insidetheactorsmind-blog

[insidetheactorsmind-blog]

June is an extremely controversial month for a lot of people and I am not here to weigh in on that controversy. Consenting adults are free to do what consenting adults consent to do as adults who consent.

But I cannot and I will not let this go by without calling this t.f. out. There is no pride to be found in being sexually attracted to minors, and there is no pride to be found in being sexually attracted to non-consenting partners. ANYONE who displays this flag is a danger to you, whether you're a minor or an adult, whether you're a woman or a man. DO NOT ENGAGE. Spread the word what this flag means, and steer clear of anyone who displays it.

As I said, I'm not here to add to the controversy about sexuality. That said, it is not controversial to say RAPE AND PEDOPHILIA ARE UNACCEPTABLE.

THEY ARE NOT SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS.

THEY ARE CRIMES AND SINS.

DONT SCROLL THIS IS IMPORTANT!

im begging anyone who sees this post to prevent rapesexual, im begging you. no one will see this but if you do reblog to get the message out that these fuckers exist and dont deserve to exist heres the flag so you can know who to fucking block, report and tell to fuck off

i dont want this to ruin the pride and help with self esteem of being lgbtq+ so a signal boost from larger accounts might be nice

[insidetheactorsmind-blog]

I agreed to be positive.

In my experience, someone who forces you to agree to keep your mouth shut in case something doesn't go your way usually has something to hide.

If you've ever auditioned for a small-time community theater and had to sign an agreement to "be positive on social media no matter the outcome" before you were allowed to audition, please know that that theater most likely has underhanded casting methods and they don't want anyone to know about it. So they make you agree ahead of time to not indict them in the deadly court of public opinion.

That said ... a bit of background that I promise is relevant.

As an actor I went through my "pay your dues" era, my frustration era, and my comeback era.

That "pay your dues" era refers to the time in every performer's life (indeed it spreads to other professions too) when you are doing nothing but grunt work. If you're just starting out in performance, chances are that you're going to be spending a lot of time in the chorus and/or back stage wrangling kids instead of honing your talents in the supporting and leading roles you want. It's unfortunate, but we kind of all have to do it.

But once that period is complete, now it's time to protect your resume. If you're a young actor, be careful filling up your resume with chorus roles. Casting people don't like to see a page full of chorus roles from someone auditioning for a lead in a major show. Protecting your resume means leaving room for the opportunities that will pay off. The tricky part, and one which I can't promise to have good advice about, is knowing when it's time to transition from paying your dues to protecting your resume.

Please be aware that moving from community leagues to semi-professional and from semi-professional to professional leagues will likely carry their own pay-your-dues periods. Dues paid in community theater don't necessarily apply to dues for professional theater. You may have to start over in a different league, but it's more likely going to be a shorter time period, perhaps only one show, to see if you're even good to work with, let alone have talent. This is reasonable, especially if they explain this ahead of time.

The frustration era I referred to is something that isn't uncommon, but it is avoidable. It's the period in your career when you are the only one who knows the talent you have (besides of course your family and best friends). It's extremely tempting to quit altogether, even for those who know this is our calling. This is usually the part where you work a Godforsaken, first-circle-of-Hell, dead-end job for peanuts at Kroger and daily contemplate the merits of continuing life. Hamlet's soliloquy begins to make sense on a spiritual level.

The comeback era is just that. Now, I can't promise it will happen for you, but I can promise that it is a learning experience that is the result of a learning experience. I posted a while back about auditioning without going crazy, so give that a read to know what I'm talking about. That single experience catapulted me into a string of successful auditions and a resume-building era that has so far landed me three professional acting jobs, plus some continued civic work and even some indie film (pre-SAG-AFTRA strike).

The string of successful auditions taught me something very important about myself: I have what it takes.

See, community theaters of all different sizes have to face the pitfall of clique behavior, not welcoming new talent even if that talent is the right person for the role. Other theaters who are in it for the right reasons search for the right talent no matter who you are. My string of successful auditions was at local community theaters who had zero idea who I even was.

