imsolost4words

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Andrew flushed. He didn’t speak, but he liked that Kennie was so ‘lovestruck’. Andrew felt it too. He wondered if this was how Kaleb and Vi felt, or Benji and Che. Did it stay like this forever? He would make sure to pray for it to. It would be the first thing he prayed for since he was exiled.

He squirmed a little, unsure of what he could share. “Um, I’m 21 and… I live with a family in a different part of the city. They’re not my family, but I think they want to be,” he said. Andrew still wasn’t sure if he wanted them to be, but he did fell more comfortable there. “I have these friends that really helped me a lot when I… when I moved here. I think they’d like you.” He smiled at Kennie. Andrew was sure that all of them would like Kennie. What wasn’t to like about him?

Kennie smiled, nodding at what Andrew had to say. If he was honest, he was a bit disappointed that his companion didn’t explain more, but he also wasn’t surprised; he could tell by their first few interactions that Andrew was far from an open book--not that Kennie was much of one either--, but he didn’t mind. He wanted to be with Andrew for the long-run and was willing to let things take as long as they needed to for his new companion to be comfortable with him.

“Are they your... Foster family? Like a family that takes care of you and then tries to adopt you--make you a legal part of their family--later on if they like you?” he questioned, trying to get an idea of what Andrew was saying. If he was a Foster child, that would help explain why things were so new to him a little better. Perhaps he was just from a particularly abusive and sheltering family before he moved here; the mere thought made Kennie subconsciously tighten his grip on Andrew.

“Really? You think your friends would like me?” he questioned, blushing slightly.

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Evander couldn’t help but chuckle at Finn’s comment. He’d thought something similar the first time he was with a man, too. “That’s what it feels like,” he confirmed, letting his fingers drift along Finn’s arm. He was beaming by the time Finn came out to him. Evander hoped that he felt some of the weight lift off his shoulders. He remembered feeling that way when he was 16, even as his mother and father were left speechless and his place in the family was in question. It was small, but it was there. 

“I’m so proud of you, honey,” Evander stated, the term of endearment slipping out. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

Finn blushed, partially from the relief of finally saying his ‘big secret’ aloud, and partially from Evander. Even though this was originally just a set of actions out of desperation, between the use of pet names and Evander’s desire to kiss him even after the two had finished having sex, Finn already knew that there was something different about this interaction; perhaps it wasn’t just his homosexuality that was too much a temptation to handle, but Evander himself. 

Finn couldn’t tell quite yet if it was just the adrenaline, but as far as he knew, it felt like he was already starting to fall for Ev.

Timidly, Finn nodded his head at Ev’s statement and leaned into kiss him again, the movement less starved and more passionate this time.

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Kaleb instinctively took a step back when he Kennie yelled. He hadn’t meant to scare the guy. Still, he didn’t regret starting the conversation. Anyone who made Andrew as happy as he’d been must’ve been special.

“Sorry, man; I didn’t mean to scare you.” He seemed extra freaked out, even more than Andrew typically did. Maybe their anxieties were something they could bond over. “My girlfriend and I are friends of Andrew’s. We met him when he first came out here,” he said, leaving out that he’d been homeless at the time. Kaleb didn’t know what Andrew had told Kendall and, unlike the family he’d been living with, Kendall seemed to get that Andrew was different pretty quickly. One of the first things Andrew mentioned was that Kennie didn’t react much when he admitted he’d never had pizza.

“I’m not gonna take up too much of your time. I just wanna say it’s cool to meet you, dude. And that I’m glad Andrew met you. He’s changed because of you.” Kaleb was grateful for it. He’d been hoping someone would help Andrew start to blossom, whether it was himself and Vi or the Modi-McRaes. Instead, it had been Kendall, which suited him fine. All that matter was how he smiled more often and wasn’t as scared of takeout menus.

As Kaleb talked, Kendall nodded slowly. It still felt odd and a little worrisome to be recognized out of a crowd by a stranger, but Kaleb’s excitement over Andrew made Kennie warm up the man fairly quickly. It was obvious that the two had similar goals in mind when it came to Andrew, and that was enough.

“Oh. It’s nice to meet you then,” he said, placing the shirt he was holding into his shopping bag before extending his hand for Kaleb to shake. “My name is Kendall. Or Kennie, if you’d like... It’s nice to meet one of Andie’s friends.” At the mention of Andrew changing, he gave a soft giggle. “I’m glad. We had pizza for the first time a few weeks ago and I’m completely pizza’d out. I’ll have to introduce him to something new again just to give myself a break from all the extra carbs,” he added, only half joking.

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Evander didn’t try to further the conversation after that. He wanted to know what Finn was thinking. Was he upset with him? Probably not, unless he was planning on murdering him, which Ev doubted. More likely, he felt conflicted. Evander remembered those feelings. He thanked God every day that he started resolving them relatively early.

