installzoey

[installzoey]

I find it rather therapeutic to draw how i feel about being a system. it can be so fucking hard to be heard, to be truly seen, as all of my parts. we are so many different things, we have so much to offer, there's so much good in us. but how can we ever shine if we never can see the light of day?

[installzoey]

nothing fills my lonely friendless heart quite like gacha rhythm games !!! yayyyy !!!

HERE ARE MY FAVOURITES IN A CUTE EDIT

[installzoey]

updated my TCOAAL mod launcher and creator, Burial, for decrypting the assets in Decay Part One (Chapter 3)! Cracked the encryption in under an hour... it's out on my GitHub now if you wanna get all the new images and music and stuff and check out all the new files (mod creation and loading will need lots of updates for V3 though)

[installzoey]

being a system isn't a big deal actually.

especially regarding the debate of diagnosed vs not diagnosed - DID tends to be put on a pedestal. and oh god! if you think you have DID and then it turns out you don't? that's like the biggest tumblr crime you can commit!

look, it's a fact that DID is classified as a rare disorder. it affects 1-3% of the population! but that doesn't mean the experiences those with DID have are rare, that doesn't mean the individual symptoms those with DID have are rare. in australia, an estimated 22% of the population have experienced childhood abuse and/or trauma. that is by NO MEAN rare. 22% of the population have also experienced a mental illness. 50% of the population have experienced some form of dissociation or derealization. there's overlaps! and so many different DID symptoms are present in autism, bipolar, adhd, npd ... you get my point.

as an undiagnosed system myself, when i go to therapy a diagnosis is not even on my MIND. it's incredibly uncommon for therapists in australia to diagnose, not that they can't - they just don't want to. and honestly? i don't blame them! a piece of paper telling me "I have DID" or "I don't have DID"? it will change nothing. it will improve nothing for me. what does help me? my therapist focuses directly on my symptoms and the underlying trauma that drives them. and if i find out i don't have DID later on, it doesn't matter!

i am so sick and tired of seeing someone talk about "splitting" and people immediately assuming it's a DID thing, when the OP was talking about BPD. i am so sick of questioning systems being demonized for just trying to heal from their trauma. if you've been diagnosed with DID congrats! but you didn't win a gold medal and it doesn't make you better than anyone else.

[installzoey]

i don't like sharing personal information and deep insecurities on the internet, so I won't. but some things are important and they need to be said.

so instead i'll tell a little story.

once there was a young girl and she had these beautiful white silk sheets on her bed. it may seem like an unnecessary detail but she treasured these sheets, they were pure and immaculate.

but the girl lived in such an old battered wooden house and every single time it stormed even the walls would shudder. the girl would be so scared that each time it rained she would draw on her sheets in red crayon - just to calm herself down.

there was a particularly bad winter and it poured day and night. by the end of it, the white sheets were coated in red crayon and the girl was so ashamed.

then one day the storms stopped, or maybe the girl was no longer fearful - either way the red crayon had started to fade. the girl was still ashamed though, sure they had faded a little but the sheet would never be pure white again. she would close her eyes every time she went to bed so she wouldn't have to see the dreaded red crayon stains.

time passed, the girl still despised the sheets but she continued on, and lived through each day. she had never noticed before, but the sun would shine into her room and it was rather beautiful. yeah, it was a different type of beautiful than the pure white sheets, but it was completely memorizing.

and one day she noticed. the sun shining onto the sheets day after day? it had created spots of yellow and stained the girl's sheet. it had turned something once beloved, then hated, into a new love. the sheets may never be pure white anymore but now - they weren't just something nice to look at, they were a reminder. they were a reminder of the struggles the girl had faced and a reminder of the girl's inner strength. they were a reminder that no matter what the girl would get through it. they were a reminder that the girl had survived.

[installzoey]

When Barbie first debuted, although a success, she was criticized for being "too mature" for little girls. So in order to offset that, Barbie's modest best friend Midge was released in 1963. Although they had the same body mold Midge had a fuller face with gentle features brushed with freckles.

Then in 1964 Midge's then-boyfriend Allan was first introduced and Barbie, Midge & Allan were all released together as a set titled "On Parade". Midge would then have one more major worldwide release (rare variations and international versions were also produced) where she now had bendable legs before she would disappear for 20 years.

Why? Because of P.J! who was considered Midge's "trendy" replacement and lasted from 1969 until she was discontinued in 1984.

The return of Midge happened in 1988. Midge was going strong with many releases in the 80s and 90s, using the "Steffie" mold for the first couple of dolls and then continuing with the "Diva" molds. And in 1991 Midge got married!!! Midge and Allan who had been dating since the 60s finally tied the knot.

Dolls continued to be released until 2003 when the Happy Family collection debuted. That's right, Midge is pregnant! Midge and (now) Alan were a family of 5 with a young son called Ryan, a toddler named Nikki and an unnamed baby. One of the sets contained Midge and Nikki, with Midge being visibly pregnant and baby Nikki actually being inside of the Midge doll with a neat mechanism. The unnamed baby came along when Nikki was around a year old and was later named Cassandra.

