#self reflection blog

[inbedtomyhead]

#00) The creation of this blog - "Intro" post

1.1.25

What will this blog be?

I'm not sure how to write this out into a well-flowing paragraph, so I'm just going to bullet point instead (shoutout bullet points I love bullet points):

I created this blog out of inspiration of panicseekingmissle, a substack created by Madison James. Madison is someone I admire/look up to a lot; all of their music and writings mean a lot to me and I find myself constantly being inspired by her.

The name "inbedtomyhead" is taken from/based off of a Free Throw lyric from What's Past is Prologue: "I went from tied down to my bed / to being tied up in my head." This is one of many Free Throw lyrics that I find myself relating to, and I think it can kinda represent where i'm at in my mental health improvement. I spent a couple years severely depressed with low motivation; spending a lot of time in bed doing nothing and when I wasn't in bed or doing nothing I was in bad moods. Now a days as I work on self-improvement, my mental health issues certainly aren't gone. Depression isn't coming on to me in a very physical sense anymore, but I'm stuck in my head most of the time about everything and it's something I need to work on.

I decided to create the blog in attempts to get me to write more. For many reasons I tend to struggle with journaling; not being able to commit to consistently writing, having a large tendency to be without the words to express myself, and often times just wanting to write without it being unseen. I tend to find myself writing journal-type tweet threads on my private Twitter accounts just for the sake of I want someone to see it. Even if no one does, I wont know. I hate going to ask people if I can vent or rant or infodump to them and that method was just more efficient. So, this blog kinda solves that. People may see what I write (and if they dont I wont know), and I don't have to go to people directly or rely on twitter as my output.

With creating the blog, I also have the idea of anonymity in mind. The only thing I'm directly stating on the top of the account is my age. Everything else is private, or will only be mentioned if the topic comes up in writing. My pronouns will remain unknown, as well as my identities (until/unless I write about them.) I have no plans to tell any of my friends about this blog. If they find it, theres no direct way for them to know its me, and it'll be of-will of the algorithm. I find some comfort in the anonymity; I feel I can write about myself and not face any judgement since the other personal details are out of the picture. If people want to judge it'll be based on written topic/situation alone. I like that.

Following the above point; I keep my age known because I think that can allow some context for where I'm coming from. People of different age groups experience life in different ways and mostly struggle with different issues. I think the age identification can be a way to connect why I may write about the things I may write about since that's the point of life i'm at.

I dont know how long each entry will be. It depends on the topic and how i'm feeling. I might to shorter writing prompts every so often to keep myself writing, but the main contents/posts of the blog will be longer journal-like "reflection" posts.

I don't know how often I'll use this blog. I can sit here and commit to writing this whole thing and then never come back to it again. I could end up writing constantly or I could write once every 2-3 months. I don't plan to try and plan a schedule for this. Though I think coming up with a routine to sit and write could be good for me, that can become a direct way for me to start feeling stress about this which will in turn probably cause me to push this blog away. I also know that this upcoming semester will be busy for me and I don't want to have to juggle extra things if I don't have to. In trying to become comfortable (view post #01), I want this blog to be fun and fulfilling for me.

I don't know what'll happen to this blog, But I'm okay with whatever outcome happens. If it don't work out, then it don't work out. It won't be the end of the world. If this turns into something, cool. If it doesn't, thats cool too; I tried. And thats what matters!

I look forward to doing this,

𐂯

[prettieinpink]

HABITS TO IMPLEMENT BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹

DAILY AFFIRMATIONS

You can choose whatever time you’d like to say positive and affirmative statements to yourself. When saying affirmations, use the first person and present tense. E.g I am healthy, I take care of myself, and I am strong academically. 

Affirmations are so helpful because our brains struggle to tell the difference between imagination and reality. So, when we visualise ourselves doing something that's not actually happening, it stimulates the brain areas as if we were actually experiencing it.

So, repetitive affirmations will encourage your brain to treat it as fact. While this only works to an extent, it does help with self-sabotaging thought actions and thought patterns. 

EATING MINDFULLY

Eating mindfully is the practice of when consuming anything, you put your full focus on that meal. There are no devices that may distract you, you’re eating slowly and paying close attention to how different meals make your body feel. 

To eat mindfully, focus on the time it takes for you to finish your food. Is it enough time for your body to give signals about your meal? To chew thoroughly? Another thing is to turn off and eliminate any distractions. Such as being on any devices or multitasking. 

Eating too quickly means that your body may not have enough time to tell you that it's full. When you eat mindfully, it's easier for your body to register when it's full. Furthermore, it's easier to distinguish between true hunger and non-hunger triggers for eating. 

CREATIVE OUTLETS

For a lot of us, 2024 was a stressful year. We’re constantly hustling and not letting ourselves process what's happening in and around us. Having a creative outlet helps us to release and detach from those emotions. It allows us to experience that feeling, but leave it all behind in the end. 

Some examples are painting, clay artwork, creative writing, designing, sewing, crocheting and music. There’s a lot more you could do, but ultimately you have to do what's best for yourself. 