Even though he was half-expecting it to happen, Finn still caught him off guard when how suddenly he’d kissed Ev. And how voraciously. He’d wanted this for so long. 

Afterwards, he was left breathless. “Oh, my God. I think that was the best sex I’ve had in my life. Actually, I know it was.” With each passing moment, his first day of work became more and more memorable.

"So... so that’s what that feels like...” Finn whispered, his chest still heaving in between words. His eyes met Ev’s, and he gave the other man a lazy smile, still too overcome with euphoria to really process what happened; the two were still intertwined, and as he started to come down from his high, Finn simply nodded to himself and after a few moments of silence, simply murmured, “...I’m gay. And if it always feels like that, I don’t regret it.”

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Truthfully, Evander wondered if they were going to have sex or to pray together. Normally, it wouldn’t have been a question but this guy…. Well, he was different than other people Ev had met. He’d seen people who were in the closet before but never like this.

Evander took one last sip of his tea before going to follow him. He decided it was best to just follow his lead. Whatever ended up happening, he was more than happy to oblige. When they were in the car, he asked, “So, where do you live?” trying to make conversation.

“Gracebook apartments. Top floor,” he replied curtly, not looking away from the windshield as he spoke. The entire car ride to the apartment was silent, Finn’s battle with his inner thoughts too intense for him to ignore with attempts at polite conversation. After years of constant fighting, he was finally losing his grip on ignoring his temptations; he felt close to bursting.

When the two arrived outside Finn’s apartment door, Finn felt the bottle burst. Before he could even comprehend what he was doing, he grabbed Evander by the waist and kissed his hungrily, too far gone to care that someone could walk by at any time. Not letting the two’s lips separate, he pushed his door open with one hand and walked the two of them inside until they fell onto Finn’s couch.

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Andrew was excited to try to pizza. It was something new, but safe, made up of things he’d had before, but never in that way, and he was happy to eat dinner with Kennie and get to spend the night with him. He still hadn’t gone back to his normal self, yet, even as more and more time passed since that first kiss.

He hesitated before letting himself settle against Kennie. He’d never been physically close to someone in this way.

Andrew shrugged at Kennie’s question. “Maybe we could watch a movie, I guess. O-or talk about things,” he suggested. He was unsure what people usually did at times like this. He would’ve been happy no matter what choice the made, though, as long as they were together.

At the mention of talking, Kennie smiled and nodded, adjusting his grip on Andrew so that he could be in a comfortable position. “I love that idea,” he whispered, giving his companion a playful kiss on the neck. “I promise I’m usually not this lovestruck on a first date. There’s just something about you that I think is wonderful.” he trailed off, unsure what else to add to that comment. Instead, he decided it would be best to try to get to know Andrew a little more.

“Let’s see... maybe we could talk more about ourselves?” Kennie suggested, “I’m 20 years old, my favorite color is powdered blue, I have an older identical twin brother--his name is Kyler--, and my dad owns a mechanic shop back home!” he gave a timid smile. “Your turn!”

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Evander was honestly terrified during the small amount of time it took Finn to reply. He needed this job and definitely couldn’t afford to lose it on literally the first day. He audibly exhaled when Finn spoke again.

His tone and the pause that came after kept Evander worried, however. Maybe he shouldn’t have said what he did. Finn seemed nice and all but a lot of people seemed nice and all but couldn’t handle a difference of opinion.

Evander was sipping on his tea when Finn invited him over. He was lucky he didn’t choke. He stared at his boss with widened eyes for a moment. “I… I’d love to. If you’re really okay with that,” he added, testing the waters. Even now, Ev couldn’t be entirely sure where this was leading. There was something between, them, but getting into something like this on his first day, with his boss, of all people, could’ve been messy. It was definitely going to be messy.

Finn nodded and took another sip of his coffee, his movements slow. He was still stuck in his own thoughts, trying to decide if he really knew exactly what he was implying with his invitation, but still whispered a soft, “...great”, in response, even though he still had not come to a clear conclusion.

Finn looked around the room, watching all the people he’d known his entire life happily interact with each other for a moment, then let his eyes meet Ev’s. Wordlessly, he pulled a $20 out of his wallet to leave on the table and stood up before walking back to his car, hopeful that Ev would know to follow.

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Diona kept giggling in the back seat, kicking her legs excitedly, and Evander couldn’t help but laugh, too. At least Finn was making a good impression. Not that that was hard for a toddler, but after his initial nerves about being around her Ev was glad they were, as he predicted, unfounded. It was good to see him loosen up, even if it was only in front of Diona, for now. Evander knew how big his decision to come out was.

“There’s a nice vegan place downtown that I always liked. They have really good tomato and spinach omelettes.” Ev went every time he went to visit his parents. It was probably his favorite restaurant.

