immyownenemystill

[immyownenemystill]

[immyownenemystill]

i know i shouldn’t compare myself to the girls i reblog, because most of them are unhealthily thin, but i can’t help it. but i don’t think i even look healthy skinny. i don’t think i look skinny at all. all i see is fat and chubby. i think that’s all i am

[immyownenemystill]

i wish i was wanted and loved. i am all alone

[immyownenemystill]

Reblog if you hate your thighs

[immyownenemystill]

Reblog: If your ugw is between 70-140lbs

I’ll follow back everyone who reblogs

[immyownenemystill]

Contradiction

I want my stomach to cave and my hip bones to jut out

I want my collarbones to hold water and my thighs to gap

But….

I also want that cheeseburger and fries

I want to go out to eat with friends and not want to kill myself afterwards

I don’t want to be a contradiction I just want to be happy

[immyownenemystill]

You don’t deserve that slice of pizza baby.

No, you deserve so much more than that

You deserve jutting collar bones and hips.

You deserve a tall glass of pristine water

You deserve to feel beautiful, thin, and worthy.

You deserve to starve, honey, don’t you realise?

[immyownenemystill]

I’M GOING TO BE FUCKING THIN Y'ALL. I’LL REACH ALL MY GOALS. I’LL BE THAT SKINNY BITCH, I’LL SHOW THEM. JUST WATCH ME.

[immyownenemystill]

[immyownenemystill]

big mood

[immyownenemystill]

[immyownenemystill]

Anorexia

Anorexia is having the most bizarre safe foods, utterly random and make absolutely no sense but they’re safe because not only do you enjoy them, but their calorie counts never change. 

Anorexia is begging yourself not to give in to the urge to eat that food, whilst simultaneously begging yourself to eat it and slowly start to recover. 

Anorexia is fighting with yourself all day, everyday. 

Anorexia is wanting to weigh yourself every hour of every day just to check that you’ve not gained any weight, even if you haven’t eaten for three days.

Anorexia is feeling physically sick when a friend says they eat almost 6000 calories a day because of how much they exercise, because 6000 calories is at least 10x more than you eat a day.

Anorexia is forgetting how much you should really be eating a day and being shocked when 600 cal meals come up after a google for ‘low calorie meals’.

Anorexia is losing friends because they just don’t understand why you physically cannot ‘just eat’.

Anorexia is falling out with family members after distancing yourself so you don’t have to eat with them. 

Anorexia is missing out on the chance to properly see your siblings grow up because they see you as ‘moody and miserable’ after you accidentally shout at them when you’re so hungry it hurts. 

Anorexia is unexpectedly falling into periods of numbness and feeling utterly helpless, lonely and sad even though you’re surrounded by your favourite people. 

Anorexia is making up excuses even when talking to yourself. Because you can’t bare to admit that you are ill again, even though you know you are. 

Anorexia is looking at food and seeing numbers, fat content, the number of sit ups it would take to burn it off. 

Anorexia is setting yourself ridiculous, dangerous rules because otherwise you’re terrified you’ll ‘fail’.

Anorexia is being filled with overwhelming happiness when someone else is perfectly comfortable in their body, whether they’re morbidly obese or underweight, as long as they are happy that’s okay and as long as it’s not you.

Anorexia is adding hundreds of pounds worth of clothes into an online shopping basket, all multiple sizes too small and telling yourself you can have them when you fit that size. 

Anorexia is not a lifestyle. 

Anorexia is not a cry for help.

Anorexia is not a cry for attention.

Anorexia.

Is.

Not.

A

Choice. 

And neither are any other mental illnesses. 

[immyownenemystill]

Me acting all sad and alone after I’ve pushed everyone in my life away to focus on weight loss

[immyownenemystill]

E+a+t+i+n+g=Fat

S+t+a+r+v+i+n+g=Happiness

[immyownenemystill]

If you have ever sat on your shower floor crying gasping for air I am so FUCKING sorry

[immyownenemystill]

nothing beats scrolling through thinspo on an empty stomach 💞💖💘

[immyownenemystill]