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Goddard: I guarantee my last words will probably be sarcastic.

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Orwell: You should treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Ansel: Killed without hesitation.

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Dennis: Peekaboo is essentially just making fun of babies for not understanding object permanence.

Luke: I’ve made fun of babies for less.

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Judge: For your crimes, we sentence you to 68 years in jail.

Luke, voice cracking: Can you…

Luke: Can you add one more year?

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B.T: Up until I was like 9, I thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happened.

Mr. Pritchard: How is that possible?

B.T: Well think about it, you always hear it on the news. “A man is being held up at gunpoint”, “Tourists are being terrorized at gunpoint”. And I just kept thinking ‘why do people continue to go there?’

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Ansel: Funny story, I made coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

Ian: How do you feel?!

Ansel: My heart stopped beating two hours ago.

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Barry: I regret giving you that blender.

Hedwig, drinking a candy cane: Why?

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Jade: Do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have the same personality as me?

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Dennis: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.

Patricia: I’d say even infinitesimally.

Hedwig: And I’d say teenily-weenily. I get it, we’re all good at words.

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Beast: Is four a lot?

Casey: Depends on the context. Dollars no, bodies yes.

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Barry, exasperated: Luke, this is a crime scene!

Luke, pulling three ice cream containers from the victim’s freezer: Oh, is this the murder weapon? Get off my dick!

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Luke: I didn't do that. Your son did.

Dennis: What?

Luke, pointing at Hedwig: Him.

Dennis: Hedwig’s not my son, he’s just- Does everyone think he's my son?

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Luke: Rubbing alcohol is for my outside injuries.

Luke: Drinking alcohol is for my inside injuries.

Ian, concerned: Babe, no…

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Dennis, trying to flirt: You're like an angel with no wings.

Casey: So, like a person.

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Norma, about Heinrich: He’s just the biggest asshole ever.

Casey: You’re not explaining what he did.

Norma: He just breathes.

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Barry: Don’t you ever yearn for personal contact?

Dennis: I don’t even want to be having this conversation right now.

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Casey, to Patricia: You make passive-aggressive so adorable.