LEARNING SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY

At least one thing each day: aim to learn something completely new to you. Other than the fact that you are learning something new, it allows for your curiosity to grow and expand outside of your typical education institution. With curiosity, comes with the skill of being able to explore complications and come up with solutions. 

There are many ways you can learn, but I think the best way is by coming up with your questions in an area you’re unfamiliar with and then looking for an answer to your question. 

My favourite way has to be watching video essays. Doesn’t always have to be social commentary, but anything that seems interesting enough for me. 

COMPLIEMENT-A-DAY

I love receiving compliments from strangers. It leaves the widest smile on my face and I swear I feel so much lighter like I’m floating around. However, I never think to give a compliment to someone else who I don’t know. So, whenever you see the cutest outfit or the perfect lip combo, make sure to say it!

For those who may be shy in those kinds of interactions, practice saying it in your head. You don’t have to say it out loud to them, but thinking positively of other people will reflect on how you think about yourself. 

That is it for this post, thank you for reading until the end ♥︎ Until next time, take care of yourself ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹

[honeytonedhottie]

long list of self care practices⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍈

brush ur hair

make urself a warm drink (tea, hot chocolate etc)

light a candle

go outside and get some fresh air

dance to a song that u rly love (look at me/heart-shaker by twice)

put on a face mask

stretch ur body

do a guided meditation

journalling (shadow work/writing in ur diary)

have a bubble bath (or use a bath bomb or bath milk)

say ur affirmations

binge watch a comfort show

take a break from social media/ur phone

read a rly rly juicy book

paint ur nails

use ur gua sha

oil ur hair or do a hair mask

eat one of ur favorite meals

take a long nap

give urself a pedicure

take care of ur lips (exfoliate, lip plumper, whatever u like to do)

hydrate

do guided yoga

listen to ur playlists

lymphatic drainage massage

[agirlunfilteredsblog]

KIND REMINDERS 🤍

1. You are someone’s dream girl exactly the way you are right now.

We put so much emphasis on growth and getting to that “next best place”, which is fine, but we always forget that we deserve self-love as we are right now. It does not mean that you aren’t at your “best” physically and/or mentally that you aren’t deserving of love, kindness, and respect.

2. Perspective is everything

Stop stressing over that one bad grade you received at school. In ten years, you won’t even remember what teacher gave it to you. Focus your energy on things that’ll have lasting impacts. When you look back on your life, you want to see the beauty of it, not the anguish.

3. Growth isn’t linear

Don’t blame yourself for messing up. We aren’t perfect and we are bound to mess up every once in a while. Learn from your mistakes, and try to not repeat them. And if you do, that’s okay, there’s always another time. Growth has no time limit.

4. You are not a bad person

If you are sitting here constantly asking yourself if you are a bad person or underserving of love, I’m here to tell you one thing: bad people don’t worry about whether they are perceived as “good” or “bad”. Give yourself grace, and stop letting your overthinking consume you.

So much love,

A girl unfiltered 💋

[deardiarywrites]

This June, I am choosing to get out of old negative cycles. And you?

first of all, thank you so much for 200+ followers!! i love all of you so so much <3

hola floras, i feel like i haven't posted here in forever! life had me at a chokehold but things are starting to look a lot better, so here I am. this wont be like the last few blogs i had posted.. but something similar to my first two blogs. basically just me talking about what i have learned or realised in the past few days. i hope you like it ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

𝜗𝜚 sometimes change is the answer

not always a drastic one, but even subtle changes in lifestyle or behaviour or even mindset can make you feel a lot more alive and in control. bringing about change isn't the easiest so please don't be harsh on yourself. my advice would be to be aware of what you are doing. consciously choose to do somethng differently, to think differently.

𝜗𝜚 why having a routine is an amazing thing to do for yourself I have been consciously adding structure to my life by setting boundaries, time limits, cutting things out, inviting things in etc

[an example] what i have started to do is, i have set a time limit for social media (30 mins daily, max 1hr) and I can't open the app before 10 am. our brain lovesssss a nice, clear structure. so having a routine can actually make you feel a lot more motivated! certain limitations add structure to your life, thereby making you feel like you are in control. remember, this is YOUR life. 𝜗𝜚 your life revolves around you : you are the main character whether you like it or not. do yourself a favour and put yourself on the pedastal.

yeah! so stop asking people how to be the main character, because you are already them! you do not need to change, you need to realise. please don't let your life revolve around anyone else. it should revolve around you! you are the core of the world around you. it revolves around you. say it with me! my life revolves around me. be kind to yourself bb. now after you stop putting other people on the pedastal, life just gets sm simpler and nicer. even for other people, yk? do your own thing, be happy and be free! you don't need to make anyone love you babe. 𝜗𝜚 stop performing for others. you are your only audience.

you don't need to impress anyone. you don't need to perform for anyone either. you don't need to break your bones to fit in. let that sink in. how does this newfound freedom taste? it tastes like you finally stepping up and being yourself. put in the effort to glow for yourself. glow up for you 10 year old self, not for some crusty person who did you wrong.. that's just embarrassing.

