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GOD i can't fucking do ANYTHING WRONG (throws beer bottle at the wall but it bounces off and lands perfectly right side up)

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you gotta watch out when theres an animal cause you literally might get sniffed

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playing poker with my friend and he lays down a straight flush but it has two kings so i tell him that’s wrong but it’s pride month and the gay flush is allowed during this month

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i can't get over this stupid fucking animation. i love how comically high the framerate is compared to all of his other animations. blud looks like he's boutta roundhouse kick silver the hedgehog

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Want to draw my favorite deltarune post

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I think that if you asked Shaggy what his gender was he'd say "you're, like, livin' in a prison of your own creation, man" and then eat a huge sandwich in one bite

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saw this cute post and now I'm not going on reddit for the rest of the day. quit while you're ahead

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thinking about those people who season and cook watermelon to “replace steak”. can’t imagine how hungry they are

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oh and when i was a year old, after i got my foot amputated my parents were pushing me around in a stroller at a street festival in miami and i was chewing on my foot or whatever and this street performer came up to us and was like “aw i bet that tastes good!!” and my dad was like “yeah look at what she did to the other one!!!!” and pulled back the blanket covering my left leg to show a stump with a huge scar on it and i’m pretty sure my dad terrified that poor man

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friend of mine was sleeping whilst another friend and i were talking about nonsense. at some point we were talking about how trains honked anyway in the no horn zone that we had both lived in at one point. either without waking up, or waking up so briefly as to not disturb her sleep, our sleeping friend turned over to face us and solemnly intoned "Trains are required by federal law to sound the horn three times at a grade crossing". then she was gone again. we shook her gently- no response, out cold. she didn't remember it in the morning.

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everyone has dreams about being lost at school, late to work, cant find bathroom etc but whats yalls most common Uncommon stress dream. ill always have dreams about having various problems with my fish tank

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LOL but seriously release the hounds

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your life is not an optimization problem