infjparadox

[infjparadox]

That’s why I enjoy dating a sensor! (Or at least having one or two sensor friends). I pull the Ni out of my ISFP, and he thinks of fun physical/Se activities for us to do (ice skating on frozen lakes, exploring caves, backpacking, hiking, trying new food, going new places)— and actually does them 😂.

Find someone who will force you to use Se, but in a way you actually enjoy using it.

A very uncool aspect of inferior Se is wanting to do something active or interact with my physical environment, but lacking 0% physical initiative to actually start something

[infjparadox]

Here are a couple I love that I think, lyrics wise, are very INFJ-ish.  

Sweatshirt

Moral of the Story

Inside of Love

I can’t handle change

The Mute

Breathe (2 AM)

Kill your heroes 

All my favorite songs, Weezer

Reblog with a link to a song that you really love and your MBTI type! I wanna hear what my peeps are listening to! 🎶🎧👀

I've had this on repeat these past few days: https://youtu.be/UnIhRpIT7nc

[infjparadox]

“Phobia” is a bit strong, but yes. XD

infj things

- idea of a good time is staying at home doing nothing - listening to the rain, thunder or the ocean is an added bonus - second guessing everything when stressed - just thinking - observing other people from afar - hating people who are two-faced and selfish - phobia of crowds - knowing that things will work out eventually but needing a little understanding to feel supported - perfectionistic - too hard on themselves - wanting to know themselves as deeply as possible - opens up about feelings then apologises for doing so - can’t talk coherently but writing is the opposite - will say something extremely intelligent then accidentally run into a wall

feel free to add more

[infjparadox]

#QualityTime

What makes us INFJs feel loved

•receiving a text from someone who just wants to check up and see if we’re ok.

•someone taking interest in really getting to know us (our hobbies, dreams, interests and our inner person)

•when someone wants to hangout with us all day even if we are doing absolutely nothing.

•when we are chosen to be part of something special (a hobby, a tradition, an adventure/trip)

•when someone takes time out of their day or puts down what they’re doing to offer us help in what ever we are doing or working on.

[infjparadox]

As an INFJ, I find that I’m the emotional one when I’m surrounded by thinker types (e.g. ENTJ, ENTP, ISTP), and I’m the voice of reason when I’m surrounded by other feelers (e.g. INFP, ISFP, ENFP, ENFJ). 

I’m...whatever the situation calls for to maintain a sense of harmony, it seems.  

[infjparadox]

Personally, I’ve always typed Mikasa as an INFJ (a cold one with well developed Se), and that opinion has only been reinforced by the latest manga chapters.  She’s an extremely loyal and emotional human being.  Her trauma is what causes her to repress her emotions, but she almost always acts based on her feelings toward Eren and Armin and others.  I’m not saying Thinkers aren’t capable of intense (and obsessive) love, but we often see Mikasa silently and intuitively step into a caretaking role (Fe), whether it’s protecting the boys or Sasha or Gabi, and it’s difficult for her to make logical decisions that conflict with her emotions.  She just doesn’t strike me as a rational, no-nonsense, and sarcastic TJ, the hands-on learner ISTP, or the creative genius INTP.  

She’s clearly very skilled (physically) and grounded, so I understand why she’s typed as a sensor, but the way she observes the world through patterns, the abstract, and human interactions suggests to me that she’s an intuitive (e.g. the world is cruel and beautiful scene, dreaming of an idealistic simple life with her friends, constantly fighting for a future that hasn’t been realized).  She also has a strong belief of right and wrong, but she’s never one to stand directly in the spotlight and demand justice.  She will utilize that intimidating INFJ glare though, lmao.  And she has very high expectations of herself and others.

I think she’s the perfect example of an INFJ with a traumatic childhood latching onto the people she cares about most (but it’s hard to type anyone accurately in a world like AoT).

In light of the season finale, I got inspired. Don’t attack (on titan) me. This is my personal mbti character analysis. Find me on Instagram @ mbtitime

[infjparadox]

I've noticed how Ni doms are always the one who's too calm in a stressful or shocking situations, i wonder if having Se as their inferior has some factor for this? i asked how can they be that calm, some answered they just really don't know what they're feeling at the very moment but does rationally...

Inferior Se means being slow to process sensory information but it isn’t the main contributing factor. The judging functions are more important. INTJs are naturally calm individuals due to their laser focus. INFJ calmness is the result of detachment. 

