innergameguy-blog - Tumblr blog

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I want to go to there...

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I also tend to faceplant a lot...

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Very yes.

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Because boobs.

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Barney Stinson, continuing to be Aweswome.

Yes, with a captial "A," Awesome.

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"See The Matrix" of Social Interaction by Reading Body Language

Put some effort into reading other’s body language, and you will be amazed at the things you can discover. Go out to a coffee shop, bar or any well-populated area and just sit back and take some time to people watch.

Of course, don’t stare at anyone for too long. The key to good people watching is to have it remain subtle and go unnoticed. We don’t want you out there looking like a criddler. If someone happens to catch you staring, give them a warm smile as if they were looking at you first, but you don’t really mind. This technique helps avoid any awkwardness.

Observe how the people around you walk, how they stand, how they gesture and where they seem to focus their gaze. Feed this information into your imagination and start guessing what type of person they could be. Ask yourself: What kind of vibe are they putting out? Is their body language attractive or repelling to those around them? How are other people in the vicinity responding to this person’s presence?

As you get good at this a lot of guys say they can "see the matrix." You can look across a room and say "yeah that guy isn't getting anywhere with that girl... that group of girls over there are all single... oooh but that girl is definitely with that guy." You can even tell exactly how engaged people are when you're talking, and when you need to shift up the conversation or do something else if you're losing the girl's attention.

Ready body language: it's kinda like that.

After your people watching adventures take some time to reflect. Start to consider what your body language might be giving off in a public setting. Take hints from people you see who seem to have attractive, magnetic body language and start adopting some of the ways these people conduct themselves. We ARE social creatures and the best way to learn is to immerse yourself, watch others, and then try it out for yourself.

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Tip of the Day: Make Some Girl Friends

No, not the kind you have sex and go on dates with. I’m talking about actual girl friends, aka women you hang out with but don’t actively try to sleep with.

Wait, those exist? /sarcasm

But seriously, every guy could use more cool platonic female friends in their lives. There’s several benefits from hanging out with cool women more often:

You don’t seem as threatening. It’s creepy to women when you show up with 5 of your best dudebro friends and immediately start circling the venue. Women are perceptive, and your agenda is obvious. Having some women with you makes the group seem cooler, and offers social proof that you guys are fun and safe enough for other women to hang out with. Speaking of social proof...

Have a girl friend wing for you at the bars. Women tend to trust other women, and having a girl friend talk you up to a new girl will do infinitely more for your cause than if you try to do the same thing with a guy wingman.

You get more experience interacting with women. Just because you’re not trying to sleep with your girl friends doesn’t mean you don’t play around and casually flirt with them. Bantering back and forth with your female friends is a great way to hone your abilities to talk to women you’re actually interested in, and you’ll be much more comfortable in approaching women at the bars.

Girls balance balances your energy. This is kind of woo-woo, but hanging out with only high-testosterone guys can wear off on your personality and mood. Women naturally have a calming, almost healing energy to them. It’s classic Yin and Yang; most guys could benefit by hanging out with more women to bring their attitudes and perceptions back to centered.

Everyone wants more women. Realize that clubs/venues always want more women, so you'll have an easier time getting in if you're in mixed company. Not to mention most women have girl friends they can introduce you to later, so even if you don't get in with her, maybe she has some available friends for you.

Instead of trying to sleep with every cool girl you meet, try actually becoming friends with the women in your life and watch your dating success skyrocket!

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A lot of us guys have numbers from girls we don’t talk to that much anymore. Perhaps you have a girl’s number you got from a night out at the bars, but your initial text and phone conversations didn’t take you very far. No need to fear! Consider 2-3 months or more as a magic ‘reset’ button with your phone conversations.

Here are a few suggestions to seduce that elusive girl who gave you her number a few months back:

Catch her by surprise with something you say in your first text. An attractive woman gets ridiculous amounts of text from guys just saying ‘hey,’ ‘what’s up?’ or ‘you doing anything tonight?’  Saying something like ‘whats up’ is just annoying to her since she gets those texts all the time. All it communicates to her is: ‘pay attention to me cause I’m just another guy who wants to have sex with you.’

