indigobard - Tumblr blog

[indigobard]

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[indigobard]

Hey man I think your joke about Scooby Doo participating in the Russo-Swedish war of 1554 was in poor taste. Scooby Doo would never advocate for the pillaging of Vyborg. He definitely would not have told Ivan IV to "Rillage and rurn their rops, reeheeheehee." That is not a funny thing to imagine.

[indigobard]

HOMESTUCK? MY "HOME" IS "STUCK" IN THE CLUTCHES OF MY BITCH EX-WIFE

[indigobard]

Wizards (1977)

[indigobard]

it’s okay to only be really good at one thing

Me talking to truffle hunting pig

[indigobard]

Black Friday is such a joke nowadays. “Don’t miss out on 30% off” don’t piss me the fuck off. People used to hit each other over the head for a microwave that’s how low the prices were. People literally died. We used to be a country

[indigobard]

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

[indigobard]

guy who reads acronyms one letter at a time always and it never occurs to him that he can read them as just a whole word. this guy also smokes near babies if that influences your opinion about him at all

[indigobard]

weed gummies are such a fake sounding concept like yeah if you eat this piece of candy and wait an hour you'll suddenly become very easily entertained and airheaded and cuddly

[indigobard]

my dealer: got some straight gas this strain is called "the trojan war" you'll be zonked out of your gourd

me: yeah whatever i don't feel shit

5 minutes later: dude i swear i just heard some greek soldiers in that wooden horse

my buddy ilioneus pacing: cassandra is lying to us

[indigobard]

you can choose one of two paths in academia, pretending to save the world or trying to prove what a creepy little genius you are

[indigobard]

my dealer: got some straight gas. this strain is called “daylight savings time” youll be zonked out of your gourd

Me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

1 hour and 5 minutes later: dude I swear it’s only been 5 minutes

my friend the oven, pacing: the smart devices are lying to us

[indigobard]

Puppies getting warm and toasty by the fire, ok?

[indigobard]

Cyberpunk drug dealer: yeah man they're calling this shit "pain" one hit and you just feel like you broke every bone in your body

[indigobard]

i tried to hire a hypeman and the cheapest one (free) was a fucking wizard and now i cant get rid of her. she keeps saying shit like "she speaketh true" and "very wise milady" everytime i say fuckin anything and if she sees a car she tries to attack it with chain lightning. fucking embarassing honestly

[indigobard]

the "i've never been to a nightclub" sweep on that poll genuinely makes me sad...... never??? you don't like the club? untz untz???

[indigobard]

That was beautiful and real, now try saying something vapid and fake.