[infjparadox]

CONFESSION

I never used to consider myself an emotional person (outwardly) until I fell in love. I was always empathetic —and I’d sob over book characters and tv shows — but in real life, I made a point to never let anyone see my vulnerability.

Then I met my (ISFP) boyfriend, and I’ve literally never cried so much. Be it fear, affection, joy, loneliness...he’s seen more of my emotional range than anyone in my adult life. And he still loves me, volatility and all.

Before this, I didn’t understand an INFJ’s capacity for love and emotion. But damn. Once we lower that last wall, those floodgates are blown open!

What an amazing phenomenon.

[infjparadox]

Schitt’s Creek MBTI

Keep reading

[infjparadox]

In all my years of coaching, I’ve run into a definite pattern with INFJ and INFP artists and writers. It seems that most of us don’t decide to pursue our true calling until later in life. Usually, it’s after 40. Now, this doesn’t mean that we don’t feel the stirrings of inspiration or the pull to create long before then, but it’s not usually until we’re entering the latter half of life that we make the conscious decision to take the plunge and just do it, whatever “it” may be. Why does it take us so long? Is it true that most INFJ and INFP personality types are just late bloomers and need more time than the rest of the population to figure out what they really want to do in life? Well, I would say that this is part of it, but only part. There is another, deeper, reason that so many sensitive intuitive people seem to have a whole lot of trouble with picking one path and then taking it. Because that’s not the way our brains work. Although there are differences between how INFJs and INFPs process information, there is one big similarity that affects our ability to choose one story, one project, or one trajectory. It’s that—always—we go deep, and we go wide. Our minds are like giant nets that we’re constantly pulling through the ocean of the world, always hoping to catch the sparkling, luminescent sea creatures for which we never stop searching. Those glowing evasive creatures are the ideas that turn us on and light us up from the inside out, and to capture them we instinctively know that we need to focus on expansion, not limitation. Expansion…not limitation. This is the way we are wired, to see all  the possibilities at once, even if some of them are maybe less “possible” than others.

Lauren Sapala, https://laurensapala.com/?p=7994 (via sticky-nits)

This conclusion is very beautifully written. But I think in dismissing the differences in how we “process information,” it’s doing a disservice to those of you who genuinely need some answers.  The biggest reasons for this late bloomer stereotype lies within our function stacks (remember - we share none of the same functions in common).

Both INFJs and INFPs seek an authentic, meaningful career and lifestyle (we’re poor and happier for it), and it takes time to reconcile our reality and our romanticism, but we go about choosing careers differently:

The INFP entertains different ideas with their Ne (consciously taking in outside information to determine patterns).   They are constantly exploring their options (hobbies, new experiences) before committing to big decisions.  Leading those decisions is their Fi (introverted feeling), so it’s very important that their path reflect their identity / inner compass / the essence of who they are.  Their winding journey finally brings them to a career that aligns with their core values, but not without much trial and error and “waiting” for the perfect job to present itself. 

E.g. my mother constantly moved towns in her youth and often switched jobs (from a waitress to a flight attendant to a construction worker to a stay at home mom, etc.) Spontaneous, but structured in her pursuit of the life (and family) she dreamed of.

An INFJ usually has a lofty, vague ideal they want to achieve (Ni), and they can see possible future careers (and their rewards and drawbacks) quite well - almost to the point that it’s paralyzing. (“I could become a writer, but it’s not financially stable, and what happens if I lose my inspiration for my muse? then x,y,z will follow, I’d probably need to write for a journal on the side, etc ...”)

Therefore, they can take a long time to pick their trajectory because they struggle with their perfectionism, have a hard time understanding what it is that they truly need (not in tune with their own subjective feelings), and want to find something that will best benefit society / maintain harmony without leeching them of energy (Fe struggles). Once they determine their goal, they use that judging function to get there.  

E.g. Because my Ni told me I needed to sacrifice the arts in exchange for financial security and reduced anxiety, I chose environmental science, and I absolutely loved it.  I chose classes that would help me narrow down my career choice, sought out volunteer opportunities that would benefit my resume in that field, etc.  Then I was able to get two different internships, and now have a full-time job I love -- while writing books on the side!  Ni vision > plan > achievement.

That’s not to say there isn’t overlap between the two types; there’s a reason so many people mistype INFJ/INFP (and online articles often do a horrible job of differentiating the two).  But one of us is primarily looking for something (outwardly) that aligns with their subjective truth, and the other is looking (internally) for the option that aligns with their future goals and vision - and is just waiting to dive head first into the career that passes the Ni test.

