in-a-tidalwaveofmystery

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my brain: ur dumb/annoying/ugly

me: 

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i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm

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movie idea: the blair witch and her gay best friend babadook have to sabotage the bye bye man’s evil plot

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bruno mars used to almost exclusively drop sad ass songs about unrequited love or lost love or whatever and now he’s just out here dropping one feel good banger after another like what kind of goals

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I’m eating this Russian chocolate and it made a rattling noise when I shook it and there’s a horse magnet inside???

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idk if I’ve posted about this before but by far the strangest things that’s happened to me in retail was the time someone’s total came out to my birth-year and I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and then the next customer’s total came out to like $12.57 and just bc I’m a weirdo I said “hey! that’s the year I was born!” and without missing a fucking beat this like, 70+ year old man said

“Ah! Another like me! We’re few and far between these days, aren’t we?”

And I was like oh man this guy’s sense of humor really aligns with mine! And I laughed and made some other joke about being immortal and thought that was the end of it,

but this man.

He stood by the register for five more minutes. Maybe more. Which let me tell you is an EXCRUTIATING amount of time for something like this to happen.

And he just kept upping the ante!! He starting talking about some REALLY specific details regarding day-to-day life in the 1300s to the point I started getting worried that I’d misled a genuinely immortal being to believe I am also immortal.

He eventually politely left when I got too busy with other customers to awkwardly respond.

Who the fuck was that guy.

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The number of messages I’ve failed to answer across all my devices and media platforms will be weighed against my soul on judgment day, and I will be cast into hell

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So my children’s theatre company hosted a “Halloween Hoedown” themed fundraiser a couple years ago. We let the kids help with decorating and this was the end result…

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have people in horror movies never seen a horror movie

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me: i literally couldnt care less about what people think about me

also me: 

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I’m using that comeback from now on

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things that are fake: gender, time, the government things that are real: the chupacabra