𝜗𝜚 focus on your plan, not your mood you don't need to be 100% perfectly in the mood to follow your routine or anything yk. just do it. you know you can do it. you don't always need to be motivated and to be frank, you won't feel motivated or productive if you don't do anything. so close those unnecessary tabs and get to work!

love you always, @deardiarywrites

[thatfrailsoul]

– If you love me, then love me from the heart

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

Slow down for a moment. Give your conscious mind a moment of rest, allow it to step back. Instead, listen to your subconscious mind, to that inner voice, to the intuition that is guiding you to the pile in which your message hides. A message about the love that your heart is longing for. The one that you are hoping to find…

This is our third reading from our divinatory jukebox, inspired by possibly one of the most beautiful songs that I've ever heard - "Yağmur Yağar Taş Üstüne" by Mustafa Güzel and Batuhan Fırat (feat. Belkıs Güzel). I'm so deeply grateful for the person that suggested this song and gave us the possibility not only to discover it, but also to have such a deep and tender message through this reading. It is difficult to find the correct translation for this song, but I strongly encourage you to listen and read it, as it is simply magical in the softest way. I will leave you the links that were recommended to me here, in case you would like to listen to it. And if you would like to see a pick a pile reading inspired by your favourite song, you can discover more about how to participate here↓♡!

♪♡♪ Divinatory Jukebox ♪♡♪

P.s. This is my first attempt at a longer reading, so if you feel comfortable please let me know in the comments what you think of it! If you prefer the shorter ones, if there is any aspect of the reading that makes it difficult for you to read it, or in case you will take a look at the extended version of this reading, if you would prefer to have something more specific in the additional messages of our readings - I will cherish your opinion and use it to get better with each post!♡

– Pile One,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the magician, the seven of swords, the page of coins

Love… you so often consider it just a feeling. A feeling that after all these years alive you still can really connect only to your own self. To you who seems to be the only one to feel it. To give it. While all that others do is receive it from you. Giving you back some gratitude perhaps, but never something that feels like what you gave them. Nothing that really fills in that part of you that was emptied for them… Making you really wonder if perhaps you got it wrong for all this time, if what you considered love never was it. If you imagined and expected it to be more, made it be more. Giving others much more than any person could ever give you in return, more than you ever should've done…

All that attention, that care, that genuine dedication that you put in, time after time, for every soul that was close, going out of your way to be there, right by their side for whatever might come… But still standing alone when facing your hardships, your difficult moments. Only you on the first line, out there in the cold, just you against this world… You genuinely never thought that this is what love would be. You expected something different from what you always received from others before. A complete opposite of having to do everything on your own, of that fear of what will happen to you if one day things in your life won't work anymore. You thought that it should be different from that because you know for sure that all those years of struggle alone never had even a bit of love in them, not from the people that were all that time around and close to you, but never did anything to help you, apart from telling you that this is how it works and that you should grow and take care of yourself on your own.

You alway imagined it, in those dark and painful nights, a hug, a caressing hand, a soft voice that assures you that everything will be okay, that it won't be forever this way, that you are not alone but you will always have them… So you did your best to be deserving, manifesting those tender and loving ways through your own self. Through the way you looked after others, the way you cared for them. Not only knowing that this is the right way to treat others, the way you genuinely want to be, but that it will be also worth it, that you will one day feel the love you gave, through others that will do the same… But it never came. You never saw your reflection in them, you never saw that part of your heart that you gave away being nourished and taken care of… it was always mostly just appreciated in the moment. And forgotten. Or worst, taken advantage of by expecting or asking more. So after all these tears, all the days dedicated to others instead of yourself, all your prayers for help and support, just a little comfort, that you never received because they are too busy to take a moment to give you back that love that you never declined them…. You started to think that you are in the wrong. That the love you always waited for is just a dream that the real concept of love can’t live up to. No matter how much you can look for it or want it. It is simply not something possible. And you are asking for too much.

{ What this is all for }

the judgement, the ace of swords, the lovers

This world, this life in general… has a really unique way of helping us to learn, of guiding us in or through the right direction and path, of letting us know that everything will be alright… Their language is so different from ours that we really struggle to understand it, those words that come in the form of pure feelings directly from within us. The ones that we should trust the most but never do so. Especially when it comes to love, something that we so much idealise, something that we have so much desire for.

Your heart is so sincerely tired, it went through so many betrayals and wounds inflicted by those that you tried to love. To the point that it simply feels that heaviness, that weight of this experience that you never really wanted to begin with. So you feel like you are ready for something else, for that love that you did all of this for, if it even exists at all. But are you really sure of it..? Of knowing so well the person that you would like to have by your side each day, their character, their behaviour, their values? Are you sure that you really did look for them and not just anyone who seemed to be able to love? Are you sure that you really know your worth and the one of your love, how one must love you in order to really give you all that your heart needs and wants? Or did you think that you knew it before, and now you are settling for much less than you are deserving of, because of the overwhelming loneliness and fear that it will be this way for the rest of your days unless you accept whatever one gives you in return? Are you sure that you are remaining loyal to your own self and your soul, instead of trying to “sell” it to whoever is close and good enough?

