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Posting again because I’m still proud of them, Tracey Emin inspired pillows, lyrics from ‘Inmates’ by The Good Life

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‘The Columbine High School class of 1999 had it’s picture taken on the bleachers of the gymnasium, with close to four hundred kids packed together like one big, happy family. Up in the far left-hand corner of that picture were Eric, Dylan, and me.

Zach Heckler and Robyn Anderson were up there with us. We learned we would be doing two different poses: an “official” or serious class photo and a silly one. Since he was offering us the chance to do a “silly” picture, the photographer figured we wouldn’t do anything to screw up the serious one. We were instructed to hold still for the extended exposure of the picture, so all of us gave our best “serious looks” to the camera. 

When it came time for the “silly shot,” Eric donned his KMFDM hat, and he and Dylan both put on shades. Eric suggested that, since we were having a camera pointed at us, it would be cool to point imaginary guns back. So the five of us pantomimed doing exactly that.

It seemed like a funny thing to do. I never thought twice about it.’

- No Easy Answers: The Truth Behind Death at Columbine by Brooks Brown and Rob Merritt

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Zero Day (Ben Coccio, 2003) follows two boys’ lives in the weeks leading up to a tragic school shooting. This pair, however, happen to be the antagonists in their own story. 

Shot in a mockumentary/found-footage format, we step into the daily affairs of Cal and Andre (Cal Robertson and Andre Keuck, respectively), two adolescents who never appear to suggest any underlying delusions or hints of insanity. They start the film off by deciding upon carrying out a goal and spend the rest of the film living out their lives as their goal gets pushed further and further away. Where they see intent and ambition, we see horror and regret. It is due to this that the film manages to be far more poignant and frightening than the vast majority of thrillers gracing our theaters.

Shot not long after the Columbine Massacre (and closer still, to the events of September 11th), audiences were still quite uneasy with the idea of humanizing two individuals who could be capable of causing such great harm to others. Seemingly trivializing the events, film like these were shunned. However, as we have come to learn, the awareness raised by these films surpasses any harm that could possibly be done by the cast or creators. 

Apart from humanizing these killers, we slowly come to find numerous similarities between them and ourselves. Juxtaposing circumstances and events, we can clearly begin to relate to and admire these two boys as they begin their attempt to make sense of the world that they were placed into. 

Regardless of intent or time and release, this film serves as an important reminder that those who commit even the most heinous crimes are not too far off from the people who inhabit our very homes.

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Artuš Scheiner, 1901.

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She haunts the forest in search of her killer | graphite on paper, 2018

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tell one of the wildest things that has happened to you in school pleaseeEeeeEe

gladly i’m always looking for an excuse to tell this story. i’ve talked about the school shitting we had… now i’m gonna tell you about the school shooting we had. with nail guns. but it was still technically a shooting. anyway here we go fasten ur seatbelts folks

this is the tale of how in junior year me and another student literally got away with attempted murder because the teacher didn’t want to lose his job, aka the most kickass stroke of luck i have ever fucking witnessed in my life. there are two things that you need to know for this story: the woodshop room in our school was filled with dangerous machinery, and when i have had enough, i have Had Enough.

i was in that class with the people who gave me the most shit, basically my life is a bad teen movie and most of the main jocks were in this class, including Head Jock, who as you can expect gave me the most shit. the teacher decided it would be a good idea to leave the room while we were working on our projects to go and do something in a classroom down the hall, and as you can imagine, as soon as he left, everyone started giving me shit. ripping on me, trying to wreck my project, that kind of thing. usually i would just not do anything because i’m dead inside but for whatever reason i had recently gone though some sort of ascension and now i was running at 300% rage at all times, so i was not having it today.

at the time, we had been using nail guns, which is exactly what you would think. they’re basically small gun-shaped devices that you press against the wood and pull the trigger. bam, instant precision nail. i didn’t think they were that powerful because you know, they’re in a fucking school, but i thought they would have to do. i told Head Jock to leave me the fuck alone and he responded by making another grab at my project. so i did the logical thing.

i aimed the nail gun at his head.

he paused for a moment, and then he said the fateful words.