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The types I know in real life - as an INFJ

The ISFJ father.  Growing up, he was a bit of a micro-manager, and both of us were so stubborn that our J clashed pretty hard, especially when he pushed me to complete scholarships and laborious things that would benefit my future.  He ALWAYS wanted to do some activity together (sports, outings, family gatherings, etc), and in my teen years, I just valued creative, independent pursuits (he didn’t understand the value in those hobbies at the time - now he’s my cheerleader).  Since graduating college, we’ve become good friends, although he still over-does and over-plans everything.  We share similar values regarding our interpersonal relationships and work, as well as a similar sense of humor, and I can get that intuitive conversation out of him by asking him to tell me stories about his childhood.   He’s a fantastic storyteller. 

The INFP mother.  My mother is a kind (but anxious) woman and a fantastic role model. She’s super creative, but also incredibly introverted.  I remember she’d often tell me to find a way to entertain myself growing up (probably driven mad by my intuitive inquisitions), and that led me to many of my independent hobbies, like drawing, music, and film. (And possibly resulted in a love language of quality time, lol I love attention).  As an adult, I can now claim her as my best friend.  We can talk for hours about the abstract, ideals, and emotions.  I tease her constantly, and we laugh ourselves to tears.  

The ENFJ sister.  Confident, idealistic, and a blogger type.  We don’t get along very well, but I blame it on her not being a very matured or healthy ENFJ (and she’s been diagnosed with OCD, so there’s that).  When she’s in a positive place, we joke that we have ESP because we always have similar thoughts / reactions to interactions (Ni) and we both enjoy a lot of the same hobbies and creative pursuits, but we value those experiences differently.  For example, she loves movies for the emotions and her ability to relate to the characters, while I love them for the storytelling, the script, the cinematography, the character arcs, etc.  She loves people and organizing parties / social events.  She’s also that person on Instagram sharing all the inspirational quotes.   

The ISFP boyfriend.  Charming, easygoing, and well-rounded. Appears as an extrovert to an outsider, but in reality, he just enjoys activities that engage the five senses and his close circle of friends. He’s the absolute best at living in the moment, and he knows how to pull me back to earth and to see the more rational, objective side of things.  Loves working with his hands, and has about 3 million hobbies, from skiing to biking to working on cars to making music to photography.  Sensitive to criticism, but loves playing the devil’s advocate.  Sometimes he can be incredibly impulsive, and other times, he’s hesitant to commit to future plans or big decisions (depends on what his Fi is telling him).  Values authenticity and independence above anything else.  Very capable of deep and stimulating conversation, but does better on lower rungs of the abstract ladder that are rooted in science, physics, conspiracy theories, politics, or something he can contribute facts and real world experience to.  Dislikes conflict and being put in a box.  Other than the INFP, the only other type who does not drain my energy tank.  I’m confident that we’ll be lifelong friends and soulmates, come what may.

The INFP friend.  We clicked instantly while studying abroad, and we were able to talk for hours about anything and everything, while respecting one another’s feelings.  Super easygoing.  He’s one of the best listeners I’ve ever met, and he always asks me questions that feed the conversation.  Musically inclined, authentic, and frustratingly neutral about some of the topics I care about so passionately.  He’s also one of the most aloof people I know -- and he absolutely sucks at communication.  But even though I haven’t talked to him in 7 months, I still consider him one of my platonic soulmates.  

The ENFP bff.  Another soulmate.  A total goofball, selfish at times, but also a martyr when it comes to those she loves.  She’s one of the few people who have truly attempted to understand everything about me and pry me open -- almost to the point that it’s uncomfortable.  Loves talking about emotions (extensively). Judges people based on their zodiac sign, but she’s also incredibly insightful, perceptive, and “street” wise (she learns a LOT from her experiences / mistakes).  She can be flighty though, and her goals change as swiftly as her attention span.  Gotta love her.

The ENTP bff.  A witty friend who will always offer me a stimulating conversation - whether it’s teaching me about historical fashion or exposing me to new concepts and ideas and political theories.  We can talk for three hours straight, but by then I’m incredibly brain-fried (and she could just keep going?!).  Up for a good natured debate whenever - less good natured when someone pisses her off.  I’m fairly certain I’m the only person she is completely honest with about her feelings (she struggles SO hard to open up).  She loves to travel and experience new things, as well as host parties and game nights.  She’s both a planner and a completely "in the spur of the moment” human being.  Hates willful ignorance and stupidity, and does not care about keeping the peace. I disliked her at first for her bluntness and arrogance, but now I love her to pieces.  Soulmate, for sure.

