incorrectgvfquotes

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Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Josh: Shit.

Jake: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Sammy: OH MY GOD DANNY FELL OFF!!!

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Josh, Jake, and Sammy are sitting on a bench

Danny: Why do you guys look so sad?

Josh: Sit down with us so we can tell you.

*Danny sits down*

Jake: The bench is freshly painted.

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Josh: You guys worried about Jake?

Sammy: Totally!

Danny: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"

Josh: And what'd you say?

Danny: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."

Sammy: ….

Josh: He's lucky to have you as a friend.

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Josh: I just ended a four year relationship.

Jake: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Josh: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Sammy and Danny fighting from across the room*

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Josh: Hah! 69! You know what that means

Jake: What?

Danny: That you're a child.

Sammy: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

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Sammy: Why are Josh and Jake sitting with their backs to each other?

Danny: They had a fight.

Sammy: Then why are they holding hands?

Danny: They get sad when they fight.

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Josh: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Jake: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Josh: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING SAMMY WITH ME

Danny, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

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Josh: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Jake: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Sammy: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Danny: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

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Josh: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Jake:

Sammy:

Danny:

Everyone Else At Josh’s Surprise Birthday Party:

Jake: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

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Josh: Jake isn’t answering their phone

Danny: I’ll call

Josh: Sammy and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Jake: Hello?

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Jake: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.

Josh: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!

Sammy: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!

Danny: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.

Josh: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

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Jake: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Danny: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Jake: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Sammy: ....

Josh: edible

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Josh: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Jake: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Sammy?

Sammy: Probably “road work ahead”.

Danny: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

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Danny: Dammit, Josh!

Josh: What?! It wasn’t me!

Danny: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Sammy!

Sammy: Not me either.

Danny: Oh... Then who set the house on fire?

Jake: *whistles*

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Jake: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Josh: Not if they consent to it.

Sammy: Depends who you’re stabbing.

Danny: YES?!?

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Jake: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

Josh: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Jake: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

Josh: But I heard a siren.

Sammy: That was Danny.

Danny: Sorry, I got nervous.

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Jake: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Danny: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Sammy: Josh bath water.

Josh: ABSOLUTELY NOT!