imjustme33 - Tumblr blog

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Gone with the Wind (1939) dir. Victor Fleming

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Scarlett and Rhett + first meeting

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Vivien Leigh holding up a misspelled named card for a makeup test, while in the infamous shame gown during the filming of 1939′s Gone With the Wind.

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She had become adept at putting unpleasant thoughts out of her mind these days. She had learned to say, “I won’t think of this or that bothersome thought now. I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Generally when tomorrow came, the thought either did not occur at all or it was so attenuated by the delay it was not very troublesome.

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“My cousin Helen, who is in her 90s now, was in the Warsaw ghetto during World War II. She and a bunch of the girls in the ghetto had to do sewing each day. And if you were found with a book, it was an automatic death penalty. She had gotten hold of a copy of ‘Gone With the Wind’, and she would take three or four hours out of her sleeping time each night to read. And then, during the hour or so when they were sewing the next day, she would tell them all the story. These girls were risking certain death for a story. And when she told me that story herself, it actually made what I do feel more important. Because giving people stories is not a luxury. It’s actually one of the things that you live and die for.” –Neil Gaiman

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Tag someone who would appreciate this sensory memory 👃🍂📚 Photo: @reesesbookclubxhellosunshine (at Strand Book Store) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo4RQBKAMJR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=165ogzhnvbwx4

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I’m quite convinced dead me would be a better gift than alive me to the people who know me.

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Cut,knife,pressure,release,blood,satisfaction,success

Then, self-care, disinfectant, pressure to stop the bleeding, salve

Pain every day after until it’s healed.

Such a sweet reminder that I feel.

That I have control over one thing. Myself.

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dont put too much pressure on yourself. everything will be okay.

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Lucky Morton Kngwarreye

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50 things I learned from 2 years of sobriety

In celebration of my anniversary, I wanted to write out some of the things I’ve learned over the past two years. 

At first, you don’t know how to live your life without alcohol, and it seems impossible. One day without it seems like a crazy idea.

The first day sober feels like a giant victory, and you can’t remember the last time you woke up without a hangover.

You don’t know what to do with yourself when you have an urge to drink. I would constantly have a water bottle with me to sip out of instead.

Your sense of taste and smell greatly increases.

You notice every alcohol bottle, beer can, wine glass, liquor store, open drink, stocked fridge, new brewery, and spirits menu.

Your emotions are all over the place because alcohol was your stress-reliever.

You may not yet consider yourself an alcoholic, but just simply “taking a break.”

Not everyone will understand why you stopped drinking, and they may judge you for it.

The first 30 days feels like an eternity.

You might be scared to go to AA meetings.

You might go to meetings and hide in the back, hoping no one will notice you.

You might leave the meetings ASAP so you can avoid talking with anyone.

You constantly battle the idea of whether you’re an alcoholic or not.

You read self-help books and gain insight that lasts about 10 minutes.

You go to therapy and minimize your problems.

In therapy you also realize that you’re having to start your life over. You have to change people, places, and things to keep you sober.

Your family will be your biggest fans in your sobriety. Look to them when you feel afraid.

Parties will be very difficult if alcohol is around. It’s okay to walk out if you have to.

Some AA meetings will be very inspiring, others will be boring, but none of them are a waste of time.

Waiting to get a sponsor will only make staying sober 10x harder. They are your best ally, confidant, and support system.

After a few months of feeling sober, you realize how “foggy” your brain really was when you first began. Clarity sets in.

Meeting with a psychiatrist is nothing to be afraid of. Taking medication can help your brain function better while you’re rebuilding a healthy mind.

You will want SO MUCH SUGAR. If you didn’t have a sweet tooth before, you definitely will.

You might over-indulge in caffeine, exercise, shopping, and other activities.

Praying is always a good idea.

People may tell you how you should feel, but you’re allowed to feel the things you do.

Some people may not understand why it is difficult for you to quit drinking, when it’s “no big deal” for them. They probably don’t have an addiction.

The hardest thing is to deal with life on life’s terms. Learning how to cope with uncomfortable or painful situations without alcohol is the biggest hurdle.

Your friends, or people you thought were your friends, will change when you stop drinking. True friends, the ones that you should cherish, will not abandon you. They will love you and support you in becoming a healthy person again.

If you’re like me, you may have quit alcohol to lose weight. Later on you realized it was a real problem that you had, even if you were functioning.

There are many functioning alcoholics in the world. This means they still go to work & pay the bills, but are still excessively drinking.

You don’t have to hit rock bottom to want your life to be better.

If you have anxiety or depression, it will likely get worse when you stop self-medicating.

You will start to evaluate all your relationships and ask yourself if they are healthy and supportive.

You may feel like an outcast if you’re publicly shamed for not drinking.

You’ll realize that people who judge you for not drinking usually have some sort of problem they are avoiding themselves.

The more AA meetings you go to, the more you start to feel like a Veteran. It’s no longer scary and you feel safer than ever in those rooms.

You will start to care more about your appearance and take better care of yourself.

You will find things to keep you occupied, like coloring, crafting, music, the internet, to help ease your restlessness.

People will start to ask you for advice about quitting drinking. You might find out that the last person you thought would come to you, will.

You start to enjoy the simple things in life again; sunshine, walking the dogs, photography, spending time with family, etc.

You wonder if people who are constantly talking about alcohol are as sick as you were.

Your sleep will improve immensely.

You are more productive and may want to work towards future goals.

The smell of alcohol on someone’s breath will become repulsive.

You will have bad days that you fight to stay sober. Sometimes it’s taking it minute by minute.

You will realize how much you missed out on while you were drinking. It might make you sad, but you now have the opportunity to enjoy every moment in a day.

You will want to help other people who are suffering, but sometimes you have to walk away from a cancerous situation.

If you ever have a craving, or are thinking about taking a drink, remember why you started this sober journey in the first place.

The problem for us was not alcohol. Alcohol was our solution. Eventually that solution stopped working and lead us to insanity. From insanity, we had to rebuild and relearn how to cope with life.

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My girlfriend kindly suggested this to me, I’ve been pondering it, tonight I’m going to find that photograph, and start nourishing my little girl.

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tenderqueerthings #40, Mar Pascual. 2016.

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Recovery is hard, recovery is ugly.

Recovery is crying at night because you don’t think you can handle it. It’s relapsing, sometimes to the point where you feel you are back where you started.

Recovery feels like you take two steps forward and fall one step back.

But, recovery is worth it.

Recovery is worth for those days when you can go out with your friends, and not think about your mental illness for just one night.

Recovery is worth it for those moments when you just feel alive, and for those moments you feel that everything is worth it. Those times when you don’t feel like you’re on death’s bed.

Recovery is worth it because you finally have your life back, even if you still struggle.

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I missed one dose

and I went fucking insane.

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Decided to look at the Effexor tag and stumbled into a wonderfully humorous community of people who totally understand the scariness of the brain zaps and the overall shittyness of forgetting to take the magical orange pill in the morning