“you wouldn’t dare.”

i dared.

i pulled the trigger, there was a pop, and somehow he must have known i was serious because he ducked at the last moment, which was just as well, because the nail fucking embedded itself into the filing cabinet behind him. fucking right in to this metal cabinet. i had a moment to consider the fact i just NEARLY FUCKING COMMITTED MURDER HOLY SHIT??, and then i had a new problem.

he was firing back. he had grabbed his nail gun and, obviously disgruntled at my nearly killing him, he was firing back.

i need you to picture the scene that our teacher came back to. me, crouched behind a table, peering out from the side of it, nail gun in hand, full firing stance with the gun in front of me and held in both hands, rapidly firing nails across the room. on the other side, Head Jock, crouched behind his table, occasionally leaning out and firing several nails in my direction before taking cover again. the people at the two tables between us were on the floor screaming. one girl is yelling “WHY DO YOU DO THIS??”. there are nails embedded in the cabinets, in the tables, gouges in the floor. all hell is breaking loose in there. we’re partying like it’s 1999.

understandably, our teacher looses his fucking shit. he’s screaming at us even as he’s crossing the room, and he literally grabbed me by the arm so hard he lifted me clean off the floor. he then does the same to the other guy, who’s like a 200lb football player, and drags us outside into the hallway. i don’t know why he bothered closing the door, he was yelling at us that loudly. we have a moment to be Terrified and even have a bonding moment where we look at one another with eyes that say “see you in juvie, bro”, and then we realize the teacher is remaining in the hall, and we’re not being dragged down to administration.

the teacher has fallen silent, and me and Head Jock don’t know what to expect. we look at one another again. “i can’t believe i’m gonna die with you”, his expression seems to say. feeling’s mutual, dude. 

then the teacher says something neither of us were expecting.

“get back in the classroom,” he says, and me and Head Jock can’t even move. it has to be some sort of trick. we’re both fucking dead, just take us out back and murder us now and get it over with, yanno? but no, the teacher most definitely said to go back to class. eventually Head Jock takes one for the team and asks, because i sure as hell am not daring.

“do we not need to like. leave?” he asked.

forever? i silently add, because there’s no way we’re just getting a detention for this. we literally tried to kill one another with improvised weapons, we are going to prison, we are going to grow old on death fucking row together. and then our teacher revealed all.

“no matter how pissed i am at you right now, it’s not worth my job. if the pair of you want to be in prison for murder before you graduate that’s up to you, but you’re not taking me down with you.”

that was it. that. that was it!! he wasn’t allowed to leave the woodshop room when machinery was in use. he was not allowed. he would lose his job pretty much instantly if he was caught doing that. there was no way he would have been able to explain how a third period arms race broke out under his nose. to save his own ass, he literally had to pretend it never happened, and so did we. usually i would have been a complete asshole about it because I Had The Power but i was too lightheaded with fucking relief to even think about it.

of course, secrets are never kept in high school, so by lunch the entire student body knew about our war, but the teacher stayed teaching so i’m assuming it never made its way to the teachers. for a week afterwards, hushed whispers followed me around the school. people stayed out of my way in the hallway. Head Jock didn’t even look at me. the world was peaceful.

and then the next week some freshman ignited a science lab table to get out of his homework and everyone went back to fucking with me, but i remembered. i Remembered.

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townville elementary school shooter, jesse osborne, shows off his airsoft guns.

fourteen year old jesse shot three students and a teacher on september 28, 2016. six year old victim jacob hall died three days later. osborne shot and killed his father before driving to the school. he was charged as a juvenile with two counts of murder and two attempted murders.

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List of (mass) murderers and people behind shooting/murder plots that were members of the True Crime Community (TCC).

Please refer to the source of this post for an up-to-date list.

A big big big thank you to @radical-and-radiant, @adeadlyinnocence, @russiaoniichan and @smiggleslanza for taking the time to help me gather information for this list. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

If anyone has more names (and social media accounts) to add, feel free to reply to this post or send me a message.

