insanewokeclownentity

[insanewokeclownentity]

Just Saw my Former Friends OC, fuck it brought back my emotional pain when we separated last summer.

I think i need a rest now because i really don't like looking back on that time.

That isn't to say i don't respect why they cut me off, but i just don't want to think about it, it's too painful and i'd rather just move on

[insanewokeclownentity]

What happened on monday is still fucking me up, i know i should move on because they wanted to be comfortable with me gone but like,,,

It's still unfair, i didn't mean them any harm. i understand needing to keep your mental health stable without something being there to fuck it up in the back of your mind.

But it's still at the expense of me, somebody who felt like they got along well in that group so now i'm separated needing to talk to everyone one on one, that's fucking scary cause now i don't know where anything will go.

Their relationships will continue to deepen while i'm here trying to be a good friend on my own as i struggle to keep their attention.

I just,,,i dunno i feel like i'm just fucked socially now, i just hope a warm hug can actually help this damn knot in my stomach. i'm so sick of feeling this way, i just want to feel like my relationships aren't falling apart all the damn time it makes me feel like i'm always the problem.

[insanewokeclownentity]

day 264 - kari & gatomon for @digimon02countdown <3

[insanewokeclownentity]

[insanewokeclownentity]

More Digidestined 🩷

[insanewokeclownentity]

I,,,I think i just lost a friend group,,,

I don't wish to say which but i just feel like i've born torn away from a group i really vibed with.

it just feels like i can't even talk to the people who were in it anymore and it's gonna be hard to talk to individual friends because of it,,,,

[insanewokeclownentity]

obsessed with this sign i saw taped up outside the bat room at the zoo yesterday. the enthusiasm, the hand-written note, the bat drawing.

[insanewokeclownentity]

Ugh Now my ass won't stop with the shitting, when i said suffering i didn't mean this.

Fuck me and my damn body, i should just go to bed before i get even more sick from my damn emotions

I'm the biggest fucking dumbass, it's no wonder why i feel like i'm the worst person to talk to.

Why i suck initiating, i just i dunno if i'm gonna say something dumb or not give enough attention.

Maybe i'm the worst and should suffer.

Like sure i want to be better to the people around me, but i'm always fucking up somewhere like a big dumbass so maybe i deserve suffering like the pathetic fat bitch i am.

[insanewokeclownentity]

I'm the biggest fucking dumbass, it's no wonder why i feel like i'm the worst person to talk to.

Why i suck initiating, i just i dunno if i'm gonna say something dumb or not give enough attention.

Maybe i'm the worst and should suffer.

Like sure i want to be better to the people around me, but i'm always fucking up somewhere like a big dumbass so maybe i deserve suffering like the pathetic fat bitch i am.

[insanewokeclownentity]

The Sorrowful Truth

[insanewokeclownentity]

Maybe i deserve to die, this back pain certainly doesn't help siigghhhhh.

I dunno man i'm just really tired of feeling like this when it comes up, makes me feel like a burden to everyone.

Feeling like i need help makes me feel like i'm inconveniencing everyone and thats the last thing i want to do.

Maybe some music will help i dunno.

[insanewokeclownentity]

Goddammit now i'm thinking about fucking batty and its mom at the same time, why is my brain like this.

Damn body just wants to breed

[insanewokeclownentity]

Sigghhhh

I'm having an intense desire to die again.

Feeling dysphoric, like i only bring pain to the people i care about etc.

I deserve whatevers coming...

[insanewokeclownentity]

That's the real joke, i'm a sad fucking clown with a fake smile that is only filled with pain and bad thoughts.

I could just be in a really low moment but in the end i know i'm gonna feel like this again, its a goddamn cycle

[insanewokeclownentity]

I'm the worst person in the worrrrrlldddd

Haha isn't it great spiraling and feeling like you've wronged everyone?

Maybe thats why i'm a clown cause i'm a fucking failure, and what better way to do that than make it a performance :)

[insanewokeclownentity]

Lmao and now suddenly the horny thoughts are back because i'm insane.

Yeah i bet you wanna fuck and kiss your gfs mom huh?

You wanna treat her real good and give her something she hasn't had in years hehe.

Oh look at that, you getting hard from your own mind teasing you?

Bet you'd cum if i demeaned you further~

[insanewokeclownentity]

I really find it to be a struggle to strike up 1 on 1 convos with people a lot, like especially with friends and people i love.

I knows thats not exactly uncommon but a lot of my inner thoughts really just make me think everyone despises me.

I know that couldn't be further from the truth but because of it everytime i want to strike a convo i feel like i'm bothering somebody and i hate feeling that way.

I just really want to be happy n talking with people, not feeling like i'm constantly in the abyss, maybe thats why i've leaned more into vibes because i need some sort of comfort to feel safe and content