for the spotify wrapped thing: 21
also i wanted to say ive been following your series for 2 years now and i love your writing
You are so kind for saying that, thank you so much! I promise there will be updates soon. I'm working on making them perfect for you!
Song 21: Is It Over Now? by Taylor Swift (Two people requested this. There will be another one for this lol)
MACEY MCHENRY'S PRIVATE JET DEPARTS LONDON IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
It was hard to say what was worse. Leaving your boyfriend in the dead of night or arriving back at your place to see the roses he'd gotten you still in their vase on your bedside table.
Macey decided it was the roses and threw her bag at them. The vase toppled to the floor taking the wilted petals of last weeks flowers down with it. A lot could happen in a week, Macey realized as she stared at the mix of roses and broken glass that now littered the floor.
She ignored the mess she'd made and simply crawled into bed, still in her clothes, and slept alone.
INSIDE LOOK AT MACEY MCHENRY'S INTIMATE COFFEE DATE AMID PRESTON WINTERS SPLIT
Honestly, Macey didn't know why she bothered with the sun hats and glasses when she went out. As if those were enough to make her not Macey McHenry. The sunglasses did at least help with all the camera flashes being sent her way. She pulled the visor in the car down immediately for added protection once she got in the car.
"Worth it?" Cammie asked from the drivers seat. She looked similar to Macey with the hat and glasses combo. Her visor was also already down.
"A girls gotta live her life," Macey said as they peeled away from the people and the cameras. "I haven't been able to get a coffee in peace since 2012."
"Cut to 300 takeout coffees later," Cammie teased, eyeing the cup in her friends hand.
Macey shrugged again. "This is my life. Think of it like a training exercise. You wanna see me? Get coffee with me?" she tapped the tinted glass of the window that separated them from the paparazzi. "They come too. I don't like it, but it is what it is."
Cammie shook her head, but a smile was still on her face. "I don't envy you," she glanced over at Macey before looking back at the road. "Have you talked to him?"
Macey scoffed. "No. Why should I?"
"I didn't say you should." Cammie tapped her fingers on the steering wheel as the idled at a red light. "But, you know, you did tell me last week you saw his face on our waiter when we had girls night."
"Yeah, after I had two margaritas the size of my head," Macey defended. "How is it my fault all men look the same?"
"He was a ginger."
"And Preston's hair is a light brown with reddish undertones."
Cammie raised her eyebrows and looked off to the side. Neither of them said anything for a moment. The next thing to break through the silence was both of their phones buzzing. Macey pulled hers out, letting Cammie drive. Sure enough, it was the group chat they were both in. Liz had sent a link to an article with a headline prominently displayed in the preview.
DETAILS EMERGE OF MACEY MCHENRY AND PRESTON WINTER'S SNOWY VACATION TURNED DARK JUST WEEKS BEFORE SPLIT
Macey groaned. "Seriously? Even in the title they acknowledge that was weeks ago. How is this news?"
Cammie shrugged one shoulder. "It'll get clicks. People are nosy." Macey grumbled to herself in response. "What," Cammie started hesitantly. "What happened out there? You never told us."
"Nothing," Macey said, arms crossed in her seat. "He had an accident while we were skiing. He stopped himself too soon and the momentum made him lurch and he got hurt," there was no masking the concern that bled into Macey's voice as she recounted the incident. "You know, red blood on white snow is kind of jarring. He was fine though. He only needed a few stitches."
There was a beat. Then, Cammie said, quietly, "That sounds scary."
Macey slunk down in her seat. "Yeah."
PRESTON WINTERS NEW GIRL? STORY BEHIND THE PICTURES OF THEIR LATE NIGHT RENDEZVOUS
Bex: I'll kill him
Bex: Also since when is he into blondes?
Cammie: Well she's got the blue eyes
Bex: I'LL KILL HIM
Liz: Already scrubbing evidence of these texts existing in case it's necessary
Macey's phone kept buzzing, but she kept ignoring it in favor of staring at the man in front of her. Her friends were halfway around the world in another time zone. They had no idea what she was doing and had no means of stopping her. And it was better that way.
Preston was sitting in the lounge chair, his chin resting in his hand as he glared at the tabloid Macey had just deposited on the coffee table. She stood across from him waiting, daring him to respond.
"Macey-," he said at last.
"Did you think I didn't see you?" She cut him off. He turned his mouth back into his hand. Clearly he hadn't known where to take the conversation. Meanwhile, she had some ideas. "Did you really think I wouldn't? Even without all the flashing lights have you forgotten who I am? Have you forgotten who my friends are?"
"I didn't think you cared," he said, turning to face her. He dropped his hand, folding them both in his lap. "You left, remember? Called me a 'lying traitor', wasn't that right?"