(Mass) murderers:

• Adam Lanza (Tumblr: gayfortimk + queerforkimveer / Shocked Beyond Belief forum: Smiggles / Dailymotion: GFTK) • Ali David Sonboly (Steam: glockrager + Amoklauf + Rage16 + VladimRUS + NeoGer + The Amokrager Z) • Arcan Cetin (Tumblr: arcanmotherrussiavodkaandak47) • Darion Aguilar (Tumblr: ?) • Fevery/Breanne (Tumblr: flipping-all-the-tables) • Jesse Osborne (Instagram: kmosh_nbk_kmfdm / Twitter: ?) • Matti Juhani Saari (YouTube: Wumpscut86) • Randy Stair (Twitter: EGSandrew / YouTube: Ember’s Ghost Squad + PioneersProductions + PioneersAnthology + Andrew Blaze + WorthlessToaster / columbinemassacre forum: EGSandrew) • William Atchison (Tumblr: returntoblockland + naturalselector88 + marclepine64 + choseunghui + eldigato / YouTube: Lance Stone + Vance Stone + Cho Seung Hui 4.0 + barajara / Columbine forum: ChoSeungHui + FIBAgent / Steam: nativenazi + gibsss1) • Pekka-Eric Auvinen (YouTube: Naturalselector89 + sturmgeist89 / possibly Columbine Research Task Force forum: ?) • Caleb Sharpe (YouTube: Mongo Walker / Instagram: walrusmeat / Snapchat: sharpesenpi)

Shooting/murder plots:

Aurora Massacre threats • Tracy (MySpace: ? / Facebook) Halifax shooting plot • James Gamble (Tumblr: shallow-existences) • Lindsay Souvannarath (Tumblr: cockswastika) • Randal Shepherd (Tumblr: genesistogenocide) Hostage and gun related incident • Julian (YouTube: SmileyThePsycho + zombieshadow / MySpace: ?) Jefferson High School shooting plot • Carter Boyles (YouTube: bob8466) Mountain Vista shooting plot • Brooke Higgins (Tumblr: brookeshelves / possibly Instagram: ?) • Sienna Johnson (Tumblr: ? / Weebly: sienna-raine / possibly Instagram: ?) Plymouth Whitemarsh High School shooting plot • Dillon Cossey (YouTube: Shadow19462 / MySpace: Shadow19462) 

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me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

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Zero Day shooting In-Depth Timeline of Events

8:54:00 AM

Witnesses spot Kriegman’s gray 1991 Pontiac Grand Am. It is presumed that Calvin Gabriel and Andre Kriegman are both in the car at this time. They turn off a video camera they have brought with them. Their whereabouts are not known for certain for the next hour and thirteen minutes.

9:54:01 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel turn on their video camera, retrieve their weapons from the trunk. They spend approximately 5 minutes loading their weapons and proceed towards the west entrance of Iroquois High School.

10:02:10 AM - 10:02:17 AM

As Kriegman and Gabriel approach the west entrance, they encounter Melissa Baker, Jason Zuffoletti, and Tony DeFasio, who are sitting to the left of the entrance. Kriegman and Gabriel fire upon the students. All three are hit; Zuffoletti and Baker are killed instantly, and DeFasio is able to flee. Robert Straitharn comes through the main entrance and is wounded by Kriegman. He turns around and runs back into the school. James Regent, Michael Oster, Jennifer DiCaprio, Alison Stewart, and Kristin Powers are also outside, around the corner to the left of the main entrance, in a courtyard with walls on three sides. When the shooting starts, they make their way to the wall farthest from the main entrance and run. After firing at Straitharn, Kriegman and Gabriel turn their attention to the group coming out of the cul-de-sac. Kriegman wounds Oster and Dicaprio, and Powers is hit by Gabriel in the leg. Kriegman and Gabriel pause to reload, and Regent and Stewart take this opportunity to assist Powers. Kriegman and Gabriel lose interest in this group, and opt to enter the school.