Instead say something fun and offbeat ‘Whats up peanut butt?’ It may sound stupid, but the goal is to make her laugh or think twice and react emotionally. She’ll want to see where the conversation will lead, and more likely she will be enticed to respond. The goal is to get any response here, regardless of what that response may be.

If she really doesn't know you or remember you well you may get a response of ‘haha who is this?’ or something to that effect. Don’t give her a serious or logical answer back. Generate more intrigue by saying something like ‘Its your future ex-husband.’ (be original here!). The most important thing is NOT to get offended or upset if she doesn't remember you.

Remember that the main goal of texting her is to secure a time to meet up so you can continue your seduction in person. Idol text conversations will go nowhere, and you’ll probably just become another one of her ‘text buddies’ at best. A good frame to take is to say that you are going to do something (where you could meet her) on a certain day and perhaps she could come along. This shows that you are not desperate to see her (even if you are) and you are a desirable guy with things going on in your life.

More details about text seduction later. Do you have any great text tips? Tweet @innergameguy or blow it up in the comments!

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Ron Swanson tells its like it is about how to be a real man.

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The best strategy.

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This may be an "ugly girl problem," but it's also an "ugly personality problem" for men. How you feel about yourself is how women are going to feel about you.

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Don’t be a Criddler

What is a criddler?

It’s a phenomenon that I have consistently observed, but could never find a word for it. I feel especially entitled to define this word because I was once a criddler several years ago.

Going into college I did not regard myself as a social person, and I felt like I was not very good at making new friends.  I also felt obligated to socialize knowing that college was a great time to build a social circle and meet lots of girls. It was the perfect formula to create the ultimate criddler.

The fist time I noticed the sensation of criddling was at my first few college parties. Being a goodie two-shoes all through high school, I had no partying experience and didn’t know how to fit in at a party that mixed girls and heavy drinking. I was one of those kids used to spending all of their free nights playing hours and hours of video games in the basement. Drinking a ton of booze was easy I supposed, but I couldn’t grasp the other aspects of being social with the people around me.

As a result, I often stood around awkwardly hoping that someone would be nice enough to bring me into a conversation, and I also noticed good number of other dorky guys doing the same thing. Perhaps some of you might find this uncomfortable scenario quite familiar. Party criddlers like myself were so damn awkward we even had a difficult time talking to each other.

The criddler is someone who is both uncomfortable with themselves and their environment. As a result, people in the proximity of a criddler notice their awkwardness and become uncomfortable as well. It is a downward spiral that makes everyone increasingly uncomfortable to the point where it can shut down a whole party.

Picture This

To explain a criddler to someone unfamiliar with the term, I ask them to picture this scenario: You and a couple of friends are having a spirited conversation about something for a few minutes, and then out of the corner of your eye you notice someone you don’t really know walk up. As you and your friends carry on your conversation, the new person who you thought was going to join your little circle just stands there awkwardly not saying anything, fiddling with a zipper on their coat. When you glance over, the newcomer looks around nervously, and averts their gaze when you try to make eye contact.

Criddlers can also be found alone or in loosely scattered groups with their backs against the wall at a bar or club. They generally have a sullen or blank facial expression looking as if they would like to mind their own business. It could make you question why these dudes are in a place where people should be trying to have fun and socialize with each other. If they are average guys, they are at the bar or club trying to get laid, obviously; but these criddlers are failing miserably at this venture.

Almost all criddlers out there have no idea they are doing anything wrong, but the awkwardness they emanate slowly bleeds the fun and enjoyment out of a social occasion. Girls are slightly more harsh, and commonly refer to criddlers as ‘creepers.’ To a small, attractive female, a dude silently lumbering up next to her and looking around nervously can be quite creepy indeed. The girl immediately goes into defensive mode not knowing what this guy’s intentions are and usually assumes the worst.

To help you get over your criddling ways here is how I fixed my own criddling problem:

Observe Criddling Behavior

Next time you go to a bar take a look around and see if you can spot the criddlers, if its a busy night you can usually find at least one or two. Perhaps you may even observe some criddling behavior in yourself in these types of social situations.  Don’t worry, discovering your own criddler behavior like I did is the first step to solving your problem,  and remember that as with most inner-game improvement exercises practicing self-awareness is key.

