer. I'd really appreciate a prayer from everyone, even if you don't believe, it would still mean a lot.

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"Well, I am a little nervous. It's a big step introducing you to my friends and managers. But it's a happy kind of nervous." Everyone would love him. He was handsome and tall, of course her shallow coworkers would like him, but only Harper knew how kind and caring he was which was important to her. Hanwool made her happier than any other man she'd dated before.

Harper reached to hold his hand after pulling out of the hug. She gave it a good, affectionate squeeze. "It will be fun. I can show you what I do in person instead of sending pictures from work all the time. The managers said we can invite as many people as we want, but the only person I really want to be there is you, oppa."

Hanwool was still unsure what to do with all the pictures. it was still something he was learning, this whole dating business. And those big hugs still made him feel awkward at times, but he returned it nonetheless as it seemed like it was something that Harper really liked.

"Your shows? Sure, I would like to go. Should I be nervous about it? You seem a little nervous about me going?" He tilted his head in confusion, not really quiet seeing an issue with him going to the show but also worried that maybe it was more formal than he had thought to begin with.

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"Threatening? I'd never..." A fluke. So all the work she put in to making her marriage seem like a successful one was already a fluke. Sorom felt the walls come crashing around her, any hopes she had at reconciliation or some sort of amicable separation was gone. His words hurt more than anything else he'd said before.

She reached up her hand and started to fumble with the necklace he'd gifted her on their first anniversary. The gesture probably meant nothing, but at this point it was her anger that was beginning to get the best of her to show she didn't need any of his stuff. She gently set the necklace on the table.

"Don't send me any money," she sighed. " I don't care what you say I'm entitled to. I don't want any of it." She'd done just fine on her own the past year -- his family's name might have helped her career in the beginning, but now she was her own woman. Despite the shaking she still felt inside, if she was strong enough to do that with her career, she could handle a divorce. "The next time you send me the papers, I'll sign them. I'll make this as respectable and mature as I can, Daehyun-ssi, but all I ever tried to be was a friend. I never cared about the money. Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, that it's possible for someone to actually care about you?"

Daehyun didn't look to see or figure out what Sorom was smiling about. It had nothing to do with him and by the looks of it, it wasn't like she was happy with him anyway. When she finally began the conversation, he had to admit he was surprised she even had to ask. "It was what was requested of me by my parents. They said it was the last thing they'd ask of me. So, I agreed to it. And regarding marrying you, it would've been the same with anyone as long as the other party agreed to the contract."

He never expected the other party to think a contractual marriage would be filled with love. "It was the reason why I listed the terms as they were in the contract, and asked you to review it carefully before agreeing to everything. It was never the plan for the other party to want children or more than what I could offer. I have been honest about my offers since the beginning, Sorom-ssi. I apologize if that wasn't clear from the start." Back then, it made sense to him, she and her family were only interested in him for what he had to offer.

As she listed his conditions, he simply listened to her. "Sorom-ssi, are you putting a condition on you signing the divorce papers? Is that your way of threatening me?" Daehyun had always been one to hate being threatened to do things. "Maybe I didn't make it clear, but the promise you're enticing me with divorce, is exactly why I want this divorce. I don't want to continue living this fairy tale lie you have carved out about our relationship. Everyone I know knows it's a fluke, and I'm unsure what fantasies have been created about me to your parents and those around you, but that wasn't what we decided on." His words were probably more vicious than it had to be. But he felt it was the only way to get his point across.

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"Rest? But the night is still young!" Doyun whined, though she didn't argue since she was feeling a bit sleepy. The alcohol had loosened her up enough that she was a bit more confident than normal, standing up and patting Kangdae on the side of his face with the offer of cooking for her the next day since he was being so sweet.

"Ok. I hope you made your new place nice and clean. I might be too tired now for a house tour, but I'll be ready for one in the morning." Doyun could already imagine herself wandering around his apartment with a blanket around her shoulders looking soft. She hoped he'd make something delicious in the morning for both of them. It didn't help that she was smiling all dopey and happy, reaching out to lean on him as they walked due to how tired she was beginning to feel.

