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Kakashi, discussing retirement: Wait, that sounds like a great plan! Gai: We should do less work! Kakashi: We should! Gai: Why have we never thought about that before? Kakashi: Oh, I have.

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Gai: Do you even know who Lady Gaga is..? Kakashi: Presumably the wife of Lord Gaga.

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Gai: Don’t you have any dignity, Rival? Kakashi: Afraid not.

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Gai: Let’s unpack that - Kakashi: Actually, let’s not; let’s add more tape to it.

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Kakashi: *is bawling his eyes out* Gai: *grabs his hand and sighs* You've had enough plot and exposition and character development lately I'm taking you to the beach episode.

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Kakashi: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me. Gai: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.

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Gai: Neji! Aren't you going to do the dishes? Neji: Letting it soak. Gai: Tenten, aren't you going to finish the laundry? Don: Letting it soak. Gai: The trash! Naruto: Letting it soak. Gai: The fish!? Sakura: Letting it soak. Gai: Kakashi... Gai: I really think you need to work through these unresolved emotional issues. Kakashi: I'm letting it soak.

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Kakashi: If you touch me again, I’ll bite. Gai: Promise? Kakashi: ... *angry noises*

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Gai: Since bat wings are just skin stretched between elongated finger bones, bats fly through the power of jazz hands. Kakashi: I didn’t know I needed this until it arrived

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Kakashi: I’m someone’s reason to smile. Kakashi: And probably someone’s reason to drink heavily. Gai: You're all over the place.

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Kakashi: You’re not taking this seriously, are you! Gai: I am! I’m just nervous, so I’m acting stupid.

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Gai: Kakashi has been trapped in a mud pit, Kakashi are you okay in there? Kakashi: No. Gai: Well, just hang in there. Kakashi: Sure.

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Gai, stepping forward to protect Kakashi: It appears that you have mistaken my dislike of causing harm as an inability to do so.

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Kakashi: I love you. Gai: I thought I annoyed you?! Kakashi: yes. Ohhhhhh yes you do. But I want to spend every excruciating moment with you.

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Naruto: How petty can you get? Kakashi: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument with Gai that I was wrong about. Naruto: ...

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Gai: *kisses Kakashi's forehead* Kakashi, frowning: You missed. Gai: Huh? Kakashi: *leans forward and kisses him on the lips*

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Gai, making coffee: What if I just put Red Bull instead of water? Kakashi, grabbing the pot: What if you didn't.