INTJ friend (long distance).  Very, very prickly to others, but warmed up to me instantly.  Arrogant, albeit extremely logical and intelligent.  Loves memes, biology, and good television.  Adores her girlfriend and gushes about her often (one of the rare instances where she’s a total fluff ball).  Kind of a dick, but also very funny and 100% there for companionable silence or intellectual conversation.  Enjoys being in a group of outcasts and detests most people.  We had a lot of weird things in common and joked about being long lost sisters, and I valued her promptness / dependability!  Her negativity kind of wore me out though (we were studying abroad, and she was homesick for most of it). 

The ENTJ boss.  I no longer work for her, but man, what a powerhouse.  Direct and blunt to a fault, but incredibly motivated and ambitious.  Will get things done, no matter what.  Big idea woman, not so great with the details and how her plans will actually (realistically) be implemented.  SO, so organized and anal, and yet somehow kind of a mess.  Surprises me when she’s emotionally vulnerable because she’s incredibly intimidating and intense.  Loves hosting parties and cooking for her coworkers / neighbors.  Those who are close to her know she has a good heart, but she can seem like a total b** to an outsider.

ISTP coworker.  She’s good at multitasking, and yet she runs late constantly.  Intelligent in the way she asks questions for clarity and a better understanding of a concept.  Calm, collected, and logical.  Creative and impressive in her projects (home remodel, upcycling crafts, etc).  Conversation is a bit surface-level at times and mostly centers around her day to day life experiences or family drama.  She’ll often ask me about my life and then tune me out because she quickly grows bored, as do many other sensors, rip T_T.  We’re a good team, though.

These are my personal experiences with / observations of particular individuals whose type I’m confident about, but they do not represent everyone of the same type.  If anything, I think this goes to show the range of personalities within a function stack.

[infjparadox]

MBTI Compatibility Revisited

So I’ve realized over the past two years that MBTI tells us very little about long term romantic compatibility, and most of the compatibility websites are doing WAY more harm than good.

MBTI tells us how we perceive the world and how we prefer to navigate it, but what about the way we were raised? What about our core values? How mature we are? Our love languages? Who we are sexually attracted to? What we need to function in this world as an intuitive, and at this current stage of our lives? What we don’t need based on childhood trauma or past relationships?

On paper, it’s easy to assign perfect matches. But types are just a blueprint for a person’s psyche. When you add baggage, hobbies, habits, loyalty, and flaws to that sketch, you can have a puzzle piece you do NOT fit with very easily.

Examples of my “ideal” match clashing with reality:

Do I love my ENFP friend? To death. My absolute BFF. But I don’t think I could date an extrovert or someone so flighty (and equally as stubborn). She never apologizes for anything!

Do I have a soulmate connection with an INFP male? Yes, but he’s too aloof, and I’m not attracted to him that way. Best friends for life though, even if we never talk. The other INFP I know shows up 2 hours late to everything and is almost TOO much of a hermit.

Do I enjoy ENTPs? In short doses, they’re some of my favorite people. But I hate debating, and I need someone who’s sensitive to my feelings (and others’), and not someone as rigid in their position as INTJ. (At least at this point in my life).

Do I like ENFJs? Yes. But the one I know is incredibly “my way or no way” and I can’t handle her lengthy conversations.

I’ve been dating an ISFP for 1.5 years, and I think this pairing is madly underrated. (ISFPs are the most intuitive of the sensors, and they’re so relaxed and positive). Our relationship is not without problems or hard work, but it’s mentally, physically, and emotionally satisfying. And we feel the same way about politics, religion, kids, parents, etc. His hyperfocus on details can drive me crazy, and he can’t plan for the life of him, but that’s why he’s got me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ not to mention A+ conflict resolution.

My mother (INFP) has been married to my father (ISFJ) for 25 years. She was married to an intuitive prior, and they connected perfectly, but he was an alcoholic and couldn’t provide her the security she needed.

I’ve seen a lot of marital success in online communities between ISTJs and INFJs. Even ESTJs!

