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Hear me out

frozen strawberries instead of ice in lemonade

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Are you ever typing something that your phone autocapitalizes and you go back and re-type it just to force uncapitalize it. Like no sorry mcdonalds doesn’t deserve that level of respect from me

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Artemis: How do I make a date really... romantic?

Juliet: Be mysterious.

Artemis: Okay.

*later, while on a date with Alex*

Alex: Where are we going?

Artemis: None of your business.

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Artemis: Nothing feels better than winning Monopoly. Nothing!

Mulch: I’m sorry, have you tried pizza?

Artemis: Yes, and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend’s eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate.

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Root: You think you're smarter than everyone else.

Artemis: I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am

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Holly: I think my guardian angel drinks.

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Artemis: Why are you doing this?

Mulch: Why did Napoleon march on Russia?

Artemis: Napoleon lost. 

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Juliet: Artemis, you need to react when people cry!

Artemis: I did. I rolled my eyes.

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Artemis: Sometimes I like to hang out with people that aren’t that bright. Artemis: You know, just to see how the other half lives.

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Artemis: How did you even get in here?

Holly: Your window! Or, as I like to call it, "My door"!

Butler: I’m closing the window.

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Foaly: I don’t know if this is going to work, Commander. According to his file, Artemis Fowl is a bit of a recluse.

Root: The man wants his privacy. I can respect that.

Root: *fires a grappling hook*

Root: Well, everyone over the fence!

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Artemis: Can you guys at least try to see things from my perspective?

Holly: *kneels*

Butler: *crouches*

Artemis:

Artemis: I hope you both die.

bonus

Artemis: Wait, why are you kneeling? You’re shorter than me.

Holly: Yeah, well, I’ve got mechanical wings strapped to my back so your argument is invalid.

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Alex: I think I'm falling for you. Artemis: Then get up.

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Lilli: Maybe the true treasure was friendship all along. But I hope not, because I can’t spend friendship on new clothes

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Opal: I could kill you if I wanted.

Artemis: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

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Mulch: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly.

Foaly: Why not?

Mulch: Because I don't know what they mean.