ipeedpepsi

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God I love peeing on lamp posts, and fire hydrants

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I was an Olympian you know, swimming, had to doggie paddle of course, came last :/

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Just got served my divorce papers, talk about a "bruh moment" am I right, gamers?

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She egg on my noodle till I'm fried :/

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"Hey guys check out my artistic expression"

*beats a greyhound to death with a hammer in front of a bus load of school children*

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Dogs, they always die

Women are my favourite guy

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I exclusively watch movies that I've verified on doesthedogdie

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I relate to the MC of Postal 2, not because I view human life as worthless, but because I too have been charged with indecent exposure while sprinting around town after pissing on a dead dog and forgetting to zip my fly

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I'm trying to strangle this Labradoodle and my hands keep slipping off of its silky smooth coat, infuriating

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I got that dog in me,

But they never even taste good...

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Can't stop thinking about sinking my teeth into another dogs throat