Theater 1 represents the first community theater I auditioned for as a teen--my dues-paying era. I kept auditioning for them until college. 2008, chorus. 2009, chorus, chorus. 2010, told not to audition for chorus. 2011, not given a complete audition "because we know you," and then told they already had their leads pre-cast and didn't tell anyone, and if I didn't want to join the chorus of 96 people, "we won't miss you." Ouch. Screw you very much too, then. So basically, at Theater 1, my experience can be summed up with "chorus."

Theater 2. Second year of college: Out of 80 women auditioned, 6 women were cast. I was one of them. Annelle, Steel Magnolias.

Theater 3. 2019: In a cast of 17 people with 1 female, I was the female. Lt.-Cdr. Jo Galloway, A Few Good Men.

Theater 4. 2020: Thirteen women auditioned. Six were cast. I was handed a script by the director before callbacks. Shelby Eatonton-Latcherie, Steel Magnolias.

Theater 1. 2020: Chorus (declined).

Theater 5. 2021: Professional. Stage manager (for real, actually the stage manager) that became a "bit" in the show because it was a farce. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged).

Also Theater 5, 2021: World premiere of a new adaptation of a classic. Co-lead. A Christmas Carol.

Theater 3. 2021: Assistant directorship turned into multiple roles including supporting. Tammany O'Halloran, Miracle on 34th Street.

Theater 4. 2022: Twenty-two people auditioned, 13 cast. Josephine March-Baehr, Little Women.

Company 1. 2022-2023: Professional. Street-mosphere. Promoted with pay raise. (Work culture 10/10, five stars, everyone else take a lesson.)

Between 2022 and 2023, Theater 4 held a closed-door, unofficial, unannounced, cabbalistic meeting which targeted a mainstay in the theater company, and set up a heinous double standard for what plays would and would not be produced; this dishonorable action caused a split. Most of the people that left went to Theater 1.

Theater 1. 2023: I went in optimistically, knowing I had an excellent shot at the lead role (a princess) because of my aesthetic, ability, and experience; and a fair audition since half the company was now composed of rejects and misfits from Theater 4, and the director knew what I was capable of. I gave an excellent audition. I left with my head held high, knowing my chance was just as good as anyone else's. At the very least, I knew I was in for a supporting role, since I'd proven myself over the past four years as fully capable of handling any role given on nearly any notice.

Would you believe me if I told you I was asked to join the chorus?

Instead of cackling like the Wicked Witch at the irony of who the director was (see Theater 4: 2020), I asked for a day to simmer down and cool off think about it, and eventually rejected it as the insult it was.

Theater 1 and Theater 4 have something in common.

Would you like to guess?

Both of them included the requirement to "be positive on social media no matter the outcome of casting."

None of the other theaters, including the professional ones, ever asked anyone to keep their mouths shut about casting results. Why? Because they know their casting is done on the right bases for the right reasons. They don't care what people say because they know they're doing what they feel is best for the production. Opinions don't matter to them because the truth is on their side. (This is of course excluding practices that don't involve any real "talent" and are simply exploitations by greasy Hollywood-underworld scumbags who may very well be on "the list." Those aren't auditions, those are crimes.)

This is why I say beware theaters that make you sign an agreement to "be positive on social media no matter the outcome." The likelihood is that they have something to hide, as proven by experience.

I've never been a conspiracy theorist; I pay attention to patterns, because patterns don't lie.

But I agreed to be positive.

So, per my agreement ...

I am positive I am a far better actor than what rejections and insulting casting choices would lead me to believe.

I am positive I will no longer accept less than what I deserve.

I am positive that shady dealings will not be rewarded with, as the kids these days like to say, good karma.

I am positive that whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

I am positive that I can help young actors that come after me to avoid falling in--or at the hands of--cliques and cabals.

I am positive that there are theaters out there, community and professional alike, who are above this kind of behavior, and you are worthy of finding them.

I am positive that talent (yours and mine) is worth being recognized in a fair, just, and upright way.

And lastly, I am positive that these rejections are simply favors from God to direct us to bigger, better, and more fruitful ventures.