I’ve yet to meet an INTP, but based on the threads I’ve read, the same host of problems arise with our function differences (organized vs organized chaos, and feeling vs thinking.)

Use MBTI as a guideline for understanding how people’s brains work. Don’t use it to decide who’s “worth” dating or not. You’ll miss out on some amazing experiences and life lessons. And yes, I’m speaking from personal experience.

Please don’t let MBTI dictate your love life. I know it brings some peace of mind for us planners to know who’s right and wrong for us, but the truth is, none of us know what’s going to happen. People change. People leave. Interests come and go. Jobs and lifestyles shift. If you go in expecting a soulmate because MBTI told you so, you’re going to be incredibly disappointed when you have to start putting real work in!

So what do you look for?

In my opinion, communication and compassion are the most important pieces to a healthy relationship. If they can listen to your needs and emotional vomit, calmly respond, and work toward a solution? You’re golden.

For my fellow INFJs looking for a relationship, try and pick 5 relationship needs and expect everything outside that list to be a negotiable / something you can tolerate for the sake of a loving partner. Yep. Five. That’s it.

Example:

1) Same core values (politics, religion, lifestyle)

2) Authentic, independent thinker capable (and fond of) stimulating conversations.

3) Kind to strangers, animals, and wildlife

4) Respects my opinions and point of view / does not talk down to me

5) Shows an interest in (and commitment to) self growth

[infjparadox]

In the morning when you rise unwillingly, let this thought be present- I am rising to the work of a human being. Why then am I dissatisfied if I am going to do the things for which I exist and for which I was brought into the world?

Marcus Aurelius

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therapist: how are you? me: fine how are you

[infjparadox]

I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am.

I am what I think you think I am.

Charles H. Cooley

[infjparadox]

10 questions!

Thank you @yourlocalinfj for tagging me!!

1) your favorite book

Probably Red Rising by Pierce Brown. The way this man crafts his plots and brings his characters to life has had a huge influence on me as a writer.

2) your favorite shoes

I honestly love my black, lacy combat boots because they make me feel like a rebel punk living in a dystopian society, but they’re not over the top, so I can wear them with anything.

3) your favorite type of music

Rock and alternative with a top tier melody. Elton John, Queen, The Struts, Imagine Dragons, Kodaline...

I also love neoclassical music / movie scores. They take me to another world. (Hans Zimmer, Danny Elfman, TSFH, Audiomachine, etc).

4) your favorite fictional character

Oof this is like picking a favorite child! I will always love dark, sarcastic, and morbid Zuko / Murphy / Damon / Hook / Tony Stark characters who have beautiful and positive character growth.

In television, probably Bellamy Blake from seasons 1-4 of The 100. He was such a complex character.

In the world of comics, Dick Grayson! Because who doesn’t love a compassionate older brother and leader who loves his disabled, snarky girlfriend, and who can bring a smile to Batman’s face like no other?

5) what’s an ideal day for you?

Sleeping in, catching up with one of my intuitive friends or family members, exploring the outdoors with my ISFP boyfriend, and then working on one of my creative projects (my books, my art, piano, etc).

6) one thing you like about yourself?

I’m a good problem solver, because my solutions are often outside the box, and they take everyone’s feelings and wants into consideration.

7) cats or dogs?

I love animals! But...dogs rule because they have that ENFP energy. I’m too much like a cat, so I’d rather have a pet that always wants me around. But I do like big cats! Tigers, lions, cougars...

8) sunny or rainy days?

Rainy! My state gets like 250 sunny days a year, so on the rare chance we get a thunderstorm, I’m sooooo thrilled.

9) favorite color?

Lake Tahoe blue

10) favorite movie / tv show you’ve watched recently?

I just rewatched Stardust, one of my faves. I also just finished Schitt’s Creek and cried like a baby. 10/10

10 questions for any of my infj followers!

1) What’s your favorite time of day?

2) What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but never got around to doing?

3) What’s your favorite quote/piece of advice?

4) What’s your favorite book?

5) What’s your favorite place in the whole world? (And no, you can’t say your imagination 😂)

6) How did you meet your closest friend?

7) If you could change one thing in history, what would it be?

8) What’s the nicest / most impactful thing anyone has ever said to you?

9) If you could be friends with any fictional character, who would it be?

10) Most importantly: What’s your favorite snack?

[infjparadox]

Sorry for the absence, people. I’ve been having a rough 2020 and my mental health has taken a plummet. But I’m alive! Only just 😉