imfvckingurdad - Tumblr blog

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okay so there were a ton of posts/fics about the hilarious "fuck/maryy/kill" Bruce Wayne & Justice League scenario (I read them all, amazing comedic timing y'all) but to me, the most hilarious scenario is the JL play fuck/marry/kill, Bruce's name comes up, and half of the people in the room in the know immediately turn bright red and refuse to keep playing and no one will explain why.

Hal: "...and I would fuck Bruce Wayne. No, I would kill him. Nah, actually I'd fuck him, who am I kidding."

Clark: choking on his coffee and rapidly turning an alarming shade of red

Diana: "An....interesting choice, of course."

J'onn: "Shall we play a different game?"

Hal: "Wait, what? that was the game, wasn't it?"

Ollie: "I'm with Hal, I'd fuck the shit out of Bruce. He's the easiest guy I know, it's not like it'll exactly be a hardship for him."

*every single person in the room turns to Batman, standing in the corner*

Clark: "Wow! I think I just heard someone drop an ice cream cone in Guatemala. Batman, I'll need a team up."

Ollie: "For ice cream?"

Diana, standing up and putting herself in between Bruce and Hal: "This sounds dire. I will also assist."

Clark, under his breath, one hand on Bruce's back: "It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Come on. Walk it off."

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This post by @dwyntwo has been in my head

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IMPORTANT!!!

that is all

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Alastor: so what are you, A woman?

Angel dust: no, I'm a drag queen, It means I dress in stereotypically feminine clothes, BUT I don't identify as a woman

Alastor: Ah, of course

Husk: you know, I used to be a woman

Angel dust: what

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Lucifer: I miss my wife

Husk: I had a wife once

Lucifer: what

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Charlie: ARE YOU READY TO BECOME SOLDIERS TO SAVE THE HOTEL???

Husk: I used to be a soldier

Angel dust: what

Husk: yeah, Fought During 'Nam and all

Angel dust: WHAT

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Vaggie: I'm an ex-exorcist angel

Husk: you know-

Angel dust: *covers husk's mouth* shhhhhhh, Shut up honey

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GOD HE'S SO FAKE

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Shuro: You used black magic to bring back Falin, are you stupid?!

Laios: hey what the fuck is your problem man?

Senshi:

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I suddenly just want a SoC au where Kaz bakes. Everything else is the same but he bakes and everyone knows it. Inej knows it. Jesper too. Even Pekka Rollins does.

Wylan arrives and is expecting Brekker's infamous butter salted pretzel but he doesn't get it until he finds it in his satchel after he meets his mum with Jesper. He didn't know if he was grateful or wanted to throw it at Kaz's head

Inej constantly finds doughnuts and scones in her pockets. One time she's starving and cold on a roof somewhere in Ketterdam on a job for Kaz and she's looking for a little carving knife to fidget with and she finds three little pretzels in a paperbag in her pocket.

Matthias finds a plate with a muffin on it with the icing shaped like a red bird in his cell the day they broke him out. At one point in Crooked Kingdom he had a craving for Dirtyhand's salted caramel cookies and he wanted to exorcise himself

Inej's parents love his baked goods since the first time he baked them an entire lemon coconut almond moist cake. He presented Zoya with pineapple pie when they went to meet Sturmhond.

Nikolai finds a venison pie shaped like a steam ship in his office after his and Jesper's visit

Nina is banned from his kitchen.

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straight guy geologist describing a vertically oriented igneous intrusion to his buddy: it’s a . well. i’m not sure i can reclaim this one just get over here

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Teen Wolf Incorrect Text Posts 2/?

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Lakes and graveyards are very similar in that if you detonate a large explosion inside either one a lot of dead bodies come to the surface.

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🙂🔪

shop - twitter - instagram - etsy - kofi - commissions

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Real observations since I started wearing a wizard hat daily:

- Brim is so wide that I stay BONE DRY taking walks in the rain

- Brim can be positioned to block the sun from ever getting in my eyes AND keeping it off the back of my neck

- The pointed top part creates an air pocket, keeping my head from getting hot or squishing my hair as it might in a ball cap

- Hat can easily be pulled down over the tips of my ears without looking dumb, protecting them from wind chill

- Strangers say they like my hat, giving me the chance to tell them that I am a wizard

- When you’re wearing a wizard hat, ALL OTHER FASHION CHOICES become secondary, allowing you to branch out with style

Embrace ego death. Stay protected from all elements. Wear a wizard hat.

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Abigailesque future for Demon!Ciel and Sebastian where because the contract is no longer valid, Sebastian needs to leave sometimes to make other contracts so he can eat. But he keeps returning to Ciel, and they pose as father and son.

But things are strained because their relationship has always been toxic and neither is the type to talk.

Sometimes, when Sebastian is away, Ciel gets bored, and he pretends to be the son of some rich guy. He arranges for enemies of his underworld empire to kidnap him, then he picks them off.

Cue Sebastian returning one day to Ciel telling one of the kidnappers, "The ransom won't work. My dad doesn't care enough. He thought he wanted a child, but now he's never around.

Sebastian: (sigh) Young master, you know very well that if you simply call, I would be here in a second.

Kidnapper: Who the fuck are you!? How did you get in here!?!

Ciel: Oh. You're home early.

Sebastian: And it's hardly kind to play with your food.

Longer backstory under cut.

From Ciel's pov, the one thing he could count on was that one day, Sebastian would take his soul and the pain would be over. Then he was forcibly changed into a demon. There's a lot of trauma from that. But he also thinks the only reason Sebastian stays is because the contract makes him. He feels somewhat guilty about it and thinks Sebastian resents him.

From Sebastian's pov, yes, he's bitter he worked for so long and can never get paid. But the contract is clearly no longer valid, something he doesn't understand how Ciel can't see. Still, he's more than willing to pretend otherwise because to admit the truth would invite awkard questions, like why he's still there. He feels guilty because he was supposed to protect Ciel, and he was unable to do so. And he's fond of the kid.

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gradient map test. i might render it properly eventually.

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that butler, sick of his shit

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I have returned to the land of the living

I am not happy about it