Because, even though perhaps you are not doing it consciously, but you are changing. Little by little. Not in terms of who you are, but in the ones of who you allow others to consider you. Leaving it up to them to decide how much you deserve, what is the worth of your love and care that you give them after letting them in, where only the most sincere, genuine and trustworthy should belong. You just give them your all. Every single time. Without any limit or hesitation. Not even when all that you receive is another rude phrase, some judgement, coldness and distance once they got up and healed thanks to your love. You just do it. For everyone. Not choosing carefully, but treating every soul as the right one. And not in a good sense. Instead, you are not listening anymore to your own intuition or feelings, not trusting your own mind that recognises the things that are too off. You are just rushing in this hunt for “the one” as the time passes and you feel more and more scared and alone. You are throwing yourself at every possible connection, all in, wandering each time that it goes wrong what you did too little or too much of. And not realising anymore that it is not about how you love, if it is in the right way or the wrong one… But rather who you choose, even force yourself, to love. And how they are simply not the right one, no matter how much you sacrifice of your own values and preferences, just to make them fit in the place that it is not theirs to hold.

All these bad endings, failures, mistakes that you consider yours to be responsible for… Are just a natural consequence of you settling for less than you really desire and need in order to feel loved. All that sadness, that loneliness… are only your subconscious, your own heart that you willingly ignored at first, but that after some time managed to be heard by you, letting you know that the way you are treated, the crumbs that you accept, will never truly be enough.

Those endings, those coincidences that are never in your favour, those interferences in your connections from the outside world… are just its efforts to protect you and communicate with you, trying to show you that refusing your own standards is not what can help you find them, that right person that you can truly feel safe and understood with… Adapting to another person and changing, it is not what will make them love you like you want. It will only keep you stuck in a play pretend. Put you in situations and relationships that you won’t feel appreciated and cherished in. It will consume you from inside out, slowly but surely, just because that one time you believed more others, than your own self that always knew what was best and right for you, what you really wanted to feel and who you wanted to have with you…

The time already passed, you already got through so much. You can’t do anything about it, and it is alright. But you can do yourself a favour and listen again to your own heart, before following that overwhelming fear and anxiety of being left alone in the cold and the dark. Your heart, your love, they are unique. But not at all the only ones. There is a soul, out there, that is your perfect reflection, someone who resonates so much with your ways of feeling love. And you can and will find them. The moment you stop seeing all that happened and you went through as the mistakes you made, ways that you can be better by being more or less… And start to see them as simply were and when the things didn't feel right for your heart, for who you are. Because those things that you felt the lack of, or perhaps as though it is just too much, are the ones that you need to hold onto, to look for in others. Instead of ignoring them, just so you can fit in the perfect version of love of someone and they can accept you, even though you are not theirs to love…

Although it seems so easy to do through words… We know too well that sometimes it is not enough to just choose to listen to our heart more. It is not always enough when we, in a certain way, forget its language, when we are not able anymore to comprehend it and separate it from the voice of our mind that we learned to follow… For this reason, there is an additional message for you, if you want to, in our extended version of this reading. What you need to know and remember as you continue on this journey, in this search of the right person for you, but also of the confidence and trust in your own heart, that will be the things that will change everything about the situation in which you are now.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

– Pile Two,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the wheel of fortune, the sun, the devil

It happened so many times… So often you felt overwhelmed, completely overtaken, by the life of someone you loved… Their problems, their difficulties, their fears that became yours. Yours to resolve, yours to take care of, yours to endure, even though you never could really influence them, not the things that depended on their actions, their decisions. Not when it was something that was purely theirs to create, destroy and live… It happened so many times, truly. You felt so often the urge to be there for someone, just because you knew them, just because you saw their struggle and couldn't help but to try to save them. Because this is what everyone deserves, yes… But with those that had a special place in your heart, those that you felt so close to you, so needed as the air you breathe, there never was a chance for you to say no. Not when your heart so ardently fought for them each day, no matter if it was your battle, your victory to take or not.

One by one they took a part of your life from you, gladly accepting your love, your support and help. And leaving it all to you, to your heart and mind that never were supposed to live so many lives, go through so many situations and emotions, bear so many consequences that were coming from actions that simply weren't yours. And they took it from you. That time and energy, the courage and strength that otherwise would have gone to you, to your own healing, growth and protection. They took it all from you and, worst of all, they were able to do so thanks to you. You who gave it to them, all that you had, in the name of the love that you felt. You that not even once regretted it. Not in the moment at least…

They took so much from you, making you get used to it, to have so little, to give away so much… That now, for once, you want to find someone different. Someone who will not take advantage of your heart. Someone who will understand that, no matter how much you want and try, it is not the right thing to leave it all up to you, to handle their life… Someone who, for once, just knows more, knows better. Someone who can teach you, gently, softly, as they protect you from your own self, from your own urge to disintegrate yourself for the happiness and safety of someone else.

