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Dan, texting Ross: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater… Ross′s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later. *Later* Ross, texting back: Fuck you.

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Dan: Arin! Have you no dignity? Arin: Of course not! How long have we known eachother?

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Arin: Ross and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us. Dan: What did you do? Arin: He chased them to the next red light, and reached into their window, and- Ross: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

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Dan: Arin... Arin: Oh no, 'Arin' in B flat. Arin: You're disappointed.

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Suzy: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment? Arin: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

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Arin: Thanks for opening my message and not responding. Dan: All good bro, any time. Arin: Fuck you.

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Dan: You have to apologize to Ross! Arin: Fine! Arin: Unfuck you, or whatever!

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Dan: You shouldn't be using a straw. Ross: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment and stuff. Dan: Yeah, but I mean... it's a weird way to eat spaghetti.

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Dan: Alright, guys. Let’s go over this one more time. Dan: If something breaks. Ross and Barry: We try to fix it before Suzy gets home. Dan: And if that doesn’t work? Ross and Barry: We blame Arin. Arin: Seriously guys, what the hell?!

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Suzy: How did none of you hear what I just said? Ross: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Arin: I got distracted about halfway through. Dan: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

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Suzy: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.  Dan: I think you mean cards.  Arin: She did not.  Suzy, pulling out knives: I did not.

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Dan: I need you to explain it like a normal person.

Dan: Ross seems to get it.

Ross: *scribbling in a notebook*

Dan: Ross is drawing stick figures.

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arin: your eyes are pretty, no homo.

dan, locking eyes with him: yes homo.

arin: what-

dan, already holding both of his hands in his: i said yes homo.

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get her ass again arin🤭

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arin: i’m gonna start calling you curious george

dan: why

arin: that's exactly what i'm talkin about

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video game girls

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Sass Grumps, every night on CNN at 7.