And this is when the story of Midge becomes... well, interesting. The pregnant Midge doll made a lot of parents unjustifiably angry and she was accused of promoting "teen pregnancy" (ignoring the fact Midge had been happily married for over 10 years) and many just outright found the doll disgusting. I find that many of the arguments against the doll were simply just sexist, as the doll was intended for children especially those who were welcoming a new sibling into the world, "the dolls were aimed at girls aged 5 to 8, and could be a wonderful prop for parents to use with their children to role-play family situations — especially in families anticipating the arrival of a new sibling." - barbie.com and there was nothing "dirty" about a doll being pregnant. Although the Happy Family collection continued after the controversy of Pregnant Midge, the damage had been done and (outside of collector dolls) Midge wouldn't appear again until 2013.

but Midge was released again in 2013, so it's all fine now - right? No, unfortunately not. Midge WAS released but the Happy Family line along with her wedding to Alan was wiped from her history. She was re-introduced in Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse as Barbie's best friend as a teenager with a love of retro and completely single and childless. Doll releases of Midge were still very infrequent and after Barbie Style in 2014 it was an entire decade before Midge received another play line doll.

In the 2023 Barbie movie Midge was featured in her 2003 Pregnant Midge attire and Alan also was featured - so perhaps there is hope for Midge to get the revival she deserves? Barbie's best friend deserves a second chance and I want more than anything for her to be with her happy family again.

And side note I have yet to hear ONE argument against the pregnant Midge doll that isn't misogynistic!

[installzoey]

In 1966 Mattel introduced a little sister to Barbie and Skipper named Tutti with a twin brother named Todd. She had only a short reign in the Barbie franchise, lasting until 1971 in the States, and 1977 in Europe before being discontinued. She was 6 ¼ inches tall and made from a soft bendable rubber material with a wire inside to make her easy to pose.

She originally released in 1966 with a base doll, four playsets (Walkin' My Dolly • Night Night, Sleep Tight • Me and My Dog • Melody in Pink) and a playset with her and Todd (Sundae Treat). There also was a dollhouse called Tutti and Todd's Playhouse which was exclusive to sears.

Then in 1967 another base doll of Tutti along with two new playsets (Cookin Cookies • Swing-A-Ling) were released. From my research, this seems to be the last US release of Tutti and there were only fashion packs that came after that. However in Europe there was a new Tutti doll that came out in 1976.

So why on earth was such a charming doll discounted so quickly? Tutti, as adorable as she was, was doomed from the very start as the way she was designed had a lot of flaws. The wires inside her body would sometimes break, causing her to lose her ability to pose or even pierce through her soft skin where the wires would then stick out. She was an unfortunate victim of the 1970s oil crisis which resulted in Mattel pulling back on product and having to cut costs.

So that's pretty much all there is to know about Barbie's forgotten little sister with a devilish grin, Tutti. She can be pretty difficult to obtain these days, as the way she was manufacturing is not too kind to aging, and expensive due to her limited releases.

But I love her! I love her a lot! And I'm glad that there seems to be a lot of appreciation for her in the Barbie community - she may have a face full of mischief but she deserves love!

[installzoey]

today's forgotten doll line!!!

i-girl by lanard!!! - review i found online

i did some digging and it seems like there were two lines released of these 6 girls.

sydney, sahara, paris, aspen, asia and rio. i kind of get a "around the world" theme for these dolls and tbh i like it!! i think it's cool!!

i was able to find all of the 6 girls from the first line (though Sahara looks quite different from her promo photo) the white washing in the second line is... interesting to say the least.

id assume the second line of dolls didn't produce as much dolls as the first because i could NOT find images of them anywhere. except rio. so at least there's proof it did exist?

anyways i think they are super fucking cool!!! i personally would love to add asia, aspen, sydney and paris to my collection!!!

[installzoey]

what defines a doll?

for me i would say that it would need to contain:

anthropomorphic (resembling a human body)

fashion or hair that is not molded on

having articulation or an adjustable body

my name is dollfie but you can call me doll obsessed. i like every style of doll from barbie to blythe to lalaloopsy girls to novi stars to ...you get the point 🤍

im 22. use pronouns it/its. i like dolls.

you can see the dolls i like/want to collect here!

i've fallen down the rabbit hole of dolls that have fallen into the forgotten pipeline of obscurity and i will share all of the precious knowledge with you all.

im definitely normal about dolls. you know the type of normal that if i find a doll ive seen before i will go searching endlessly until i find every doll that was produced in that brand. naturally.

who do i primarily go for my doll knowledge?

xCanadensis: yt, twitter + instagram

dollect (it's interactive!)

ghostofthedoll (80s + 90s dolls)

youloveit (all the doll news!)

toyboxphilospher (best doll reviews)

[installzoey]

Everytime I see ratinacoat on my feed it's always such an L post

i really hate hypocrisy, there is nothing that bothers me more. especially when talking about genuine issues if you are hypocritical it changes everything. it shows that you don't actually care about the issue in question you only care when it relates to you personally.

user @/ratinacoat has been talking extensively about the problems in the system community - and making very valid points i might add. but the problem is the user in question is very buddy buddy with known syscringe posters. and i don't get it, like at all, how can you in good conscience talk about issues that surround the online did community when you support fakeclaimers? you know people that are OBJECTIVELY harming the system community?

yes, you can be friends with people who have different views than you. anti endos and pro endo's can be friends but someone who is doing active harm to the community goes beyond their discourse stance - the bottom line is you are contributing to the harm in the system community, by not discouraging that behavior or calling it out you are demonstrating that you support it.

you shouldn't be supporting issues just when they're affecting you. you should support issues because they're unfair and every single person deserves kindness and to feel supported. it's a genuine shame when i see hypocrisy like this, because i really agree with the issues in question and these are things that need to be talked about! but when you're hypocritical everything you are talking about is completely null and void.