I hope to daily continue to fulfill that agreement I signed on that day, to be positive. I hope to be a positive influence on my fellow performers in an industry crawling with swamp creatures. I hope to be a positive voice of validation, encouragement, navigation, warning, even correction sometimes, in an industry slithering with snakes, lizards, Wicked Witches, Gollums, and Mephistos (there's a good Faust reference for you).

I hope to be a candle on a candlestick that giveth light to the whole house.

I agreed to be positive, and I damn well intend to.

[insidetheactorsmind-blog]

Never Enough (Recognition)?

You know the name Loren Allred, right?

If you don't know her name, you know her most famous song, right?

By now, is there literally anyone in the world who doesn't know who Loren Allred is and that she's the set of pipes behind one of the most beloved/covered-to-death songs of the modern era?

Likely not. She's amazing. She's got an incredible voice.

She knows that.

You know who else knows that?

The hundreds of millions of people who have seen The Greatest Showman.

You know who else knows that?

The casting director who hired her to sing that song for the soundtrack to be used in the film.

Loren Allred is already a professional singer with an established career.

So why, I ask you, did she feel the need to take a spot on one of the Got Talent shows away from an undiscovered amateur, in search of more glory, credit, and recognition that she feels she didn't get--even though one of the many lyric videos on YouTube lists her name in the title and sports 78.5 million views since its posting in 2018?

UNPOPULAR OPINION: Loren Allred should not have been allowed on Britain's Got Talent except as an adjudicator.

The Got Talent shows are for the undiscovered talents of the world. The ones who sing in the shower but never in front of anyone else. The ones who pour their hearts into their karaoke songs. The ones who dream of being a professional performer but have to content themselves to use their talent in volunteer service to forgotten populations.

The Susan Boyles of the world.

The Paul Potts of the world.

The Darci Lynnes of the world.

The Angelica Hales of the world.

Because a paid professional with an overinflated sense of entitlement and thirst for glory was allowed onto Britain's Got Talent, a spot was taken away from an undiscovered amateur whose life could have been radically changed. Worse than that, because Simon (of all adjudicators!!!) gave her the golden buzzer, a spot in the finals was taken away from one of the many deserving amateur talents against which she was competing.

I'm sure there have been some talents on those shows who can arguably be called professionals, and I'm honestly not sure where I stand on their eligibility. This would impact my eligibility to be on any of those shows, too. I'm a degreed performer and I have been paid to perform with a troupe. One may very well and justifiably argue that I do not belong on any of the talent search shows. I would be forced to agree with you. Truly.

But can we both agree freely that the world-famous Loren Allred had no place on that amateur stage?

Much less because she didn't get enough credit the first time around, for doing a voice-over for a film???

*turns to Loren* Newsflash, sweet pea ... if you're doing a voice-over for a film, and you're not the actor playing the role, it ain't gonna be your face when the song is played in the movie. You didn't figure that out ahead of time? Or maybe when you signed the contract to get PAID for it???

*turns back front* I know this is going to earn me some heat from the few people and the chirping crickets that might read this little rant, but it doesn't change my mind. Established professionals with established and/or successful careers belong in professional audition rooms competing against other established professionals with established and/or successful careers; they do not belong in amateur talent searches.

[insidetheactorsmind-blog]

My reaction when I find out you're not following my sister-blog, This Thing Called Life over at @walkthevalley.

[insidetheactorsmind-blog]

How I Audition (and Not Lose My Mind)

A Sort of Guidebook for How to Audition Without Going Crazy or Getting Sick

You prepare for an audition, go in, get super-nervous because you want the role so bad, and you do your best to get through without freezing like a deer in headlights. Then you find out you not only didn't get the role, you didn't even get a callback. You spiral into a depression because you poured your heart and soul into getting ready for that audition only for someone else to reject you. Not reject your work ... reject you.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, been there, done that, have the tee-shirt.

And then there's other times when I go in, throw caution to the wind, say, "F**k it, I'm doin' it live," and I get either the role I wanted or a better one. What the actual--

So-- ... okay wait. Not care?

Yep.

I'm told the universal law of attraction is that if you want something, stop wanting it. Basically. That's so simple it's almost wrong. But there's something to that when it comes to auditions, and I don't think it's so much spiritual as it is psychosomatic.

