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*Tico looks in the refrigerator for the milk*

David: It's not in there.

Tico: Dang it! You promised you would stop drinking milk in the shower!

David: Stop trying to change me!

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Jon: Yeah, we're friends but I would fuck you if you asked me to.

Richie: What?

Jon: What?

Alec: He said he would fuck you if you asked him too.

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Tico: Why are your tongues purple?

Jon: I had a blue slushee.

Richie: I had a red slushee.

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David: Alec you are a genius!

Alec: Thanks, I get called that a lot.

David: What, genius?

Alec: No, Alec.

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Tico: What you are doing is illegal.

Jon: I'm sorry but I refuse to take any type of advice from someone who pronounces the g in lasagna.

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Tico: You idiot!

Richie: I'm sure you're right, but why?

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David: It's muggy outside.

Alec: If I go outside and all of my mugs are on my lawn again I will kill you

David: * drinks coffee out of a bowl *

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Tico: I'm hungry

Richie: So am I.

Tico: Which one of us ate both of the Subway Sandwiches that I got for lunch and which one of us had nothing?

Richie: Legally I cannot answer that question

Tico: What?

Richie: I want a lawyer

Tico: Answer the damn question

Richie: I am exercising my 5th amendment rights.

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Jon: Have you gone to the new liquid zoo yet?

Tico: Do you mean aquarium?

Jon: *confidently* Liquid Zoo.

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Richie: Jon, would you like to be the sun of my life?

Jon: Sure, how?

Richie: Get 92,935,700 miles away from me

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David: Do you even care about me? What if I died?

Alec: You'd have a funeral.

David: I meant what would you do.

Alec: Go to your funeral.

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Tico: [ is showering ]

David: [ yanks back shower curtain ]

David: Have you seen - stop screaming it's just me - have you seen Alec?

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Jon: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Alec: Killed without hesitation.

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Jon: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

David: Strong

Richie: Weak

Alec: An idiot, that's what you are

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Tico: I'm kinda cold.

David: Oh here, take my jacket.

Jon: [ looking at Richie ] I'm kinda cold too.

Richie: Well damn, Jon, I can't control the weather!

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Tico: Why is your back all scratched up?

Richie: *flashbacks to him and Jon chasing a raccoon after Tico told them to leave it alone*

Richie: I’m having an affair.

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Alec: What's the problem?

Tico: Richie. He keeps replacing normal words with animal names just to annoy me.

Richie: C'mon, you know I don't do it on porpoise.