For once… you want to be overwhelmed by someone's joy, their hope, their desire to be here and to live this life. Their strength to choose to see the best aspects of the things. Their strength to be patient, to have faith, to believe that everything will work out in the end. For once you want to receive that strength, not to give it away. For once you want to be protected, guided, as you trust someone who doesn't expect you to lead the way out of the darkness of their days…

It might sound selfish to some, so entitled to look for someone who has it all figured out, who has better and more control of their life… But you are simply tired. And a little lost, if one can say the truth. Tired of figuring everything out constantly, keeping others above the water, as they push you down, never thinking of the air they are taking away from you. It’s not about an easier life, about receiving constant help or guidance, leaving it up to others to make the choice for you… It is about just wanting to have something that is left for your own self too. A little time, a little love, that you can give yourself without being afraid that in the meantime someone would get upset or hurt. You just want to be able to take care of yourself too, not only of those that you love, of your connections, of your situations, that seem to be destroyed each moment you are not looking after them. You just want to have someone that is by your side, living their life, instead of living yours that becomes so scarily about them, their necessities, their dreams, their worry and losses. You just want someone to learn from, or together, how to live this life in the most right and healthy, loving way. Not to teach it. While you yourself don't have any idea of how you are still here, how you made it until now every day.

{ Will you ever find someone like them }

the justice, the eight of wands, the queen of wands

This new and almost desperate desire in your heart now, might feel a lot like frustration, the last realisation of how things should've been when everything already happened, when it is too late to change them… But instead of a tragic end, it is more of a hopeful and promising beginning. The one that you are creating with your each thought, with each moment of understanding of what it is that you really want to feel, when sharing your love. The taste of it, the feeling, the emotions it can give you. With each found answer in your heart you are changing your life, much more than you expect now. Because it really is all about your choices. Your decision of who you will be accepting into your life from now on.

There is a part of you that is growing, getting stronger, preparing to be vigilant and serious about its duty: the one to protect your heart. One little thought created by the tiredness, the sadness of all that you endured… was enough to move the waves of the whole world, of the reality around you. Of who will be brought right to you, and who will be pulled back, not being the right ones. Changing your connections one step, one person at a time. Giving you back the right to decide for yourself, making you remember that you can in fact do it, you can choose the ones dear to your heart.

And it won’t be delusion, entitlement, selfishness, or any sort of limit that you will put on your heart… It will be just you, all grown up, who will now know that it is okay to not take it all on yourself, whatever and whoever comes, because of the fear of what not doing it will cause. It will be your understanding that people can and will make it through on their own, even if they are so afraid or feel incapable of facing their life right now. And it will be also your acceptance that not every story you hear is yours to live, to feel, to make sure it has a good ending. Not everyone is yours to protect and help. Not everyone has the right to come before your own self.

It might be a change that will take its time to settle in, especially in your heart that is just so full of love. Love that you didn't give yourself for so long, pouring it all in the needing hands of those by your side. But it will happen. It will feel safe and right, to allow yourself to choose how much the realities of others influence your life. And as you will go through it, as you will seek that courage and strength… It will be enough to remember that everything will be okay. Even in those moments of uncertainty, it will be enough to hold on tight to the message that we will receive, if you want to, in the extended version of this reading. A message about how you can and will change your life.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

– Pile Three,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the ten of wands, the star, the death

It is so difficult to need to explain yourself, your actions, your urges, your reactions. It is tiring to open up your mind and your heart sharing them with others, again and again. Just for them to not understand it, to not pay the slightest of attention, to not take it seriously, all those things that are still consuming your soul… It just feels so useless to go through it, to come out of your comfort zone so hopeful that they would be that right person… only to see them walk away, who scared, who uncomfortable, who deluded or bored. Leaving you feeling like a poor seller who is unable to demonstrate the worth of your broken, lived, soul. When you don't even want to do it in the first place. When it is so ridiculous that you need constantly and so fiercely to defend or explain your wounds, as if they didn't already hurt enough.

It just consumes you. Consumes your every desire to go out there, interact and try to connect with people, creating with such dedication a relationship that - you know it too well - will just be destroyed. By your own past, your own frail soul that is too difficult for others to manage, to use or control. Too delicate to do anything with it without hurting it more.

Deep down you know that not every single person you met was truly so evil at their core. But it still hurts you like hell, being rejected, just put aside, simply because of the way you feel so strongly and deeply every detail about this world. Just because you have more depth to your feelings, more power to the emotions that simply overwhelm you, good or bad, every single bit of them that fills you whole. And that you welcome and feel completely, still remembering how cold and dark it was when there weren't any emotions in you at all.

It just would've been much easier, for once, to not have the need to defend yourself, the way you became. If for once the one in front of you focused on who you are now, and not on who you were or who you could become if only you suppress your soul. Because you changed, yes, and it might be sad to not have that spark that others adored so much about you anymore. But the you who survived still and always deserves the same admiration and love, perhaps even more, after all that you were able to endure. This you who is so different is still you. The you who gave you the strength and courage to face it all. The you who shouldn't at all be forced to explain yourself to those that can't even do one thing: just listen to you, hear you truly, at least for once.