Practice Good Body Language

There are many reasons why people criddle, but it usually boils down to two main things: insecurity and a lack of self-awareness. When we don’t feel secure with ourselves for whatever reason we tend to project it through our body language. That is why the second step to fixing your criddling problem is to focus on your body language, especially in situations where you do not feel comfortable.

The first thing the chronic criddler needs to fix is their posture. Almost all criddlers I see either slouch their shoulders, or have their head and gaze pointed downward. When we are uncomfortable with our surroundings, this is the first dead giveaway to the people around us of how we are feeling. When you slouch and avert your gaze, you are signaling to others that you are nervous, lack confidence and don’t want any attention.

Next time you are in what you see as an uncomfortable social situation, imagine there is a string firmly attached to the top of your head pulling you toward the ceiling. Then, try to start focusing your gaze on the tops of people’s heads or the area just above them. Another trick is to draw your shoulder blades together, which brings your chest forward and also helps fix slouching.

When you practice good body language, people see you as part of the party instead of another lonesome criddler. Even if you feel nervous inside, embrace the feeling and accept it. Know that its alright to feel nervous and that others around you might also be feeling the same way. You may notice that as you consistently practice this good body language, some of that nervous energy starts to dissipate. This is because our body language and our emotional state are quite closely related.

When you consciously make and effort to do these things as much as possible, you will naturally start standing this way no matter what situation you find yourself in. Having a regular workout routine will also improve your body’s posture. When you exercise your muscles will align more naturally, and as a result your posture improves, especially if you are used to hunching over a desk all day like I am.

Smile

Close your eyes and think of something that makes you smile.  Now look at yourself in the mirror, and smile thinking of that same thing. This is your natural, genuine smile also known as criddling kryptonite. A smiling guy with a good posture is the antithesis of a criddler, and magnetic to women on the prowl.

Start filling your life with things that make you laugh and smile, then let your happiness show through your facial expression. Then, start to seek out friends that are generally positive, happy and comfortable in some of the social situations you find unnerving. Start mirroring and embracing their positive energy while focusing on having a good time over anything else.

If you look like you’re having a great time through smiles and laughter, the other people around you might want a piece of the action and come over to introduce themselves.

There have been entire books written on practicing magnetic body language, so its not something you are going to perfect overnight. But through time, practice and determination practicing the things above will help rid yourself of most of the criddler syndrome.

Banter

This is the last critical step to sending your nasty criddling tendencies into oblivion. For some, this is the most difficult part, but with enough practice anyone can get good at banter. Banter is another word for small talk, and it is the ideal way to strike up a conversation and start making friends with someone you don’t know.

Keep in mind that banter usually covers small, trivial topics that are easy to relate to and often have a healthy dose of humor. The best way to learn banter is to learn from the people who are good at it. Notice how good actors banter in movies and TV shows. Better still, find a person in your own life who is great at bantering and observe them closely.

Practice banter everywhere, not just in the high-stress, loud, sexually charged, drunken atmosphere of a bar or club. Start bantering with the old lady at the check out stand in the grocery store, or someone in line with you at a movie theater. Whenever you are out in town running errands there are usually plenty of opportunities to start bantering with a stranger. Of course always remember your anti-criddling eye contact, posture and smile as you banter with people.

After you embrace these techniques and practice them regularly you’ll find yourself criddlin much less. By practicing your anti-criddling skills wherever you are, they will become a reflex. Don’t worry if you still catch yourself criddling every once in a while. 98% of guys out there are guilty of criddling, and even the most socially fluent dudes have their criddler moments including myself.

For me, discovering that I was being a criddler was the first step I took on my long road to fixing my Inner Game. A hardcore criddler usually has many aspects of their Inner Game they need to work on before they can rid themselves of this very common problem.

Nonetheless, if I was able to evolve to the confident guy I am today from the massive criddler I used to be Freshman year of college, I believe anyone can fully decriddafy themselves when they decide to take action.

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Great things always start with intent. Give your positive intentions (frequencies) the respect they deserve, and you will start to live out those positive intentions. Believe in yourself. The life you live should be a product of you, rather than you being a product of the life you have lived. If you go about your days always fulfilling other people's intentions, wants and desires your own life will lack fulfillment. When your resolutions are strong, others will look to you as their leader. 

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Wanna pick up girls? Steal some moves from this kid

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How to get out of the friend zone and become attractive to any woman you meet, whether or not you're her "type."