10:02:20 AM - 10:02:35 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel enter the school and encounter Resource Officer Leon Stetz. Witnesses observe Stetz issue a warning and draw his weapon. Kriegman and Gabriel and Stetz exchange fire. Stetz fires three rounds and is hit three times by Gabriel. Stetz dies of his wounds before aid can arrive. Stetz’s revolver is later found sabotaged, presumably by Kriegman or Gabriel; a safety pin is inserted in the breech. It is not clear when this was done.

10:02:20 AM - 10:02:35 AM

After the exchange with Stetz, Kriegman and Gabriel proceed towards the library, firing on the students in the hall who, by now, have already started to flee. Timothy Pastor, James Woodruff, Denise Kelso, and Lisa Chang are hit, but are able to flee the scene.

10:02:30 AM - 10:02:41 AM

Students in the west of the library observe Kriegman and Gabriel through the library’s east entrance and start to rush towards the main entrance. Others in the main entrance of the library follow them. The students at the front of the crowd see Kriegman and Gabriel approaching and change direction followed by the rest of the students. Kriegman and Gabriel wait until they are in through the doors and open fire. Victoria Evers and Omar Walters are hit; Evers dies of her wounds before aid can arrive. Omar, who has called 911 shortly before Kriegman and Gabriel arrive, is able to move into the reference area with other fleeing students. The larger group of students escapes through the west entrance. Kriegman picks up the cellular phone that Walters used to call 911. The phone will remain with Kriegman and continue to transmit until the SWAT team arrives.

10:02:45 AM - 10:03:05 AM

A group of approximately thirty students moves east to the reference area while Kriegman and Gabriel are occupied in the main area. Walters cannot keep up with the rest of the group and sits down. At this point the group splits up again. One group moves upstairs to a study room, while the second group makes it way to an emergency exit. Worried that the alarm on the emergency exit might draw Kriegman and Gabriel, they force a window open and jump down 4 feet to escape.

10:03:20 AM - 10:03:45 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel follow the fleeing students through the reference area and stop to taunt Walters. They then proceed upstairs to the study area and encounter Sarah Pilar, Brent Pearlman, Chelsea Castro, Megan Donner, Carmine DiBano, Chris Thomas, David Foster, Derek Sutter, Tina Vincent, and Greg Krupa. They are hiding under tables and behind couches.

10:04:00 AM

Kriegman fires upon Chelsea Castro and Megan Donner at point blank range, killing them instantly.

10:04:05 AM

Gabriel fires on Brent Pearlman, who attempts to flee, wounding him.

10:04:13 AM - 10:04:18 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel close on Pearlman and fire on him multiple times at point blank range, killing him instantly. Librarian Robert Blackthorne and Deborah Webber move from their hiding place behind the main desk. Blackthorne flees the scene.

10:04:21 AM

Derek Sutter attempts to flee the study area and is hit by fire from both Kriegman and Gabriel. He loses consciousness and is removed to Middlesex Hospital after the SWAT team clears the room.

10:04:28 AM - 10:05:05 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel move around the room. Kriegman drops his shotgun and draws his revolver. He sits near Sarah Pilar and Tina Vincent and talks to them. Gabriel walks on top of the tables.

10:05:05 AM

In the main area, Webber flees the scene.

10:05:39 AM

Carmine Dibiano talks to Gabriel in attempt to reason with him.

10:06:25 AM

Gabriel fires upon Sarah Pilar and Tina Vincent; Pilar dies of her wounds before aid can arrive; Vincent is removed to New Britain General Hospital after the SWAT team clears the room. Dibiano is shot by Kriegman and dies of his wounds before aid can arrive.

10:06:40 AM

Gabriel drops his rifle and draws his automatic pistol.

10:06:52 AM - 10:07:06 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel encounter Greg Krupa and taunt him. Gabriel then shoots Krupa with his pistol. Krupa is killed instantly.

10:07:27 AM

Kriegman shoots Chris Thomas with his revolver. Thomas is killed instantly.

10:07:31 AM

David Foster flees the scene while Kriegman and Gabriel’s’ weapons are empty. He escapes uninjured.

10:07:45 AM - 10:08:11 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel retrieve their long arms and move back towards the main area. They encounter Walters on the way, who is now unconscious. Walters dies of his wounds before aid can arrive. Officers Leah Halstrom and Frank Vincenzi arrive on the scene. Officer Halstrom drives around to the west while Officer Vincenzi stays at the east entrance.

10:08:11 AM - 10:12:25 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel move out of the library and head towards the cafeteria. As the two gunman walk down the hall, their attention is drawn to the kitchen serving area, which joins the hall to the cafeteria. A group of 10 students are hiding in the kitchen and the serving area, out of sight from the door. Both Kriegman and Gabriel throw one lit pipe bomb each into the serving area and continue on towards the Cafeteria. The pipe bombs detonate while the some of the students in the serving area are trying to move into the rear of the kitchen. Lynn Knoblock, Christian Kluge, and Stanley Forster all suffer burns; one of the bombs bursts completely, hitting Kluge and Forster with shrapnel. The other pipe bomb does not splinter, but the force of the exploding gunpowder sends both end-caps in opposite directions at high velocity. Lynn Knoblock is hit with an end cap, and receives a broken shoulder. Naomi Kleber is hiding in a thick metal storage cabinet 3 feet from the pipe bomb that bursts; she receives no serious injuries.

10:08:56-10:12:25

Kriegman and Gabriel move to the east cafeteria where they attempt to ignite a homemade bomb. After a first failure, they destroy a cash register with second pipe bomb. Kriegman fires on a vending machine. This attracts Officer Halstrom’s attention; she stops her cruiser, disembarks and tries to find the source of the fire. Gabriel spots her cruiser and fires six rounds towards Officer Halstrom’s position. Three of these rounds hit Officer Halstrom’s cruiser. Officer Halstrom returns fire through the window broken by Gabriel’s fire. Kriegman and Gabriel move back into the hall, towards the library. They each fire on library computers in the west wing of the library.

10:12:49 AM

Kriegman and Gabriel return to the study area, where they observe the arrival of state police, county police, SWAT, and paramedic units.

10:13:15 AM

Kriegman points his empty revolver at his head and dry-fires it repeatedly.

10:14:30 AM

Two SWAT teams form up to enter the school. One team enters through the west entrance, the other moves to the main entrance on the east. The east team led by Sergeant Leonard Krantz, is directed to the study area by Foster.

10:16:27 AM

After a short discussion, Kriegman and Gabriel kneel down, point their weapons at their head, and fire. Both die instantly.

10:18:57 AM

Sergeant Krantz’s team reaches the study area and find Sutter and Vincent. Even though it is not clear that Kriegman and Gabriel are the only assailants, elements of the state and county police evacuate Sutter and Vincent under cover of Sergeant Krantz’s SWAT team.

10:20 AM - 11:45 AM

Sergeant Krantz’s team resumes it sweep, and in conjunction with Sergeant Brian Lomax’s team, clears the school with the exception of the east cafeteria, where an unexploded pipe bomb is found.

11:45 AM - 12:45 PM

The county bomb squad neutralizes the pipe bomb.

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Columbine High School, West Entrance, where the attacks began.

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December 1999 in TIME Magazine - The Columbine Tapes PT.1

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“There will be a series of missions followed by a final big ass mission called, Zero Day.”

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I don’t know why columbine happened

Columbine happened because it could.

It happened because there was one young man who felt as though he didn’t belong to this world and felt as if nobody really understood him. This young man was very bright and clever. He grew up in a loving home in the state of Colorado, though he always prided himself on being independent and solving his own problems. Over the years, this young man grew increasingly disillusioned with the world he lived in and with the system he was forced to be a part of. He believed that others around him had it easier – didn’t think as deeply as he did, didn’t wonder about life the way he did, felt at home in this world more than he did – and he resented them for it as much as he envied them their ease of being. The young man grew angry, but he also grew sad. He felt that the best course of action was to leave this world behind as soon as he could, but he also wanted to explain his pain to those he left behind. He wanted to destroy the system that made him feel out of place, wanted to attack those who were home within it, and he wanted to not be the only one who always suffered.

This young man met another young man. The young man he met hadn’t grown up the same way he had. Instead, this particular young man was part of a military family that had moved from state to state, from house to house, from school to school, before they ever landed in Colorado. This young man was a timid but inquisitive child growing up, prone to flights of fancy and gestures of grandeur. Prone to heroism, even, as strange as that may sound in retrospect. This young man was bright, too, and a live wire born with the gift to engage people in whatever passion he pursued. He was said to be laugh-out-loud funny when doing impressions and cracking jokes, but this young man didn’t find too much to smile about the older he became. He had a hard time connecting with people because he felt he had to start over every time he moved to a new place. He was forced to abandon the friends he’d made and the places he’d come to love, which took a huge emotional toll on him. This young man felt adrift in the universe and often spoke about wanting to travel to the stars and beyond. Down here was nothing but pain, and wrongs he couldn’t set right, and he grew to resent the system for making him a malfunctioning cog in its gigantic wheel. This young man grew so angry that he began to speak of kickstarting a revolution that would empower him and all others like him once and for all.When we talk about them, now, there is always this notion that these two young men together were ‘the perfect storm’. Now, I don’t know how perfect a storm can be.. but I think a storm only creates chaos before it eventually dies down, which I suppose is as good an analogy as any when it comes to understanding what happened at Columbine. These young men met when they needed each other most. Certainly, the former had more friends and an easy rapport with people that the latter lacked. The latter, though, had drive and purpose sewn into his blood and bones in a way the former could only ever dream of. They related to one another. Perhaps not always, as one was hard to anger while the other had a hair-trigger temper, but they gave each other space and acknowledged each other’s right to exist. They bonded together in a way very few people in this world do – it’s a kinship, a brotherhood of sorts, and it would be beautiful if not for the destruction it wrought.Columbine happened because these two souls got together and essentially said “I feel your pain and I want to do something about it that the rest of the world will never forget”. Columbine happened because these two young men were able to put together an elaborate plan that saw them both into their high school armed to the teeth with the support of homemade bombs at their backs. They planned this for at least a year. Their friends believed their comments were just a way of letting off steam, nothing too serious, just people shooting the shit with each other as friends do. Their families noticed some of what was going on with them, but never separated them for too long and believed that any issues would eventually resolve given time and/or therapy. Their teachers and fellow students alternated between finding them weird/unapproachable and engaged/sweet – depending on their moods, the specifics of their rage, or any other variant thereof. Law enforcement had a gazillion red flags raised to them that went ignored and instead released the two from their respective programs early because of ‘good behaviour’. Whatever the psychiatrist of the latter boy uncovered remains a secret, even today, though he too never sought to inform authorities of a potential threat.

“And society did not stop them”, said one Columbine author in his conclusion notes about how Columbine happened. Society did not stop them. That has always been the one reason that echoes in my brain above all the rest. So many people meet each other every day. So many souls connect on levels similar to the one I describe in this post. So many individuals could, when together, create a storm that may one day be referred to as ‘perfect’. Why is it, then, that Columbine is still mostly a standalone event? Sure, we’ve had lots of school shootings since. But it’s rare to have one happen that has two perpetrators instead of one. Even rarer to have two perpetrators who banded together for more than a year in preparation of the event. And it happened in that rarest of times when school shootings were still too new, in a sense, and did not yet appear on society’s radar as a potential outcome for the storm that was brewing between these two young men in Littleton. Society did not stop them because it did not yet know how. Society was not yet aware enough of this creation to be able to prevent its full-scale destruction.

Above all, Columbine happened because two young men found each other in the midst of their pain and isolation and decided they were going to walk together from here on out and inflict pain upon the very system that had created their hatred and their sadness and their anger and their fear. Columbine happened because there is something very deeply wrong in this world we live in. Columbine happened because it could.

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I believe they were as much victims as anyone else, though. They died, too. They got no chance to live their lives out and it was because of that school, the environment they lived in.

Brooks Brown  (via emergencyshotgun)

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