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impulseoflife-blog1 · 7 years

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Temporal Rummage

Why?

I am glad that I have a platform where I can type these three letters and scream out loud, and no one would judge me or ask me to keep it to myself or be submissive. Why should I be submissive and be subject to any atrocities? Does being a woman mean that I demean myself?

From the moment of conception, millions of thoughts run in our society. Why a girl? How are we going to raise her up? What if she brings shame to our family?These are just some questions that I have heard over and over again. With the advent of the 21st century, I took it for granted that all of these prejudices and skepticisms would change. Little did I know that I was born into one such society till I moved to India. Personally, my life has been immensely blessed. I had the privilege of being born and raised in a country so far away, with no intervention of society. I held on to my faith and the rich Indian culture. I never knew that the system was shattered back in India. You, like me could have had a very blessed life. But, I am taking this opportunity to voice out several other souls who do not deserve this in any way, shape or form.

Womanhood is not a curse. And in a culture like ours, it is heartbreaking to see how womanhood crashes down most of the time because of ‘women’ themselves. Such an irony! I have been blessed with a wonderful family which let me take pride in my womanhood. Fortunately, I have been designed to be an empath. Fortunate I say, because I feel the pain of those who are less fortunate, and feel much privileged to voice their torment.

Men and women have been designed to complement one another, but in no way exercise power or superiority over each other. Often times, people mistake ‘respect’ for power and control that we see women submitting to the slavery that they are forced into.

My recent encounters with women in different stages of their life, stuck in the bondage, instilled in me a notion to ponder upon their unacceptable status. Beginning with being judged for being raised in a city or a certain circumstance to reasoning for her every action, women are subject to the opinion of a large mass. The people that form this society do not influence a woman for the better, rather trump her down and lead her to questioning her very existence. For understanding this, I think it would be most appropriate to walk through a journey of a woman from her teenage till her marriage.

The instant a woman attains puberty, it is the mark of a whole new life with prejudices and rules which is reinstated and passed on from generation to generation. These rules may lean towards good and bad, but the intention with which these rules are conveyed is purely out of the joy of seeing another woman in misery. Yes! “Don’t smile too much when you talk”, “Don’t touch any guy”, “Be more submissive”, “Why are you still running around like a kid?” are some of the several dialogues that you keep hearing bouncing off the walls. Overnight your life changes! I remember spending sleepless nights and praying that I had one more day to enjoy being a kid. Of course I never heard any of this from my mom, but of course our society never lets parents take charge, does it? I have always wondered if these dialogues could ever be replaced with “Be more vigilant”, “We have all been through this. And we’re here for you”. If you’re one of the lucky ones who has had a better experience, cherish the people you had and have in your life. There’s only a handful.

The next phase is adolescence, which is marked by the excitement of college life. Besides the area of study, there are several challenges that you face - making new friends and creating lasting memories. The relationships that you form here can make your or break you, since it is such a vulnerable stage of life. This stage or any stage of life, for that matter can be aptly compared to a ‘performance stage’. You perform your best to please the audience (the so called society). Any mistakes made here is always blown out of proportion. You have limited chance to learn from any of them, because by the time you learn from your mistakes you are trashed and brought down to a very belittling meaningless object. I have seen women taken advantage of, abused, manipulated and ruined. Do these women deserve to be judged? Do these women deserve to be wronged? Who are we in all this? Who are we to judge? The innate tendency of a woman would be to condemn evils and bring goodness to all. I still recall several women being blamed for mistakes that they never did. The reason being, if a man was involved, it was always a woman’s fault. This only makes me question, are men the weaker sex? Is it so hard to accept mistakes? Remember, this is indicative only of the few demeaning men that I had encountered, who are the most poisonous ‘weeds’ among the others. (Let me refer to these men and woman who cause eternal damnation on earth as ‘weeds’, for the purpose of making this more specific to those with such evil notions). So, from here you try to unload your baggage and try walking upright. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do it. What do we do when we watch inspirational stories of world leader who failed several times, but made it to the top due to persistent effort? We respect and honor them, but we don’t do it to women. Women who face these challenges and take a leap forward are often termed with offensive words and respected by a handful.

Soon after, she is displayed with the finest of jewels and clothes and adorned with sweet fragrance. Oh yes! this is how she is sold for her marriage. I was once told that being a woman was a curse and that it was a very expensive one. My father would never approve of this statement, nor will my brother, but remember I said weeds, yes one of those weeds. I was deeply affected and felt like a burden since I never felt any of this till I moved back to my own country. I also recall my father having to face people who often told him to be careful with his money since he had to marry me off. I salute my dad for responding to all of them with a smile and a few powerful words, “Such a family will never deserve my daughter”. And he remains true to those words till date. During this phase, I encountered women displayed in those art galleries with a price tag and weeds walking down the aisle picking and choosing the best price. Forgot to mention that the color of a woman’s skin was an added benefit. I saw some weeping as they were forced into getting betrothed. I saw some preparing to put up with a life that they had no clue about. I was stunned and shaken. Soon they were all sold. But nothing ends here. Here are some ‘truths’ and ‘facts’ that I had learnt from few of the ones who were subject to this kind of life. 1. “If you’re honest with your better-half about your baggage, you are assured of abuse in some way, shape or form. You are mistaken if you think trust can be built through honesty”. 2. “No matter how bad you’re tormented, put up with it, since your relatives will have to respond to the questions from the rest of the society”. 3. “As a woman, you’re considered temporary with regard to everything. Your job, friends, parents, possessions are all temporary”. 4. “Your in-laws use you to live their fairy tale”. 5. “A woman is a machine. She is meant to produce babies. The sooner she does, the better”. 6. “You can never live a fairy tale that you had dreamt of in your younger years”. Again, I think at this point it is worth mentioning that i am taking about the weeds and not everyone. Living with these truths and facts become second nature. Do any of these people take a moment to think of how sacred marriage is? Do they take one minute to realize that any major life changing decision is personal between the couple and God and none have the right to interfere whatsoever. The frustration of not being able to fulfill your purpose and live the life that you’re meant to live is a curse in itself. And it is the society and the weeds among men that impose this curse.

Faith has been my very pillar that led me to believe that there is a fairy tale that is designed for each of us and when we look up to God, we are always safely placed in the path that he has designed for us. I married into a family which believes in God and love. I have encountered God’s perfect love through the very existence of my beloved. My father proved himself right to the society which tried to bring this curse on me. I have broken through every chain that could have pulled me back into the pits and now live a life that I could have never imagined. But, through all of this, I see how rapidly empathy is growing within me. I use the strength that I have mustered up with the help of my husband, to pen these brutalities without a second thought. If you are one of the many women who go through these cruelties, it is time that you seek out God’s purpose for your life. It is imperative that we kill the weeds as and when they start blooming. I have witnessed the destruction that they can cause.

All of this only brings me to one thing. When we have an innate tendency to love and give to people, irrespective of their gender, why do we let evil creep in? Why?

#love #women #india #marriage #arranged marriage #abuse #suicide #hopeless #depression #girl #indian girl

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