incorrectsaltsquadquotes
Fuck Off M8
quotes of my asshole friends that may or may not be correct, but they sure as hell are accurate
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sam: i ate like 6 sandwiches in 4 minutes and now i can’t move
nic: i can offer mouth to mouth
sam: dont you dare extract any of my sandwiches
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nic: i’m gonna finally reveal my fetish
nic: it’s love
sam: nic you’re into piss and we all know it
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Video
THE GREATEST SAGA OF OUR TIME
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Leo: Nice, Sam! High five!
Sam: *Gives him a high five*
Leo: *Intertwines fingers*
Sam: Wha-
Leo: *Smiling* Bro.
Sam: *Starts tearing up* Bro...
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Conversation
[Sam appears in Nic's field of vision]
Nic [on the inside]: My favorite human has arrived. She is cute, smart, and my best friend. I must greet her in a manner indicative of my appreciation for his existence.
Nic: Hey, loser.
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Conversation
Leo: You're that smart?
Alan: Let me put it this way: Have you heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Leo: Of course.
Alan: Morons.
#leo#alan#they proceed to argue over the greatest philosophers and Alan's intelligence he gained from one (1) philosophy class
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Conversation
Liz: Do you and Leo ever sleep?
Sam: Me? Yes. Though with Leo, I think he periodically makes a whirring noise and then shuts down.
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Leo: How cool are houseboats? You go home and sail away. What's your address? The ocean.
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Sam: *Nervous laughter as Nic approaches* Hey Nic where have you been?
Nic: *Throws a McFlurry at Sam* YOU LEFT ME AT A GODDAMN MCDONALDS!
Nic: I WAS NOT LOVING IT!
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Conversation
Sam: Dude, what do you want to eat?
Demon: THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT!
Leo: A bagel.
Demon: NO!
Leo: Two bagels.
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Police Cars: *Sound of sirens nearby*
Alan, who's never done anything wrong in his life: They've found me.
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Alan: *Sneezes*
Nic:
Alan: You're not even going to say "bless you"?
Nic: I'm sitting here with you, you've clearly been blessed.
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Nic: An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Leo: An apple a day keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough.
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If Ya'll Wanna Know the Night Alan Tried to Get Away with Sleeping with a Minion Shirt.
Alan: *Bellyflopped on top of Leo* I won't get up.
Leo: *Wheezing* You. Will. Get. Up. Now.
Alan: I won't get up.
Leo: *tries to shove him off* GET. UP.
Alan: No.
#leo#alan#leo was sincerely shooked from the experience#he actually shook from rage#alan can testify this#i have exposed myself please take this with a grain of salt
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Alan: What if "It's Raining Men" and "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" are both about the same event but from different perspectives?
Sam: I'm literally begging you to stop
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Sam: I didn't understand why people cared so much about their dumb friends until I got some dumb friends myself.
Sam: *points to The Salt Squad*
Sam: I've only had my dumb friends for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
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Alan: Sit up straight.
Nic: How dare you! I'll sit as gay as I want.
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