"Seems like it stuck with you so I guess so," she said. "If the shoe fits."
"We were broken up," Preston defended. "It was over."
"Was it?" Macey asked, incredulously. "Was it over when you laid her out on your couch?" she gestured to the furniture piece in question, in the very room they were in. Preston didn't ask who, he didn't need to. Which was perhaps the most incriminating piece of it. "Was it over when I let him take me home? Unbutton my blouse? Take me to his room?"
Preston stood up then, turning away from her.
"Because if it was over, you don't get to be upset!" She said, voice raising. But Preston didn't walk away, just stopped with his back to her. She watched him exhale, the air and tension leaving his body.
"So you admit," he started. His tone was measured, trying to reign himself in no doubt. "You did it, too. You've seen other people."
Macey probably would have rolled her eyes, maybe he thought she did. But she took advantage of him not looking at her and bit her tongue instead, trying to hold back her frustration instead of hiding it. "Of course. The difference is," she continued, venom seeping into her words, "At least I had the decency to keep my nights out of sight!"
Preston scoffed and turned back. "Yeah, right. You've been out for coffee not half a million times."
"Coffee," Macey emphasized. "I kept my nights to myself. Sure, I can't stop rumors about them, but all the whispers and speculation about my hips and sighs was just that. They weren't pictures," she grabbed the tabloid off the table and shoved it in his face. "On the front page of every paper!"
"I don't need to see pictures of you with some guy to feel hurt!" Preston yelled, knocking the paper out of her hand. The pages fluttered around the room, ending up scattered all over the floor.
"Oh, really?"
"I don't give a shit about some guys you see! That wasn't nearly as bad as the pictures and headlines of you leaving me!" He stared into her eyes, and she could see him willing himself to calm down. Or maybe his next thought took the steam out of him. "Do you know how many times I saw the picture of you in that blue dress, all alone, on that boat?"
"I'm sure," Macey said, because she was. It seemed the paparazzi had gotten one singular photo of her that day and it was everywhere. That one photo was dissected across every social media platform, every comments section, every headline.
MACEY MCHENRY SEEN LEAVING ISLAND VACATION WITH PRESTON WINTERS ALONE MERE HOURS AFTER ARRIVING
"Whose fault was that, though?" she questioned. Preston's shoulders sagged under the weight of her statement, but Macey didn't feel any sense of victory as she crossed her arms at him. "Has your new girl realized yet that she's a clone of me?"
Where someone else would defend themselves and their partner and throw out statements like, 'no she doesn't' or 'that was unintentional', Preston said nothing. Macey felt her anger flare up again. "Because it doesn't actually matter, really. The vast majority of her looks. At this point it's safe to surmise that if she'd got blue eyes, you'll date her. And, you know what, really Preston, how is that going? You've searched every models bed at this point. Did you find something greater?"
"No."
"Something better than me?"
"No!" Preston closed the minimal space that was left between them, putting them practically nose to nose. His hands were gripping her arms, tightly at first and then quickly relaxed their hold. He was staring into her eyes and Macey made the grave mistake of glancing down at his lips. One of his hands traveled up to cup her face and bring it even closer to his. He ran his thumb across her cheek to the corner of her mouth. He brushed it over her bottom lip, drawing it into somewhat of a pout.
"I keep dreaming about you," he whispered. "It's not that I keep seeing you, but I know it's you. It's your voice and your lips whispering for me to 'come here'. To come to you. And I want to. Before you called me a lying traitor. And now, after."
Macey inhaled. She saw two options in front of herself. One was give in to the magnetic pull she felt every time they were together and continue this back and forth, song and dance they did. The other was admit something herself. She wasn't sure which one would do the most damage to her.
"Twenty stitches," she said, pulling back and looking in his eyes. "That's how many stitches you got after the accident. And I was with you the whole time. You had my undivided attention." Preston was looking at her longingly, imploringly, as she spoke. "And I keep thinking about jumping. Off of very tall... somethings," she watched his eyes search hers. "Just to see you come running. To see if you would."
"I would," he said. "I'd run to you, of course I would."
"But you don't!" Macey yelled, breaking away from his hold. "I keep hoping you'd be there! And you'd say everything I want you to, but you don't!"
"You don't give me a chance!"
"We've broken up countless times! Each of those was a chance! You don't take it! I do! I always come back!"
"Well, why don't you stop leaving!"
"Why don't you make me wanna stay?" Macey's question came out at the same volume they had been arguing at. But the silence that followed made it ring as if it had been much louder. The silence itself was loud.