Because it is not so difficult, in the end, to just accept someone and love them for the way they are, without any if or but. You know it well, because you always did it and always do with everyone that is close to you. But while they can be themselves, knowing that they will be truly safe with you, their every wound that will be taken care of without any judgement or expectation to receive something in return… You are always asked to be less or more. To hide your pain, to be more joyful. To not react too much to the things that hurt you. To, instead, be more understanding and patient, accepting, of the ways of others. Even though they never tolerate yours.

So you remain here, among so many of them but still feeling so lonely, so trapped, exactly like it used to feel before. You still are being hurt, even though you had so much courage in not hiding yourself, your scars. Even though you learned to have the needed strength to stand your ground when others didn't see that they were stepping on your heart… And you still hope. That one day, somewhere and someone, for once will just feel drawn to you. Not a memory of you or your potential change. Just someone who, for once, is gentle and kind in their ways. Not because you asked them to, not because they were forced by your tears… But just because they are connected enough to their own heart. Enough to recognise the painfully familiar stories behind your tired and scared eyes. Just one person, just one single time would be enough. Just one single moment in which you would feel loved and cherished the way you are, even with all those fears and doubts that everyone has always something to say about. Just one true and genuine connection. One single chance for your heart to find again the hope that you, exactly the way you are now after all your battles, not less not more, will be enough.

{ You are not in the wrong }

the page of coins, the strength, the six of cups

Finally standing up for yourself, taking your defence, pushing back those that don't make you anymore feel safe… it took a lot of courage, especially when every decision that was already hard enough was also met with judgement, with pure rage, just because for once you weren't ready to be there for someone else. But while you thought that the worst part will be this, finding the strength to prioritise yourself, the most difficult part revealed itself to be resisting the urge to take all your words back, bowing your head, surrendering to discourses of others about how you shouldn't ever do that again, and coming back to your old and consumed self, asking it to endure it once again. But this time with the full awareness of how it is wrong, to give away so much of you, remaining with so little that it is never enough to take care of your own heart and mind…

You are resisting it now with all your strength, but the single thought that they might be right, that you are indeed acting too selfishly, is already enough to shake you to your core, to fill you with the pure terror that you might be becoming one of those that hurt you, coming down to their level without realising what you've done.

But you are not. I promise you. There is nothing wrong in putting yourself first for once. There are no mistakes when you are acting from your heart, from the pure desire to protect yourself now that you are realising that it all just has been too much. You are not the villain here, even if perhaps there isn't one among them either. There is no evil in knowing what you deserve and want, and not accepting nothing less from others, even if they so perfectly mask it with words like “It is the way I love”, “This is the best for you, the best you can ever find or hope for”...

You’ve endured a lot, so much that it is truly non conceivable and admissible that someone belittles it. That someone doesn't give it the importance and incredibly powerful and heart wrenching meaning that you surviving all of that holds. Don't stop for them, for their fears that you will change. Because it has already happened, in the good and in the bad. And if someone can't accept and respect the new you, if they, even in the name of their love, can't accept you… then it is okay. There will be someone else. Someone else who will meet you, get to know you, and learn to appreciate and cherish you for the way you are now, not a memory of who you were.

It might be sad to let go of some people, to lose some connections. It might be frustrating to see their absolute conviction that you are the one in the wrong… But you are tired now, you feel weak after needing to fight against them again and again just to protect yourself… so don't waste your last remaining energy on them, on proving them wrong when they already ended this story as it is more convenient for them in their head. Let them go. Let them be. Not to allow them to think that they are right. But for your own self and to give you that space and time to rest and recover, to take care of yourself.

This world is vast, there are so many of us. Remaining now for a moment alone… doesn't at all condemn you to have all the days of your life lonely and cold. It is just a phase, just a precious moment that will sign a new step in your growth, in how much you consider your own worth and protect yourself at all costs. People come and go. Some are good and some are not. But you are unique, you are the only one you have, the most important person that you need to love and take care of. Even if it means to not accept the love of others, simply because it is so different from what you are longing for. Even if it means to reject the company that you so much want, because they never offer it genuinely but only when it is so convenient and needed for them.

Times will change, you'll start new journeys, go through different paths that will align with others, new and completely different persons. And you'll create new connections, better ones. Better because of the ways and motives of those that will come closer. Better because you will be much more rested, healed and confident after this focus on yourself and this pause. Better because there won't be any play pretend, endurance or feelings that will be ignored. It will be better. Simply because you will learn from your mistakes, you will grow. And so will those that you will let go of, but not at your own expense and endurance of the way your heart hurts for them. Because they might not realise it now, they might be so convinced that you are the one hurting them… but you are making the best decision not only for your own self, but even for them. You are giving all of you a new chance. A chance that you for sure will take and use it to nourish a new beginning in your life, new connections that will love you, cherish you, protect you at all costs. Exactly like it should be between truly loving souls.