When they arrived, he got Diona out of her booster seat. “Remember what I said about your shoes, okay? Not when we’re inside.” Diona nodded and Ev put her down so she could walk, making sure to take her hand.

Getting out of the car, Finn ran past Evander and scooped Diona up, the little girl giggling brightly as he let her sit gently on his shoulders. “With as early as we woke you up, you shouldn’t have to walk. I mean look at the entrance! It has to be 300 yards away!” he teased, giving his fiancé a small smirk as they walked towards the restaurant. 

When they made it to the front door, he let Diona down, easing away her whines of protest by promising he would carry her on the way back to the car as well. Still holding Diona’s hand, Finn walked to the front and put their name down on the waitlist, moving back to the waiting area to sit down. “Ev, this place better be good. You’re about 15 minutes from a hangry Finn,” he teased, letting Diona crawl into his lap as he spoke. “And I know how much you loathe Hangry!Finn.”

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Ev was surprised to hear Finn had been struggling that day. Their first encounter had been strange, though obviously not unpleasant, but Finn seemed more stiff than anything else. He frowned as he listened to his new boss speak. It felt arrogant to assume that Finn was talking about their having met one another today, even if Ev was sure there was something between them. He tried to think of something to help Finn feel at least somewhat better.

“I…. Saying this to you might get me fired but… I don’t think the Lord does things like that. Test people, I mean. I just… I don’t think He would do that to people He’s supposed to love. I know some people lose their faith or fall into drug use or other things like that, but…. Someone who loves someone else wouldn’t orchestrate that. At least, I don’t think so.” That was one of the things that made Ev reevaluate his beliefs: the idea that an all-loving Creator would also constantly make traps for those He was meant to love. It didn’t make sense to him.

“I spent a long time thinking that’s what was happening with me, that I was being tested by the Lord, and it wasn’t until I stopped believing that that I could begin to accept that I was gay. I say ‘begin’ because I don’t think I fully accepted it until I was in college,” he added, chuckling. It hadn’t really been that long a time, but that struggle had felt endless. Even now, it always felt like it lasted longer than it really had. “…That’s just what I think, though. Please don’t fire me. My parents will call my tanty so she can yell at me.” He was only partly kidding.

Finn stared down at his hands, taking in everything Evander was telling him. Even though Ev wasn’t Catholic like he was, Finn could hear himself in the emotional struggle the other man described and, while it wasn’t enough to change his beliefs outright, it did make him start to question a few things. His whole life, he had been raised that the Lord tempted you in test of your faith, but that he would never tempt you with more than you could handle. 

During his 12 years of repressing his homosexual thoughts, every other test had come and gone, but this one continued to stay--no matter how much Finn prayed, studied the word, and begged to be fixed. While he disagreed that the Lord’s love wouldn’t involve tests, he began to agree that maybe, just maybe, this temptation was purposely too much for him to handle.

“I’m not going to fire you. ...And thank you for sharing,” he said softly, his hands tightly clutching his coffee cup. The more he began to accept his new interpretation on the ‘tests’, the harder it became to hold back all the thoughts he was repressing; at this point, he could feel his hands shaking. 

Finn stayed silent for what felt like an eternity before he finally spoke again: “...Could we... talk more at my apartment...?”

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puggymuses :

Blaine looked and was surprised when he saw his brother Leaf, it felt like it had been a long time he had seen him.  He really did miss his brother and he had to smile at who he was seeing.  It was really great seeing that he was here at mckinley.   As he stood up as he heard him comment on his gel. “My hair looks good as well,” he said to him.  Leaf hair wasn’t gelled up like his, but that was the way it was. 

“I’m so proud of you that got those A’s Leaf,” he said as he came up and gave his brother a hug.  “ooh you used a Broadway reference,  Wicked is such a good show. “ 

Leaf hugged Blaine back, so excited that he was having trouble preventing himself from jumping. “It wasn’t a reference, Blainerz! I’m just super hype to see you!” he responded, “Although that is a good musical. ‘The Wizard and I’ doesn’t get enough credit...”

He looked around the choir room and smiled, waving goofily at Brad who was sitting silently at the piano in the corner. “So this is the choir room you always talk about, right? Is he the teacher?” When Brad didn’t respond, Leaf turned back to Blaine, shrugging as he did. “Can I tag along for your Glee Club thing today? I wanna meet all your friends and stuff. Or hey, maybe I’ll join! I can hold a tune too, y’know!”

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Kazuki was quiet for a moment, considering what she’d said. Maybe she wasn’t insecure about her stutter, but it seemed like she was about something. “I sounnnds like he cares a lot about you,” he commented. His older sister used to try to help him in the same way when they were kids. Even now, she checked on him at least once a month. “You said you like m… music, right? W… w… w… w….” Kazuki paused, trying to get the words in his mouth unstuck. “W… who do you listen too. God, that took f-forever,” he teased.