Kangdae had stopped drinking after finishing his fourth glass, and he didn’t stop his friend from drinking, though it was getting close to 2 am, he did had few days off but it seemed like his friend could use some rest and less drinking, however he smiled when other poked his cheek and he quickly turned his head, giving little peck on her hand before smiling and finishing up his last drink and asking for the bill, once he got it, he paid their drinks and got up, stretching.

“I think we should leave now and go to my apartment. Someone clearly needs rest… I will make up breakfast tomorrow. I have a guestroom ready for you.” He added then, brushing some hair off from his friend’s face gently then, smiling softly at her.

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YEONJUN :: ‘VOGUE KOREA’ PHOTOSHOOT SKETCH

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SEULGI, 'Cosmic' Midnight sun - When the stars align 2024.06.24 6PM KST

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"Wherever you go, I know you'll be successful," Harper assured him. She'd just moved, so it wasn't like she'd be going anywhere soon. She'd just settled six months earlier and was still adapting to the area, so to hear that he'd eventually be leaving did upset her a little.

Harper glanced back to the little gravity exhibit he'd shown her. It seemed to be getting the attention of a few sweet kids who enjoyed playing around with the weights. Some of them couldn't lift Jupiter up all the way.

"I don't want to take up all your time and pull you away from work. I'm sure I'll see you again soon, right?"

"I suppose so," Theo agreed with a short laugh. He knew it wasn't their fault, rather just the zip code that gave them a boost in funding. Still, it was hard not to feel that way when he saw their bright and shining new displays.

"Thanks. I sure would hope so. But, I am planning on moving on once I get my masters. I've been here ten years, so, it would be nice to have something with a bit more hours and dollars once I'm done."

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"That doesn't make them jerks. It just makes them lucky," Harper pointed out, looking around the small planetarium she'd grown to adore over the last few months. For what it lacked in expensive equipment or fancy graphics was made up with good staff.

"You work hard! Good things will come to you, they always do. I promise if you keep working you'll make this place wonderful." Harper actually believed that. She'd started donating about a month ago to the small venue hoping the small amount would help boost.

"I'll never be sure why people do that. As you can see, I go out of my way to not have my food bother other people. What I eat doesn't make a difference to their day, I don't see why it should matter." He chuckled. "We don't get new exhibits all that often; only that rich person center does that. Lucky jerks, eh?"

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240614 | © jjiinnjjinnnn

+ bonus:

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"I'm a picky eater, so I get it. People make fun of my food, too." She could blame it on her years of moving from country to country trying growing up and unable to stick to one cuisine. "I'll make sure to wear comfortable shoes next time when we walk. We'll plan for the next weekend? Hopefully when a new exhibit comes up." Harper crossed her fingers hoping for good weather that wouldn't ruin their plans.

"If you don't mind a walk that's fine by me," Theo offered with a shrug. "I'd just hate if... well, people tend to make fun of my food, so it's a bit easier. Plus, why waste the money?"

He tried to laugh at himself.

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"Well..." Harper didn't think anyone ate really for fun but for survival. "Ok. We don't have to go out to dinner. But what about another time we can meet up outside of here? Even if it's just to walk home one night instead of taking the bus," she offered, trying not to appear desperate when she wanted to make a new friend.

"Oh, I don't mean in terms of... decibels, or topics," Theo tried to explain. He didn't want to get into his trouble with food, but sometimes. "I just don't really eat for fun, that's what I mean."

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Harper couldn't remember the last time she'd sat down to read a book, better yet write a novel when her attention span never lasted longer than a few seconds. The idea made her laugh, though it was followed up with a frown as Theo made himself out to be a bad dinner date.

"What? There's no such thing as a bad dinner partner. You're a little quiet, but nice. I'm really not quiet so we balance each other out."

"Go on and wonder. Maybe it'll inspire a novel," Theo said, going back to cleaning his equipment. He didn't want to wonder too much - he'd been surprised enough that there was a goldilocks planet waiting for them when they crashed. "Oh that's probably not a good idea. I am an awful dinner partner."