My best example is when I decided to audition for a local civic's production of A Few Good Men. I wanted the role of Jo Galloway so bad I could taste it, but the audition was like four months away and I had to get through the holidays slow down and enjoy celebrating with my family first. Then, tragedy struck ... my grama passed away. She rooted for me in the theater like no other. She herself was very involved in civic theater, so my grama was proud of me like no other. She passed away in January, and the audition was less than a month after her funeral. She was my last living grandparent, and the one I was closest to. Auditioning for a play seemed like a slap in the face of the grief I was feeling and to my family--especially my mom. It felt ... almost insulting to think of auditioning.

This was also the first time I'd tried to audition for anything for three years, and the last show I was in was four years prior to that (but that's another post). Trying to be in a play less than a month after my grandmother's funeral seemed less than tasteful.

My mom was the one that talked me into it. She said Grama would want nothing more than for me to keep doing theater because it was something we both shared, and she also wouldn't want me to stop my life. No no. That wouldn't do. Not this granddaughter.

So I read up on the script, dressed in a decent outfit, and decided that the chips would fall where they would and there was nothing I could do except my best. For Grama.

I was so subdued by my grief that I forgot to be nervous in the audition. I read the lines as I'd practiced them, I displayed what I could do, and when I left I felt as if I'd left everything out there on the stage and brought nothing back with me. I did my job. It was in someone else's hands now, and I had to focus on being there with my mom through her loss.

About a week later I got a text from the director offering me the role of Jo Galloway.

How--wait wh--are you serious???

Had I finally done it? Had I finally mastered the art of acting? Had all my training and education finally marinated enough that I could do it for real? What magic thing happened? What did I do this time that I hadn't done all the rest of the times???

Simple. I forgot to be nervous.

See when you want something so badly that you're laser-focused on it, you get tense, and everything suffers--from your voice to your concentration to your on-stage energy/chemistry to your actual biology. Cortisol and adrenaline wreak havoc on your system, fog your brain (sometimes), and cause you to put off an overall air of lack of confidence.

You know how certain animals can smell fear? Well directors can smell low confidence.

So I tried this method again. I tried a couple more auditions at that theater--both for the same director who for some reason didn't like me, and didn't get either one. I was p.o.'ed about it, but I was satisfied enough with my own auditions that I could say, "Fine, piss on ya, your loss." (We cope how we have to, am I right?) The point is that I didn't let it keep me from auditioning again, because by now I was in the flow of how to do my best and let the chips fall where they would. Doesn't mean I didn't eat my feelings for a day and fart in that director's general direction, but the next day I could always go find "something bigger and better than those piddly li'l projects" (again, we cope how we have to).

Rejection is loss. You're allowed to grieve.

A few months later, after attending to some income-generating work, I tried this "not giving a crap" method at a different theater for ANOTHER bucket-list role. Wanted this one worse than Jo Galloway ... Shelby Eatonton-Latcherie in Steel Magnolias. I'd wanted that role for ten years and had already been rejected/else-cast once. If I didn't get it this time, I'd be crushed, right?

But I remembered back to when I played Annelle in the same play ten years prior, and learned that the girl cast as Shelby reminded the director of his sister who'd just passed away, so I told myself, "Self, you don't know what's going on that isn't theater-related. You could be Julia Roberts herself and not get the role. Just do what you do, leave it all out there on the stage, bring nothing back with you, and let the chips fall where they will."

So I did.

And the director sat down beside me at callbacks and said, "You're my Shelby. Knew it when you walked up there. Take this script and wait to announce until I post the cast list."

Same principle as before. I focused on what I could control and I forgot to get tensed up.

Tried it again for a professional theater troupe. World premiere of a brand new adaptation of a classic. World. Premiere. No pressure, right?

Focused on my prep. Forgot to get tensed up.

Didn't get the role I wanted.

I got the %&+@~^! CO-LEAD!!!

It's not that I stopped wanting each of those roles. It's that I put my focus on what I had control of, which was my prep. Perform what you prep and you'll forget to be nervous.

So that's how to audition and not drive yourself crazy or get sick.

