in-the-deepdark

[in-the-deepdark]

never mind, world is happy. mum called me my name for the first time :.)..

[in-the-deepdark]

i think im gross. i feel gross

if im this gross while trying my absolute best to not be then what the fuck an i supposed to do.

i cant be any better than this

[in-the-deepdark]

Hannibal (2013-2015)

Have you ever seen blood in the moonlight, Will?

[in-the-deepdark]

i thought you of all people would be happy for me

[in-the-deepdark]

i feel like im losing you. i miss my best friend so much

[in-the-deepdark]

i feel the bad parts calling to me again

starve

cut

kill yourself

i wont, im too much of a coward and i fear what people would think of me. im just making it all about me again. plus i dont want to fuck up my tattoo, real vein i know.

mum would just be mad at me. she told me that if i ever killed myself she wouldnt be sad, shed be angry with me

[in-the-deepdark]

i dont know why im trying anymore. so its my fault then? i left home and god forbid i hope my family still want to spend time with me. i tried to set something up with just you and i and yet again you veto my plans and add 3 other people to the mix. i wanted to try having an adult relationship with you as mother and adult child.

every time i try and spend time with you you either exclude me, change the plans without asking me, or are extremely fucking late

i told you what i was upset about and now in your attempt at an apology you make it about you " im sorry but dont you think you were being disrespectful too?" NO I WASNT JESUS CHRIST. i was just working!!! because im at work!!!!!

every apology you try to give is "im sorry but-" "im sorry you feel that way" "i must be horrible then" and again the blame is back on me

i just want my mum not a coworker

[in-the-deepdark]

you come from privilege, as do i, but you are still benefiting from that. i cant afford to live like you, even besides money i cant live how you and your family do. i cant buy a whole block of cheese CUS IM ONLY ONE PERSON. ITLL GO MOULDYYYYYY. i am in control of myown schedual yes but i cant change whats on it. i have very little flexibility, i work 9-5 every day what cant you grasp about that?

[in-the-deepdark]

why am i so mad. anyone asks me to do somwthing or suggests i do something like giving me solutions to my problems FUCK OFF I DONT WANT TO DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST I WANT TO DO WHAT I WANT TO BECAUSE I WANT TO DO IT. PISS OFF.

[in-the-deepdark]

hug the machine. he deserves it

[in-the-deepdark]

bro....i be happy...then bam....tears from boobage

cut em off please, im so uncomfy im in tears

[in-the-deepdark]

"please dont react"

i was leaving, removing myself from the situation and you call that a reaction. fuck you. its all so clear now. youre why im like this

[in-the-deepdark]

i dont remember how you like your tea anymore, this makes me happy i think

[in-the-deepdark]

the pipeline from straight/cis>bi>lesbian>transmasc>t4t homo is still wild

why am i now interested in men once becoming almost one

living the yaoi life of my dreams LMAO

i remember when i was a younger going "wow, i wish i could be in a gay relationship with a boy. too bad im a girl and a lesbian"

now idk what the fuck i am and i like it that way

[in-the-deepdark]

i feel like im just lying here, dying

[in-the-deepdark]

oh no........hes upper middle class

[in-the-deepdark]

i cant seem to pick right.

i dont want you not to have an opinion. i just want you to tell me you respect and value mine

you saying "we dont care" hurts more because i know you have your own thoughts on the matter youre purposefully keeping from me.

i dont need you to love them or their family, i just thought youd love me enough to be happy for me