[installzoey]

What goes up must come down and things can't be going well forever. It's an unfortunate reality but something we must acknowledge and accept, bad things will happen and there's nothing you can do to stop them. You can only work on your reaction and how you deal with it.

Lately we have been all over the place and our progress to recovery has halted. We've grown quite familiar with the constant blurriness and at this point we aren't even bothered by the fact we are not sure which one of "us" we are.

I'm not sure if it helps to be complacent with the fact of our suffering. It makes it easier to deal with for sure, so maybe in a way that does help?

But I know it won't last forever, things will always go up again. And that brings us peace, though it sucks right now we only need to take it one day at a time and eventually just maybe the sun will start shining in our direction again.

[installzoey]

in case anyone hasn't told you lately, it's okay to take a break from time to time.

you might have noticed i haven't been posting much in the last few days. i deal with chronic pain and fatigue which combined with other medical issues i won't get into, can really take me out for a few days. it's hard to do anything but lay in bed and my body and brain just don't work. i feel guilty for not posting, but i shouldn't because it's okay to put myself first and focus on feeling better instead.

and i think this mindset is important, with so many neurodivergent and disabled people it should be more normalized that sometimes you're not able to do the things you want to, and there's nothing wrong with that. if you've got a friend hangout and you're not doing okay mentally or physically, don't force yourself! your friend will understand and it's important to only do what you are able to.

don't ever feel guilty about taking sick leave when you need it, that's literally what it is there for. don't ever feel guilty for doing what is best for your body in general! being kind to others includes yourself and your body. don't feel guilty for being kind 🩷

[installzoey]

G1 Baby Quackers!

With an added duck floatie!

[installzoey]

Queen Chrysalis + Derpy

And a little art rant! Due to some side effects from medication, I have permanently shaky hands. As you can imagine this can make it difficult to do art especially considering I am a perfectionist! So this drawing was a particular challenge - it was about accepting that sometimes you're gonna have wonky lines and that's okay!

[installzoey]

cabbage patch ponies 🩷🐴

princess • brown • sundance

sugar • sugar • princess

created by Hasbro in 1993! super cute ponies in both the Crimp N Curl & Magic Meadow Ponies!! So cute! Hasbro really had a knack for creating loveable ponies 🌈

[installzoey]

i am so passionate about my system!!!! i love being a system so fucking much and i love my parts so dearly!!! they are my family!!!!

you see when you grow up completely isolated from the rest of the world, due to heavy neglect and autism (i grew up mostly nonverbal), the voices in my head though only fragmented parts of a single self were the most important people in my life. i remember a specific memory at around age 9, after being bullied yet again by my siblings, of a voice telling me "keep it inside your head, it's safe here" and it felt so incredibly comforting.

and that's my experience and why i love my system so much, other people have different opinions and different experiences but that's none of my business! i am not other people I am only myself.

no matter what happens, no matter what path we are going to go down i will always view my parts as individuals, as my family members, as the most important people in my life.

on my wedding day to my wife we got married as a system. when we said our vows many of us came to front so they could share the experience, we were many different individuals all getting married to the same amazing loving caring wife, and it was honestly beautiful. i cannot ever comprehend a reality where we aren't plural where we do not have each other, our bond is thicker than that as fragmented parts who just share a brain - we are family and the best family i could ever ask for.

and with my family beside me I ask you this, is it any of your business to police what other people do in their recovery? to police what identities people cling to find acceptance and healing? these people that you honestly know nothing about?

[installzoey]

Dear Plura,

we really have a question that please if it makes you uncomfortable you do not have to answer

We have a very low split tolerance like very low and worried about someone forming that absolutely does not like our partner/best friend ever as we all adore our partner/best friend

if this happened to you and you split or formed someone who did not like your partner how would you handle that?

again if this makes you uncomfortable we completely understand thank you for your time

this doesn't make us uncomfortable at all and we are happy to help you!!! 🩷

if you love your partner/best friend and they are truly a safe person i guarantee all your parts will as well. it's important to take into account amnesia barriers and if a new part ever surfaces and is wary of your partner/best friend to reassure them that they are a safe person and they have nothing to worry about.

the main goal of every single part (even persecutors!) is to protect the system and if they front at a bad time and witness an argument for example, because they haven't been there for all the good memories they might go into panic mode because they believe your partner/best friend is not best for your system. listen to any concerns they might have and reassure them where you can, open and honest communication is the best solution to many internal conflicts in did!