And if it feels still a little too overwhelming, a little too scary and unsure, the decision to put yourself first… There is a little message about the future, at what it holds, in our extended version of this reading, right here, if you want or feel the need to hear more.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

_

[huellitaa]

journal index ⊹˚. ♡

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ for all ur girl journal inspiration <3 ideas either from pinterest, tumblr or yours truly ‎♡

about me!

your favourite memories

people or characters with your mbti

why you love ur friends/family/anyone in your life

every ____ album ranked

skin breakout log

best parts of ur childhood

comfort board

debating over something (are ghosts real, does fate exist, etc)

favourite sweet foods

letter to little you

letter to future you

things you love about each season

things that give you hope in the world

ultimate guide to pampering ur pets

a song for each day

an album for each month

funniest things people have ever said to you

every crush you've ever had

reminders for every emotion

ranting about things you love

rambling about a topic or issue u think a lot about

your most embarrassing moments ever (in vivid detail)

explaining your playlists

love letter in a different language

book reviews on the most random things ever

an essay on literally anything

ur fav poets and poetry

[noxxuniverse]

you either have it, or you don't.

decide.

[manifestingitgurlll]

this reminds me of when i manifested passing my test. if any of u remember, the day before, i got a hate ask saying i was stupid for not studying, i was gonna fail, loa is a cult, blah blah blah.

and yk, it actually triggered me a lot. i felt myself identifying with ego again thinking "hm maybe i should study. maybe im being stupid. theres no way ill pass without studying."

but i caught myself. i stopped and redirected my thoughts. reminded myself that was just the ego trying to get to me one more time. but i wasn't going to let that happen! i KNEW i was going to pass. i wasn't going to believe in a lie, why would i? i continued to persist in my knowing, and the next day, i passed the test.

in a way, i feel like these situations are kinda a test?? like idk, have u ever read where people say right before your manifestations come, something happens to throw you off and make you give up? thats some loa stuff i know lol but idk i feel like its some sort of manifestation from the ego??

like ok. we know awareness is what creates. before i took the test, i was still scared i wouldnt pass(even tho i knew i would). that was the ego talking. but i was still aware of that feeling since im aware of ego. i identify with it at some point, even if briefly. and so then the physical reflects. it reflected a situation that made me feel that feeling (someone sending a hate ask saying i should study cause i won't pass).

here. i always have a nagging feeling that im deluded and reality actually is real and im wasting my time (even tho i know thats not true). this is the ego. im aware of that feeling. i identify with it, maybe for the shortest time. so once again, physical reflects a situation that makes me feel that feeling (me being recognized by someone).

LIKE IDK. maybe im digging too deep and making stuff up. but it feels like the egos last resort. like it knows its grip is slipping, cause i obviously have moved on to a new story. and when i refuse to go back to the old story, and i continue to know, it finally dissolves.

what do u guys think??

[someoneyoumightloved]

"And in the end, it is only you— You and the thoughts you tried to escape, sitting quietly beside you, asking what all the noise was for."

[xxdreamscapes]

I resent the TikTok-ification of everything cause wdym a hobby is supposed to make you unique and more interesting??!

Hobbies should be something you enjoy. They can be casual or can be full-blown passions. They should bring things like joy and whimsy. You should be able to enjoy them alone if no one else is around. You don’t have to post about how you’re rollerskating 24/7, a lot of things don’t need to be posted or capitalized on. It makes me think that you don’t love yourselves enough to enjoy things on your own. Someone always has to be watching. Ya’ll are wasting your lives away performing for the validation of people who couldn’t give less of a shit and it is SAD

Hobbies don’t need to be attractive or become this productivity contest bitch !

Stand tf up. Enjoy things for what they are, not for the attention or capital they’ll bring

[girlslikestarlight]

cultivating self love ✮⋆˙

it is time to fall in love with yourself. have you seen a girl who's just come back from a wonderful date and she sparkles and she can't stop smiling? that's the glow of love! and this is something we can cultivate by falling in love with ourselves... and improving our quality of life.

<image from pinterest, resource used: becoming the one by sheleana aiyana>

YOUR INNER RELATIONSHIP BEGINS WITH...

Building confidence and self-trust

You're the most dependable girl you know! When you make a promise to yourself, you keep that promise. When you set an intention, you live by that intention. You know who you are and you live by your values.

Taking time for yourself

This could look like a gorgeous self-date (taking yourself out shopping or to a restaurant you wanted to try), a self-care evening, or just a moment of being mindful of your breath and tuning in to your body.

Deepening in self-compassion

This looks a lot like shadow work. It's important that you meet your defense mechanisms and destructive patterns with love and empathy.

Giving your emotions a voice

It takes a lot of distance and therapy to acknowledge the feelings UNDERNEATH your feelings. Some of us are way better at this than others. As girls, we are often socialised to bottle up our anger, but being able to stand up for yourself and speaking to your rage is a step towards feeling more understood.

Understanding your capacity

Taking breaks and finding unscheduled time will prevent burnout. Simplifying your life is beneficial to mental health. Is there a responsibility you won't miss?