Goes for job interviews too. And first dates. And tests. And speeches.

Some people have a routine of stretches and/or quirky movements, or a special pair of underwear, or a specific smoothie the morning of. I'm here to tell you folks that will not help you worth $#!% when it comes to keeping from getting nervous. Prepare the work. Focus on the technique. That's where your security blanket is. That's what will draw your nervous energy and channel it into performance. Wear your lucky underwear if you must, but

perform what you practice and stop stressing about someone else's decision.

A word of wisdom to cap all this off: don't ever ... ever ever ever ... try to predict the outcome by the reactions of the director or anyone else in the audition room. I'll give two emotionally hobbling examples.

Sad story 1: I auditioned for an independent/student thesis film and I made all the right choices. I made the bold choice, the unlikely choice, the one that really evoked emotion from the other two people in the room. The director looked at me through the camera lens, sat back in his chair, and said, "That's it. That's her. That's 'Kelly.' You're my 'Kelly.' That was perfect." Imagine my shock and dismay, then, when I received a Facebook message later that evening telling me he was going with someone else for the part but would like me to be on the team as a production assistant (which wound up being a glorified coffee girl). Not to mention that the actress, a college freshman, froze up the day they were to film the love scene that we ALL knew was on the shot list, so guess who had to stand in for her unprofessionalism? Yup. Additionally, when she couldn't be at a shoot and the director (who was also the writer!) read her lines to feed to the other actor, he delivered them exactly the way I auditioned with them. That means that not only was I far more professional than she was, but I also understood the way he wrote the script and intended the lines to be delivered ... and I still got rejected. I still don't know what was up with that, but I learned first and foremost don't rely on what the director says unless he or she puts a script in your hand.

Sad story 2: Remember when I said I auditioned twice for the same director who for some reason refuses to cast me in anything? This is one of those times. It was an open-room audition, meaning everyone who was auditioning could watch each other and cheer each other on (most of us were friends).

It was for a musical, which for that theater meant two weekends. It was only a two-person cast, so the chief director (with whom I've worked several times since) decided to have one pair for one weekend and a second pair for the second weekend. The music director (the one that doesn't like me) agreed, so we knew going into auditions that two women and two men would be cast.

Based on auditions alone! we ALL knew who the four should have been, and, not to unfairly toot my own horn or anything but when I got done singing, the room cheered. The cast list came out, and only one of the four who gave professional-caliber auditions made the cut--the same man for both weekends, and two college-age girls who gave two of the four weakest auditions of the day.

We were ALL shocked, most of us dismayed, and even the leading man strongly considered not taking the role because of how it all went down.

And so, on top of not trusting what the director might say in the audition room, I learned that day don't trust "the people's choice" as a barometer for how casting will eventually go.

(P.S., just to further illustrate how important it is to only focus on your own actions and performance, one of the girls who got cast was best college friend to the music director, and the second was the daughter of one of the town trustees at the time. So not only did social politics play a role in that decision, but actual politics played a role too, and friends I'm here to tell you there ain't $#!% you can do about that. Unfair and unjust though it is, it happens. Rise above it. Be better than those people.)

So there you have it: stories, advice, and cautionary tales. How to Audition Without Going Crazy or Getting Sick. I hope this helps, and I hope one day the entertainment industry will be based on merit, talent, and personability, not politics of any sort.

So.

For better or for worse, for rejection or for curtain call ...

on to the next.

[insidetheactorsmind-blog]

I used to never age.

Am I a vampire? Perhaps. Do I carry the One Ring in my vest pocket at all times? Maybe. Do I feast on the lifeblood of virgins during the full moon to restore and reclaim my youth? No, you can forget about that one. Virgins have no flavor. #haha #that'scalledajoke #youcanlaugh #it'sokay

It’s far more likely I’m an elf. That would explain my urge to ignore humanity and make a woodland retreat for myself where I can dress as fabulously as I wish with no one to judge me, as well as my preference for spending one mortal lifetime sharing a love instead of facing all the ages of this world alone.