“D-Definitely been there,” Mika responded, failing to hold back a soft giggle. As much as she’d never admit it, there was something nice about talking to a person that also stuttered--and it helped that Kazuki had a sense of humor about it as well. Ransom and Scout would never understand how frustrating it was to have a word stuck in your throat for what felt like forever. Finally having someone who experienced that--and experienced it far more than Mika did--was surprisingly comforting.

"I like N-Nicki Minaj! And K-Ke$ha... and M-Macklemore too,” she listed, the new topic finally interesting her. “When K-Ke$ha and M-Macklemore went on tour together l-last year, I wanted to go s-so bad, but they didn’t come a-anywhere close, and R-Ransom only lets me dr-drive my car to school and b-back...” she thought for a moment before looking down, struggling to find more to add to the conversation. “...It’s cool that y-you’re in a b-band...” she whispered.

A Meeting

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@puggymuses

Leaf was walking through the halls of McKinley, trying but failing to find his slightly older brother, Blaine. 

After two and a half years of being forced to attend Carmel High due to his poor grades, Leaf had finally improved enough for their mother to okay him transferring to McKinley. The change was nerve-wracking for Leaf to say the least, but his excitement about being able to spend more time with his brother quickly overrode those feelings; he only hoped that Blaine would be equally excited to see him.

Eventually, Leaf walked by the choir room, noticing a familiar figure inside. “I’d know that gel-met anywhere! Blainerz!” Leaf called, rushing into the room. “Blainerz, guess what!--” he took a moment to wipe his curls away from his face before he continued speaking-- “I got all A’s last semester, so Momma’s letting me transfer! Isn’t that wicked?!”

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Evander beamed at him and said, “That’s very admirable of you. You must be doing a good job if the reaction is anything to go on.” Ev doubted the mayor of Phoenix would get such a reaction.

“Not really. I had some of my mother’s samosas for lunch. I swear she used a pound of potato per serving,” he joked. “They’re very filling.” His mother had taken to making the foods his father liked well. Ev had grown up on a diet of Greek, Venezuelan, and Caribbean cuisine. No one could cook better than Maria Gutierrez, as far as he was concerned.

Evander took a bite of his banana and glanced over at Finn. He seemed oddly uncomfortable. “Um… are you alright, sir?”

‘...Oh, wash me, cleanse me from this guilt--’ Being addressed by Evander forced Finn out of his thoughts, prompting the man to look up. “I’m...” he swallowed hard, the sight of Evander making it that much harder for Finn to keep his head up, “...I’ve just been having a very hard day,” he admitted, not taking his eyes off of Evander; every word made resisting his urges harder, but he knew committing another sin by lying would only worsen his fate.

“It seems like the Lord is just... really testing my faith today, and I’m... I feel like the temptation he brought me today is... particularly tempting...” he finished, his voice low. 

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wishing-for-a-sail :

Andrew sat next to Kennie, smiling because of how close they were. It made him so happy that he didn’t freeze the way he normally did when given too many choices. Still, he had no idea what to pick. 

He tried to stick with what he knew, for now. “I like bacon. I never got to have it that much growing up.” He hoped Kennie wouldn’t think he was weird or boring for only picking one.

He shook his head at Kennie’s question, adding, “I’ve never had normal breadsticks. But they sound good.”

“Okay,” Kennie replied, selecting ‘bacon’ on the website. When he did, bacon pieces popped on to the pizza on the screen, leading Kennie to add the pizza to his cart once he was sure Andrew had seen it.

Kennie couldn’t help but give Andrew a soft peck on the cheek, making quick work of pulling up the side options once he pulled back. “Sounds like we’re getting regular breadsticks and cinnamon ones,” he half-sung.

Once the pizza was ordered, Kennie closed the laptop, gently pulling Andrew towards him so that the other boy was laying on him. Kendall hummed and gave himself a moment to take in how nice that moment was before he spoke again, “What should we do until the pizza gets here?”

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@notsosweetporcelain

“...I’m sorry we got roomed together,” Kendall said to his older brother, struggling to put the fitted sheet on his lofted bed as he spoke. The two had already finished an emotion-filled goodbye with their father a few minutes earlier, but--now on their own--there was still quite a bit of unpacking and decorating to do before Orientation Week started the next morning.

Ken took a moment to climb down from the bed, stopping to stare at how barren the room was; the mere idea of unpacking all these boxes was overwhelming. “It was supposed to be random sorting, but I forget how people love to put twins together,” he exhaled, stress apparent in his voice “...be honest. How bad do you think this college thing is gonna be?”

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It does seem to irritate a lot of people.

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Barry Allen in Episode 5.09 “Elseworlds”