inbedtomyhead

[inbedtomyhead]

Pinned; Blog "Directory"

View the "introduction" post here

All posts are numbered, starting at #00. All posts are also dated and tagged with the month they were written in

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[inbedtomyhead]

#01.) New Years

1.1.25

The transition from 2024 into 2025

Today is officially the first of the year. It's 2025. I have mixed feelings on this.

2024 moved by very quickly. Much faster than I ever wanted it to. Many things could have played into this (most likely my lack of mindfulness and constant repeating schedule), but regardless of the reason, it still happened. It's very safe to say that I was not mentally prepared for strike of midnight and the start of the new year. Last night laying in bed as we drew closer to 12:00, it hit me harder that 2024 was truly over.

What happened in 2024 that made me have such a hard time with the fact that we're in 2025? 2024 treated me well for the most part. I went to many incredible concerts, played my first concert, and grew closer with people I love. On a down side, I struggled a lot with facing a past ex of mine that I never got over, as well as me and some friends struggling with shitty people in our life. Those two things will carry over into 2025, but the first issue has already started to get better (I think). Among those there are other, more (unfortunately) political and scary things that will likely be moving forward this year, but those are battles that we'll fight as they come. It's better to not go into this year being fearful, and I think staying grounded and mindful will be something incredibly beneficial.

New Years resolutions

I don't think New Year resolutions are necessarily known to be actually helpful to anyone (stereotypically being known for being dropped a few weeks-a month after they're written,) but we continue on with coming up with them anyways. I don't think this is a bad thing, I definitely plan on continuing to write them, but I feel like there could be a better approach.

Last year, I came up with a very ambitious list of New Years resolutions (or more-so tasks/projects I wanted to complete) that ended up failing in the end. I ticked a couple things off, sure, but the only place I really ticked off from was my list of concert resolutions/hopes that I wrote for 2024 (a list of bands I'd hope to see and anything along side, like trying to meet certain band members or get a setlist at a certain show.) Looking back, this definitely was not a successful approach. Sure, 2023 me had my best interests at heart when coming up with the list, but I seemed to overestimate how well I could motivate myself to actually complete anything. 2023 me would definitely not be happy with my progress- but current me isn't so unhappy about it.

My primary over-arching resolution for last year was to create more art. Looking at it, I think this was a fine resolution, and creating the list of projects wasn't a terrible idea. I actually was going to reuse the "create more art" resolution again for 2025 (just minus the project list) since I think thats always what I want to do, but then I realized there might actually be a step i'm missing.

I get frustrated with my art very easily. I don't commonly finish pieces even if they're something small because if I cant figure out one part of the drawing, I'll close the piece and then never come back to it. I'm also generally unsure of my art style, which that in itself can lead to numerous frustrations that lead to failure.

This happened to me when I was working on something yesterday, and when I realized it I sat back and thought. The reason my resolution to create more art failed last year was because majority of the times that I tried to create, I got frustrated and never moved forward. When I wrote the resolution to create more art, I wanted to do it because creating art made me happy and its all I ever want to do. But sitting back and thinking about this made me realize that as much as all I really want to do is create, I get too making art and I rarely ever actually enjoy the process. My goal no longer needs to be focused on creating more, it needs to be focused on not getting caught up in frustration.

So, with that, my New Year resolution for 2025 is to become comfortable making art.

I'm not gonna write a list of project ideas or tasks complete this. That project list I wrote for last year is probably what inevitably lead to my failure; it hung over my head in the back of my mind the whole year and hence never got completed. I don't want this to be something that hangs over me and stresses me out all year. I want to tackle this without stress. Rather than an expecting list of projects, I want to write a few ideas or suggestions on how I can do this.

Spending some time working on paper rather than doing digital. I think with digital it leads me to rely heavily on references; so if I can't use one or have a drawing i'd like to do without tracing over photo reference, I more easily get frustrated and drop it. With paper I can't just directly trace over a pose I wanna draw, and so in turn I can get more comfortable drawing without relying on a reference.

Play with other art style aspects. I don't love my art style, so finding comfort in creating drawings means I need to fix that, or maybe become more fluid in it. I can play with shapes, I can play with brushes. I can lean away from slight realism and look back at more cartoony styles.

Taking a break from doing standard drawing/digital or traditional art. Theres more than one form of art and I typically enjoy all of them. I can probably think of several other art forms I actually enjoy doing more than drawing. Sitting down with those and playing with them can potentially lead to something I can find more comfort and joy in.

I have an old (probably shitty) digital camera in the mail on its way to me. I am incredibly excited to sit down and play with photography. Along with that, I have motivation to sit and work on writing music (which is the true art field I want to dedicate my life to). I've started up this blog to write more and get comfortable doing that. Me getting comfortable creating art means understanding I don't have to commit myself to the art field I haven't really been enjoying. Getting comfortable creating art means committing time to other art medias that are important to me. Getting comfortable creating art can mean a number of things, and I feel good about this. Its open ended and non-stressing. I can approach this in a number of ways. I feel good about this.

Final Statements:

With a decided resolution and an aim to go into 2025 feeling grounded, i'm feeling a bit more ready to move forward into the year. I'm actually feeling a bit excited now, more motivated. I feel pretty confident that this won't fall through.

Thank you for reading

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BONUS: 2025 Concert hopes

I mentioned earlier that last year I had a little list of "concert hopes" for the year. I think it'd be fun to do that again, so i'll add it here for sakes of my phone storage not being able to handle another note in the notes app.

Artists i'd like to see live this year:

Bad Religion

Flowers for Emily

Just Friends (headliner specifically)

Home is Where

PUP

Riley!

Amateur Taxidermy

Shift Meal

Your Arms Are My Cocoon

The list in my mind is much larger but I think i'll focus this list on who I haven't seen yet (not including Just Friends, ive seen them before but only as an opening act,) and artists that I realistically think will come to my state for a show. I can list about thirty artists i'd die to see live but I know for a fact they'll be mainly playing their home states and will not be making it my way (RIP lol).

[inbedtomyhead]

#00) The creation of this blog - "Intro" post

1.1.25

What will this blog be?

I'm not sure how to write this out into a well-flowing paragraph, so I'm just going to bullet point instead (shoutout bullet points I love bullet points):

I created this blog out of inspiration of panicseekingmissle, a substack created by Madison James. Madison is someone I admire/look up to a lot; all of their music and writings mean a lot to me and I find myself constantly being inspired by her.

The name "inbedtomyhead" is taken from/based off of a Free Throw lyric from What's Past is Prologue: "I went from tied down to my bed / to being tied up in my head." This is one of many Free Throw lyrics that I find myself relating to, and I think it can kinda represent where i'm at in my mental health improvement. I spent a couple years severely depressed with low motivation; spending a lot of time in bed doing nothing and when I wasn't in bed or doing nothing I was in bad moods. Now a days as I work on self-improvement, my mental health issues certainly aren't gone. Depression isn't coming on to me in a very physical sense anymore, but I'm stuck in my head most of the time about everything and it's something I need to work on.

I decided to create the blog in attempts to get me to write more. For many reasons I tend to struggle with journaling; not being able to commit to consistently writing, having a large tendency to be without the words to express myself, and often times just wanting to write without it being unseen. I tend to find myself writing journal-type tweet threads on my private Twitter accounts just for the sake of I want someone to see it. Even if no one does, I wont know. I hate going to ask people if I can vent or rant or infodump to them and that method was just more efficient. So, this blog kinda solves that. People may see what I write (and if they dont I wont know), and I don't have to go to people directly or rely on twitter as my output.

With creating the blog, I also have the idea of anonymity in mind. The only thing I'm directly stating on the top of the account is my age. Everything else is private, or will only be mentioned if the topic comes up in writing. My pronouns will remain unknown, as well as my identities (until/unless I write about them.) I have no plans to tell any of my friends about this blog. If they find it, theres no direct way for them to know its me, and it'll be of-will of the algorithm. I find some comfort in the anonymity; I feel I can write about myself and not face any judgement since the other personal details are out of the picture. If people want to judge it'll be based on written topic/situation alone. I like that.

Following the above point; I keep my age known because I think that can allow some context for where I'm coming from. People of different age groups experience life in different ways and mostly struggle with different issues. I think the age identification can be a way to connect why I may write about the things I may write about since that's the point of life i'm at.

I dont know how long each entry will be. It depends on the topic and how i'm feeling. I might to shorter writing prompts every so often to keep myself writing, but the main contents/posts of the blog will be longer journal-like "reflection" posts.

I don't know how often I'll use this blog. I can sit here and commit to writing this whole thing and then never come back to it again. I could end up writing constantly or I could write once every 2-3 months. I don't plan to try and plan a schedule for this. Though I think coming up with a routine to sit and write could be good for me, that can become a direct way for me to start feeling stress about this which will in turn probably cause me to push this blog away. I also know that this upcoming semester will be busy for me and I don't want to have to juggle extra things if I don't have to. In trying to become comfortable (view post #01), I want this blog to be fun and fulfilling for me.

I don't know what'll happen to this blog, But I'm okay with whatever outcome happens. If it don't work out, then it don't work out. It won't be the end of the world. If this turns into something, cool. If it doesn't, thats cool too; I tried. And thats what matters!

I look forward to doing this,

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