In the picture on the left, I was 21 years old. I looked 15. In the picture on the right, I was 31, and I look maybe 25. But the good news is that in aging ten years, I seem to have aged yen years, even if it’s not the same ten years I actually aged. My age range, like time, is “a big ball of wibbley-wobbley, timey-wimey stuff.” When asked on audition forms what age range I can play, I never know what to put. It’s both a blessing and a curse.

ANYWAY …

Consider today the reboot of Inside the Actor’s Mind. I’m not gonna say previous posts don’t matter, but let’s just say it’s better to look forward and not backwards.

This is where I’ll be reflecting on acting challenges, theatrical endeavors, and overall growth as both an artist and a person. I’ve got lots to say about this topic but I can’t promise a schedule. Just give me a follow and see what you see.

I’ve had a lot of opportunities in the last ten years–and they’ve only occurred within the past three. But that’s a post in and of itself.

Photo credit where photo credit is due:

At left: headshot by Kip Shawger, Ball State University Department of Theater and Dance, 2011

At right: pre-show selfie, world premiere of a new adaptation of A Christmas Carol, presented by Hoosier Shakespeare Festival, 2021

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It’s so accurate it hurts.

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Yana Toboso: The Sir Arthur Conan Doyle of our generation

While cruising the great expanse of tumblrdom concerning Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler for the uninitiated), I came across someone’s statement that Yana Toboso, the creator of Kuroshitsuji, never leaves anything to chance--everything is on purpose and nothing is on accident.

Yana Toboso is also the MASTER of foreshadowing.

Why, then, could one not extrapolate the arc of the season by watching the opening sequence extremely carefully?

I’ve already noticed that the closing sequence of Kuroshitsuji II is basically Sebastian and Ciel’s relationship.  Aside from the temptation of yaoi on full display from the soft romantic and sentimental music, there is the incredibly touching motion of the blue butterfly going one direction (towards Ciel) while dozens of other butterflies all fly in the opposite direction (away from Ciel).

Everyone Ciel knew and loved in his life has been taken away from him at one time or another with the exception of his servants (more foreshadowing?  Yana don’t you DARE.), but one figure went against the crowd to stand by him.  As the butterfly rests on his head, where Sebastian once kissed him in a canonical scene, the butterfly dissolves into a very familiar white glove caressing Bocchan’s hair.  They both fade from view.

That said, is it considered a spoiler if I answer my own “Will?” questions myself after a heartbreaking event by watching the opening sequence and making myself feel better because I think I’ve figured out how Sebby and Ciel are going to be rescued?

Because let’s face it ... I may not be in favor of yaoi, but I want Sebastian and Ciel to continue forebber!  Only can we just go back to the cute episodes with Lizzy being all cute and the cheeky jazz music and fluffy plots?  Can we just NOT with the death and heartbreak and baby anime characters crying and breaking my heart?  PLEASE?!  CAN SOMEONE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING IN THIS ANIME?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

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Can we just appreciate how mmmmm-hmmmmmmm this Japanese man candy is?

Hiro Mizushima will always be my favourite Shitsuji.

I’ve missed you.

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Come on, you cat-idiot.

Ciel Phantomhive to Sebastian, and, by proxy, to me.

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*chokes on coffee*  OY.

*stares*

*battles with self to keep from admitting I find this boy handsome Japanese man-candy*

WHERE ARE THOSE OTHER THREE SCENES FROM I DON’T REMEMBER THEM IN THE MOVIE WAIT WHAT.

Hiro Mizushima will always be my favourite Shitsuji.

I’ve missed you.

[insidetheactorsmind-blog]

*runs out to buy Tetley tea*

*remembers something important*

*calms down but still drinks Tetley*

There is a Sebastian Michaelis currently residing in Britain who is a tea-blender for Tetley.

He must be one hell of a tea-blender.

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Me, forty years in the future.

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Audibly laughing.  HARD.

Aint gonna keep me down

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After a long, difficult audition.

don’t know why this brings me joy

tumblr pics [via imgur]

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COSPLAY PARTS ARE HEEEEEEEERE!!!!

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How I look after a dance call.

From @yellowandtowel: “Close the door, please! I’m naked” #catsofinstagram [source: http://ift.tt/1Sb1Bzn ]