This was the part where they were supposed to just fall into one another, fall into Preston's bed, and give it another try for another few weeks. But he couldn't come up with anything to say in response to her. And he really looked like he wanted to say something. Macey wanted him to say anything.
But the silence stretched on.
"Was it over?" Macey asked, referencing the earlier part of their argument.
He looked at her. "Is it over now?"
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GG wrapped 12
Song 12: Best by Gracie Abrams
(another different format than I usually do)
Dear Josh,
Hi. Hey. Hi Josh. Hi.
I've been thinking about you a lot lately. And I can't talk to anyone about it. Or maybe I don't want to.
I think the only person I could talk to about you... is you. And I can't do that for obvious reasons. Well, obvious to me. It can't be obvious to you because you forgot, which is the obvious thing, and now we're in this whole kind of spiral thing where it just goes around and around like a... spiral.
I did some crazy things. Crazier than getting a bottle out of a trash can or going through your trash or everything that happened the night we broke up.
I realize you might not have known about the trash thing, but I'm just gonna move past that.
You might be wondering why, in the aftermath of all of the things that have happened since the night we broke up, why am I thinking about you. Maybe it's because I miss when things were much easier and, whether you believe it or not, that was a much easier time.
Or maybe it has more to do with the fact that I lost my memories recently. Of the whole summer. I realize I actually don't know how much you forgot and I never will. I know the night we broke up is mostly a blur and I know you remember that we dated and that I lied.
Since coming back I've been almost bored out of my mind. I've lost so much weight, but also my whole appetite? I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like everyone keeps thinking they're presenting me with opportunities to 'come back' and I keep missing or not taking them. And somehow, through all this weirdness, the weirdest thing is that I've felt you here the whole time. Everything seems to come back to the semester we met. And it's my own fault, it's the things I did that made it this way, but it makes me think of you and it's like you're here.
I guess that's why I can't talk to Zach about this. If Zach was talking to me that is. Anyway, I realized I don't really have much to say about you, rather, things I want to say to you. Um, so, I guess, that's what this is.
I must have lied straight to your face twenty times a day. And like how can you lie that much to someone while still thinking you love them? While wanting them to believe that you love them? I get so mad at Zach for withholding things from me and lying to me. And he's doing that for things far more serious than I was. He'll do it if he thinks it'll keep me safe; even if it makes me hate him a little bit. The stakes are high. What was I lying to you for? Fun? Like scratching an itch. Like you were my little strange addiction.
And you still tried to stay after you found out I lied. Sure, you wanted me to explain and I lied some more, but then you followed me anyway. On a forklift. Against what you thought were kidnappers. I guess highly trained operatives are actually worse than run of the mill kidnappers. Although the kidnappers being run of the mill is really an assumption and what would it even mean to be a run of the mill kidnapper? It's not like that's a serious profession. Unless it is
I don't know, Josh. I've always done the on my own thing. My instinct is to isolate myself. It's why I'm called the chameleon, not that you knew that about me. And there you were, showing me, at the end but also throughout our relationship, that you would have stood by me and I just- couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to not hide from you, too. In my defense, clearly I wouldn't have been able to tell you much since you did end up having your memory wiped. But we never really had a chance. And that's kind of on me.
I'm sorry. I'm sure it feels like I played with your feelings. And maybe I did. I wish you knew that was never my intention.
We were too different if you look at the larger picture. But if you looked at just Josh and Cammie, I don't think we were half bad. I wish we'd had a chance. A real chance. I'm glad that you and I happened and I wish you knew I do regret how I handled it. I'd hope you could forgive me, if you ever got to know all this. Because I bet you resent me. I would. It wasn't really your style, but no one is perfect. I'd resent me, resent all of it, so it's not like I could blame you. But maybe someday we could look back on what happened and agree maybe we weren't terrible. Maybe we were just fifteen.
I'm not saying any of this as an excuse. I promise I haven't forgotten my fault in all of this. And I mean look at me now. I'm alone, sitting here, in what is supposed to be my home with my best friends and my boyfriend and I'm writing a letter to my ex boyfriend that no one is ever gonna see but me. And I don't blame them either, not really. Since you I've messed up with a lot of people in my life. All of my self-control kind of got difficult I guess.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I know and I'm sorry. Josh, you're the worst of my crimes. They all started with you and you were completely innocent. You fell hard for a girl you thought you knew and I wasn't even her. And then you saw me with Zach and I'm sure it felt so weird. Like a punch to the gut in the form of me just waving a new guy around like 'good riddance!'.
I never was the best to you. I'm sorry.
I never was. And I'm sorry. But I'm trying to be better. I just wanted to tell somebody that I'm trying. Someone who won't tell me that I'm not or that it's not enough.
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