Forgiving your past selves

When that embarassing memory comes up, you need to just pelt yourself with kindness. Have compassion for mistakes! Honour your journey!

Staying true to your values

When you know who you are, when you know what you believe in, decisions will be made easier and your life will be directed by the glow you hold inside.

Expressing yourself

It's time for open and vulnerable conversations with the people you love. Your feelings have value, and the people who love you will hold space for that.

Asking for support

Can come in the form of mentorship or friendship or counselling depending on your needs, but you are a resourceful girl. You're not too proud to ask for help -- and that makes you lovely.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

kinda happy that i'm not as chronically online as i used to be. i've been focusing on my studies, hobbies, etc and it makes me feel so much better. ofc i still have a long way to go but a phrase that is constantly running in my mind is one day or day one... like if i wanna be a certain kind of person and become better i should actually DO stuff that makes me better instead of thinking about that one day where i will magically get everything i want. that doesn't happen, i have to work for it. believing in myself is the first half which i have accomplished, the other half is working hard (with balance ofc). i doomscroll much less, and if i do i gain awareness of it very quickly and it doesn't surpass an hour. i don't turn on my laptop first thing after waking, i only turn it on when i i actually have some work or i want to listen to music. sometimes i relapse. but the point is that i've never tried more harder than i am rn and i am proud of myself for it. i am feeling seeing my progress. i intend to constantly heal and succeed and make mistakes and learn from them and never ever stop trying.

if i can do it you can too <3

[honeytonedhottie]

how to embrace being alone⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✍🏽🎀

learning to be alone is such a crucial thing to learn at all times during your life, but especially during your youth. and something to understand is that sometimes, protecting your peace comes at the cost of being alone but being alone is peaceful! and not as bad as you might think that it is.

being alone offers an opportunity for self discovery and growth and rest and relaxation and reflection and the list goes ON. being able to enjoy your own company is a SUPER power bcuz it genuinely nourishes you so much.

ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;

you dont have to be codependent on someone else to make yourself happy or to make yourself feel good. what fulfills you and nourishes you isnt the relationships that u have with others. although that is an amazing and fulfilling thing, the most fulfilling thing is learning yourself. being alone REPLENISHES you, its like, hydration for the soul.

dont wait on someone else to do something that you wanna do!! if u dont have anyone to go with, just go on your own. you dont have to wait on others to be happy…💬🎀

PRACTICE BEING ALONE ;

go on solo dates, practice planning to do something fun and just doing it by yourself. once you start doing things alone and you see how nice it feels, you'll want to do it more bcuz its so easy to enjoy your own company, you just have to get over your fear of judgement or of being alone and learn to enjoy and embrace it.

♡ have a spa day

♡ learn to cook a new dish

♡ read a book

♡ have a journalling session

♡ schedule appointments for urself

♡ go on a long drive

SOME BENEFITS OF ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;

♡ u can be urself without filter

♡ less distractions and u give urself time to ponder and look internally

♡ ur in control of ur space and time

♡ u can be creative and imaginative without reference

♡ its peaceful

BEING UR OWN BESTFRIEND ;

treat yourself how you'd treat someone that you valued a lot. be compassionate and understanding and respectful. dont talk badly about yourself and dont be mean to/punish yourself bcuz u wouldn't do that to someone that u loved and cherished…💬🎀

dont abandon yourself in times where life can become stressful. focus on being present and dont forget your worth. your self worth and value doesn’t come from how useful you are to others, your valuable simply because you are you. a human being who is deserving of love. your worth doesnt come from how productive you are or what you’ve achieved, instead your worth is already done and your valuable because of your existence. 

COPING WITHOUT FRIENDS ;

everything is temporary and meaningful relationships will always find their way to you. just understand that some ppl are here temporarily and some ppl are here for a lifetime but only you are here for all of it which is why its important to be alone and be comfy with that.

not everyone is gonna like you or wanna be your friend and thats okay. it has nothing to do with you and is almost always simply because of different personalities and its not personal

brush off rejections bcuz rejection is just redirection. when you dont take everything personally you'll notice how much happier you'll be overall.

know that the meaningful relationships and connections that u crave will come!! no one is here to be alone forever so you'll meet the people who pour into you and you'll meet ppl that u can pour into and you'll be okay!!

overall, enjoying your own company does wonders for your mental and physical health and its a useful skill to learn in general because it brings so much peace from being able to sit with your thoughts…💬🎀

[agirlunfilteredsblog]

via @ valiceeev on tiktok

[melojinko]

being an Atsushi kinnie is. Strategically making friends with lonely people. Coaxing them into opening up, but never or rarely opening up yourself. Weaving yourself in until you are an integral part of their lives. Until you are irreplaceable. Until you are undoubtedly needed. Keeping them in your debt. Don’t make new friends. The only one you need is me.

This way, it’s okay for you to live. This way, if you leave this world, it will feel your absence.

being an Atsushi kinnie is. Knowing exactly what you are doing. Knowing it is terribly selfish. And hating yourself all over again.

codependency: a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed.