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Learn how to be direct

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It's impossible to build a stable sense of self-worth when the foundation rests on other people's shifting opinions.

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I think you should bask in the sun for a little while. I think you will have an epiphany

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Real safety in relationships comes from love, respect, attunement and understanding. But we often unconsciously mistake familiar pain (from our earlier years) for safety and love, and we call it “normal.” Pay attention to what you tolerate. You deserve better. Choose consciously.

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Things to Accept:

change.

closure is an inside job.

not everyone will understand you.

where you are, while still reaching for more.

peace costs people sometimes.

you can do it all, just not at once.

the love you deserve (not just the love you’re used to).

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The first thing to understand about the universe is that no condition is "good" or "bad." It just is. So stop making value judgments.

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Maturity is realizing being unavailable is sometimes the healthiest thing you can be.

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Sunken alcove in the garden

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Emotional Intelligence isn’t knowing what to say, it’s knowing how to act

Everyone thinks emotional intelligence is about saying the right thing. It’s not. It’s about your behavior. "oh my gosh they are so emotionally intelligent! They said I could express how I feel!" Until they feel attacked, then you wish that you didn't express how you feel

When you stay calm instead of yelling. When you choose not to send that angry text. When you listen instead of screaming, not being defensive, acting like a victim in a problem you created etc. When you take a breath and think before you respond

In the age of information, where we have access to so much, anyone can seem calm and wise when everything is going well. But really, emotional intelligence shows up when you’re upset, hurt, frustrated & still choose to act with care and control. Knowledge comes with experience and action, not absorbing information & making those definitions part of your vocabulary

Emotional intelligence is not charm It’s self control It’s not about being articulate but being aware

You don’t need to say the perfect words. You just need to know how to handle your feelings in the moment. That’s what emotional maturity really is

Can you stay calm when triggered? Can you hold space instead of snapping back? Can you not send that text, even when you're angry? Can you pause, breathe & choose a better response?

This isn't about staying quiet at all, it's about your reaction. Cue healthy nervous system conversation and Robert Greene strategies here

Because anyone can sound wise in a calm room. The real test is how you act when things get emotional

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— Nizar Qabbani, ‘What Love Can Do’, from Arabian Love Poems: Full Arabic and English Texts (via lunamonchtuna)

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Wishing you a regulated nervous system, and the boundaries to protect and maintain it.

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Taking care of yourself is productive.